She'd made some good connections in five days. Connections she knew she wouldn't have made if Brady had been with her because they would have stuck with each other. Like glue.
The conflict dug deep in her skin and burrowed its way into her brain until it had given her another headache.
She hadn't spoken to Brady in five days.
Whether it was because of the time difference or if he was avoiding her, she didn't know. She hadn't thought he was avoiding her until last night. When Tessa had sent her a link to an Instagram account she didn't follow. And it was filled with photos of Brady on Oahu.
She'd of course pulled on that stray thread and found herself lost in the accounts of two of the most gorgeous women she had ever seen.
Lo wasn't a jealous person by nature. But she'd watched her mom be stupid and look the other way too many times. She wanted to talk to Brady before she jumped to any conclusions. But he was making that hard, what with all the avoiding.
Then again, maybe the avoiding was her answer.
The cabin was dark and she flicked on the lights, going straight for the shower. She longed for hot water again but the cold would do. At least she would be able to wash the sand out of her hair and salt from her skin.
Along with the cool water running down her face, she felt warm tears mingle on her skin.
Frustrated and tired, she left the shower, got dressed, and fired up the laptop. No sooner had her home screen loaded than her Skype started to ring.
Brady.
She clicked the video icon and his tan, smiling face filled her screen.
“Beautiful,” he greeted. He leaned closer and frowned. “Are you crying?”
Lo wiped at the wet under her eyes and shook her head, swallowing hard. “I'm really happy to see you. Finally.”
All of her fears seemed so small in comparison to his smile. It was the connection she'd been missing. The distance had turned her into a morose and pitiful second-guessing waif.
But seeing him renewed her insides and gave relief to her tired worries.
Brady smiled and reached for the screen. “I wish I were holding you.”
Her easement took hold in slow stages. She missed him; she was comforted by his unmistakable display of missing her. She didn't like how ugly her thoughts had become without reassurance from him. It made her feel powerless and naïve.
“I was starting to get stupid,” she confessed.
“What do you mean?”
“I saw you,” she swallowed and her cheeks got hot. “On Instagram. With these women I didn't know.”
“Nadia and Jules.” Brady nodded. “They're taking pictures for me. Well, Jules takes the pictures. Nadia drives the wave runner and pulls me out of the drink when I wipe out. Scotch is here too. Julia's brother. But he doesn't show up in the pictures too often. You should see some of the waves I've been hitting. Seriously, babe. We have to make it a point to come back in the winter. You and me.”
She recalled some of the huge waves he'd been tagged as riding. “I didn't know you were such a big wave fan.”
“Yeah.” His smile went dreamy. His pleasure in his adventure obvious from the other side of the world. “I've been having fun.”
“And Nadia and Jules are... fun?” she asked innocuously.
Brady's grin turned wicked. “Why, Lo, am I detecting a hint of jealousy?”
Lo dropped her head on the table and groaned. She righted herself to find a very pleased grin on Brady's face.
“I'm not used to missing someone,” she admitted. “And I'm jealous they get to be with you when I don't.”
His face softened and his voice got rough. “No one can take your place. I miss you like you wouldn't believe. This entire separation is my fault.” He grimaced. “I've been trying to keep myself distracted.”
“What's that mean?” she asked, feeling the hairs prickle on her neck.
Brady frowned as he thought. “I made some friends. I'm in the water as much as possible. You don't have anything to worry about.”
“Who said I was worried?” Lo shrugged. “You're just hanging out with beautiful women on beaches. That's perfectly normal.”
He grinned in his lopsided way. “For us? That actually is pretty normal.”
“Yeah...” He wasn't wrong. She was hanging out with dudes everyday as well. All of them built, good looking, and into the same sport. It wasn't fair for her to think Brady would do anything untoward. It wasn't in his nature.
The catalog of his character didn't include any of the pages her dad's playbook. And it never would.
“Hey, did you read my blog?” he asked, changing the subject.
“No, not yet. I'll write mine soon and then I'll read it. Where are you headed next?”
A strange emotion crossed Brady's face and he looked past the computer screen. “I asked Shane if he might send me to North Cali.”
A chill ran up Lo's spine. “Mavericks?”
He nodded, still withholding eye contact.
“What's gotten into you?” she asked, confused by his request. It was one thing to ride Waimae, it was another to head to Half Moon Bay.
“What do you mean?” he hedged, causing another chill to run up her spine. It wasn't often when Brady side-stepped a question.
“I mean, I know you're talented and everything, but I didn't know you had a death wish.”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I understand how you might see it that way. But that's not it.” He finally looked at her again, something new in his eyes she didn't recognize. It looked like annoyance masquerading as determination, but she couldn't be sure because the screen was slightly pixelated. It could have just as easily been fatigue. “I can't win this thing by pulling my punches.”
“You won't win at all if you drown.”
“You don't think I can do it.”
“That's not what I said, Brady, don't you dare put words in my mouth. I haven't talked to you in a week—”
“Five days.”
