“She wouldn’t even speak to us or come to the funeral,” Ever lamented.
“I wonder why?” Yeah, I was being a bit of an asshole, but still, I was tired of the way these people functioned. Their selfishness was what pushed Ever away from her family to begin with. The fact that she would behave in a manner even close to that astounded me. “I wouldn’t speak to a single one of you fuckers either had you treated me like the trash brought in clinging to your biker boy while she lie there trying to heal from having her baby sucked out of her fucking body. She had to call us! She had no one else close by then. I wonder what Toby would think? Gretchen should have had his family there wrapped around her, sharing y’all’s grief, and instead she had to call her coworkers.”
“You’re right, Kane.” Ever’s shoulders shook as she spoke. “I already know everything you’re saying, and I can’t go back and change anything. If that were possible, I’d try. I was so lost in my own guilt because I hadn’t fixed things with Toby yet, that I didn’t even think about Gretchen again until my dad got angry about her not showing up to his funeral. It never occurred to me that she wasn’t there. I know that makes me a horrible person, but you have to remember, we didn’t know until that day. They hid their relationship from me. You expected me to remember that they were together in my time of grief, but I only had about an hour to even digest that they were an item before I found out my brother was dead and I wasn’t going to get the chance to rebuild my relationship with him.”
“Ever, you don’t have to…” Zeke tried to tell her, but she didn’t allow him to finish giving her an out.
“No, I need him to know this. I would give anything to go back to that day and do things differently, because you are absolutely right. She deserved so much more than we gave her, and I have no doubt Toby is ashamed of all of us for forgetting about her.” She sighed. “When she’s ready, I’d really like the chance to offer a real apology to her for that.”
I simply nodded my head as Sully yelled out for me. “Yo, Kane! Your appointment is here.”
“I’ll let her know.” It was the best I could give her. I knew they’d spoken a few times since Anna was hanging out with Gretchen pretty regularly, but the tension was still palpable between the women. They needed to work that shit out, and I couldn’t keep being the go-between stopping that from happening. I knew that too. We were all guilty of perpetuating their hurt.
Chapter 12
Always There
Gretchen
Before I could even head downstairs, Zeke came up and knocked on my door. “Mind if I come in and talk for just a few?”
I wasn’t going to deny him entry. Despite the fact that he owned the place, he was always a really good friend. “Sorry for the drama I caused.” He swished my words away with the flick of a hand.
“Your response was understandable, Gretch. I actually came up here to let you know how Kane just let Ever have it.” That was a bit of a shocker. Kane always had a thing for her so I couldn’t really see him fussing at her about anything. He went on to give me a blow-by-blow rehashing of what went down between Ever and Kane downstairs.
“Good!” I finally told him.
“Really, Gretch? I thought you were better than that?”
“Better than what? The people who abandoned me?”
“Do you really see it like that? Do you think Toby saw it that way? Toby was the bright spot in their lives. They didn’t know about you until the accident. I know that’s a tough pill to swallow, but you and Toby created that outcome, not them. You expected them to remember a stranger in the midst of their grief?” He threw the words at me. “Don’t forget, I was there at the funeral when they wondered where you were. I remember you couldn’t be bothered to show up because you couldn’t stand to be around them. The blame doesn’t lie solely on the Brother’s family, as Kane just made it seem to Ever.”
“I wasn’t a stranger to her!” Gretchen shouted.
“No! You were the girl that proved the rift between her and her brother was never fixed, and couldn’t be.”
“What?”
“Seriously? I need to spell that shit out for you? You were here. You saw the devastation Ever carried with her day in and day out. Toby never tried to fix things with her. Maybe it’s because he felt too guilty about his own actions. Maybe it was because he was so far up your ass that he didn’t realize he needed to be spending time repairing his relationship with his sister, rather than keeping a secret from her that might ruin things between them further.
“You played your part in that. You kept that secret and kept his attention. I’m not deaf, and I know you aren’t either. You heard her complaining and crying in here about how Toby was never around or available. You heard her bemoaning the fact that she could never repair their relationship because he was always off on secret business. Except, you also knew there wasn’t any secret business. It was a secret relationship that cost her the ability to make amends with her brother and form a bond again. Then it was too late, and she realized you were the problem all along. You were the person lying to her. You were the person keeping her brother from her. You were the reason she never got to repair that relationship. You aren’t the only one who carried guilt, hurt, and anger away from that accident with you. The difference is, she still tried to do the right thing while you continued to push her away.
“Kane thought Ever needed a wakeup call. He’s too blinded by the feelings he has for you to see the other side of the bullshit he just heaped on her shoulders. I’m not wearing his shoes, I see things clearly from both sides. You have the right to grieve, Gretchen. You don’t have the right to blame people who weren’t responsible. You don’t have the right to make them the bad guys in your life because when they did try, you pushed and ran. That’s on you, not them.”
