by Vera Quinn
Chapter Five
I’m sitting at my OB/GYN’s office for my yearly and I’m nervous. I felt a lump the first night Mateo and I were together. It’s been three days, and he’s been there every night with me. I love having someone to come home to and share my day with. I talked to my mom the next day about switching my major. She thinks that I need to focus on dance.
“Ginger, how are you doing?” the doctor asks.
“I’m a little bit nervous. I found a lump in my right breast and then I noticed a change in the shape of them. I might be scaring myself into thinking the worst.”
“Why don’t you lie down and let me check it out. When did you notice the lump?”
“Three days ago, and it’s hard. I think it’s grown a little bit, but I can’t be sure if I’m making that up in my head.” The doctor moves the gown to reveal one of my breasts. She tells me to put my arm behind my head. She starts to do the exam of moving her hands in a circular motion all around my breast. She switches to the other side.
“Okay, you can sit up. I’d like to send you to get a mammogram. I did find two lumps on your right breast. I don’t know if it’s something to be concerned about, but I want to be safe rather than sorry. I’m overly cautious especially with someone so young. Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
“Birth control.” Now that I’m sexually active with Mateo, I need to protect myself in addition to condoms. The doctor went over the options and we agreed on the IUD. We scheduled everything and the day before the dance recital is my mammogram.
After my appointment, I decided to blow off school and go visit my mom and Aunt Ethel.
“Hi, Aunt Ethel.” I touch her shoulder so she can look at me. Ever since she had her stroke, she’s been quiet. The doctor thinks it affected her brain more than what the tests revealed. I’ve been reading her Jane Austen novels when I go to see her. The CNA tells me that Aunt Ethel always seems more relaxed after a visit with me.
I couldn’t see my mom because she was having a bad day. She was combative. I went to the park to walk around and clear my head. The dance recital is three days away, and that means the mammogram is in two days.
My phone starts to ring, and I see Mateo’s name flashing. I ignore it. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Mr. Morales has been allowing me to clean after my dance rehearsals. I need to work in the campus bookstore a few hours in the morning every day to make up my rent. It’s been a struggle since I started dancing again. There doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. What happens if I have breast cancer? Can I keep dancing? How is this going to affect my life? How drastically is it going to change? Will Mateo stick around, we’re a new couple? I have so many questions in my head that I start crying. I find a tree to sit down near. My phone rings again and it’s Mateo. I wipe the tears from my face.
“Hello?”
“Hey, I was just at the school to see if you wanted lunch and your friends told me that you had a doctor’s appointment. Are you okay?” No, I’m not okay but can I tell him?
“Not really but I’m going to be fine,” I tell him. I need to be honest with him.
“Where are you? I can get someone else to teach my class. I need to be with you.”
“Please don’t do that. I want to be by myself for a little bit. I’ll see you for our rehearsal.” I hang up the phone.
Our practice wasn’t very good. We were off sync with everything. When it ended, I told him that I needed to clean then go home to get some rest. He nodded and left me alone.
I got home and was locking up when there was a knock on my door. I open it and see Mateo standing there. He has Fireball, pizza, and a DVD.
“I don’t know what’s going on but you’re not going through this alone. So, we can get drunk, eat and watch a really bad chick flick.” I laugh through the tears. We sit down and have a conversation after doing a couple of shots. I tell him everything. “I’ll drive you to the mammogram and be with you after. Do you want to reschedule the dance recital?”
“That’s very sweet of you but I don’t think that you could do that on such short notice. The dance is something to look forward to. It’s one of the good things I have going on.”
“What else is a good thing in your life?” Mateo smirks. He’s fishing for a compliment. I laugh as I kiss him.
“I have this great boyfriend but—,” I start to say more but he interrupts.
“If you were about to break up with me because you might have breast cancer then you can shut up. Ginger, we’ve known each other for a long time but just recently reconnected. We have something special and a little thing called cancer won’t scare me away.”
