Gimhana stepped into the reception room, just as Zack whirled round. It was a scene from his nightmares. There they were: Zack, Chaya and Nayana. In the same room. The worst possible combination of people.
Zack’s face paled. Nayana’s had gone bright red. Chaya merely looked confused. Had Nayana told them? Gimhana felt the world stand still.
‘Here’s your tea Mrs Herath,’ said the receptionist.
Zack turned his head. ‘Mrs?’ he said, faintly.
Chaya started to say something, but Zack was louder. ‘So that’s why. You. You… bastard!’ Zack drew in a shaky breath, released it with an ‘ugh!’ and marched out of the office.
For a few seconds, Gimhana didn’t know what to do. He looked at Chaya. She had gone very still. He knew that look. There would be trouble later.
And Zack. Zack was here. He was leaving. Emotions buffeted against each other. He was going to lose everything. What did he want? He could only salvage one relationship. Which was it to be?
‘Zack.’ He set off at a run. Outside, he looked down the street. Zack was already quite a way away. Gimhana ran after him.
‘Zack! Wait.’ All the running on the treadmill stood him in good stead. ‘Zack!’
He caught up with him just as he got to an underground station. He grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. ‘Please,’ he panted. ‘We need to talk.’
‘What is there to say?’ said Zack. ‘You lied to me.’ He turned to glare at Gim and his eyes were full of tears. ‘You cheated and you lied.’
‘I didn’t,’ said Gim. ‘Everything I told you was true. She is just a friend and a disguise.’
‘You conveniently forgot about the part where you’re married to her.’
‘What difference does it make? I’m not sleeping with her.’
Zack shook his arm out of Gimhana’s grip. He shook his head. ‘I can’t believe you think that’s an excuse. You made a commitment to her. A public commitment you weren’t willing to make to me. I’m just your tacky secret. How do you think that makes me feel?’
‘I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Please, come back. Let’s talk. We can make this better.’ He had no idea how, but he would. It was what he did. He found solutions.
Zack bit his lip and shook his head. His eyes brimmed with tears. ‘No. We cannot. Nothing can make this better. I can’t trust anything you say.’
‘But Zack—’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to talk to you. You disgust me. Leave me alone.’ He turned and clattered down the steps.
‘Listen—’
‘Just leave me alone.’
Gimhana stared after him, watching him until he got swallowed up by the tunnel.
Chapter Sixty-Two
Chaya – London, 2013
Chaya shut her eyes. She had been dreading this for years. They had thought they could get away with this preposterous lie. They had thought they were so clever. Her house of cards was falling over. She saw, very clearly, the scandal that would follow. This was not the sort of thing that could be kept quiet. They would both be humiliated. Her mother would disown her. Malini, Ajith, Nayana, the other relatives, they would all stop speaking to her. She would lose everyone she loved.
Emotions bubbled inside her – fear for the future, regret about her lost life, sorrow that it was little unspoilt Nayana who had uncovered their dirty secret, anger at Gimhana for being so stupid as to get caught. She felt them building up like steam in her chest cavity, making it tighter and tighter until, all at once, something gave.
She opened her eyes. She felt numb, as though she were an impostor in her own body. There was a dull roar all around. She had given up Noah because she didn’t want to lose her family. Now she’d lost them anyway. If things had been different, she would at least have had Noah.
Chaya slowly sat back down. The receptionist looked from aunt to niece and said, ‘I’ll just give you a moment.’ She stepped out of the office and pulled the door gently shut behind her.
‘Are you okay?’ said Nayana, sitting back down beside Chaya. Her concern was sweet. She was clearly more worried about Chaya than about the revelation that her uncle was gay. But then, it seemed she already knew about Zack. How?
‘You knew him,’ said Chaya. ‘How did you know him?’ Had Gimhana brought that man to the house? Had he introduced Nayana to him one day when Chaya was somehow not there? How complicit was she in all of this?