“—And you're acting very different from the guy I'd been traveling with over the past six weeks.”
“Maybe I'm finally relaxing. Did you think of that?” he asked slowly.
“Were you pretending with me? You couldn't be relaxed with me?” she asked, not understanding anything what was happening right now. She didn't want to hear his answer because she was sure no matter what he said at this point it would either hurt her or be designed to placate her. Both were bad.
“Not pretending, but I was distracted.”
“Because of me?”
“Well, yeah,” he said obviously. He shook his head. “That's not what I meant. I mean, I care about you, Lo. So I wasn't thinking about surfing unless it was about you.”
She swallowed hard. “I care about you, too.” Which is why she didn't want him surfing Mavericks. Not unless she could be there with him.
Brady looked down at his phone. “Listen, I gotta go. Read my blog. Maybe it'll help you feel better. Or not, I don't know.”
He ended the call before she had a chance to respond. The equivalent of closing the door in her face. The shock of the quiet dismissal took her breath away.
She stared at the computer screen for a few minutes, trying to decide if she wanted to write her blog first or read his. The lights in the cabin blinked twice before going out. It was a pretty regular occurrence unfortunately.
“I guess that decides that.” She closed the laptop, slipped on her flip flops, and went to find Steve and a previously promised beer on a yacht.
***
Lo's phone rang in her hand. It had spent the majority of the night in her back pocket so it was a miracle Shane had called her right after she had taken a selfie with Steve and Cal.
“Hello?”
“Lo? What's all that noise?”
Lo pressed the phone to her head on one side and plugged her ear on the other. Cal saw her and he pushed open the door that led to the quiet interior of the cabin.
“Sorry. I'm on
a party boat,” she explained around a small laugh. “What's up, Shane?”
“I just wanted to check in, see how things are. Party boat sounds promising.”
“Uh, yeah.” Lo sat down at the table in the galley. “Steve makes friends with everyone. The connections are kind of amazing. I think this is Stu Weatherman's yacht.”
“And the power outages along the coast haven't affected you too bad?”
“Only to prevent me from writing my blog tonight. I was gonna try again tomorrow.” Thoughts of Brady flying out to North Cali caused her heart seize. “Hey, since you called, where is Brady going next?”
Shane was quiet, probably trying to figure out why she was asking. Why wouldn't she just ask Brady, right?
“He's really good, Lo.”
Her shoulders stiffened and she tightened her grip on the phone. “I never implied that he wasn't.”
Why was she beginning to feel like she was deliberately being kept out of the loop?
Shane sighed. “He's been addicted to big waves since he was a kid. It was his release when his parents were going through their divorce. He and Bo ran away during winter break and he discovered Waimea.”
“His parents are divorced?” Lo tried to breath around the hole in her stomach. Why hadn't he told her that? She had told him... everything.
“No, they were thinking about it. It was a whole big thing.” Shane cleared his throat. “I shouldn't even be telling you this. Just ask him, I'm sure he'll be more than forthcoming.”
“Yeah,” Lo said, her breath caught somewhere in between her lungs and throat.
“Lo,” Shane's voice lowered. “The guy is crazy about you.”
For the second time that day, she felt tears slide down her cheeks. Tears born of confusion and the feeling of being kept in the dark. It was easy for Shane to tell her to ask Brady. But trying to follow through on that idea was impossible. He was on the other side of the world and she didn't even have power.
“Where are we going tomorrow?” she asked, hearing the dead in her voice.
“Hossegor, France.”
“And Miller?”
“El Salvador.”
“Nice.”
“Lo... is France okay? Would you rather go somewhere else?”
There it was. The pity tone. He felt sorry for her.
“Nope. France is perfect. Allons-y.”
***
Brady
Brady stared at the photo of Steve and Lo on his phone. Her hair was down and blowing free in the sea air, the sunset behind them. And some guy had his arm around her shoulders as she took the photo. Maybe this was how it felt when Lo looked at pics of him with Jules and Nadia. Which was ridiculous, because while he enjoyed their company, that was all there was to it. If Lo met them she'd get it right away.
Julia was her own person. She was married to her work. He liked talking to her, joking around with her, working with her. But he didn't miss her when she wasn't around. He didn't crave her.
And Nadia... Nadia was hopelessly in love with Julia's brother Scotch. Not that Scotch even noticed her existence. Or maybe he did and he just didn't want to encourage her. It was hard to tell. The man was removed from all of their social interactions. He showed up on the beach every day to do his duty of pulling surfers out of the water with the wave runner, but that was it.
“So where we headed to next?” Julia asked as she took a seat across from him and waved to the server to get her a beer.
Brady stared at Lo a second longer. Missing her smile, her arms, her laugh. Was this competition even worth it?
“Is that your girl?” Julia asked, leaning over the table to look. “Holy crap! Is she with Cal Stellen?”
“I don't know,” Brady replied. He handed his phone over to Julia.
“Yep. That's Cal. He's a monster. I think I'm in his official fan club. Classy guy too. One of those people who can get along with everyone.”
