by Ivy Asher
“I just can’t fucking do that, Vinna; why are you pushing for it? Are you seriously mad because none of us are okay with hurting you?”
“Talon trained with me; I learned tons of what I know now from taking hits and getting back up.”
“Well, that goes hand in hand with Talon being an asshole!”
Knox’s words are spoken in the same calm and authoritative way he’s been using this whole argument, but he might as well have yelled them at me and then punched me in the stomach because that’s what it feels like just happened. I wait for a look of apology to come over his face when he sees how hurt I am by what he said, but it doesn’t come.
“Knox,” Valen calls out in warning.
“No, you guys all think it too, don’t even try to deny it. How much fucking time did he have to tell Vinna the truth? He never did, not until he had to,” Knox turns back to me. “You were killing off lamia since you were fourteen; you honestly think he didn’t know? He taught you to fight, but why didn’t he tell you who you were fighting against and why? Don’t make him a martyr when he wasn’t, Vinna.”
Knox’s statements echo some of my own frustrations, but it sounds so much more vicious coming out of his mouth than it does in my head. He didn’t know Talon. Maybe I didn’t either, but it’s killing me to know that these guys think so poorly of him. They don’t know what he saved me from or helped me become. My eyes fall on Sabin.
“Where are Talon’s ashes?”
“I put them in your room. They’re in a green fabric box next to Laiken’s box.”
I nod and turn to walk away.
“All of you come with me, please,” I call over my shoulder as I make my way back into house.
I grab a bag from my closet and the walk over to the shelf that holds the two boxes. I set Talon’s box in first and then Laiken’s on top of it before I close up the bag and position it on my back.
It’s time to say goodbye.
35
The rumble of the ATVs all around me blocks out the sounds of nature that greeted me the first time I was here, but the little white flowers sprinkled throughout the unkempt grass still feels like a happy hello. A slight breeze carries strands of my hair out towards the cliff’s edge, where the dark lake sparkles back at me.
I turn the ATV off and climb down as the other guys all pull up around me. I tuck the map that I had the sisters draw me into my back pocket, and I watch all the guys climb off their ATVs and glance around at our surroundings. I walk out into the welcoming flower-sprinkled grass and open my bag to pull out Laiken’s box. I decided on the way over here that Laiken should go first to her final resting place amongst the wildflowers that feel free and peaceful in a way I don’t think Laiken ever did.
The guys keep their distance, staying quiet and watchful. I know Knox’s words are floating around everyone’s mind. Maybe they’re not sure what to say, or if I’m interested in hearing it, or maybe they can feel my need for peace, but up to this point no one has questioned what I’m doing, and I’m grateful for that.
I kneel on the ground and open Laiken’s cedar box. I pull out the bag of ashes and open the top. I set the bag in the grass as I think about what I want to say to her, how I want to say the goodbye that I never got a chance to say. I’ve thought about this moment a lot in my hunt for the perfect place for her, but now that I’ve found it I’m not sure where to start.
“When Laiken was born, Beth wouldn’t let me touch her,” I tell the guys because somehow talking about her right now feels easier than talking to her. “She was so soft looking and fragile, and I hoped that she wouldn’t see all the bad things that Beth did. One night Laiken wouldn’t stop crying, so Beth came into my room and handed her to me and left to get some sleep.
“I was five, and I didn’t know what to do with her. I thought maybe she was sad because she wanted a friend, just like I did. So I laid her in my blanket on the floor and cuddled up next to her. I promised her that I would always be her friend, and I would make sure my bad didn’t rub off on her. I promised if Beth ever found any bad in Laiken I would steal it away and make it so Beth couldn’t find it anymore. Laiken burped and calmed down, and my five-year-old-self took that as a sign we would be friends forever.”