As Zeke was leaving the apartment, I heard voices outside on the landing. “That was a bit harsh, wasn’t it?”
“You think the way you approached Ever just now wasn’t? You thought Ever needed a wake-up call? Well, so did Gretchen. You’re not helping her by pandering to her misplaced anger, Kane, and I sure as fuck won’t let you make Ever her whipping girl. Pull your head out of your ass – or hers – whichever one you have it lodged in.”
Kane didn’t come back to my apartment after words were exchanged with Zeke. Instead, they both took off, and I was left to sit there and think about everything that had gone down. I knew he was right. Still, a small part of me remained giddy that Kane had chosen me to champion instead of Ever. The other part of me didn’t necessarily enjoy the fact that I got off on that a little bit. It wasn’t that I disliked Ever. All the shit she had been through made me hurt for her. The truth was, I’d spent so long being invisible to Kane because of his crush on her that it just felt nice to finally be the one who he finally saw. Maybe that made me a horrible person, but it had been a good long while since I felt the warmth that bloomed in my heart when he chose me, and I didn’t want to let go of the feeling just yet.
Chapter 13
As the Crow Flies
Kane
Crow moved in close to me where I was wiping down the bar in the clubhouse. The bastard tipped his glass over allowing the dregs of his drink to spill out all over the space I had just finished wiping up. He grinned at me, but it wasn’t a playful, ‘I’m hazing you,’ grin. No, this was a sadistic, ‘I’m coming for you’ type look.
“I’m surprised to see you here prospecting with the likes of us,” he finally said when I didn’t acknowledge his bullshit. We were the only two in the clubhouse since most of the members were on a run. It didn’t slip by me that he had been pushing a member of our Florida chapter out the door when I showed up. It seemed a strange time to be meeting with another club member when the rest of the guys were gone. Just another thing I was cataloging away.
I offered up a simple shrug of my shoulders in response to him. The man had been one of the main two men to cause Ever so much grief over the years, even before all the shit blew up wh
en she was a teenager. The other of the dynamic duo had disappeared before Toby died, and it had me curious if that was the reason T-Bone had possibly been targeted by a brother within the club.
Crow didn’t seem to want to take my silence for what it was. Instead, he kept running his mouth, trying to get me to throw him whatever bone he was searching for. “You seemed ready to take all of us out not too long ago. How did you go from that to prospecting? Better question, how did you become a prospect without a brotherhood vote?”
“That’s a question for your President, not me.”
“Too bad he ain’t here to answer and you are.”
I turned my full attention on him then. “If you were so concerned about me becoming a prospect without a vote, maybe you should have already taken that up with Merc. If you already did, and he told you not to worry about it, then I suggest you listen to your President.”
“You’re the prospect here! You don’t tell me what to do!”
“No, but I’m pretty sure your president does.”
“What? You gonna rat me out to him?”
I pointed to the eye in the sky that was always running in the clubhouse now since Toby’s death. “I don’t have to. You already did that for yourself.”
Crow laughed. “They aren’t on,” he stated with a certain amount of smugness that led me to believe he had purposely made sure they weren’t running. The thing that I knew, and he didn’t, was that there were other cameras running that didn’t feed into the club’s security center. They fed directly to Merc’s system, which he checked while he was away. I had to hand it to the man, you don’t suspect there’s a fox in the hen house and leave things to doubt. He had plans in place to make sure he was seeing the bigger picture. The fact that he had trusted me with that information was something I wasn’t going to divulge to my number one suspect. Crow was hiding something big even if it had nothing to do with T-Bone’s death.
It was a few days later when Merc came to see me at Permanent Marks. Normally, I might think it was odd that he came to me there, but considering the fact that he wasn’t sure who he could trust within his own club, I understood.
“Take it you saw the video, and the fact that the common feeds were cut for a while?”
He tipped his head in a nod. “Saw it all, even what you missed before you got there.”
“Anything worth noting about that?”
“Nah. They were already done talking shop by the time they were in audio range.” Merc sighed. “I know I can’t trust him, but I’m coming up short on why.”
“What now?”
“We’re looking at several properties down in the Jacksonville area. He’s headed that way, whether he wants to or not at this point.”
“Why keep him in the club if you suspect he had something to do with T-Bone?”
“No proof. I can’t bring it to the brothers without any. It could go one of two ways. Either they lynch the bastard only for us to find out it wasn’t him. Or they come for my head for putting a brother out on a limb with no proof he deserved to be there. If they oust me, others would follow, and the rotten dregs are what you’d have left running this chapter. I won’t see that happen. Besides, I need to know which other apples he’s spoiled along the way.” Merc glanced around the shop. It was quiet this time of day since it was still early. “Haven’t been here since Ever inked me up.”
“Thinking about more work?”
