“Yes,” I grin at James when Max is out of sight. “We wouldn’t want your dry spell to continue.”
He pulls me toward him by my waistband. “My dry spell is about to end in a big way,” he says against my ear, his low voice initiating that small spasm it does in my stomach. “Go get ready.” We are going back to Lewes for dinner, a dinner that will end the moment we’re sure Max has left for work. I run upstairs to shower, and put on the dress I bought at the start of the summer.
I bounce downstairs and come to a screeching halt in the family room. Max sits in the recliner, looking utterly dejected, and James looks distraught. “Oh my God,” I whisper. “Is everything okay?”
James meets my eye. “Max got fired for not going in all weekend,” he tells me. His shoulders sag. I’m a little surprised by James’s empathy, since he’s spent most of the summer telling Max he should be looking for a real job. He looks as depressed as Max.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell Max. “I’m sure you’ll find something else.”
He nods gravely. It’s the longest I’ve ever seen him go without cracking a smile or a joke. “I’m so glad you guys are off tonight,” he says. “It sounds lame, but I just don’t want to be alone.”
Ah. The source of James’s depression suddenly makes itself clear.
I sit on the couch heavily, brain racing to find a way to salvage this evening and knowing there is none. My dress is short, and rides up. James watches it happen, flinches for a moment, and quietly suggests that I might want to change when Max walks to the kitchen. I shrug. “I’m okay.”
“No, really,” he says, something catching in his throat, a small pleading noise. “Go change.”
I sneak down in the middle of the night, after I’m sure Ginny’s asleep. My hand is on James’s doorknob when I hear Max’s voice come from the couch “Hey,” he says groggily as I jump away from the door, crossing my arms over my chest. James warned me about wearing the thin tank. “What are you up for?”
“Water,” I croak. And then I run back upstairs empty-handed.
**
The next morning Max is cheerful again. “We’re having a party,” he announces. “You guys have your early shifts, right? We’ll get things going and by the time you get here it’ll be in full swing.”
This is good news. There are ample opportunities to sneak off during a party. Or even before one, as James suggests. He catches me in the kitchen at work, pulling me around the corner so we’re out of view, wrapping his hands around my waist and sighing against my mouth. “This has been the longest, hardest four days of my life,” he groans.
“Just a few more hours,” I promise. “We’ll stay at the party for a bit and then sneak off.”
“I don’t think I can wait that long,” he says.
“You know, if we just bit the bullet and told everyone, none of this would be necessary.”
“Elle,” he exhales, resting his forehead against mine. “You know we can’t.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “But just so we’re clear, I don’t care if they know. And I’d feel better about it if you didn’t care quite so much.”
**
James is tense as we drive home. “I’ve never been so worked up in my life,” he says. “So I’m gonna warn you right now: the first time is going to be fast and spectacularly unrewarding for you.”
This situation only worsens when we get home and find ourselves face-to-face with Nick The Lifeguard. (I suppose it’s for the best that I never wound up dating him — it’d be awkward to still be referring to him as “Nick The Lifeguard” in bed. Or at our wedding.)
“Who invited you?” hisses James.
“James!” I scold.
Max claps a hand on Nick’s shoulder. “I did. Who do you think I’ve been hanging out with ever since you suddenly became so busy all the time? But now that you’re here I need help. Something’s wrong with the keg.”
James shoots me a quick warning glance as he crosses the deck, leaving me alone with Nick.
“Still seeing that guy?” he asks with a little smile.
“Yes.”
“Is he coming tonight?”
“Um, no,” I stutter. “I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t think so.” Smooth, Grayson.
“Then he won’t mind if I keep you company, right?”
“Well, actually,” I say, “he probably would.” He definitely would, I think, looking at the storm cloud hovering over James’s head as he watches us.
“Well,” says Nick cockily. “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
He’s easy enough to talk to, or would be were my attention not entirely focused on the slutty blonde currently flinging herself at James. It’s not his fault, but she perches herself on his chair and holds her balance with her hand on his arm. I’ve seen her hovering around the bar before with that same gleam in her eye, as if she has some secret knowledge of him that I don’t.
And James is glaring at me, as if there’s anything I can do about Nick. Every time I try to separate myself from him he follows me. Even when I go to my room to change out of my work clothes I find him waiting at the bottom of the stairs. At this rate I will never be alone with James.
Nick has been telling me about some elevator prank, and when he pulls out his phone to show me the video I’m momentarily engrossed, able to forget about James and the blonde for the first time all night. I laugh and lean in closer to see the video, and this is when James decides he’s had enough.
In three steps he’s crossed the deck and is towering over us. “Elle,” he says in clipped tones. “May I speak to you for a moment?”
Nick looks a little alarmed, and a little pissed, as I excuse myself. We go beneath the deck, in the sand and the darkness, the sound of our words drowned out by the music above us.
“What the fuck is going on up there?” he seethes.
“Nothing is going on,” I snap back. “What’s up with you and that girl?”
He rolls his eyes. “Nothing. She comes into the bar to hang out sometimes.”
