by K E Osborn
K E Osborn
All of Me
The Trust Me Series Book Three
KE OSBORN
Copyright 2014 KE OSBORN
All Rights Reserved
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to real events, real people, and real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and incidents are products of the Author’s imagination and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, organizations or places is entirely coincidental.
All rights are reserved. This book is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the express written permission of the author. All songs, song titles and lyrics contained in this book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.
ISBN: 978-1922489104
Editing by Swish Design & Editing
Proofreading by Swish Design & Editing
Formatting by Swish Design & Editing
Cover design by Kellie at Book Cover by Design
Model by Cody Smith and Emily Pribula
Photography by Reggie Deanching at RplusMphoto
Cover Image Copyright 2021
First Edition 2014
Second Edition 2021
All Rights Reserved
Sometimes you have to give all or nothing…
Aiden O’Connell—exonerated, determined, steadfast, and brokenhearted.
I tried to stand by him. I failed. After the attack, my mind altered. I couldn’t see anything but my ex—all men are the same.
Our love now gone.
Everything is harder.
His father totally out of control, I have signs of PTSD, and an unexpected death makes everything change in ways we couldn’t have predicted.
Life with Aiden was never meant to be easy, but now maybe it can move forward for us both…
From USA Today Bestselling Author K E Osborn comes, All of Me Book Three in the Trust Me Series (previously published in 2014). This series has been re-edited with new content and a new cover.
To Chantell.
Thank you for helping me so much with this series.
You have gone above and beyond.
I couldn’t have done this without you.
Blurb
Dedication
Table of Contents
Dictionary Reference - All
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Acknowledgments
Connect With Me Online
About The Author
All—adj.
1. The greatest possible (used in referring to individuals or particulars)
2. Any whatever (beyond all doubt)
3. The whole of (used in referring to quantity or the utmost, extent)
4. The whole of (take all of it)
Pocket Oxford Dictionary Fourth Edition / www.dictionary.com
Crashing sounds of heavy thunder roll and boom above me, shaking the windows, letting me know a storm’s overhead. With every deafening bang, I jolt a little more, my body and head suffering from all the sobbing.
I’ve been holed up in this room for the past week, lying in bed with no motivation to do anything other than cry. But with that persistent thunder above me, I realize there’s no point staying in bed. So, I sit slowly and slide my feet to the plush carpeted floor. My legs heavy as I drag them, my mind numb.
When I reach my bedroom door, I roll my eyes at the sound of Sarah and Chris giggling in the other room. If I didn’t need to go to the bathroom, I wouldn’t leave the sanctity and safety of the bedroom. I don’t want to deal with them or anyone else. The pain of being without Aiden is almost too much to bear. As I open my door, it squeaks, alerting them to my presence. Silence falls on both Sarah and Chris, making me painfully aware that I am a burden on them.
Not bothering to look in their direction, I stumble to the bathroom. The stark difference of the cold tiles on my feet makes me feel something—at least I know I’m not dead. I take a moment to splash cold water on my face to help soothe my swollen red eyes. The face looking back at me in the mirror is still slightly bruised from the beating Jason gave me. My eyes are vacant and dull, and my hair is a tangled, oily mess.
I look terrible.
But I don’t care.
I don’t care about anything.
I haven’t spoken to Aiden since I gave him his engagement ring back, leaving him on his knees at the apartment. After the tenth call from him, I turned my phone off.
It’s all I can do to not think about him. I’m already fucked up and thoughts of him just make me feel worse.
I miss him.
I do.
If I saw him, it would be too much.
My head is doing me in.
I’m not strong enough.
The thought of having to feel anything at the moment scares me to death. So, here I am, hiding in the bathroom at Sarah’s. It’s too much sometimes to see and hear her with Chris, but at least I don’t have to face Aiden or the apartment that holds my haunted memories.
Drying my face, I walk to the dining room where Sarah and Chris are eating lunch. They glance at me, then quickly turn away. I don’t think they know what to say. I don’t blame them, though.
Pouring myself a glass of water, I then shuffle to the living room and wrap myself in the brown fleece blanket that is draped over the suede loveseat. I sink into the soft cushions, and sip on my glass of water, staring blankly out the window.
It’s dark and dreary—the only light is from the occasional flash of lightning. Ominous black clouds roll above as a chilling wind howls through the rain that’s pouring heavily on the ground—it’s perfectly fitting for how I’m feeling.
Sarah’s sudden hand on my leg combined with a crack of thunder, startles me, pulling me out of my thoughts. Turning my attention to her, I see the concern in her eyes, but she doesn’t say anything. That’s one of the many things I love about her. She can simply be here for me, no words needed.
