by Rachel Leigh
He shoots up, joining me on the edge of the bed and nods a few times. “Ok. I get it.” He stands up, straightening his pants and looking down at the stain I left for him. “Thanks for the hand job.” He kisses my cheek and winks.
I watch as he walks away as my mind silently screams.
Stay with me, don’t go.
“B,” he turns around, “outside my bedroom window, just as the moon rises, there’s a beautiful view. You should check it out sometime.”
“The star?”
“Something better.” He winks, walking away and leaving me wondering what in the world he’s talking about. I can’t make sense of what he says half the time. A beautiful view outside his window? Is it our constellation— Cassiopeia?
I shake it off and climb into bed, but my mind doesn’t stop thinking about him. His words, his body, his... everything—taunting me. I pull the blankets off and walk over to the window, opening my curtains. I look up at the sky, and I can only see a few small specks. I look over at his bedroom, and my stomach drops, my lips curl and butterflies flutter through my chest when I see a big mirror looking back at me. I can barely see my reflection, but I don't need to. I know what he meant now.
It’s me—I’m his beautiful view.
Chapter Ten
Jasper
Everyone who lives here came in later than I did, went to sleep later than I did; yet, they still take it upon themselves to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and sing happiness all through the house. “Shut up!” I shout, as I pull the pillow over my head.
I send a quick text to Jimmy, the private investigator I hired to help with Mom’s case. I haven’t heard from him in a while, and I’m hoping it’s because he’s working extra hard on this. When he doesn’t respond right away, I toss my phone back on the bed next to me.
There are only three other people living here, so why does it always sound like there is a fucking marching band stomping through the house? I jump up and walk downstairs to see what all of the commotion is.
“The fuck.” I mutter under my breath. “Didn’t you jackasses have a dance last night, followed by a party? How in the hell are you even awake, let alone playing... What the hell are you playing?” I look to Knox and his friends who are all dressed and ready to take on the day, lined up on the floor with their asses in game chairs, headphones on, aggressively jamming their fingers into the controllers in their hands.
“COD, ever played before?”
“Yes, I’ve played it, but not at eight o’clock in the morning.” I rub my eyes and finish walking into the kitchen. Coffee. Yes.
“Are you losers planning on being here for long?” I holler over my shoulder as I pour some black coffee into a mug.
“As a matter of fact, we are. But don’t worry your pretty little head, you aren’t playing with us,” Knox says, as he walks into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Thank God for that.” I take a sip of my coffee. “Where are the parents?”
“Church.”
This is the most that I’ve ever said to this kid and the realization that we are actually conversing without tearing into each other is astonishing.
“Where’d you go last night?” Knox asks, as he makes his way back to his buddies who are shouting way too loudly and too much. I wanna make my way down the line and smack ‘em all on the head.
“Wouldn't you like to know?” I grin.
“Actually, I couldn’t care less.” He unscrews the top and takes a drink, peering at me over the water bottle.
If he couldn’t care less, he wouldn’t have asked. Besides, he already knows. I’m sure him and B have heart to heart talks every morning while they groom themselves, Knox probably jerking off to her voice.
I lean over the kitchen counter and contemplate my response. Which could go one of two ways. I don’t tell him shit. Or, I purposely try and get under his skin.
“I spent my evening in the company of your bff. It was... let's just say, everything and more.”
His eyes widen and his jaw clenches, and I love it. It’s way too satisfying.
“I got the grand tour, if you know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t know what the hell you mean. Care to elaborate?” He stands back up, controller in hand.
“Her bedroom, geez.. you kids and your dirty minds.”
“Stay away from her,” he yells, as I walk back up the stairs, “And, stay the hell outta my room. I know you were on my computer.”
“You’re welcome,” I shout.
Since I’m already awake, thanks to Knox and his nerdy friends, I use this time to go to the gym and workout for a couple of hours. I’d prefer to use this time to work, but Dad says that I can’t get my job back until after football because then my time is too occupied and I slack too much on my schoolwork. Even if it is just a few hours a week, I can really use the money. Once I graduate high school, I no longer get the social security payments that I’ve been putting away for college and Dad will no longer receive his settlement checks from the accident. He’s never really talked too much about them, but I know they’re coming to an end. A scholarship is my only shot at going to UCLA, so I have to keep playing my ass off in the game and keep up with my 4.0. One of the two has to pay off.
I reach the border into Las Verdes, and although it hasn’t even been a week, I’ve missed this place—home. I wave to Pudge who’s sitting at his fruit stand on the corner of Isle and Roadway. This is where I fit in, where my heart beats, and where I call the neighbors family. Not that ritzy town where Benjamins are used as Christmas tree ornaments. I pull up to Forges Fitness center and spot Landon. “Yo,” I holler out the window. “Wait up, man.”
He flicks his cigarette to the curb and waves me off, walking inside.
I shift the car into park and grab my gym bag. The place is pretty packed, but I find the boys at the benches. “What the fuck was that all about?” I drop my bag and go over to help him spot
Lars. Everyone acts as if I’m not even standing here, ignoring my presence and avoiding eye contact. “Alright, what the hell is the problem?”