“You say that as if it somehow explains why she’s hanging all over you and makes it reasonable.”
“You know I’m not interested in her.”
“So it’s okay for her to hang all over you and Nick to follow me wherever I go, but it’s not okay for us to tell anyone we’re dating? Maybe if it mattered to you a little more you we wouldn’t be in this position.”
“Stop,” he demands, his hands threading through my hair. He pushes me against the siding, his mouth on mine, and I am enveloped by him: his weight and his hands and his scent and his tongue, the need for him consuming me, my heart beating so hard in my ears that I no longer hear the noise above us. I wrap a leg around his thigh and pull him closer, feeling that spasm in my stomach when he grows hard against me.
“It feels like weeks,” he says hoarsely. His hand snakes between us, running over the outside of my thong. He groans when he feels how ready I am, and in an instant he’s unzipping his shorts and pushing my thong to the side. I’m bracing for it, barely restraining a whimper of impatience as I wait. “God I’m not gonna last long,” he says as he presses against me.
Feet come thundering down the stairs.
“Campbell?” one voice shouts. “Where are you? We saw you come down this way!”
He punches the siding. “I’ve had it,” he says.
“Just go,” I sigh.
“No, I’ve fucking had it. Let’s just leave. We can stay in a hotel.”
I laugh. “That’s crazy. It won’t be much longer. Twenty minutes, tops.”
“Come to my room as soon as you can,” he whispers. “And I don’t want you sitting there letting that jackass look down your dress until you get there, so find someone else to talk to.”
Then he turns and strides toward the stairs, zipping up his shorts as he answers their shouts.
**
It isn’t long before Nick finds me, before I’m in the exact position I was before, sitting next to him with Jame
s across the deck shooting me daggers. “What was that about?” he asks.
“He’s just a little overprotective.” I guess, technically, this is not untrue.
Max’s former boss Rob shows up. Both Ginny and I are in his face within seconds. “Why are you here?” I ask.
“Whoa, there, girls. Max invited me.”
We both turn to Max. “He fired you. Why’d you invite him to the party?” Ginny demands.
Max shrugs. He’s shockingly Zen tonight, for someone who was so despondent 24 hours ago. “He’s still a cool dude,” says Max, punching Rob in the shoulder.
I return to my perch, shaking my head.
“He’s totally losing it,” I whisper.
“Do you think he’s doing drugs?” she asks.
“Did you ever think he wasn’t?” I snort.
Nick’s saying something to me. Something I miss entirely because I am staring at James, and he is staring at me, with an unhappiness in his eyes that I would give anything to remove. And then suddenly Nick’s hands are on my face and he’s turning me toward him. I have no idea what he was saying previous to this moment. I only hear the words “then he won’t mind if I do this”, and he kisses me. It’s so wholly unexpected that for a moment I simply don’t understand what the hell is happening. I try to pull away, but there’s suddenly nothing to pull away from.
He’s on the ground, with James punching him repeatedly in the face.
Max dives on him, grabbing his arms, and Dan is quick to follow. “Dude!” Max shouts. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m getting that asshole off my girlfriend,” James replies. “That’s what I’m doing.”
Everyone on the deck goes completely silent. Shockingly silent, as if someone hit a mute button on the entire city. And then Max’s triumphant laughter rings out.
“What the hell?!” Nick shouts at Max. “You didn’t say he was gonna hit me!”
James and I look at each other, and slowly turn toward Max.
“Did you orchestrate this, Max?” James asks.
Max is doubled over. “Hell, yeah. I orchestrated the whole thing! I was sick of the two of you sneaking around. Figured it was time to blow you out of your hole.”
“She’s your girlfriend?” hisses Ginny. She turns to me in astonishment. “Are you saying that Elle is your girlfriend?”
“Yes,” says James. He looks at Max and Dan. “And I’m sorry. I know I told you to leave her alone and I know it makes me a hypocrite. I just … ”
“You just what?” snaps Ginny. “Because I can’t believe I’m hearing this shit. After the way you threatened everyone away from us both, you were with her all along?”
“I love her,” he says, and my head snaps up. His eyes wait for mine, bleak and anxious. He loves me. He just told everyone on this deck that he loves me. In spite of how awful and embarrassing the whole thing is, I smile back at him with my heart in my eyes, and his face loses the haunted look it had. “And no, we weren’t together all along. But we are now.”
Ginny turns to Max, coolly. “And you’re okay with this?” she asks.
His brows come together. “Why wouldn’t I be okay with it? They’re perfect together.”
“Because he’s your best friend?” she suggests with such venom that for once even he seems speechless. She turns back to me. “And you – Allison warned me about you. About all of this. And she was right. So how many boyfriends, exactly, do you have? And how many have you stolen from someone else?”
“Ginny, stop,” says James. He pulls me to my feet and wraps an arm around my waist. “I broke up with Allison before Elle and I ever got together.”
But Ginny isn’t listening. “But it was Elle who convinced you to do it. Because that’s how she is. This is exactly what happened with Timmy Phillips!”
