by K E Osborn
“Um… that will be two hundred dollars and sixty cents. T-Thanks,” his voice breaking slightly.
“Fuck. See, I don’t even know if I’m pregnant yet, and this baby is already costing me a small fortune,” she whines, handing over her card.
“Good luck, miss,” the teenage clerk says.
Her head slowly turns back to him as she gives him an almighty death glare. “Good luck? Seriously? Go fuck yourself,” Sarah sneers as she storms off.
“Sarah! She didn’t mean that. Sorry, she’s hormonal,” I say as I race after her. She stomps outside, leaving me to catch up. “That was rude.”
“Good luck? Who says good luck to someone who might be pregnant? What a douche bandit.”
I chuckle. “Douche bandit? That’s a new one… he was only trying to be nice,” I try to comfort her as I unlock the car.
“Well, he can be nice to someone who isn’t knocked up and going to have their boyfriend walk out on them.” She folds her arms over her chest with a huff, slumping into the passenger seat.
I raise an eyebrow at her. “Are you kidding me? Chris would never walk out on you if you’re pregnant. He’s not the type, Sarah. Remember, he loves you. And let’s not worry about it until we have the results.”
Sarah brings her legs up to her chest and holds on to her knees all the way home.
When we make our way inside, I empty the bag. “Okay, do you want one with a line or a smiley face, or one with a negative or positive sign?”
She frowns at me. “Open them all,” she says.
I undo the packages until ten test sticks are sitting on the counter.
“Okay, let’s go. Grab them all and follow me,” Sarah instructs, walking toward the downstairs bathroom.
My eyes widen, knowing she means business. I pick up all the tests and follow her in. She takes a seat on the toilet and holds out her hand.
“Okay, I’m not sure I can stop midstream, so you’ll have to pass them to me one by one, and I’ll pee on all of them. You ready?” Sarah asks, making me giggle. “Jeni, are you ready?” she asks again.
“Don’t you want a bit of privacy to um… pee? Do you really want me in here watching you?” I ask as she slumps her shoulders.
“I am not doing this on my own. So, whether you like it or not, you’re going to watch me pee, and you will enjoy it. Now, hand me a stick,” she says with finality.
I take the cap off the pregnancy test and hand it to her. She exhales and takes the stick forcing it between her legs. I hear the trickle and inwardly shudder.
This is so weird.
“Next stick,” she blurts out, waving around her free hand. I hand her the next test. She pulls the first test out and places it on the vanity beside her, then puts the next one in mid-stream.
“Next,” she instructs, and I hand it to her.
Somehow, don’t ask me where all the pee came from, but we manage to repeat this nine times, until the last stick is in her hand.
“C’mon, just a little more, bladder. Jeni, squeeze my guts,” she commands, making me full-on belly laugh.
“No way, squeeze your own guts.”
She clenches and somehow gets enough for the final test while I sit on the edge of the bathtub trying not to laugh at all the tests lined up on the counter.
“Jeni, you’re such a girl,” she jests as she flushes the toilet. “Okay, now what?” she asks.
“Now… we wait three minutes.”
“Let’s take them all out to the kitchen, and we can lay them next to each other.”
Sarah grabs all the sticks, and I follow her to the kitchen where she places them on the counter and stands back staring.
“Sarah, watching them won’t make them turn any quicker,” I say, pulling her from the counter and walking with her out to the deck. We take a seat on the cushions, her leg agitates up and down as she’s fiddles her fingers together.
“What am I going to do if I am, Jeni?” she asks so quietly I can barely hear her.
“Well, that’s something you and Chris will have to discuss. Have you ever talked about having kids?”
She opens her eyes wide. “Are you kidding me? We only just said ‘I love you’ to each other not that long ago. Remember? He’s going to bolt. Shit! Fuck! Ass! Balls! I’m going to be a single mother for sure. Fuckity, fuck, fuck!”
“Hey! It’s going to be all right. Chris doesn’t want anyone but you. You’re it for him. You have to believe that. And if you’re pregnant, I know he’ll be thrilled about it. Just think about what a great dad he’ll be.”