‘I met him in Manchester. We… went to the union bar and there was a group of people that Chathuri knew. One of them had dragged his housemate out to cheer him up after a break-up. That was Zack. He came over to talk to Chathuri and tell us about this Sri Lankan guy that he’d fallen in love with and how he had dumped him a few weeks ago… and, well, I didn’t think anything of it until he said something about how he came up once a month to see clients… and then, the more he said, the more it sounded like Gimhana Bappa. So eventually, I asked about this guy’s name. I didn’t want to tell you,’ she said. Her eyes filled up with tears. ‘I thought it would be best if you were happy without knowing.’ She wiped her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry, Punchi. I’m so, so sorry.’
‘Right,’ said Chaya. ‘So that man, Zack… was Gimhana’s friend.’
‘Boyfriend,’ Nayana corrected her. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Boyfriend,’ Chaya acknowledged. ‘Whom he saw when he went to Manchester for work.’ Well that explained a lot of things. The way he seemed to glow lately when he came back from Manchester. The way he seemed to want to tell her something, but held back. She’d assumed it was something to do with work, but of course, it could equally well have been about sex. She wasn’t stupid. She knew that Gimhana satisfied his needs as and when he needed to. She didn’t need to know any details, so she didn’t ask. All she asked was that he was discreet, so that things looked perfect on the surface.
And now they didn’t.
She could feel the horror building. It was coming towards her, a tidal wave of distress, but for now, it was far away. For now, she could be calm and do what she had to do. She drew a breath. ‘I think,’ she said, ‘we should go home. Coffee is probably off the cards.’ She stood up.
Nayana stood up too. She was looking at her with wide eyes. She looked frightened now. Chaya squared her shoulders. She felt curiously detached from all of it. It was as though the tsunami was sucking up all her feelings and piling them into the wall of pain that was coming. Later. She would feel it later.
She thanked the receptionist, who seemed mortified to have been involved at all, and left a message for Gimhana to say they’d decided to go home.
‘Come, Nayana. Let’s go home. We could grab something to take out if you like? What do you fancy?’
Nayana, looking worried, murmured, ‘I don’t mind.’
‘Your flight is tomorrow,’ said Chaya. ‘We should probably pack and have an early night.’
‘Yes, Chaya Punchi.’
Chapter Sixty-Three
Gimhana – London, 2013
Gimhana tramped back to the office. Zack was gone. He had been gone before, but this time it felt worse. Seeing the tears in his eyes had ripped something more out of Gimhana. Now he had to see what his duplicity had done to Chaya. Why was he such an idiot? He had hurt two people that he loved. Once this news got back to his parents, he would hurt them too. He reached the office and stared at the highly polished brass plate. Oh crap. The whole office probably knew by now. His career, his hard-won career was at risk too. The weight in his legs seemed to increase, as though someone had turned the gravity up a notch.
What could he do? First things first. They couldn’t sack him. He hadn’t done anything wrong and there were laws against discrimination. He was good at what he did and he brought in a lot of good clients. So the first thing to do was tough it out. He straightened his jacket and checked his tie was in place before striding in.
Tina was at the reception desk. ‘Oh, Gim,’ she said. ‘Your wife said she was going home.’
Gimhana nodded, as though Ti
na hadn’t witnessed his ex-boyfriend and his wife finding out about each other. ‘Thanks Tina. I’ll call her.’
Tina looked like she was about to say something else, but then closed her mouth. Gimhana hurried up to his office and shut himself in. His secretary, thankfully, had gone for lunch. He checked his calendar. There was nothing that couldn’t be moved. He really couldn't face talking to people today. Nor did he want to go home just yet. He could just get his head down and get some work done on the briefs that needed writing up instead.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Chaya – London, 2013
Chaya finished her sandwich. She and Nayana were sitting opposite each other at the dinner table. They’d been eating in silence. Nayana was watching her the way you watch a large spider that is far enough away for you to get on with your work, but still in vision and possibly a threat. Chaya sighed.