“You, man,” Landon spits, “You’re turning into one of them.”
“Who?” I laugh it off, even though I know what he’s talking about. Only it couldn’t be further from the truth.
“A Raven.” Landon scuffs, gesturing me over to help him out.
“Just because I sit at a desk in that school doesn’t mean I’m one of them.” I lift the bar and rack it. Everyone takes a step back from what they are doing to engage in this unnecessary conversation.
“And win games for them. Ditch us at parties for them. Let’s not forget, live with one of them.”
“Ah ok, I see. This is all because I left the party Friday night. It wasn’t for one of them, it was for…”
“A girl. You're treading into their darkness if you think you can ruffle the feathers of a female Raven. All the chicks on that side come with emotional baggage.”
“I’m not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers. Let it go. Let’s just workout and forget about this shit. No one in that damn town is worth another ounce of my time.” I lie. A lie that I’d believe myself if it weren’t for the constant thoughts of her and the memory instilled in my mind of how warm her body felt pressed against mine. The taste of her lips, the softness of her skin, and the desperation in her eyes.
“Where’d you go just now?” Landon snaps his fingers in front of my face when I realize I was staring off into the abyss of the gym. I shake my head and snap myself out of it.
“Remi’s been asking about you. Don’t you think you owe her an explanation?”
“Owe her?” I laugh. “I don’t owe that girl a damn thing. She’s the one who cheated on me.”
The only girl I ever cared about, and she screwed me over for a one-night stand with the enemy. Another reason that I feel no shame stepping in and taking Maddox’s place on the field. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Aft
er spending most of the afternoon at the gym, I head back to the house of dread and hope like hell that Knox and his buddies have cleared out. I’m proven wrong when I turn down our road and their cars are still parked along the street. Damnit.
Not feeling up to seeing them again, I text B to see what she’s up to. She’s pretty much the only person I know around here and the only one I really care to spend my time with.
Me: Plans today?
To my surprise, she responds immediately.
B: Depends.
Me: Let's do something. I’m fucking bored and your boyfriend and his posse have invaded the house.
B: Ok, but I’m calling the shots today and you go where I want.
Me: Fine, get your cute ass out here.
I sit in her driveway waiting for twenty minutes because this girl doesn’t seem to comprehend that people don’t enjoy waiting on her.
I thumb through Instagram and find B’s page, giving her a follow. Her profile is pretty depressing. I was expecting a gallery of selfies and group photos; instead, I find a bunch of dark quotes and a few pics of her and Knox. A couple with some other girls I don’t recognize and the cheer team. One of her and her brother, Talon. For a girl who amplifies energy and social acceptance, I see something different. I see a sad girl who doesn’t like the world she lives in and the humans who inhabit it. Every photo has a forced smile and eyes that are on the verge of a flood at any given time.
She’s a bottled-up mystery, and I want to know everything about her: what makes her heart skip a beat, what makes her smile, cry, laugh, and most importantly, what makes her so damn sad. I wonder if these people who call themselves her friends even know who she really is.
“Hey!” She swings open the door, jumping in with a smile a mile wide. Something I could get used to.
“You seem happy today.”
“Just forcing myself to embrace another day with my new friend,” she says with sarcasm.
“Friend, huh? That’s new. Not too long ago you made it clear that I was not your friend.”
“I mean, I did let you explore every inch of my body. It’s only right that I at least call you a friend.” She blushes—another new look.
“Touché. I’ll take that title, for now.”
“For now?”
“You never know, you may hate me tomorrow, and I’ll be the enemy again.” I peel my eyes from the road and look over to her. “Or you might fall in love with me and want more.” I sink back into the seat as my mouth curls at the corner.
She shakes her head. “Don’t count on it.”
“Which one, enemies or lovers?”
“Both.”
I follow her directions, and wouldn’t you know, we end up at the mall. I’d rather get a flu shot than go to the mall. People swarming everywhere, people with money and a reason to be there. When I was a kid, Mom used to take me to the mall just to walk around. It never bothered me at all, I never even asked for anything because I knew I wouldn’t get jack shit. She’d always get a coffee and we’d just walk around. I remember watching her eyes light up when she’d pass by one of those mannequins displays that wore an outfit she wanted. She’d stop and stare and then walk on as if she’d never seen it. I always wished I had enough money to buy her one of them, at least one of the shirts. I never did. If she were here now, I’d work my ass off, just so I could go in that mall and buy her every one of those damn display outfits.
We walk into the crowd of infested shoppers and make a b-line for the food court. B looks over at me with a questioning look. I’m not sure if she’s questioning me or herself, but it’s answered when she takes my hand into hers.
“Why are you even bringing me here?” I mutter under my breath.
“To meet some of my friends.” She looks up to me with a half-smile.
All questions are answered when we approach her crew. A few of the girls from her cheer team, some of the players on my team, and of course, Levi.
She’s using me as bait. Little does she know, I don’t play that game. If she’s casting me out into this group, she better believe that she’s reeling in a keeper.
“Hey.” She smiles to her friends, gripping my hand tightly in hers. I can feel the dampness protruding from her pores. She’s sweating—she’s nervous.