She half smiles. “Chris as a dad. Yeah, I can see him now with his little princess up on his shoulders walking her around and having his face painted along with hers at the fair. He’s going to love her so much.”
“Her?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
She nods adamantly. “Absolutely. If I’m pregnant, I’m not having a boy. No way. If it’s a boy, he can go back in. I don’t understand boys at all. No, she has to be a girl.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Okay, she’s a girl,” I say, and look down at my watch. “See, it won’t be that bad if you’re pregnant now, will it?”
She shrugs. “I guess not. It’ll be kinda cool having a little girl that I can dress up and play with.”
“She’s not a doll, Sarah,” I say, laughing. “Time’s up. Are you ready to find out?”
She tenses. “No,” she replies honestly.
“Do you want me to look?”
She shakes her head. “Nope,” she repeats, making me laugh.
“Well, one of us has to look,” I say, standing and taking her with me.
“We’ll do this together,” she says. Her whole body’s shaking through my hand as I walk with her over to the kitchen counter.
We look down at the tests in front of us.
They’re all displaying the exact same thing.
“Smiley faces… oh, thank God! They’re happy ‘cause I’m not pregnant, right?” she asks as I bite my bottom lip. She studies the other tests, and I let her absorb all the information she’s being shown.
“Two lines? What does that mean? Wait, I thought positive means yes? What the hell?”
I hold onto her hand tighter.
“Oh fuck, shit, tittie fucking, fuck… oh God, I think I’m gonna pass out.” Sarah’s face turns ghostly white. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and lead her to the outside sofa by the pool.
“It’s all right. C’mon, let’s sit down.”
Sarah’s pregnant.
“Jeni, I’m freaking the fuck out.”
“I know, Sez, but it’ll be okay. I’m here and so is Aiden, and, of course, Chris. We’ll all help you, no matter what. And think about Trish, she’s been at you for years to give her a grandchild. She’ll be thrilled.”
“Fuck Mom and what she wants. Is this what I want?” she asks.
I shrug while tilting my head. “I don’t know, hon. Only you can answer that question.”
She huffs. “Chris is going to hate me.”
“Sarah, Chris will not hate you. Don’t freak out until you know how he feels. They should be home any minute, so you won’t have to wait long to tell him.”
Suddenly, I hear the front door shut, and Aiden and Chris laughing as they walk inside. Sarah looks at me wide-eyed, and I quickly jump up from the sofa and run to the kitchen only to be met by two burly males looking as white as sheets. They’re both staring at the masses of positive pregnancy tests sprawled out over the kitchen counter.
“Sooo not it,” Chris jokes, punching Aiden in the arm.
Aiden looks at me, and I swear I see him stop breathing.
“Great, just great,” Sarah yells and throws her arms in the air.
Chris stops joking around and looks at her. “Oh s-shit,” he stammers, looking at Sarah who’s tearing up.
Aiden glances over at Chris, whose eyes are now wide with shock. Chris picks up one of the tests and stares at it. He swallows hard and places it back down on the cou
nter like it’s burning his fingers.
“Who?” Chris asks quietly.
Sarah lets out a quiet sob, and he knows instantly.
“Babe, are these yours?” Chris asks and takes a step toward her. She can’t even look at him. Sarah, who’s normally so loud and boisterous, actually looks terrified. “Holy shit,” Chris murmurs.
Sarah nods her head as tears freefall down her face. “I’m sorry, Chris. I understand if you want to leave me. I had no idea, I swear.” Sarah cries, almost blubbering now.
Chris takes another step toward her, and Aiden looks directly at me. I bite my bottom lip as the tension reaches critical level. Suddenly, Chris starts laughing, shocking us all. We look at him, and he has the biggest smile beaming across his face. “Are you serious? Babe, don’t be sorry. Is this really happening?” he gushes as Sarah looks at him, raising an eyebrow. She nods, and he smiles at her so brightly, it lights up the entire room.
I can’t help but smile along with him.
“I’m gonna be a dad!” he booms loudly. Then he moves in, swooping Sarah up into his arms and twirls her around in a circle. She squeals, and he kisses her passionately. I watch my best friends sharing their happiness together right in front of us.