“I didn’t think being without Aiden would hurt this much,” I mumble under my breath as another roar of thunder cracks above the house.
She wraps her arm around me. “Jeni, sweetie, if being without him hurts this much, then maybe, if you search deep down, you know this isn’t right.”
“I know what you’re saying is true, but I can’t be with him. I can’t. I just…” My eyes flood with tears again, and my bottom lip trembles.
“Okay. Jeni, it’s all right.” She strokes my hair.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur.
“What for?”
“For being like this. I can’t seem to shake this overwhelming feeling of dread.”
She looks at me sympathetically. “Sweetie,
take as much time as you need. You know Chris and I are here to support you, no matter what. We love you.” Sarah holds me while I continue to cry on her shoulder.
Sarah’s been such a great friend to me over the past week, staying with me the nights I cry myself to sleep, bringing me food, even though I hardly eat, not to mention all the times she has spent just lying next to me on the bed for comfort. Poor Chris is probably sick of me occupying her time, taking her away from him. I absolutely hate myself for everything right now.
Suddenly, the landline rings, which is rare, making Sarah and I jump as we look over at the phone.
Chris stands, walks over, and hoists it to his ear. “Hello…
“Hey, dude, how are you?” His voice is tense.
“Yeah, guessed as much.” Chris runs his hand through his hair.
“She… um… she’s not good.” He looks down at me, assessing my mood, and I know immediately it’s Aiden. My heart skips a beat.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not yet, anyway…” He pauses for a moment. “I know, man, she’s miserable, too.” Still looking at me, his brows crease, and a frown appears on his face. I swallow hard, knowing they’re talking about me. I want to hear Aiden’s voice, but at the same time, I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole—take me away from this misery I am feeling.
“To be honest, I don’t know. She’s pretty wrecked.” Chris tries to keep his voice low, but I hear everything as he turns his back to me while talking quietly. “Yeah, I will. Take care of yourself. You have my phone number if you need to talk. Anytime, man.”
“Yeah, I’ll tell her.” He exhales. “All right, see ya.” He hangs the phone up on the wall.
Sarah gazes at Chris while I sigh, staring into space, feeling nothing but numb. For some reason, I feel guilty knowing Aiden was right there within reach, yet I didn’t attempt to talk to him.
I’m conflicted.
Am I stupid?
I miss him so much, yet I can’t bring myself to talk to him.
I know if I do, I’ll want to fall straight back into his arms, knowing I can’t.
I’m too much of a mess.
My head doesn’t feel right.
“Jeni,” Chris says cautiously, making me look over at him. “That was Aiden. He said…” Chris chooses his words carefully, “… he said to tell you that he loves and misses you.”
I stare blankly.
Sarah pulls my face with her hands, so I look directly at her. I flinch because it hurts my fractured eye socket. “Jeni, this is ridiculous! You love him. He loves you. What’s the damn issue?”
“Sarah!” Chris yells.
“No, Chris, don’t chastise me. Jeni needs to wake up. This is craziness. Why on earth are you avoiding him?”
I shake my head. “Because he wasn’t… he wasn’t there,” I say quietly, knowing it’s not logical.
She furrows her brows in confusion. “Wasn’t where, Jeni?”
“He left… left our apartment. Then Jason did… well, this.” I point to my face.
She cocks her head to the side. “So, how exactly was Aiden supposed to know that stupid, pathetic son of a bitch, Jason, would do this to you? How is this Aiden’s fault? Explain it to me, Jeni? Because you’re acting seriously deranged right now,” Sarah yells, clearly frustrated.
Sarah doesn’t get it, so I glare at her. “It. Just. Is!” My frustration is showing again because my mind and heart are at odds with each other right now.
Flying up from the seat, I storm to my room. Quite fittingly, another clap of thunder sounds. Slumping on my bed, I curl up into a ball in an attempt to hold myself together before I truly fall apart.
I fear if I let go, if I give in, it will break me permanently.
A firm knock taps at my door. “Jeni?” I hear Chris ask.
Even though I want to ignore him, I know I need to talk to someone. “Come in,” I tell him as I sit up on my bed. He walks in, then cautiously edges down on the mattress which dips beneath his weight.
“Jeni, I know you blame Aiden for what happened, and I see where you’re coming from, but don’t you think you should at least talk to him? You owe him that much... I’ll come with you, if you feel uncomfortable going on your own. I think he needs to see and hear from you personally whether or not you want your relationship to be over.”
Chris is making sense, and his offer of going with me is tempting. “I know. I want to see him, but I’m afraid if I do, I’ll give in and go running back into his arms.”
Chris raises an eyebrow. “Is that such a bad thing?”