‘Look, Nayana. I’m sorry you had to be involved in this mess. I’m going to have to talk to Gimhana and I don’t want you to get caught in the middle of that.’
‘Are you going to get a divorce?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘But how can you not know? He cheated on you. With another man! How can you be so calm?’
This wasn’t calm. This was anger and panic so strong that it had burned through normal and was holding her in emotional limbo. ‘I’m not calm right now,’ she said. ‘I’m trying to keep everything in place until I know you’re safe. Then… then I’ll deal with Gimhana. Although, I really don’t know how.’
Right on cue, her phone rang. She checked. Gimhana again. She dismissed the call.
‘What are you going to do?’ said Nayana. ‘My flight isn’t until early tomorrow.’
Chaya looked at the ceiling. She could feel herself unravelling, gently fizzing at the edges like an aspirin dropped in water. It would get worse. For now, she had to hold on.
Nayana’s attitude suggested that things had changed over the last ten years. If Gimhana could break their deal, then she could too. The world was a different place now. It wouldn’t care so much about what she did. But she had to consider Gimhana in this too. She couldn't do that while she was worrying about Nayana as well. ‘I think,’ she said, slowly, ‘I think we should get packed and take you to the airport. We’ll book into the airport hotel for tonight, that way there isn’t such a rush to get you to check in at three a.m.’ She had a thought. Was there any way they could contain this? Limit the damage a little bit… ‘I don’t suppose I can persuade you not to tell your amma?’ she said.
Nayana looked affronted. ‘Of course I won’t tell,’ she said. ‘But you’re not going to carry on like nothing’s happened, are you?’ She looked appalled at the idea.
‘No,’ Chaya said. ‘But I don’t know what I am going to do yet. It’s been a bit of a shock.’
Nayana considered this. ‘Yes. I can see that.’
‘I need some time to iron out how I feel and work out what to do. Do you understand?’ She leaned forward, looking into Nayana’s eyes. ‘It will take me a while.’
‘But you can’t stay with him,’ said Nayana.
Couldn’t she? Did she even want to? She didn’t know the answer to any of that. Chaya sighed. ‘Life is complicated, little one,’ she said.
Nayana stared at her. ‘Oh Punchi,’ she said. ‘You still love him, don’t you?’
That response made her head spin. She shook her head. ‘It’s complicated, okay?’
Nayana sighed. ‘Yes. Okay. I understand. I won’t tell anyone.’
Chaya nodded and stood up. ‘Thank you.’ She gathered their plates and put them in the dishwasher in the kitchen. ‘Shall we meet back here in an hour?’
Chapter Sixty-Five
Gimhana – London, 2013
Gimhana knocked on the door of Mr Thomas’s office, his heart a lead lump in his chest. How typical that this debacle should happen on a day when Barry wasn’t in the office. At the deep ‘come in’, he entered. Mr Thomas was sitting behind a desk with another senior partner. Neither of them smiled.
‘Gimhana,’ said Mr Thomas. ‘Sit, please.’
He sat in a chair opposite the desk. It was like an interview. He took a deep breath and forced a smile.
Mr Thomas said, ‘We’ve heard about a certain situation in the reception area earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?’
‘There was a slight… misunderstanding between myself, my wife and another party,’ said Gimhana. ‘A lack of communication, if you like. I will get it sorted out.’
‘You know that we expect you to keep your personal life outside of this office.’
‘Of course.’ He angled his head. ‘I apologise.’
‘We are a family firm,’ said Mr Thomas. ‘With family values at the core. There is no room here for scandal involving infidelity and… homosexuality.’
What? For a second he couldn’t believe he’d just heard that. He glanced at the other partner, who had the grace to look away.
‘Is this a disciplinary discussion?’ Gimhana asked.
When Mr Thomas didn’t answer, he added, ‘Because you need to have someone here from HR, if so.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Mr Thomas. ‘This is just a friendly discussion about not creating a scene in the office. Think of the clients.’
‘There were no clients in reception at the time. It does not affect the clients in any way.’