It’s such a bizarre segue that I’m momentarily dumbfounded. “Who the hell is Timmy Phillips?”
“I liked him all through 7th grade and then he asked you to go out with him instead of me!”
I have some very vague memory of this. “Did I agree?”
“No!” she cries. “But I was the one who liked him! And now you’ve done the same thing to Allison!”
James’s brow raises, and I can tell he’s torn between astonishment and laughter. “Are you seriously still upset because a boy you liked six years ago liked her instead? A boy she didn’t even go out with?”
“No,” she argues. “I’m just making a case. That Elle enjoys taking what belongs to someone else.”
“You know I’m not like that,” I say, aghast. “And you know I’ve had a crush on your brother since we were little. Do you really think he’d have avoided Allison all summer if that was something he wanted?”
“He was confused! And then you had to sweep in with your tits and your legs and your hair before he had a chance to think!” she cries.
“Ginny,” he sighs. “I’m only going to say this once: I didn’t want to be with Allison. I don’t think I ever wanted to be with her, and I sure as shit didn’t want to marry her or whatever you cooked up in your head.”
“Is there any part of your life you’re not going to destroy this summer, James?” she asks.
He grabs my hand. “You need to watch what you say to me. And you need to watch what you say to Elle, because if I get my way she’s going to be a part of our family one day, and every ridiculous word out of your mouth is one she and I will both remember. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to be alone with my girlfriend for the first time in four fucking days.”
He tugs at my hand and I follow him willingly. Did he really just imply what I think he implied? I’m 19 and that future is far away, but every bone in my body hums “yes”. Yes, this is what I want and what I’ve always wanted and of all the things I’ve ever done or had it’s the first that feels absolutely, 100% right.
Chapter 46
We go to his room, the door shut and locked behind me the second I’m inside.
“I’m sorry,” he says, pulling me to him, resting his forehead against mine.
“For what?”
“For all of that,” he says. “For punching that guy and saying things in public that I should have said to you in private first. But I kind of didn’t even know they were true until they were coming out of my mouth.”
“So were they true?” I ask quietly. “Or was it just something that popped out?”
“Every word I said was true,” he whispers.
“Then say it again,” I ask.
“I love you, Elle,” he says. “I love you and I know it’s way too early for this, but when I’m with you it feels like I’ve finally come home. And I can’t imagine ever giving that up.”
“I love you too,” I say. The sliver of moonlight coming through the window illuminates his face, just enough to see the corners of his mouth turn up, to see a new kind of happiness settle over him.
“The next year is going to be rough,” he warns. “Actually the next three. But I want this. I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything. And I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make it happen.”
“You just have to wait for me,” I tell him.
He is the reason, I realize, that the implosion of my family never cut quite as hard as it should. Because a part of me already felt that my family resided elsewhere. Here, with him, even when he was insisting he didn’t want me.
He tips my chin toward him, and meets my mouth with a kiss that feels like a promise. He runs his hand through my hair, his mouth lingering, moving quietly to my ear, to my neck.
“James,” I whisper. “Would it ruin the moment if I said I desperately need you to fuck me right now?”
He laughs and groans in the same moment, pressing against me just enough to prove he’s on board with that plan. “God I love your dirty little mouth,” he says, picking me up and throwing me on the bed. He shoves my dress up around my waist and I feel his breath between my legs, through the wisp of material that separates us. I wait for him to
remove my thong, but he doesn’t. Instead he gently nips at me with his teeth, through the fabric. I gasp and hear him laugh as he proceeds to do it again, nuzzling and prodding, providing slightly less friction than I need.
“Please,” I beg.
“Please what?” he asks.
“You know what,” I tell him.
“Say it.”
“Please do something,” I say.
He laughs again. “Nope. Not nearly clear enough. I am ‘doing something’. You need to be more specific.”
“You’re an asshole,” I groan. “Go down on me.”
“I am,” he argues.
“Take the thong off,” I beg.
To my surprise he agrees, but then he proceeds to torture me, his tongue moving so lightly that I think I’m potentially going to go insane. “More,” I order.
“More what?” he asks.
“More pressure,” I tell him.
“You know you could solve all this by just asking me the right way,” he suggests. He slides a single finger inside me.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I whimper.
“Because if we’re spending most of the year apart, I’m going to be taking care of this,” he says, moving my hand to the hard length pushing against his shorts “on my own. And I’m going to need some things to think about. So ask me the right way.”
“I want you to lick me. Hard.”
“Fuck,” he growls. “Yes, just like that.” And then he follows my orders. Fingers, tongue, all of it working together, rough and slick at the same time, alternating fast and slow, and I come in less than a minute.
I’m still coming when he pushes inside me.
“I’m gonna remember this too,” he breathes.
Chapter 47
We haven’t spent the entire night together once. I know there’s a price to be paid for this eventually, but at this exact moment I don’t really care. It feels like there is no price too high for the privilege of sleeping curled up beside James Campbell.
Well, there’s some sleeping.
I lay in bed in the morning, watching him. He doesn’t look nearly as cool and bad-ass as he does when he’s awake, and it’s kind of endearing.
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