I smile as I think about all the times I made up stories to help Laiken sleep, or we sang silly songs back and forth and laughed and laughed until we got into trouble. Laiken would sneak me food, and as she got older, she would tell me stories and say comforting things if I was too hurt to talk after one of Beth’s beatings. I don’t think I would have emotionally survived Beth as well as I did if it hadn’t been for Little Laik.
I stand up and bring her with me. I walk further into the grass and slowly tilt the bag and watch as what’s left of Laiken meets the small white flowers that peek through the lush grass.
“I love you Laik. I’ll love you forever, to infinity and beyond, more than you can ever say times a billion.” I pause as a shuddering sob works its way through me. “I am so fucking sorry that I failed you. I’ll never stop being sorry that I couldn’t find you. That I couldn’t protect you.”
Tears drops down my cheeks, and I let them fall unchecked. I watch as pieces of me mix with the essence of my sister. “You’ll always be my best friend, and I will never forget that you were the first to love me and show me that I wasn’t made of anything bad.”
The bag empties and the wind carries pieces of Laiken to rest with the surrounding trees. She would love it here, and even though I’m hurting at the memory of her loss and all that she was to me, I also find comfort that she’s here and I can still come and be with her in this place that soothes my soul, and I have no doubt will soothe hers as well.
I wipe my ache for my little sister from my cheeks. I take a deep breath and walk over to take the green box that has Talon in it. I set it next to the cedar box that used to house Laiken and remove the fabric lid. I take out the bag of Talon’s ashes and stare at it a moment before I look to the guys.
“Laiken was the first person to teach me that I wasn’t made up of bad things, but Talon is the one who taught me what I was made of. He was tough and brutal, and because of that, I discovered I could ask more of myself than I ever thought possible. Talon taught me balance. He let me rage when that was the only way I could get the taint of Beth out of my soul, and then he showed me how to find peace and calm, and the power hidden within them.”
My eyes rest on Knox, and I watch as he wipes a tear away.
“He was an asshole.” I pause as a small smile lifts my lips, and then the sobs start again in my chest. “I don’t know why he didn’t tell me what he knew until I watched him die. I’m sure there are a million ways we can look at what happened and find a better way to have managed it, but there’s no point in doing that. I don't want to be mad at him for not telling me. I don't want to be mad at him for leaving, even though I know he didn't want to. So instead of focusing what he didn't do right, I’m going to focus on all the right that he did.”
My eyes drop to the bag in my hand.
“You can think he’s an asshole, but I also want you to realize that there is no way that I’d be standing in front of you right now if it weren’t for him. Everything that I am, everything that you say is worthy of you, Talon helped me to find.”
I turn and walk over to the edge of the rocky cliff. I open the top of the bag, and I tilt it out over the edge. The breeze picks up the ashes and carries them out of over the water.
“Talon, we got to say goodbye which felt like the end of me, but I will live the rest of my life grateful that I got to look into your eyes and tell you what you meant to me. You were an asshole, but somehow you were my asshole, and I will live the rest of my life missing you.”
The empty bag somehow feels heavy in my hands, like instead of empty plastic I now hold the dense weight of loss.
“I’m going to kill Adriel, for my mother, my father, and for you,” I tell Talon’s ashes on the wind, as it carries my words and my friend, forever away fr
om me.
Strong arms wrap around me from behind, and I lean back into Valen. We stay like that, quietly watching the sun dip lower until my legs are numb with the lack of movement, and I hurt a little less from the sad memories playing through my mind. My muscles groan in protest as I turn in Valen’s arms and look up into his beautiful face.
“Thank you,” I whisper, grateful for his quiet comfort.
He leans down and rests his forehead against mine.
“I wish I could take it all away,” he whispers back, and the sweet sentiment brings a small smile to my face.
“I wouldn’t be who I am without all of it.”
“I know, but it’s hard to watch you hurt, to know what you lived through, what you’re still living through. Thank you for bringing us here, for letting us see and understand you better.”
The wind forces his hair into his face, and I brush it back.
“Thank you for coming and for wanting to see and understand me better.”