“Mateo, I don’t expect you to stay. If it is cancer, I could lose my breasts, my hair, and get very sick.” I give him the facts, trying to get him to leave.
“Come on, let’s go to the bedroom and I’ll show you how much I care about you. I’m not leaving you. We will fight this together. Besides, we don’t have any answers now, just a lot of questions.” I try to argue with him. I need him more than anything right now. I let him lead me to my room. He removes my t-shirt; unbuttons my jeans and I shimmy out of them. I’m standing there with my black lace bra and light blue underwear. Mateo gets down on his knees as he rubs his hands up and down my legs. He kisses my inner thighs, then my pussy through the underwear.
“I want you to remove your underwear, then get into the bed.” I slide them off and get into the center of my bed. I spread my legs apart and Mateo climbs in between them lying on his stomach. His tongue is licking my pussy up and down while he slides one finger at a time inside me. I squirm as his tongue continues to flick my clit. Every time Mateo slides his fingers inside me, he slams them like it’s his cock. He makes me feel so good and it sends sensations down to my toes.
“Oh God, yes. Please don’t stop.” I play with his hair. I raise my hips to reach his mouth as he holds my ass up with his hands. He’s sliding his tongue in and out of me alternating between my pussy and clit. His hands are massaging my ass cheeks. Mateo concentrates on my clit, faster than earlier. I start to curl my toes and grab on to my sheet as I come screaming his name. I close my eyes and see stars. He cleans me up before coming to lie next to me. I’m on my side staring at him. I smile when he notices.
“I hope you know that I meant what I said. What time is your appointment? I want to go with you every time and I’m not taking no for an answer.” He stares at me.
“Okay. It’s eight-thirty in the morning. You don’t have to stay with me because I’ll be working on schoolwork and sleeping. They put my breasts into this can crusher. It’s not a biopsy or anything like that. I’ll be fine, but you can drive me if you want.”
“Good. See what happens when you agree with me,” he jokes.
“I’m still coming down from my orgasm. I’m in heaven right now so I’m not always going to be so agreeable.” He laughs.
“Now I know how to get what I want. I’ll keep giving you orgasms.” I roll my eyes at Mateo. We didn’t watch the movie, instead we fell asleep. He fixes me breakfast before I have to head off to the bookstore to work and then class.
“You know you don’t have to do this for me,” I tell him.
“I know but I was up early, and I don’t need to leave for the dance studio for a couple of hours. I like to cook.”
“Good because I can burn water.” I laugh as I eat the French toast. It’s so damn good. Once we finish breakfast, we move to the couch. I have about twenty minutes before I need to leave so we start kissing. I’m getting used to him being here all the time. I like it.
“Are you going to be okay to practice tonight?” he asks me.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? Now that you know about my tests and I feel better knowing that you know, we shouldn’t have any problems like last night,” I tell him. We walk out of the apartment together and go our separate ways for the day.
Chapter Six
Night of the dance recital
I’ve been helping Mateo with
his dance classes, getting the students ready for their performances before I begin to do the same. The mammogram hurt like hell and I have some bruising. I think the waiting part is the hardest part of all of this right now. Not knowing sucks.
The youngest dancers are my favorite to watch. The crowd loves it. The little girls and boys are rock stars.
I feel arms around my waist. “You look beautiful. Thank you for all your help,” Mateo whispers into my ear. I turn around in his arms, locking my hands around his neck.
“There is no place I’d rather be than right here with you.” I smile at him.
“My mom is recording our dance on my phone so we can show your mom.” I hug him even tighter and kiss him. I thank him repeatedly. He has one more class before our performance. I head over to the women’s locker room to get changed. I’m wearing a red two-piece sequined outfit. The top reminds me of a sports bra and the shorts are boy-short style but all in spandex. I put on the nude tights that make me look like I have a tan. My feet are in my black ballet slippers. Mateo is standing backstage all dressed. He’s hopping around on his feet. He’s nervous. I sneak up on him and can’t help but laugh when he grabs his chest.
