by AJ Wolf
“Donatello knew.” His face hardens at the mention of Donatello, his eyes shifting over my face to read my reaction. “He didn’t know I was assigned to you until after the confrontation on campus though.”
I blink at him. Donatello knew and also didn’t tell me. I’m so tired of secrets. “Anything else? Or are we done here?” I’m not deliberately being rude; I just want to be left alone. I’m sick of finding out how little I know about the things going on around me. How little I know about everyone I’m supposed to be the closest to.
Not to mention the fact that my heart is aching to be acknowledged by Jessie, pushing against my ribs in his direction. It’s hard pretending like I don’t want him to touch me, that I don’t want to be with him. But I already made my choice and now I need to live with it, even if that choice blew up in my face less than forty-eight hours ago. The thought squeezes my throat and I suddenly feel sick to my stomach.
“Anything else?” It’s asked in a mocking tone while he frowns at me, the look not fitting the sweet Jessie I normally get. I guess I should get used to it. “I don’t understand you.”
Now I’m frowning, fighting phantom tears my own thoughts have conjured. “What do you mean?”
“You. I don’t understand you. You told me you loved me but that I’m not allowed to love you?” He says it like an angry question, but I know he’s not looking for any immediate answer because he continues his angry rant. “You chose that fucking Bastardo over me. I don’t understand why... Why do you keep letting yourself get hurt? Why even now you’re choosing him, knowing what he did? It’s fucking frustrating.”
I’m not still choosing him. I‘m just protecting Jessie from his rage. If anything, Donatello is even more dangerous now without me to keep him at bay. “Because I loved him first.” It’s a pathetic murmur, forced past my lips like the sad excuse it is. There’s a truth to it, but it wasn’t my only reasoning and hardly the most important one.
He scoffs at my answer, his face twisting like I spit in his face. “Has the love of your life even told you how he got into your dorms last spring? Has he told you how he even knew to come? You seriously think he would have come on his own?” He runs a hand through his hair, scrubbing it over his face roughly. “Me. I told him. He would never have come to your rescue if it weren’t for me. He had no idea because he was too busy wallowing and fucking his way through his own self-pity.”
My heart constricts at his words, those phantom tears coming to tease the corners of my eyes. I swallow past the lump in my throat, blinking as I watch him rant. He’s tearing at wounds that have barely scabbed over, picking at the weeping sores that haven’t even begun to close. His words might as well be a slap to the face, a blow hard enough to split my lips. The reminder of Donatello slicing through my flesh like a knife.
I can see the pain hidden behind Jessie’s anger, like it hurts him that he’s said something that he knows hurts me. I had no idea Jessie was involved at all, but I guess it makes sense. Jessie was the only one who ever really saw me. Sees me. “He said Remy sent him.” It’s a whispered confession, deflated and weak.
He scoffs, shaking his head to himself, “He was fucking lying. Like always.”
My gaze flicks up to his face, the deep blue of his eyes threatening to drown me in their depths. “Are you telling me this because you think I should know or because you want to hurt me for hurting you?”
His jaw clenches, the muscles flexing as he looks at me. I close my eyes when he takes the final small step separating us. I feel the warmth of his palms sliding up the outside of my arms, over my shoulders, and up to cup my cheeks. “Both.”
His heavy exhale brushes along my face and I reopen my eyes at his admission. My heart twinges with his answer, but I appreciate his honesty. “I already chose, Jessie... I can’t take it back now. The damage has already been done.”
My body relaxes into his touch without my consent, my cheek turning more fully into one of his palms. “Stop lying to yourself.” I frown as his grip tightens on my face, fingers slightly pinching. “I’m what you want. I’m what you need. You just haven’t realized it yet.”
The words are a painful, desperate plea; begging my heart to listen.
“Jessie…” It’s almost a whisper, his shallow words digging in my ribs.
“Don’t… don’t, Laney Girl.” He cuts me off, his thumbs brushing along my cheeks as he brings himself closer, his chest bumping along mine with each quiet breath. “Just let me have this… just let me have you for the night.”
“You lied to me, too.” It’s the truth, even if it burns my mouth to say it.