Brady turned the screen off and slid his phone back into his pocket. “I sure hope so. He was looking awfully cozy with Lo.” He forced a chuckle to disguise his discomfort. Julia heard it anyway.
“He's a good guy. You shouldn't worry.”
The server delivered her beer and the photographer took a long drink, studying Brady with her dark brown eyes.
“Shane is sending me to North Cali.”
“Yes,” Julia hissed under her breath. She opened her phone and sent a text. “This will be epic.”
Brady's mouth smiled but the rest of him didn't. “I don't think Lo wants me to go. I think she's worried.”
“Does she worry about you the same way you worry about her?”
Brady's gaze, which had been focused on his sweating beer bottle, snapped up to Julia's. She shrugged, like it was no big deal.
“I overheard you talking to Shane about the storm in the South Pacific. I know you pushed for her to be assigned to France because you didn't want to put her in danger.”
Brady leaned his elbows onto the table and rolled his eyes to the grass ceiling. “If she finds out, she'll kill me.”
“It's not my business,” Julia started.
“Funny.” Brady narrowed his eyes at her. “People always say that right before they give advice about something that's not their business.”
She gave him an irritated glared, undeterred. “You want her to trust you to do what you love, don't you think you should be returning the gesture?”
“See?” He sat up, grabbed his beer and pointed it at her. “That's why you're single.”
“You're an ass.” Though she didn't look offended at all. “I've seen her up close.” She looked around the crowded little hut and leaned into the table. “When she was with Miller Boden. Girl's got skills. I've been trying to find a way to get her in front of my lens.”
Brady arched an eyebrow. “I feel used.”
Julia flashed her trademark grin. But there was something extra lurking in her dark eyes and Brady felt the hair stand up on his arms as she continued in a hushed voice. “This storm you've been watching, it's only growing. It has the potential to create huge, record breaking swells.”
“I didn't peg you for a believer of hype, Jules,” Brady remarked cautiously.
She shrugged and sat back in her chair. “Just think about it.”
27
Brady
Brady stared at the screen, watching the phone icon jiggle as he waited for Lo to answer. The option to leave a video message popped up and he hit cancel.
Four times he'd tried to call her and she didn't answer. Under different circumstances, he'd be worried. But since he'd been in contact with Steve pretty steadily, he knew she was fine. At least physically. Why she wasn't speaking to him, he didn't know.
He sighed and leaned back in the creaky desk chair in his hotel room.
Actually, he was a little worried she'd discovered he'd used his friendship with Shane to pull her out of the south and send her someplace safe.
He cued up her blog and read it for the tenth time. It was obvious she hadn't read his before writing hers. He hadn't decided yet if that upset him or not.
No, it upset him.
Over and over again he felt like he was putting himself out there. On display. And she... didn't. Even with the distance and her obvious pain in the separation, she held back.
Live, Love, Tacos
The Blog of Lo Fredericks
Cape Town, South Africa
After a change in the roster, I was paired with a new partner and sent to the gorgeous coast of South Africa. The swell was light but growing by the time we left. I would have actually liked to stick around a little longer, but I our time expired and we are currently headed to France.
The 6' board from Soaring Bird was a bit too long for the size of the waves I was hitting. I would have preferred something with a wider base for the extra control in the choppy surf. However, that being said, the wax on this trip was heavenly. I didn't have any troubles with it at all. Steve (new partner!) and I were given diffe
rent blends and he started using mine on day two.
I think my favorite part about this trip was the people I was able to meet. Veterans from around the globe who all happened to converge on Cape Town. It was a happy accident and one I hope is repeated in the future.
My partner this round is awesome (and single, ladies!). He's a bit on the messy side, but his surf style is solid. A true gentleman on the water if I do say so myself. Now if only I could get him to behave that way in public.
It was short and to the point. Brady clicked through the attached pictures again, wondering where he'd gone wrong with this. A few days apart shouldn't be a big deal.
He stood up and paced across the room. This was exactly the kind of distraction he didn't need. He cared too much about her. More than she did about him it seemed.
He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.
No, he knew that wasn't it. She cared. She loved him.
His eyes drifted to the second bed in his room where he'd laid out all of his stuff. Gloves, surf hat, flotation vest, wetsuit.
She didn't want him to surf this wave. He saw it in her eyes during their last conversation.
But it wasn't like he was being an idiot about it. The season was over and the swell was small. If it wasn't for a late spring storm in the north west, there wouldn't even be a ripple out there. It was what Lo might call a “happy accident.” He rolled his eyes at his own pettiness. But seriously, he'd be lucky if the waves hit ten feet. He wasn't being stupid.
Surfing Mavericks was like trying to catch a lion with your bare hands. You couldn't just ride it on a whim. He wasn't being whimsical. He just wanted to be in the water and get some experience at a place that was more myth than fact.
Plus, Shane would never have okay-ed it if he didn't think Brady was capable. He even made the flotation vest a requirement.
Like the Back of My Halo Page 21