by Karen Nappa
"All done," Sonja heard a voice over the speaker. She immediately shrugged her shoulders and moved her arms. The tech was with her in a moment and moved her outside the machine. She sat up slowly and put her gowns back on.
"We'll have the results in a day or so. Your doctor will call you. Let's get you back upstairs. Are you done now?"
"No, I still have the ultrasound to go," Sonja answered with a sigh and wished she could leave the hospital.
"That will go quickly at least." The tech seemed to catch her mood, and Sonja gave her a grateful smile.
Sonja got back to an empty waiting room. She felt a little let down that Molly wasn't still there, but she wasn't surprised. She had just sat down when a different technician came for her. "Let's get your ultrasound out of the way so we can both get out of here. You're my last patient today."
"How late is it?" Sonja hadn't even noticed the clock in the waiting room.
"It's 4:30 on the dot. That's when I'm supposed to be done, but it didn't seem fair to reschedule you just because the MRI went long. Besides," she lowered her voice conspiratorially, "I can always use a little overtime."
Sonja chuckled a little. She hadn't realized how long the MRI had lasted and wondered what that might mean in terms of the results. No matter how calm she appeared, breast screening day scared her down to her bones. Anything out of the ordinary, like a long MRI, added to her unease.
They got to the ultrasound room, and the technician was fast but thorough. It took her less than fifteen minutes to finish. The tech said, "Once the radiologist has looked at everything, he'll send the report to your doctor. Since today is Thursday, your doctor should call you either tomorrow or Monday."
"Thanks for staying late. I appreciate it," Sonja said. She left the woman and went into the locker room to get back into her clothes. She was out of the building minutes later and got into her Miata. She needed fresh air, so she put the top down and tied a scarf over her head. She got on the road and headed north toward home. She wished she could go fast, but she was caught in the middle of rush hour. Once the traffic thinned out a bit, she went to English Landing Park for a walk. It wasn't as good as going fast on the highway, but it would have to do for now.
Friday afternoon, found Sonja in her office at The Sweet and Savory Table working on the books. Suzie had left right after closing so she could get to her daughter's soccer game. The café was doing well. Suzie was well ahead on her loan payments to the bank, and Sonja's retirement fund was accumulating nicely. She didn't ever want to be a burden to anyone, and money could make that happen.
She was looking forward to her date with Derek that night. They were going to have dinner together before going to the club. She was finishing up for the day when her phone rang, startling her out of her musings. She didn't recognize the number, but as a businesswoman, she got lots of calls that weren't in her contacts, so she accepted it. "Hello, this is Sonja Madden."
"Hi, this is Dr. Davidson, Sonja. How are you today?"
"Hello, Doctor. I assume this is about my tests yesterday?" Sonja's arms had gotten goosebumps when she realized it was the doctor herself calling. Usually, a doctor's assistants called to tell her everything was okay. "No reason to chitchat. What's the word?"
"You always get right to the point. I like that about you, Sonja. Simply put, the word is biopsy. Please don't get worried yet. In all likelihood, it's nothing. We get false positives from MRIs and ultrasounds all the time. It's only one small spot. The radiologist thinks it's suspicious-looking and wants to check it out."
"How small is it?" Sonja struggled to keep the tremor in her hands from reaching her voice.
"Between three and five millimeters, so even if it's malignant, we've found it very early. The biopsy is just a precaution because of your family history."
"When can we do it? I really hate waiting." Sonja hoped she didn't sound as desperate as she felt.
"How does Monday sound?"
"Great! Monday sounds great." Sonja wanted it done. "What time? I'd rather it be after work. The café closes at 3:00."
"You'll have to call the Women's Health Center for specifics, but they assured me that Dr. Weymouth has plenty of availability on Monday. They'll have the results by Wednesday. Why don't we plan on you coming to see me then?"
"Okay. What time?" Sonja was glad she could get the results in person from someone she knew and trusted.
