She thought of Romy as she stroked her belly. She didn’t know if she’d be able to carry on living if anything had to happen to these babies. They had to survive, no matter what.
Her phone rang snapping her out of her daze. It was video call from Jake.
“Hey gorgeous,” she said. “You with Jamie?”
“Yes,” he gave her a sheepish laugh.
She smiled at him.
He was thinking about the present she had given him; she could see it in his eyes.
“I promise, I won’t do that to you again.”
“Oh fuck no, don’t go making shitty promises like that. I loved every moment of it. I just didn’t like saying goodbye.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just hard for me.”
“And you think it’s easy for me?”
“You go home to Jamie and your family, Jake, I have no one here.”
“Sweetheart, you are part of my family. It’s horrible. I want to rip myself in two and leave one half with you and another with Jamie.”
“I’m sorry.” She took a huge breath. “I’ll try to be good next time.”
“No, I like the naughty, slutty part of you.”
She giggled.
“Maybe Jamie and I should just move there until your training is over.”
“Over my dead body,” Amelia’s voice sang.
“Amelia, she’s our child not yours,” Jake snapped back and Holly giggled.
“That would be really nice. But Amelia would miss her too much.”
“I don’t give a shit,” he said on a laugh.
Amelia smacked him. “Hey Holly.” Her face appeared on the screen. “You’re doing great over there. You don’t need them.”
Holly laughed again as Jake glared at Amelia.
“Would you really do that?” Holly asked Jake.
She heard Amelia whining in the background.
Jake shook his head. “Amelia, could you give us a moment?” He sounded agitated.
“Fine,” Holly heard her say in the background.
“In a heartbeat, baby.”
“What about Jamie? Don’t you think the move would disrupt her too much?”
“She will be with us, we will be a family. Don’t worry about Amelia, I know you are worrying about her.”
“Jake…”
“I hate leaving you, Holly. I can’t do that anymore.”
“If you think it’s for the best… I think it’s time to give Jamie the package.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, we’ve reached the twelve-week mark. It’s save.”
“Great. Let me go get her.”
He moved off screen, and she heard him calling to Jamie.
Then their faces appeared on the screen.
“Mommy!”
“Hey baby,” Holly answered. “Did Daddy give you my present?”
“Yes. What is it?”
“Open it.”
She opened her present and took out her shirt. She frowned at it, mouthing the words, then turned back to the screen.
“I’m going to be a sister?”
“Yeah, how do you feel about that?”
She could hear Amelia cheering in the background. “You are going to be the best biggest sister ever.” Her face appeared on Holly’s screen and she kissed Jamie on the cheek. “Congratulations.”
“When?” Jamie asked and Jake started to laugh.
“Mommy is still growing the baby inside her belly.”
“Your belly?”
“That’s where all babies grow, pumpkin.” Jake answered.
“How did the baby get into her belly?”
Amelia snorted.
“Oh yes please, daddy, why don’t you answer that one?” Holly teased and Jake blushed but tried to suppressed his smile.
“Well,” he cleared his throat. “Daddy loves Mommy so much and he gave her a tiny baby seed and that can grow in her belly. You used to be a tiny seed, too.”
“I’m not a seed.”
“We started out as seeds, pumpkin, and when the mommy takes it,” Jake explained.
“When the daddy forces it on the mommy,” Holly joked.
“It wasn’t forced,” Jake snapped and Amelia shook with silent laughter. “She grows it inside her belly. And after a very long time, a baby grows.”
“Or two,” Holly said.
“What?” they all said in unison.
“Don’t tell me you are surprised.”
“Twins again?” Jake hollered, which made Holly laughed.
He did a funny dance and Amelia slapped him.
“Two babies, like me and Romy?” Jamie asked.
“Yes, sweetheart, like you and Romy.”
“Is the one for Aunty Jamie too?”
“No, baby. No. Aunty Jamie has Romy to take care of.”
“So I’m going to have two babies.”
“Yes,” Holly laughed. The story about Jake and the little seed completely forgotten. “Are you happy, baby?”
“Yes.” She pumped her hands in the air and Jake and Amelia mimicked her.
“Okay, big sister. Mommy needs you to go and play so I can speak with Daddy.”
“Okay, love you, Mommy.” They both kissed the screen and she jumped off and went with Amelia.
“Twins again.” Jake grinned like an idiot as he sat in front of the screen.
“Yes, I only discovered it recently and had to let it sink in.”
“It’s not that horrible, Holly.”
“Jake, I can’t lose another child.”
“You won’t. I promise. Are you still drinking your shake?”
She nodded.
“I’m having twins!”
“I should’ve known as I’m carrying like an elephant.”
“Well, you are my elephant.”
“So sexy,” Holly joked and he laughed.
Their conversation drifted to Jake and Jamie’s visit, and he mentioned how Jane was driving him insane with wanting to see her daughter. He didn’t bring up Mara, which ate at Holly. Their therapy sessions were over, and he still hadn’t forgiven her. It was hard to accept that Jamie would never know her other grandmother—they kept to the story that Mara still had amnesia from the red part of the rainbow, not knowing who any of them were.