Valen runs his thumb across my cheek, and the look in his eyes pierces my soul. “Always, Vinna; we’ll always be here, we’ll always want you, and to understand you better. I’ve got you, we’ve got you. It’s us against the world for forever, and none of us would have it any other way.”
Anything more that Valen tries to say gets lost in my kiss as I take his lips, his reassurances, and his promises, and let them take root and bloom inside of me. I can taste the truth of his always on my lips and tongue, and without question or hesitation, I return it. Valen ends the kiss before I want to, and he chuckles at my squeak of protest as he kisses the tip of my nose. He takes the bag from my hand and sets it inside Talon’s box and places the green box and the cedar box back in the bag.
“Any plans for what you want to do with these?” Valen asks, as he closes the bag and slings a strap over his muscled shoulder.
He tucks me into his side and underneath his other arm, and we make our way over to where the others are sitting. Knox’s eyes trace our path, and I see the apology and sorrow written all over his face.
“I’m going to burn them at the next family night at Knox and Ryker’s house, while they sing a beautiful song that steals the sadness away for a bit.”
Knox gets up and reaches for me. I squeeze Valen’s side for a quick second and sneak out from under his arm to go to Knox. I wrap my arms around his thick neck, and he lifts me. “I’m sorry, Killer…”
“No, Knox, you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, I just wanted you to know the other side of it, too.”
He peppers playful kisses all over my cheeks and my neck, his scratchy stubble tickling me, and I squirm and squeal to get away from him. He laughs and starts doing it more when a movement in the trees catches my eye. Knox must immediately feel the change in my emotions or body as I try to hone in on what just caught my attention. He puts me down, his face now all business as he follows my gaze out into the surrounding trees.
We both scan the encroaching forest, but I’m the one to catch the hint of gray as it slowly, almost imperceptibly, weaves through two close-growing trees.
I break into a run, and Knox is close on my heels.
“Don’t run, wolf,” I shout out in warning, as I see his muscles go still with the realization that I’m coming right for him.
So what does do? He runs.
Motherfucker!
I call on my runes and push power into my legs. I reach the treeline and weave dangerously fast, through the large trunks in pursuit of Torrez. He’s fast as fuck, but I learned on the run with his pack, that I can be, too, and I ask even more from the muscles in my legs as I inch closer and closer. The large gray head of Torrez’s wolf looks back to gauge how close I am, and it gives me the opportunity I need to close the last few feet to him. I push off the ground and fly into Torrez’s back legs. I wrap my arms around his wolf version of a waist and tuck my head to protect it from the tumbling we’re about to do against the unforgiving ground.
Torrez growls, but thankfully we go rolling before he can reach back and sink any of his sharp teeth anywhere. We skid to a stop and gravity does me the favor of landing on top of him and half pinning him down. In seconds, Torrez flashes into himself and glares up at me, his muscles taut and rippling and not a stitch of clothing on him to hide any of it.
“Well, that was rude, Witch.”
“What the fuck are you doing here? Are you following me around?” I demand, as I push against his shoulders. So far he’s not putting up a fight, but if this is an act to lull me into complacency before he strikes, I’ll be ready.
“Yes. I like to call it watching your back, but I guess following you around is accurate, too.”
Torrez shrugs nonchalantly.
“Why did you run? Who else is out here with you?”
A throat clears, and my eyes snap to the left to find Knox standing there chest heaving from the chase he just gave. I see the other guys running through the trees just behind him.
“Who...the fuck… is… this?” Knox asks between gasps for air, his narrowed gaze running over Torrez.
I look back to down to find Torrez’s beaming a salacious smile at me. In a flash, his hands move to my hips, and he leans up towards my face.
“Running was the easiest way to get you on top of me. I let you tackle me, Witch, but next time it’s my turn to get nice and rough!”
His grip on my hips tightens, and his eyes fill with fire, his nostrils flaring as he scents me. I shove against his shoulders and scramble off of him. He chuckles, but lets me go.