"How does 4:30 work?" Dr. Davidson asked. "It's my last appointment of the day, so we can talk as long as we need to."
"Not that I don't like talking to you, Doctor, but that sounds ominous."
"Just covering all my bases. Don't worry until we have the results. Can you do that?"
"I'll try, but I can't promise," Sonja said. "Thanks for calling, yourself."
As soon as Sonja disconnected the call from Dr. Davidson, she looked up the number for the Women's Health Center and dialed. Amazingly, she was only on hold for about ten seconds. She had a 4:15 pm appointment for the biopsy in less than three minutes. Sonja let out a relieved breath and started gathering her things together. She was on her way out the door when her phone rang again. What, now? Hadn't her afternoon been disturbed enough already?
Her phone showed Derek's number. She couldn't ignore that. "Hello, Derek," she said. "To what do I owe the pleasure of my afternoon call?"
"Hi, baby, nothing good." Derek sounded frustrated. "I have to cancel dinner. I've got a royal mess here that I have to straighten out today. Can I have a rain check on dinner?"
"Of course, you can, Sir. Any chance you can make it to the club after you get your mess straightened out?"
"I hope so. Meet you there between eight and nine? If I'm not there by nine, head home. I have to go now."
"Sure. I'll see you at the club, then. Bye." As she disconnected the call, Sonja suddenly realized that Derek would want to hear about her last few days. They hadn't talked since Wednesday, and she hadn't thought to tell him about her tests. What should she say to him about the upcoming biopsy? I think it's best if I keep that to myself until I have the results. It's probably nothing anyway. With that settled for herself, she gathered her things again and headed out to run a few errands before she left for the club.
Promptly at 8:00, Sonja entered Club Indigo. Paula was minding the door tonight, which probably meant Jim was DM for the early shift.
"How's married life treating you?" Sonja asked as she signed in.
"Pretty well. We're still working out the kinks of how much control Jim wants and how much I'm willing to give, but I know I'm in the right place with the right man."
"You're very lucky," Sonja said.
"Don't I know it. Have a good evening." She handed Sonja back her driver's license and club membership card.
In the dressing room, Sonja changed into an outfit she'd put together from thrift store purchases. She hoped Derek would enjoy it. She thought he would like the look.
In the bar, she noticed Molly Evans, the nurse from the hospital sitting alone at one end of the bar, but no sign of Derek. She hadn't really expected him to be there at eight but hadn't wanted to take a chance he might be able to get there before she did. His 'messes' usually took longer to clear up than he anticipated. Still, he would expect her to be waiting, or so she liked to think.
She walked over to the bar to join Molly. After chatting with her on Thursday, she wanted to get to know her better. She had barely said hello when Bob came over for her drink order. "The usual orange juice, please, but could I have it in a glass?"
Bob chuckled at that. "Sure. Be right back with it, Sonja."
"Nice outfit," Molly said. "Where did you find a plaid skirt these days?"
"Goodwill. They have great stuff if you dig a little," Sonja answered. "You look good, too. I like being able to see your whole tat." Molly wore her favorite leather bustier without an over shirt that evening, showcasing the phoenix tattoo she had where her left breast had once been.
"Thanks. I always show it in all its gl
ory after a clean mammogram. How about you? Did you get a good report?"
Bob returned with Sonja's orange juice and left them alone again. He was remarkably good at knowing when to interrupt and when to be invisible.
"Sonja? Did something happen?" Molly looked concerned.
"I have to have a biopsy on Monday." Sonja's voice got low. "It's only three millimeters, but the doctors want to know what it is, given my family history."
"That's a sound way to go. What does Derek say? For that matter, where is he?" Molly asked.
"He got hung up at work. He thought he'd be here by now, but the mess must have been more complicated than he hoped. So, your mammogram was good?" Sonja tried to change the subject.
"Nothing there but healthy tissue. You're avoiding the question. What does Derek say?"
"I haven't told him yet," Sonja whispered.
"Not even about having the tests?" Molly gave her a stern look that reminded Sonja of her high school principal.