“I did.” He doesn’t even try to deny it, dropping his forehead to mine. His eyes close as if the thought of me turning him down is a physical pain and I pull in a tight breath. Each beat of my heart a sharp ache.
I don’t know how to respond so I push my face into his neck instead, closing my own eyes when he wraps his arms around me. I know he needs this; I know that I need this. My heart wants him with the same intensity that it hurts for Donatello. “I want to forget.” It’s said as I pull back, looking up at his face.
My soft aching words are reminiscent to last summer and they thrum between us, his eyes dropping to my mouth. There’s zero hesitation in his touch as his hand grips the back of my head, fingers sinking into my hair as he lifts me up to his lips. Goosebumps spread along my skin at the first soft brush of our lips, my pulse racing just below his fingertips as they glide over my jaw and down my throat to tug out the silver chain of his necklace from the collar of my shirt.
He pulls back to look at the tiny crescent moon in his fingers, his thumb smoothing over the matte surface as his baby blues look between my eyes. “Tell me something Laney Girl…” His tongue runs along his bottom lip before he continues, dragging out the silence. “Why does the wolf howl at the moon?”
“Because he misses her…” My chest is rising and falling with heavy breaths, my heart thumping as I whisper my answer, recalling the story I told him before. “Because he loves her but can’t touch her, can’t be with her.”
He lets the silver moon drop from his fingers, moving his hands to the bottom of my shirt. Pressing up my sides, he starts lifting my top. I raise my arms and he pulls it off, the fabric falling to the floor as he gently spins me to face away. The clasp of my bra unclipping a second later. I let it fall off my arms as he reaches around my waist to push my leggings and underwear over my hips.
He stands after helping me step from the fabric, his lips brushing along the back of my neck to whisper against my skin. “The wolf gets his moon tonight.”
His soft voice falls over my goosebumped skin like a blanket, the weight of his words heavy on my chest. My heart wants nothing but to be his tonight.
I missed this.
I missed him.
I missed him more than I wanted to admit to myself.
His touch is familiar and new at the same time. His normal sweet caresses tangling with his hurt. I can feel his fingers digging into my flesh as he drags his hands up my ribcage, the slight bite in his touch reminiscent to his underlying frustrations. I slip a hand over my shoulder and into his hair, pulling his face closer as he places wet kisses along my neck. His tongue comes out to taste my skin, teeth biting hard enough that I know he’s leaving marks for everyone to see tomorrow. Branding me so everyone will know I was his, even if for just a night.
I spin in his arms, watch his crystal eyes as they slip over my skin, his gaze alone worshipping me in ways no one else ever has. His voice is low when he speaks, his bottom lip wet from his tongue. “Say it again.”
I know what he wants to hear without explanation. The pain scraping along his vocal cords, making my own tighten. I hesitate, knowing this will do nothing but cut us both.
He tugs his shirt over his head and tosses it to the side, pulling my bare chest flush with his, using an arm on my back. His palm splays between my shoulder blades as his breath feathers over my lips, repeating himse
lf. “Say it again.”
Unable to deny him a second time, the words squeeze past my lips. A single tear sliding down my cheek along with them. “I love you.”
And I have loved him. I loved him when I didn’t even know I loved him. I was so consumed in Donatello that I never stopped to consider my heart was broken over losing Jessie last summer. Never stopped to consider that the reason I fell so far into the deep was because I was mourning the loss of him. Jessie may have been intentionally placed in my life, but he helped me when no one else could. Helped mend a heart he didn’t break. I fell in love with Jessie that first time he let me cry on his shoulder over another man. I just didn’t know it until it was too late.
“I love you.” I repeat, his face blurry.
Pressing his forehead to mine, he rocks us slightly, his big body wrapped around me. I can hear the hard swallow he forces down, feeling the banging of his heart against my own. I can practically feel it breaking through his ribs, the crack stealing my breath while more tears fall. He doesn’t say it back and I know it’s because it’d be too painful for him.
It’s a pain I’m all too familiar with. One I never should have let him feel. Even understanding it, not hearing it back splinters my heart in a way it’s never cracked before. Stabbing my lungs so painfully it’s a struggle to breathe.