Knox reaches out and plucks me away from the shifter, stepping slightly in front of me. I brush dirt, pine needles, and leaves from my shirt and leggings and feel the other guys arrive and position themselves around me.
“Remember that shifter that I beat the shit out of?” I ask Knox.
“Yeah,” he answers.
I point to Torrez who’s leaning back on his hands, still sitting in the dirt.
“That’s the big bad wolf?” Knox asks, and I snicker at the unintentional storybook reference.
Torrez gets an indignant look on his face and stands up. Someone clamps their hand around my eyes, blocking Torrez’s naked body from my view. I don’t know if I want to laugh or be annoyed by the gesture.
“Now that we’ve established who I am, who the heck are you guys? A little overprotective for bodyguards don’t you think? I mean, this isn’t anything that she hasn’t seen before, isn’t that right, Witch?”
I swat away the hand shielding my eyes, and it drops to my shoulder. I glare at the Torrez. “What the hell are you doing here?” I ask, at the same time Bastien announces, “We’re her mates!”
Torrez ignores my question and the threatening look I’m giving him and addresses Bastien instead.
“Oh, perfect, just who I was looking to speak to.”
“About what?” Sabin growls from behind me his hand flexing on my shoulder.
I should have known that Captain Cockblock would have been the one to literally cockblock Torrez by shielding my eyes.
Torrez gestures to the guys. “How do I go about applying to be one —you know, a mate?”
36
“Wait, what?” Valen asks, just as confused as I am.
“She said I had to talk to you guys about getting added into the group. How does that work? Shifters usually do the one on one thing, occasionally we mix it up with a two on one, but I don’t know how you guys establish the group. In the pack, we’d probably fight it out and choose based on the winners, but I don’t get the impression that’s how you casters do things.”
All eyes turn to me like somehow I’ll offer clarification to whatever in the hell is going on here. I narrow my gaze at Torrez.
“I did not tell you that you could apply to be my mate. I said I already had mates and then I’m pretty sure I threatened to kick your ass. So feel free to go blow some other house down; this one is brick.”
To punctuate my run along message, all the guys take a step tow
ards me.
“Now, Witch, I have to disagree with your version of events. I remember things very differently. I touched the runes on your shoulder, and you liked it, but that got you all worried, so you stomped off. I followed you to make sure you got wherever you were going safely, and that’s when you told me that I had to go to your mates to get to you.”
My eyes dart back and forth between Torrez’s brown irises. I can’t tell if he’s trying to start shit or if that’s really how he thinks things went down.
“He activated your runes?” Bastien asks me, and I don’t miss the anger tinged hurt in his voice.
“I didn’t know it was him. I thought one of you somehow showed up. I turned around and saw it wasn’t one of you, and told him not to touch me again. We don’t know shit about how my runes work; it could happen anytime someone messes with them. Don’t read more into it than that.”
“Witch…”
“Stop calling her that!” Ryker demands.
Torrez takes a deep breath, and I wonder what he’s scenting now. Is this group of casters is about five seconds from giving me a beat down a smell?
“Vinna, you want me. You might be in denial about it in your head, but the rest of you screams desire loud and clear. I can see you’re worried about your mates, but that’s why I’m coming to them, so we can all figure it out. So...what happens now?”
The guys start arguing with Torrez, and for some reason each other. I grab Knox’s phone out of his pocket and dial Mave’s number, and she picks up on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Mave, it’s Vinna.”
“Heyyy, how’s it going? You free for lunch? We seriously need to catch up!”
“Not right now, but later this week would probably work.”
“Cool, I’ll check my appointment schedule and get back to you. What’s up?
“Can you call your Alpha and have him call off his watchdog? I don’t need another stalker, especially one that thinks he can apply to be my mate.”
I expect Mave to laugh or something, but when the line is quiet, it freaks me out.