"No."
"Were you planning to?" Now she was using her Domme voice.
"Not sure. It's only three millimeters. It's probably nothing. He's got enough on his plate. I don't want to worry him unnecessarily." Sonja knew she was rambling, but she couldn't stop the excuses.
"Sonja, you know that's not how a D/s relationship works. You have to be honest with each other. Withholding information like this is the same as lying."
"No, it's not. If it weren't for the biopsy, there would be nothing to tell. And if the biopsy is negative, there still won't be anything to tell. Like I said, I don't want to worry Derek. Anyway, it's not your business. This is between Derek and me." Even Sonja knew she was sounding defensive now.
"What's between you and me, baby girl?" Derek had come in behind her. He put his arms around her as she turned to face him.
"Nothing important, Sir. We were just chatting."
"Funny. It sounded like it might be important to me." He turned. "Hi, Molly. You look lovely as usual. That phoenix really makes your outfit. So, what's my sub girl trying to avoid talking to me about?"
"Derek, why are you asking her instead of me?" Sonja put her hands on her hips.
"Because you seem to want her to help you keep a secret. We don't have secrets in our relationship, baby. You know that. So, do you want to tell me, or should I ask Molly again?"
"You might as well let Molly tell it, since you obviously don't trust me." Sonja turned her back on Derek and Molly and would have walked away if Derek hadn't snagged an arm around her waist.
"Now, now. There's no reason to get upset. Yet. What's going on, Molly?"
"Your sub had her annual mammogram and cancer screening on Thursday. I only know because I was having mine, too, and we met in the waiting room. We were sharing results and I asked if she had told you the news yet."
"What kind of news? And why didn't I know you were having your mammogram?" Derek turned Sonja around to see that she had her hands clenched tight and her eyes closed. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"They found a spot, and I'm having a biopsy Monday, okay?"
"Let me guess. You didn't want to worry me because it's probably nothing. Am I right?"
"Yes, Sir." All the fight had gone out of Sonja. Now that the information was out in the open, she felt relieved. Derek pulled her into his arms, and she started crying. "I'm sorry, Sir. I thought I could handle it on my own. You have enough to deal with without my problems, too."
"Let's take this home, baby. Neither of us is in a mood to play now, and we have a lot to talk about." He turned to Molly. "Thanks for helping me and my sub with our communication issues."
"I hope I won't be needed in that capacity again. Have a good evening. And Sonja, I would like to hear how your biopsy turns out. Women stick together over things like this. I hope you'll understand I was only trying to help by telling Derek."
"Yeah, I get it. Thanks, Molly. I'll keep you apprised." Sonja's crying had stopped, and she turned back to Derek. "Do we have to go? I got my outfit especially for you. I'm okay now."
"You make a beautiful Catholic school girl, but the outfit and the play can wait. We have other things to deal with tonight. Let's get going."
Sonja was not happy with the way the evening was going. She had been hoping for a fun play session to take her mind off the biopsy, and instead, it looked like the evening would be all about it. Nevertheless, she changed back into her street clothes and met Derek in the lobby.
"I took an Uber here like you said." She tried to sound cheery, as if nothing were wrong.
Paula was still at the door. "Leaving so soon? Is everything all right?"
Derek answered before Sonja could say anything. "Everything is fine. We're just not in the mood to play tonight. Rough day at work."
"I know what that's like. I hope the rest of your night improves," Paula said. "See you soon."
Derek escorted Sonja to his car and saw her safely belted in before going to his side. They drove in silence to Sonja's apartment. Sonja was lost in thought. Would this be the end of their relationship? Derek certainly didn't seem like himself tonight. How angry was he? She really didn't think she'd done anything wrong. It was her body. Why should he expect her to tell him about something that was probably nothing anyway? She was an independent woman and had proven time after time that she could take care of herself. Just because he wanted to be her Daddy didn't mean she needed him. She finished marshaling her arguments as they pulled up to her apartment.