Gus was a different story though. They had reconciled and he forgave her for what she did to him, but he said that Jake was a different story. She had to receive his forgiveness and Gus refused to get in the middle of it.
Jake was mad at his father at first but came to his senses and put himself in his father’s shoes when Holly put herself in Mara’s place, wondering if Jake would forgive her.
He connected with that, even though he was adamant that Holly would never do anything as fucked up like that, but he could reason with it and talked to his father again.
They ended their call and Holly sank back into her bed. Just a few more weeks then she’d have her family with her.
She remembered the condition she was with Romy and Jamie at twenty weeks. She was almost there.
But the difference was that this time she knew there were two before the twenty-week mark.
She went to bed, but she couldn’t fall asleep.
Jake now knew that she was expecting twins, Jamie finally knew about the pregnancy. Everything seemed to be working out well, but something nagged at Holly. She knew it was about Mara.
She didn’t know what it was exactly, but Mara was missing out on so much, and it irked Holly.
She knew she shouldn’t feel any compassion toward her, but she couldn’t help it.
Sure, Mara had done something so fucked up, lied to everyone, but surely she could be forgiven. She made a stupid mistake and lied about it.
She guessed that the lying part was what Jake struggled with the most.
The mistake, he understood that, but lying for five years about it? He couldn’t accept it.
Another week passed, the season changing from fall to winter. Holly woke up with tears sting
ing her eyes. She missed Jamie. It felt wrong not having her with her. She should be spending every minute of the day reassuring Jamie that the new babies wouldn’t cause Holly to push her aside. She shouldn’t be alone, in her crappy apartment, with no one here with her.
Her stomach turned and she sprang from the bed a he stomach lurched, and made it to the bathroom just in time.
She hated morning sickness and hers never seem to disappear after the three month mark.
She took a shower afterward, just touching her belly that now resembled a melon.
She dressed as warmly as she could with her limited wardrobed, stepped into a pair of boots and pulled on her jacket as she grabbed her shake and headed out.
She drank it on the bus and it filled her stomach.
She felt slightly better as she walked into the hospital.
Inside it was warm and her cold bones started to return to normal.
She went to the lockers and put on her scrubs and white coat.
She’d need to get a new shirt soon, because her belly was taking up too much space.
She was sure that somewhere they had maternity scrubs and told her self to ask the staff manager for one.
Her morning routine started.
She was present at all the cases that were still admitted. Most of them just had surgery, some of them were ready to be released and others were going to be admitted for surgery later.
After her morning rounds, she had a quick breakfast in the cafeteria and had a few minutes to spare to go to the staff manager’s office to ask about the uniform.
She light-headed as she walked to the lower level and had to rest for her dizziness to calm down.
She opened the door in her drunkenness and then her feet just gave in
She hit the ground hard and the last thing she heard was footsteps running toward her.
When she opened her eyes she was on a bed again.
Bianca sat in a chair next to her.
She was hooked on a monitor that regulated her heart, the boys’ hearts and vital signs.
“They are fine, Holly, but you aren’t.”
“I don’t know what is wrong with me.”
“Gus and Jake are on their way.” She sighed. “I’m sorry, but I had to phone them.”
Holly nodded as tears filled her eyes. She hadn’t wanted Gus or Jake to find out about this, but Bianca was right. The boys inside her belly were relying on her so they could live, grow, survive.
She needed Gus to find out what the problem was.
“We need to draw blood. I’m not sure what’s wrong with you. As your gynecologist, I highly recommend that we do all the tests there is, not just for you, Holly, but for them too.”
“Don’t tell Jake that they’re boys. He really wants to wait.”
“I know. Now, you need rest. You are in no condition to get back on your feet to work. Once we can identify the problem, we’ll decide where to go from there.”
“Thank you, Bianca.”
“You’re welcome.”
She left and Holly burst into tears.
From the minute she’d discovered she was pregnant, she’d had a pit in her stomach. She’d chalked it up to her pregnancy brain, but here she was, lying in a hospital.
This was real. She should have trusted her gut.
But it was too late now. She only worried about her boys now. They needed to be okay.
She drifted away again only to wake up when Jake climbed on the bed with her and wrapped his arms around her.
“Sorry, baby.” His voice was filled with sadness.
“Just the place I need to be,” she croaked and snuggled deeper into him.
“Holly.” Gus’s voice was in the room too. She blinked to clear her bleary vision, and saw he was reading over her chart. “Why didn’t you phone the first time it happened?”
“This happened before?” Jake looked at his father and back to her.
“Because I didn’t think it was something to worry about.”
“Holly.” Jake sighed, exasperated and pushed himself upright. “This is not just you anymore. It’s us. You need to tell me about these things. How many times had this happened?”
“Just once. I said if it happened again, Bianca can phone you and she did. Please don’t be mad at me. I don’t feel well.” Her lower lip trembled.