Mr Thomas harrumphed. ‘Word gets round, young man. Just be aware of the values of this firm.’
He pressed his lips together to stop a retort from coming out. He knew what this meant. He would now be slowly excluded from things. Mr Thomas couldn’t sack him for being gay or bi, there were limits to where even a prejudiced old man would go, but he could make life very difficult for Gimhana.
‘Will that be all?’ he said, quietly.
The two men on the other side of the desk looked at each other. ‘Yes,’ said the other man, firmly. ‘That will be all.’
Gimhana nodded, stood up, straightened his jacket and left. His time here was limited. He needed to start looking for a new job. Jump before he was pushed.
* * *
Gimhana left the office at five, something he hadn’t done in years. He had finally given up and told his secretary that he would be working from home for the rest of the day. She had given him a look full of sympathy and said, ‘Good luck.’
He had dropped his guard long enough to say thank you.
The house was quiet when he got there. He checked the coats and realised that Chaya’s coat was gone. So was Nayana’s. He wondered if they had gone out somewhere. He took out his phone and called Chaya again. She cut him off mid ring. Again.
‘I’m worried about you,’ he said to her answerphone. ‘I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, just tell me that you and Nayana are okay.’
He went upstairs and peered first into Chaya’s room and then into Nayana’s. Nayana’s bags were gone. Chaya must have taken her to the airport early.
Gimhana prowled through the house. His home. The home he’d made with Chaya. He noted the little details and remembered how they had made the place their own. The argument about the side table which was now so much a part of life that he no longer noticed it. The negotiations about where the baking trays should be stored. The afternoon spent working out which pictures should go on which walls. These were all things couples did and he’d done them by default with Chaya. Although he told himself that he looked after her and she needed him, it hit him now that he needed her too. It wasn’t just socially. She had stopped him from disappearing into his work, helped him moderate his drinking. He enjoyed her company. She genuinely was his best friend.
But Zack. He wanted to do all those things with Zack. To argue about furniture and bicker over which pictures went where. To put up with beige bedding because it wasn’t worth questioning his taste. To just be with him.
Was it possible that he loved them both? In very different ways? Yes, he decided. It was entirely possible.
And now he’d lost them both anyway.
One of the things that he’d done when he got married was stop drinking whiskey, his drink of choice on dark days. He had stopped drinking it, but he always kept a bottle of single malt in the garage. It was his reminder of how far he’d come. He retraced his steps to the garage and rummaged around until he found it. He took it back inside. When he opened the bottle, the smell greeted him like an old friend. He pulled out his phone and dialled first Zack, then Chaya. Both cut him off. He put the phone down on the table, sighed, and poured himself a measure.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Chaya – London, 2013
Chaya gave Nayana a hug. ‘I’m sorry your holiday ended up so wrong,’ she said.
‘Are you going to be okay?’ said Nayana. She looked bleary-eyed and kept stifling yawns. It was just after three in the morning and she had just checked in for her five-thirty a.m. flight.
‘Of course I’m going to be okay,’ Chaya said. She didn’t believe that, but it was what Nayana needed to hear. ‘I’m made of stern stuff. I’ve been through worse.’ That, at least, was true. This didn’t hurt. Not yet.
‘I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could have done.’
‘There isn’t. It’s just one of those things. The only person who could have done anything about it was Gimhana.’ She handed Nayana the bag she’d been carrying for her.
‘Have you spoken to him?’ Nayana hitched the bag onto her shoulder. Even in the last few days, she seemed to have grown. Or perhaps just grown up.
‘Not yet. I will though. Hopefully, by then I’ll be calm enough not to kill him.’ She smiled to take the sting out of her words. ‘Now go. You’ll have time to get a drink and something to eat before they call your flight.’
Nayana bent her knees and pressed her palms together. Not a full genuflection, but an attempt. Chaya placed her hand on her niece’s forehead in blessing. ‘Thunsaranai.’
A Convenient Marriage Page 25