Aiden walks over to me and takes my hand, entwining our fingers. He then softly kisses my forehead.
Chris gently lowers Sarah to the floor. “You’re gonna be a great dad,” Sarah mumbles through her tears, and finally her face lights up with a smile.
Chris laughs and holds onto her tightly. “I can’t believe it. I’m so happy right now. Aiden, dude, I’m gonna be a dad,” he reiterates, swaying Sarah in his arms.
“Congratulations, man,” Aiden chimes, walking us over to them and shaking his hand. Chris and Sarah put out their arms and hug us both.
“Group hug,” Chris calls out. Aiden slaps him on the back, and I hug Sarah tightly.
“Are you okay?” I whisper to her. She looks at me, nods her head, and finally, I see happiness on her face rather than fear.
“I’m so happy right now. I think this might just be the best day of my life. Sarah, you better be making me a son in there,” Chris says, rubbing her belly.
She scoffs, shaking her head. “Um… what? I don’t think so. It’s a girl or nothing, babe.”
Chris holds his hands up in the air. “Okay, hold up. Nuh-uh. It’s got to be a boy. Well, for our first one, anyway, and then you can have a girl. Always good that the big brother can look out for his sisters.”
Sarah’s eyes widen. “Wait, you want more than one?”
Aiden looks down at me and gestures with his head for us to leave. We slowly walk off to let them have some alone time together.
“Hell, yeah, I want a whole Starke tribe,” Chris says, making Sarah laugh.
“You’re calling our kids a tribe? What are they? Pygmies from an isolated rainforest village.”
Aiden and I chuckle as we walk out to the deck and sit by the pool.
“Wow,” Aiden says.
“I know. You should have seen Sarah freaking out. She thought Chris was going to leave her.”
Aiden shakes his head. “He wouldn’t do that. He’s too in love with her. It’s so weird because we were talking about children today, and how much we both want them. The world works in mysterious ways.”
“Tell me about it. You know Sarah made me stand in the bathroom and hand her pregnancy tests to pee on. I’ll never get the image of Sarah on the toilet out of my head,” I jest.
Aiden chuckles. “I’m so happy for them.”
“I know. Me, too. I can’t wait until we’re married and can make babies.”
He raises his eyebrows insinuatingly. “Well, I think we need to get a lot of practice in beforehand to make sure we’re doing it right. In fact, I think we should start practicing as soon as they leave,” he says, leaning over to kiss me passionately.
I couldn’t agree more!
The next evening, we get a call from Chris, invited us over for some surprise. We get ready, and we head straight over.
Arriving, we let ourselves in and walk down the hall to the kitchen. There are bouquets of red roses everywhere—and I mean everywhere—it’s like a garden in here. When we finally find Chris, he’s in the living room, pacing. I look up at Aiden in confusion, but it seems he’s just as confused as I am because his only reaction is to shrug.
“Hey, Chris,” I say, gaining his attention.
His eyes shoot toward me, and he exhales. “Quick, Sarah will be home soon.” He ushers us into the living room. Aiden and I chuckle. He fusses over a vase of flowers, rearranging them as he keeps looking at the clock on the wall. Chris really does seem out of sorts.
“What’s with the flowers, dude? You trying to outdo me or something?” Aiden asks with a smirk.
“Well, you set the standard pretty high, you asshole. These freaking flowers cost me nearly a whole month’s wage,” Chris says with a chuckle.
“Sarah’s going to love them. I know she’ll feel special after seeing the trouble you went to, to surprise her like this.”
“She better, the surprise is what’s in my pocket,” he says, making me laugh at his innuendo joke. We hear the front door open and the sound of high heels clicking on the floor.
“Oh fuck,” Chris says. His face paling instantly.
What the hell is wrong with him?
Suddenly, he falls to the floor on his knees and grabs a single rose from the bouquet in the vase on the floor next to him.
“Dude, are you okay?” Aiden asks.
“Shut up,” Chris jabs, sounding panicked.
Aiden looks at me with a smirk, and I shrug.