“What are you trying to do?” Mateo gasps as I giggle.
“I couldn’t help it. You’re so nervous and jumpy. We’re going to be good,” I reassure him.
“Good? We need to be perfect. There are a lot of donors out there. It’s up to me to make sure this studio keeps running for years to come.”
“You are putting too much pressure on yourself. Go out there, have fun. It’s just you and me. No one else.” I kiss him and he kisses me back.
“Thank you.” They call our names and we make our way to the stage. The music starts, and we dance like our lives depend on it. We are better than in practice. I don’t know if it’s our connection, our relationship, or how nervous we are but it is perfect. Once the song and dance ends, I move off the stage while he does his speech. I stand in awe watching him talk about dance, his passion, and love for the students. He needs to stay after to talk to people, so I quietly slip out of the rented auditorium. I send him a text, telling him that I was sore and tired. I’m going home to get a bath and sleep since I didn’t sleep well last night. I don’t know if he’ll come over tonight, but if he doesn’t, I won’t be upset.
I’m relaxing in the bathtub when I hear my name being called from outside the door. It’s Mateo.
“Door’s not locked,” I yell. I wasn’t leaving my nice hot bathtub. Mateo kisses the top of my head. “You look exhausted.”
“I am. I’m glad that the showcase is over but now I’m having to scramble to get more teachers.”
“More teachers for the school?” I’m confused.
“Yeah, we got about fifty new students tonight. I could use you as a teacher.”
“I’m still in school,” I remind Mateo.
“You would make more money than cleaning. You can make your own schedule. In fact, there were a lot of parents asking what classes you taught.”
“Really? Why?” Mateo runs his thumb along with my hand.
“They thought you were wonderful with their children and the kids can’t stop talking about Ginger.” I smile. “Will you at least think about it?” I nod. He leans down to kiss me. “Thank you.”
“Are you staying the night, or do you need to get home?” Mateo strips down and comes into the tub with me. “I guess I have my answer.” I laugh. After we get out of the bathtub, I work on homework and Mateo works on dance studio stuff. His dad is giving him more responsibility to learn the business side of the studio. It’s nice that we can sit at the table and work in silence. We don’t have to be making out, or having sex all the time even though I do enjoy it. I like that we’re not all about the physical. I start to yawn and I’ll suddenly hit with how tired I am.
“I’m going to head to bed. I was too sore last night to sleep well.”
“I’m almost done. Do you mind if I come in later?” I kiss him good night.
I didn’t even feel him coming to bed last night, but I wake up to his side of the bed a mess and Mateo gone. I sigh.
My phone starts to ring and it’s the doctor’s office. It’s Saturday. I answer the phone. “Hello?” My voice is shaky.
“Is this Ginger Stickler?” my doctor asks. Why is the doctor calling me?
“Yes, it is. How are you, doctor?”
“I’m good. I have your test results. I waited for them to come in and wanted to look at them right away.”
“And?” I ask sitting up. My forehead is on my knees.
“I need to schedule you for a biopsy to test it for cancer. How soon do you want to get this scheduled?”
“Now.”
“Okay. Let me check the schedule. How does next Friday work?”
“I’ll take it.”
“Good. I’ll schedule you in for it. You’ll need someone to drive you and you’ll be on pain killers for the first day or two.” I sigh. Can I really ask Mateo to do this or should I schedule an Uber? I know that I can have a friend from school pick up the prescription for me.
“Thank you, Doctor. Will you be sending me information in the mail for the biopsy?”
“Yes. I’ll send it out today and you should have it early next week. If you have any questions, please feel free to call me or my nurse. I know this is going to be hard to do but don’t stress out and don’t Google anything because there’s a lot of information out there and everybody is different.” I hang up and start crying.