“Baby, you need to let me in on these things. I can’t help you if you keep me in the dark. Dad, what the hell is wrong with her?”
Gus shook his head. “There’s nothing here, Jake. On the chart she looks great, ‘her blood pressure is a bit high, but not like last time. It’s manageable. Have they drawn blood?”
Holly nodded. “Bianca’s really worried, but she promised me she wouldn’t rest until she knew what was wrong.”
“I agree. We need to know what is causing this.”
Jake took her hand in his and kissed it.
“Where is Jamie?”
“With Amelia, which reminds me, I need to phone your mother. She’s losing her mind.”
He got up and went out of her room.
“I’m scared,” she whispered to Gus.
He came closer, looked at the monitor and back at her. “I’ll find the cause, Holly, and I promise you I will do whatever’s in my power to get you through this.”
She nodded as he bent down and kissed her on her forehead.
“Get some rest. We’re not going anywhere.”
She closed her eyes and fell asleep again.
* * *
Holly was so sick of tests. After the first day, she was properly admitted into the hospital, and she felt like a pincushion from the amount of blood they’d drawn.
She was also sick and tired of her phone. Her mother, Amelia, Bernie and Rodney had all been phoning nonstop. She knew she had to appreciate their concern, but their kind words were grating on her. She just wanted to know what was wrong.
It all felt a bit too much like her last pregnancy, except her condition wasn’t the same, and Jake hadn’t been sitting in a chair next to her bed playing a game on his phone all those years ago.
His father was somewhere in the hospital, waiting on her blood results with Bianca.
She struggled to get comfortable, and gave up on trying to sleep when Bianca entered her room.
Jake slipped his phone into his pocket and Holly sat up straight.
Bianca looked perplexed and Holly’s worry increased. Her heart rate picked up, the monitor she was hooked up on beeping her concern through the room.
“What is it?” Jake asked as Gus walked in behind Bianca. “Dad?”
“We picked something up that doesn’t make sense, Jake, and Holly needs to go for scans.”
“Scans? Scans for what?”
“Jake, we don’t know. Please, let us do our job and then I’ll have more answers for you.”
He nodded.
He helped to push Holly’s bed out of the room and wheeled it with them to the next building.
When they entered the building, Holly froze when she saw Abigail.
The realization of what was wrong with her washed over her and tears flowed from eyes.
Abigail was an oncologist.
“No, please, not this,” Holly cried.
“What is it, baby?” Jake asked.
“Why is Abigail here, Bianca?” Holly asked. She didn’t know Abigail that well, but she was one of the top oncologists at this hospital.
“We have to turn over all the stones, Holly.”
She shook her head. “Jamie.”
“What about Jamie?”
“Not my daughter, my sister! Don’t lie to me. What is Abigail doing here?”
“Your blood showed a shortage of oxygen, I consulted her and she felt she had to be here.”
Holly shook her head.
“Holly, if there is cancer in your family—”
“Her twin.” Jake sounded so defeated that Holly barely recognized his voice.
“She died of cancer?” Bianca asked
and Holly nodded, tears streaming down her face.
“Let’s just get her tested,” Jake said firmly, taking control. “We will get through this. Just do the fucking test, Holly.”
She just stared at him. She didn’t have to do any test. She already knew the results. Her twin had died of cancer, and now it was going to take her too. What about her babies? She couldn’t let anything happen to her babies
They pushed her into the room, and Holly recognized it as the same room where she’d found out she was carrying twins.
Had the cancer already been in her body then?
She’d known something was wrong. Why hadn’t she insisted to get tested for everything?
What if the cancer was incurable? She should have demanded tests earlier, then perhaps they could have caught it.
If only she hadn’t been so stubborn. If only she hadn’t chalked it all up to paranoia.
She closed her eyes as Abigail worked on her. The woman was silent, there was no gasping or hitching of breath. She showed no emotion at all.
Holly’s mind was quite the opposite.
She went back to when she was almost fifteen. When Jamie’s cancer came back.
It was a very dark time in her life.
She missed her sister and wish that she was here right now holding her hand, but she wasn’t.
She would never be here holding her hand because of fucking cancer.
She’d fought so hard and Holly had fought with her. But at the end, Jamie had been taken from her.
Abigail tapped Holly on the shoulder and she opened her eyes.
Tears still blurred her sight.
“You can get off the bed now.”
She looked at Abigail. Waiting for anything to come out of her mouth. “Just tell me.”
“I found something on your kidney. It’s hard to tell as you are pregnant but we have to do a biopsy. I need to speak to Bianca so she can assist me.”
“Please ask Gus.”
“Holly, it’s against protocol.”
“The Peters’ are not normal doctors. He is the babies best chance and Bianca would agree. Please.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
She climbed off the table and onto the wheel chair.
Jake and Gus was waiting in the room for her. Jake helped her on the bed and she just lay down as tears still blocked her sight.
“Gus,” Abigail said. “Can I see you and Bianca, please?”
Endless Love: The 4Ever series #3 Page 11