Sarah walks in and stops dead in her tracks when she sees all the flowers. She places her bag on the kitchen table and looks down at Chris who’s kneeling on the floor with the rose between his teeth. She laughs and walks over to us. “Chris, what are you doing on the floor?”
Oh my God, he’s proposing!
A wave of excitement flows over me as I’m overwhelmingly happy for my best friends.
“And what’s with all the flowers, Aiden?” she asks as she glides her fingers over the top of some of the roses.
“Not me this time, Sarah. This was all Chris,” Aiden says.
Chris glares at Aiden. “See, dude, I told you. You set a high standard.”
“Wait! These are all from you, Chris? For me? Who are you and what have you done with my Chris Starke?” Sarah asks, patting him on the head with the rosebud she picked out of one of the vases.
“Okay, everyone shut up. I’m trying to do something here,” Chris berates, making us all laugh. “It’s not funny. This is a serious moment. Sarah, babe… I love you and I have for… well, ever. You’re having our child, and I can’t wait for him to arrive.”
“You mean her?” Sarah corrects as he takes her hand in his.
He exhales and shakes his head. “Whatever! Don’t distract me. I wanna do this right,” he states.
“Yeah, what the fuck exactly are you doing?” Sarah asks.
Chris fumbles around in his pocket and pulls out a small ring box. Sarah’s eyes widen so big I think they may fall out of her head.
“Oh my God, Chris,” Sarah gasps.
Aiden entwines his fingers with mine, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
“Dude, one knee, not two,” Aiden leans in and says quietly, making Sarah and me giggle.
“Oh fuck. Thanks, man!” Chris adjusts his left leg.
Sarah’s biting her bottom lip, and I’m pretty sure she’s shaking.
“Sarah Carlisle, will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me? Please say yes, this ring cost a fortune,” Chris teases, making us all laugh.
A tear runs down Sarah’s face, and Chris opens the ring box. Sarah’s eyes take in the gorgeous ring in front of her, and I think she stops breathing for just a moment. She stands there in silence just looking down at the ring.
Chris pulls it from the box, takes her left h
and, and slides it on her finger.
She holds it up and looks at the diamond sparkling in the light. “Holy shit, it’s so pretty,” she says, staring at the ring in a daze.
Chris coughs trying to gain her attention. “Um… Sarah, I’m dying here, babe. Plus, my knee is aching from the hard floor. Can you put me out of my misery?” Chris laughs as do we.
She looks at him, grabs the collar of his shirt and pulls him from the floor. He stands in front of her, and she leans in, kissing him with such passion, I feel like I should look away.
Aiden kisses my head and wraps his arm around my shoulder.
“Ahhh…” Sarah suddenly screams while she bounces up and down turning in circles. “I’m so freakin’ excited.”
“Seriously?” Chris asks.
“Yes, seriously. Aren’t you excited?”
“I would be if I knew whether you wanted to marry me or not?” Chris jabs.
“Oh shit, sorry. Yes, of course, I’ll marry you, babe. A million times, yes…” Sarah beams, and Chris exhales loudly, then scoops her up in his arms and twirls her around in a circle again. Sarah giggles like a schoolgirl, and when he places her back to the floor, she jumps up and down.
“Ahhh… Jeni, we’re both getting married,” she shouts, running over to me to show off her engagement ring.
Chris did good—it’s a round diamond set in platinum with smaller diamonds running around the band.
Aiden slaps Chris on the back. “Well done, bro. That was almost as good as mine,” Aiden says, making Chris laugh.
“Yeah, you prick,” Chris replies.
“Congrats! Really, man, you did a great job,” Aiden says as Chris takes Sarah in his arms.
“God, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” Chris says.
Sarah and I both look at him furrowing our brows.
Sarah huffs. “Well, you can have the ring back if it was so damn hard for you, you jerk.” Sarah scoffs, her eyes starting to water.
Chris shakes his head adamantly. “No, no... I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it was hard because I was so fucking nervous you’d say no, and I wanted it to be perfect for you. I wanted everything to be exactly right for you. I love you, Sarah, and I can’t wait for you to be my wife. In fact, I want to rush it forward and get married as quickly as possible,” Chris fixes his blunder, making Sarah smile.