I bring my hands to his face, my fingertips tracing along his jaw until my palms cup his cheeks. Rising on my toes, I pull his lips to mine. It’s a soft closed mouth kiss that feels more intimate than any we’ve shared before. Both of us sinking into our heartbreak. My cheeks are wet, sticky on my face as he sinks his fingers into my hair, his thumbs brushing my temples as he holds me almost too hard. My chest shudders with a silent cry, forcing me to pull back to suck air into my burning lungs.
“Non piangere Laney Girl, ti ho ora.” Don’t cry Laney Girl, I have you now.
I close my eyes with his words, pinching my lips in an attempt to stop my tears. I feel his lips press the corner of each of my eyes, kissing the tears away. They trail down, over my cheeks, silently wiping the fat drops away. When his lips come back to mine, they’re salty and wet.
Pressing into him, I flatten my chest to his, my heart arching to reach his through the centimeters separating us. His hands drop from my head to my thighs, easily lifting me despite the dark blotchy bruising that litters his torso, and I wrap my legs around his waist, pressing my pussy flush against his tight belly. Walking toward the bed, our lips separate for a heartbeat as he drops me onto the mattress. He kicks his joggers and boxers onto the floor before crawling with me farther up the sheets.
His calloused palm pushes along my skin, hand trailing down to tease his fingers along my wet slit and our lips break at the contact. My head arching back against the pillows as his teeth scrape a path over my chin and down my neck. He trails soft, wet kisses along the valley of my breasts that have my heart banging so roughly against my ribs I’m sure he can feel the vibration in his lips.
My fingers dig into his shoulders as he presses into my pussy, using my own wetness to slick up my clit. Sitting up on an elbow, I pull his face from my skin and yank his lips to mine so I can taste his mouth. Tongue sliding across his, I moan against his mouth as he continues to tease me, sliding back and forth along my folds, fingertips just barely dipping in to spread me, thumb rubbing in slow circles over my aching nub.
Pulling him back with me, his free arm drops beside my head. His teeth bite into my bottom lip when I thrust into his hand as I try to dig his fingers deeper into me. He obliges the silent request, hooking two fingers behind my pubic bone in a way that has my toes curling in the sheets and gasping away from his lips.
His eyes catch on mine as he shifts between my knees, silver hair flopping to hide part of his face from me as he drags his fingers from my slit to grab a thigh in each palm. The wetness from his fingers leaving a warm, slick trail across my skin as he pinches. Without breaking eye contact, he sinks into me, balls slapping against my ass with the movement. His groan matches my own, and he stays still a moment, both of us taking a minute to revel in the connection. It’s the first time we’ve been together like this since last summer and the emotions that hit my chest almost bring more tears to my eyes.
Leaning forward, he pushes my legs so my ankles straddle my head. His forearms locking my knees against the mattress as he slams into me so deeply my breath catches in my lungs. It’s a delicious burn, a soul touching pleasurable ache with a hint of sting. His thrusts are slow and hard. Each slam of his hips shaking the headboard of the bed so it knocks against the wall in rhythm with us.
His tongue comes out to trace the curve of my lip, our breaths mingling as I moan into his mouth. I can feel his hurt bleeding into his touch, his fingers bruising behind my knees, his teeth biting just a tad harder than needed. His unconscious need to hurt me for hurting him invading his movements in an attempt to ease the pain.
Reaching between us, I grip his hair, pulling at the roots until he hisses into my mouth. Raising my other hand, I sink my fingernails into the skin of his back, my breaths quickening with the dark look that turns his crystal eyes a shade of navy and pulls another hiss from him. His nose scrunches with the sound, his teeth baring like the wolf he’s nicknamed after, just before he grips my jaw, squeezing tightly enough my skin burns between his fingers. The movement draws a long moan from my chest, my aching heart wanting to feel his punishments just as badly as he wants to give them.
Realization twists his lips and with the clench of his jaw, he pulls his hips back, slamming into me with enough force my back slides along the sheets. He swallows my sounds, his hand still painfully gripping my throat as he continues his assault. His tongue dipping into my mouth to claim it just as ruthlessly as his dick.