“Yes! Aiden left me vulnerable. If he hadn’t left, then I wouldn’t be here now, miserable and unhappy. I trusted him, Chris, I trusted Aiden to keep me safe. He promised me… he promised he would keep me safe.”
Chris shakes his head, and I know what he’s thinking. Even to me it sounds, as Sarah so eloquently put it, deranged. But I have no idea how to change these feelings rolling around inside my mind. How do you shift something so ingrained in you, even though you know it’s completely irrational?
“Jeni, I really think you need to talk this out with Aiden. He deserves that much.”
I swallow hard because I know Chris is right.
Aiden does deserve that much from me.
“Okay,” I reply hesitantly.
He half smiles. “Good. When would you like to go?”
My heart is saying now, right now, but my mind says never.
“I’ll get dressed. Can we go now?” I plead.
Chris nods his head. “Of course, Jeni, I’m here for the both of you.” Chris leans in and caresses my shoulder in a comforting way, and for some reason which I can’t explain, Chris is the only man who can come near me. I manage a half smile, and he stands, leaving my bedroom for me to change.
Finding my comfy gray sweatpants and pink sweater, I get dressed and put on some sneakers before walking to the dining room. I have so many mixed emotions. Finally seeing Aiden fills me with anxiousness. In a way, I feel like my soul’s been dying without him. But I’m terrified. Going back to that apartment, where this mess started, has me scared out of my mind.
Maybe he can bring me back to life? I quickly squash that thought. I can’t seem to get past the fact he wasn’t there, and even to me that thought sounds strange. Why is my mind being like this? Why am I torturing myself? Deep down I know this has to be some form of Post-traumatic stress disorder. Maybe I’m projecting, putting my anger about Jason onto Aiden. I’m probably going insane, or worse, I’ve become some demented fool who belongs in an institution.
But for some reason, the way I’m looking at it, it’s the only thing making sense in my mind.
Aiden was supposed to be in the apartment.
Aiden left.
Jason came in.
Jason hurt me.
That’s the only scenario running through my mind, and I can’t get past that endless cycling loop.
Chris places his hand on my lower back, and we rush to his car, getting soaked in the process. Chris keeps peering over at me while he drives, his concern for me is warranted. I know I’m not in a good headspace. I know I’m not thinking clearly. But what can I do about it?
Maybe seeing Aiden and talking to him will change things. Maybe Aiden can help me understand why I’m thinking this way? I don’t want to be like this anymore. I love Aiden, and that will never change.
Pulling into the parking garage, I muster all the energy I have to steady my nerves, or at least, make an effort to do so as Chris gets out of the car. Taking deep, calming breaths, I watch as he walks around to my door where he takes my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. Stepping to the elevator, the panic flooding my veins suddenly overwhelms me.
I turn to Chris shaking my head adamantly. “I can’t do this,” I blurt out, pulling out of his grip and backing toward the car.
“Jeni. Stop!” Chris urges. He takes hold of my arm at the elbow and halts me in my tracks. “Jeni, listen to me… you need to
see him. Tell him how you feel, and then you can either move on or start to work things out. He deserves to know either way. It’s the right thing to do for you and for Aiden.”
Despite feeling like my heart is ready to burst, I know Chris is right. With a deep sigh, I gather any remaining courage and walk with Chris back to the elevator. Stepping in, I use my key card, and he lets go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly to him for support. It’s in this moment I realize how lucky I am to have Chris in my life. Typically, Sarah is the one to help ground me, but right now, she doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from. Hell, I don’t even understand half of it. But Chris, he’s here, not judging, just pushing for what I know needs to be done no matter how hard it is.
He’s like the brother I never had.
I’m grateful because he seems to be the key to keeping me together—my safe place.
“Remember, I’m right here beside you.”
I nod even though my brain is in overdrive. All I can focus on is keeping it together. As we near the apartment, my heart feels like it’s going to burst, and I realize something. This place, the energy tied to it with the recent events all boils down to the loss of something that was so incredibly amazing and with it, the trust and love that was once shared here.
The elevator stops, and so does my heart.
The doors open to a quiet and dark apartment.
Confusion rattles through my mind as we walk into the living room. Chris has yet to release me, and I’m grateful. I think it might be the only thing keeping me together right now. The lights are off, but through the windows, I see Aiden sitting on the balcony with his back facing us.
My breath catches at the sight of him.
There’s a nearly empty whisky bottle on the table and a small glass in his hand. He has a blanket wrapped around him. His hair is disheveled and not in a good way.
Chris starts to walk toward the balcony, taking me with him.
The thought of Aiden turning around and seeing me like this has me wanting to run. “I can’t,” I whisper as fear grips me.