He shook his head. “I think the last thing I got inked spoke volumes about my life. Can’t imagine anything more important to put on my skin.”
“That’s a hell of a memory to be your last.”
“It is. It was a hell of a lesson to get through my thick skull too. I think the constant reminder will serve me well.” He knocked his knuckles against the countertop, and then tipped his head at me once more. “I’m heading home. My woman did not take too kindly to the fact that I up and left this morning after being gone most of the week.”
I laughed. “Better stop off for some baked goods and coffee to make amends.”
“Ah, I see you’re already prepared for when a good one manages to get you settled.” The door opened and Gretchen walked in then, taking all of my attention from Merc. I watched her as she took note of the two of us standing there talking. Then she moved to tuck her bag under the counter without saying a word. Merc had been watching me the whole time, seeing I couldn’t take my eyes off of the woman before us. “Maybe that’s already happened.”
“Not yet,” I informed him.
“Better know what you’re doing there,” he warned before leaving the shop. I knew exactly what I was doing. Waiting. It was all I had left. Waiting for Gretchen to be okay again, and for her to notice that I could make her happy again.
“What was that all about?” She finally asked after Merc was gone.
“Just some club business,” I managed to tell her.
“Did you find out who?” She didn’t need to finish that question. I knew what she was getting at.
I shook my head. “Not anything definitive, but there’s someone who has been acting too shady to ignore the possibilities.” Gretchen nodded her head at me in understanding. I moved closer and pulled her into a hug, feeling her warmth mingle with my own as we stood there in each other’s arms. Her small frame actually settled into my larger one as her arms wrapped around my waist.
“Thank you for trying to find out,” she whispered against my chest.
I rested my chin on top of her head of stick-straight blond hair. “Anything for you, G.”
Chapter 14
Baby Blues
Gretchen
Kane’s voice sent shivers down my spine, even as his body heat warmed me. “Anything for you, G.”
I’ve had to chide myself over the thoughts that run rampant whenever I saw him. It was too soon. What was the time limit on a person’s grief? When would it be okay to feel something for someone else again? Would I be betraying Toby if I did? These were the thoughts that plagued me as Kane held me tightly in his arms, as if he didn’t want to let go any more than I did. He had been a crush before Toby. Maybe that was why it was so easy to feel again when I was around him.
I backed away from Kane because I couldn’t allow myself to keep that connection any longer. Despite how right it felt to be held by him, the grief and guilt swept in anyway. I supposed that thought, in itself, was proof enough that I wasn’t ready to move forward with my life yet. At least, not that aspect of my life. Besides, there was the club to think about too. Could I get involved with a man who belonged to the same club Toby had? What if everything happened all over again?
“Gretchen?”
“Hmm?” I glanced up at Kane then and noted the worry lines deepening across his brow.
“You’re awful deep in thought over there. Anything you want to share?”
Just then, a couple giggling girls that looked to be just this side of their teens came barreling through the door. I was saved from having to voice my concerns. Not that I could have been honest about my resurgence of feelings toward Kane, but still.
“Hi, how can I help you?” I called out with obvious fake cheeriness.
“Um, how about he helps us instead?” The blonde of the two asked as she pointed a red talon toward Kane.
“How about you discuss things Gretchen first, and if she thinks you need me to work on you, then I will.” Kane dismissed her just like that as he headed toward his station near the back of the shop. The giddy feeling inside must have bloomed into a smile on my face because the girl turned to me with a determined scowl in place.
“No offense, but I don’t want you working on me.”
“None taken since I’m not a tattooist.” I pointed to the various books lying about on the shop tables in the lobby area. “Take a look at the books, and see which artist looks like they might be able to do the work you want. Once you decide that, I’ll set you up with a consultation appointment.”
“Consultation appointment?” The brunett
e asked. “We wanted to get some ink today.”
“Well, depending on whose style you like best, they might not be in. Depending on what type of work you want done, they might have to take some time to draw it out and get back to you about the concept you want.”
“I just wanted a freaking butterfly. It’s not that big a deal.”
“Honey, that butterfly will be on your skin forever. It is that big of a deal, and if you’re not going to take it seriously, then I can tell you now, none of the artists here will work on you.”
“What? Haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?” The blonde asked in a snotty voice.
“The customer is always right at Walmart. If that’s the attitude you want in an artist to have go there and see if they can help you.”
“Oh my God! I want to speak to the owner now!” The blonde shrieked.
“We’re getting new tattoos for free, on you.” The brunette smirked then turned to her friend. “Who the hell does she think she is?”
“She’s the gatekeeper,” Zeke told them. I hadn’t even noticed when he came in from the back. “That means she weeds out the people we probably don’t want to work on. That also means you two need to go somewhere else for your work.”
“I want to speak to the manager,” the blonde cried out as she posted up with her hip jutted out and one hand on her side while the other was pointing at Zeke.
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