As they entered Sonja's apartment, Snuggles came up and started meowing either his happiness at seeing her or his irritation at having been left alone. Sonja could never make up her mind which it was. She gathered him into her arms for a quick cuddle.
"I need to see if he ate his dinner and then check around to see if he spit it up. Would you hold him while I do that?"
"Of course, baby. Do what you need to do." Derek took Snuggles into his arms and began the croon that seemed to calm the cat best.
"Snuggles, smack in the middle of the bed? Really?"
Sonja came back into the living room in time to hear Derek saying, "Looks like you're in for it now, boy. Vomiting on the bed is not a very nice thing to do to your mommy."
"He's not in trouble, Derek. It's just a pain in the ass to clean up. It looks like his entire dinner of canned food with added liquid. It soaked through my quilt and blanket, onto the sheet." She reached over to his lap and started scratching Snuggles' cheeks and under his chin. "Would you like to try some more dinner? We have other flavors since that one didn't agree with you. That was salmon. Should we try some of your baby food? That seems to stay down better. Derek, could you put him down and see if he follows me to the kitchen?"
Snuggles ate half a jar of beef baby food, went to his bed by the window, and started grooming himself. "Such a good boy. It wasn't your appetite, just the food that didn't agree with you." With Snuggles settled, she knew she couldn't postpone Derek any longer. "Would you like something to drink, Sir?"
"Thanks for asking, baby, but I'll pass for the moment. Come sit with me." When she tried to settle on the other end of the couch, Derek gave her a look, and she quickly scooted closer to him. Apparently, close wasn't good enough, though, because he lifted her into his lap. "I think it will be easier for you to talk this way. How about you start at the beginning? Why didn't you tell me you were having a mammogram? I know I asked Wednesday what you had on for the rest of the week."
Sonja sighed. Where to begin and how much to say? It was all so complicated. She decided to try the minimalist approach and see how that went over. "It didn't occur to me to mention it. A mammogram is not that big a deal. I have one every year." She crossed her fingers in her head, hoping that would be enough.
"Try again, baby. You tensed up way too much while you were saying that."
Damn, he was good at reading body language. It was good he couldn't see her face. "I didn't want you to worry. I worry enough for two people already. I have a family history of breast cancer.
I don't just have a mammogram. I have a regular mammogram, a 3-D digital mammogram, an MRI, and an ultrasound. My appointment started at 12:30 pm and it was almost five when I finished. I didn't want to have to deal with anyone's stress but my own. Besides, I've been doing this on my own since I had my first mammogram, when I was twenty-five. Yes, that's young, but family history made it necessary. That's the why. The other reason I didn't tell you is that I'm used to standing on my own two feet. It really didn't occur to me to tell you I had the tests coming up."
"And the biopsy? Surely, it occurred to you that I would want to know about that?" From the tone of Derek's voice, Sonja realized she was digging herself a deeper hole with every word.
"Sort of. But I decided that since it was probably nothing, I'd wait and tell you if it was something."
"Would you have told me after the biopsy?"
"If it were nothing? No. If it were a problem, then, yes, I would tell you. It would be kind of hard to hide, then."
"I realize this is your first serious D/s relationship, but you know how important communication is. Would you be okay with my having, I don't know, say, a stress test and not telling you about it?"
"No, but—"
"No buts about it. I want to know if you're having a problem, medical or otherwise, and I will tell you about problems I'm having as well. Can you let me in?"
"I'll do my best, Sir."
"That's all I ask."
Sonja didn't know what to think. Of course, she would want to know if there were something wrong with Derek's health, but she'd never looked at it from the other side. Maybe it was time for a little more sharing.
"Sir? There's a little more to my story. My mother died from breast cancer when I was six. My grandmother raised me. She was first diagnosed when I was thirteen. In my teens, I took care of her as much as she took care of me—at least it seemed that way. She saw me through high school but was too sick to come to graduation. I've been on my own ever since." Sonja's voice choked up as she fought her tears.