“Guys, this is Jasper. Jasper, this is everyone. She points them all out as if I actually care.
I look at B and her gang and feel as out of place as a hooker in church. The only reason she brought me to this social gathering is to try and get pretty boy, Levi, jealous.
“Let’s get outta here,” I whisper in her ear with my arm snug around her neck.
“We just got here.” She looks up to me. I’m about five inches taller than her and her blue eyes shoot into mine full of intention. She’s got a plan—a motive, and I’m hella scared to see what it is. This girl is so unpredictable. She can walk through a ray of sunshine and leave a storm of destruction in her path.
I shrug my shoulders and look to Levi. “How was homecoming?”
His eyes widen, as B tenses up under my grasp. I squeeze her shoulder, bringing her closer to me.
“The... dance?” He stutters under pressure. His eyes shoot to B.
“No, the game, you know, the one where I came in and saved your asses.” I say with sarcasm, “Yes, the dance. You went, didn’t you?”
“You should be thanking me, actually.” Levi smirks, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “If it weren’t for this injury, you’d never step foot on that field.”
“Maybe so, but I did. I came and I conquered. Better luck next year. Oh wait, there won’t be a next year.” I rub it in. Hitting a nerve.
Levi stands up abruptly, followed by a couple of his friends. “Why don’t you just go back to LV? Oh wait, you got kicked out.”
I take a step forward, feeling B put up a resistance, as she tugs my hand. “Stop it.”
Levi and I are nose to nose when his buddy pulls him back. “It’s not worth it, Levi. Just let it go.”
He listens and backs up to the table, reclaiming his seat.
I give him a cocky nod, and he makes a move before getting pulled back down by the same guy.
“The dance.” B snaps the tension, looking to Levi. “How was it?”
“It was alright. Just went for an hour or so.” He lifts his legs up on the bench of the table he’s sitting on and begins twiddling his thumbs nervously. He should be nervous.
“Did you go with Petra?” B asks, burning her eyes into him so deeply that I can almost see smoke rolling out of his ears.
“I mean, she was there?”
“Did you go with Petra?” She repeats the question, jerking herself away from me and taking a step toward him. “Answer me, damn it.”
“Yes,” he shouts. “Yes, I went with her.”
Part of me wants nothing more than to pick him up by his designer collared shirt for hurting her like this. The other part wants to thank him because last night was nothing short of amazing.
“Good.” She nods. “I’m glad you got to go,” she says, turning around and grabbing ahold of my shirt and pulling me away from her friends.
B gives a wave over her shoulder and we keep walking.
“Well, that was a disaster,” she says quietly.
“What exactly did you expect? You came to your hangout spot with the new guy who just took the QB’s place. The same QB who ditched you for your arch enemy. Were you expecting a grand welcome?” I chuckle.
She doesn’t say anything. I know she came here to rub our presence in Levi’s face. She didn’t expect it to backfire.
“You ok?” I ask, as we approach a coffee shop.
She doesn’t respond but orders us both a coffee and I follow her over to an empty table after she hands me mine.
“He’s enjoying this. He knows he’s getting to me.”
“Why do you care about what people think, anyways?”
“People’s opinions of me are all that I have. You’ll n
ever understand, and I don’t expect you to.”
“You really want to be with that guy?” I point over to where Levi sits, laughing with his friends, his lap now accompanied by Petra.
“I really do.” She shakes her head as her eyes zoom in on them. I can see the fury rise in her. I take no pleasure in her pain, but part of me is relieved that Levi is moving on with someone other than B.
“Look at me,” I snap. Her focus remains on the man she dreams of. “Look at me.” I take her face in my hands.
“You’re better than that. You deserve more than a man who makes you beg for his attention. You deserve a man who will fight for you, not fight against you.”
Her eyes close as her head tilts in the palm of my left hand before they open again. “He’s all I want, Jasper.”
It stings a little. Something about this girl draws me in, but it’s clear that her head is somewhere else.
“Well, I don’t take you as a girl who gives up easily. But, I need you to promise me something. Can you do that?”
“It depends.”
“I want you to promise me that when you have Levi right where you want him, you’ll have no regrets.” With my hands still cupping her rose colored cheeks, she bats her eyelashes a couple of times to try and deter my attention from her skin swelling with agony beneath my grasp.
“I promise,” she says quietly.
“What’s that? I didn’t hear you.”
“I said, I promise.”
I can almost feel the echo of the drum in her chest. Pulsating through her veins and releasing at my touch. I do something to her, she won’t admit it yet, because the queen wants all the control, but I have this little princess in the palm of my hand and I know that the day will come when she will beg for me, all of me.
I release my hands abruptly and sit back, taking a sip of my coffee and watching her over the brim of my cup. She places a hand on her cheek where mine rested, before returning to her natural state. “I could never regret having Levi. No girl ever would.”
All I can do is laugh. Girls like B only want something when everyone else has tried dipping their finger in it. She’ll snatch it away right before they get a taste, just so she can watch their reaction as she feeds. It doesn’t even matter what it is, as long as someone pines for it, she takes it—just because she can. Greedy? Maybe. I call it lonely—empty and broken.