Sitting up, he eases some of the pressure from my throat, his thumb pressing along my lower lip as he continues to piston his hips, dark eyes watching my breasts bounce between my knees. Dropping my chin I nip at the pad of his thumb and his eyes snap back to mine as he pushes it between my lips, watching me suck it into my mouth.
Warmth is pooling in my gut as I watch him above me, my legs starting to quiver with how long they’ve been at the same angle. Drawing his thumb from my mouth he drags his hand across my chest, pinching a nipple between his fingers almost painfully before moving lower. His thumb dips into my slit in time with his rough thrusts, spreading me wider while dripping my wetness over my ass. His fingers pinch my jaw in time with the long moan that breaks my lips as he pushes his thumb into my ass.
His mouth drops forward to suck a nipple into his mouth and I lose myself in the sensation. My neck arches against his palm as I lift off the mattress, my body bowing against his as I orgasm. He keeps pace even as I clench around him, his head lifting, hand leaving my neck to cup the back of my head and pull my lips to his so he can swallow my sounds.
Withdrawing from my ass, he shifts so my legs can drop by his hips, his now free hand, wrapping my leg around his waist. He pulls back from my lips just far enough to look into my eyes, jaw clenching as he pumps one last hard thrust. Our eyes stay locked as we both work to catch our breath. I’m the first to break the trance, raising a weak arm to trail my fingers over his lips. He grabs my hand, closing his eyes with a crease in his brow as he presses a kiss to my fingertips, holding them against his lips. Wordlessly telling me what he can’t say.
I loop my other arm around his neck, pulling his face to my neck and press a kiss to his temple, running my fingers through his hair to soothe the ache from before. “Jessie?”
He hums, a low sound that winds its way around my heart.
“Now, make love to me.”
His face lifts from my skin and he presses a kiss along the edge of my lips. He rises so he’s a few inches above my face, eyes finding mine. “Always.”
I shouldn’t be here. It’s the only thought in my head as I park on the gravel drive and walk toward the door. I didn’t tell Donatello I was coming. I’m just hoping he's gone a
nd I don’t have to deal with him. I’m still not sure either because I didn’t park in the garage. I just need to run in and grab my schoolbooks and hurry out. That’s it.
Turning the handle, I quietly push the door open. I falsely imagine that if I’m quiet Donatello won’t hear me if he’s in here. As soon as the door is open, I lock eyes with him. He’s standing in the hallway wearing the same clothes as yesterday. The shadows under his eyes belaying how little sleep he’s gotten.
“I’m just here to get my books.”
He walks to me, crowding my space as I back into the door. His eyes run along my neck, undoubtedly seeing all of Jessie’s marks, but he doesn’t say anything. He just grabs the back of my head and pulls me into his chest. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
It rumbles against my ear, vibrating its sad song down to my toes. “You’re always sorry.”
I lightly push myself from him, walking around his big body toward the bedroom. I know he’s following me. I can feel his footsteps landing behind mine. He stands in the doorway watching me as I grab the books I need and I turn to face him, books in my arms. “Please move.”
He doesn’t move and I’m not all that surprised. Instead he walks to me and takes the books from my hands, setting them on the bed. “Stay with me tonight.” I start to shake my head and he stops me, grabbing my chin. “I don’t care who you were with last night. I know you don’t want to be here because of Olivia, but what about me Vita Mia? I just found out that I can’t have the other half of my soul because some walking pocket pussy claims to be having my baby. A baby I don’t want with a woman I will never want.”
“How will me staying here help you Donatello? It doesn’t change the facts of why I want to leave.”
“I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to have to sit here in the silence thinking about this shit.” He drops his hand but doesn’t step away. “This is just as much of a surprise for me as it is to you. I never would have thought this would happen. I never even thought it was a possibility.” He drops on the bed, head falling into his hands. “I know I should have told you about Olivia, but I already fucked up so much before that, that I didn’t want to. I honestly forgot it even happened until your fucking pup brought it up.”