“Are you okay?” I jump at the sound of Mateo’s voice. “Oh my God. Are you crying? What’s the matter?” Mateo sets down a gym bag in my room and jumps onto the bed. I tell him about my phone call. He’s trying to reassure me that everything will be okay and that he’ll be there with me. I sniffle. I want to believe him, but I don’t know.
“What’s with the gym bag?” I point to the black bag on the floor.
“I woke up early this morning and went to my place to get some clothes for the weekend. I figured that I’m here for the weekend. I want to take you out on a date tonight. We’ve been dancing, rehearsing, and doing other things that it’s time we have a real first date. Before you open that beautiful mouth of yours, I planned this before your phone call.” He knows me so well.
“I’m in. Date night with my boyfriend would be perfect. I fell asleep thinking about the dance teacher gig, and I want to do it. Dance makes me feel alive. School doesn’t and I can easily switch online to finish my degree.” Mateo works on his studio work as I clean my apartment. It’s getting close to our date night, so we start to get ready. Mateo won’t tell me what we’re doing but he picked out what I’m wearing. It’s a red spaghetti-strap dress. It barely touches my knee. I ask him how he wants me to wear my hair. He likes it down with some curls.
I walk out of the bedroom and call out for Mateo but get no response. I try calling him, but he doesn’t answer. I sigh. What happened for him to change his mind? There’s a knock on the door and I answer it. Mateo is standing there with a single red rose.
“I’m picking you up for our date.” He smiles.
“Would you like to come in?”
“No, we have reservations,” he tells me and I ask where. “You’ll find out soon enough. No questions.”
Mateo and I arrive at our destination. It’s a riverboat dinner cruise. I’ve never been on one and I’m excited.
“Well did I do good?” Mateo teases me.
“Eh it’s alright,” I tease him back. “I can’t believe you remembered how much I love being on the water.”
“I remember when our moms would take us out to the pools all summer long. Your mom would threaten to take away dance to get you out of the pool.”
“She actually took it away for two days because I didn’t move fast enough for her. I knew she was serious then.” I laugh. The host seats us. I look around at the dining room and see about fifteen round tables, mostly couples here. The decorations are a lot of blue an
d white nautical themes like anchors, waves, and different things like that which are just beautiful. The candlelight on the table flickers against Mateo’s brown eyes. He’s so handsome. I could stare into his eyes for hours.
“The dinner is already picked for us. There’s also a band that we can dance to.” Mateo’s excitement about this date makes me smile.
“I love this and thank you so much.” I reach against the table to hold his hand. The server comes out and asks what we want to drink. Mateo orders champagne for us.
“You are welcome. This is about me too because I’ve always wanted to try it. It was on my bucket list.”
What is on my bucket list? If I have cancer, then I’m going to need to figure out what I want to do and see. The waitress brings out our waters and the salads. We eat in silence at first. “You okay? You look like you're thinking too hard on something that you shouldn’t be.” I give him a dirty look.
“I was thinking about a bucket list for me. There’s so much that I haven’t done because I’ve had to grow up quickly and start taking care of myself earlier than most kids. If I have cancer, I want to make sure that I live life to the fullest.”
“Stop thinking like that because we don’t know what’s going on but if even you don’t have cancer, we should be living our life to the fullest.”
“I know, but it’s hard not thinking about it all the time.” I’m being honest with him. He swallows hard. “If I have cancer, I don’t expect you to stick around and I won’t think less of you.”
“You trying to get rid of me?” Mateo sets his silverware down a little louder than he intended to do.
“It’s a new relationship. You didn’t sign up for all of this.” I motion around my breasts.
“I’ve known you for most of my life. We were friends long before we started dating. Yes, it’s been two weeks since we started dating but that doesn’t mean anything. Time doesn’t determine how you feel about someone.”
“Mateo,” I take a deep breath, “I’m sorry. I’m scared and have no family to be with me and take care of me.” Mateo moves his chair around the table to sit next to me.