A few weeks later, André had a whole repertoire of songs and social games. He was reaching and communicating with voice and eyes. He could imitate the motions in some of his mother’s songs, and when I came to the door and knocked, he was right there, opening the door with his mother, smiling and looking right at me. I asked his mother about his play with the figures. She told me that he was no longer interested in them. She hadn’t seen them for a while, and he no longer spent any time in the bedroom or closet; he was now underfoot and wanting to be engaged with them constantly.
This chapter is all about this kind of social play between two people—a kind of social play that promotes touch and gaze, fun and excitement, for both you and your child! We refer to these early games that are designed to be fun, engaging, and pleasurable for your child as sensory social routines—sensory because they often involve stimulating sensory experiences; social because the primary focus of these games is the social experience of another person, not playing with objects or teaching cognitive or other self-help skills (although sometimes this happens as a by-product of the games); and routines because these games become familiar and ritualized for the child—a feature that makes them easier for your child to learn, so the child can quickly come to initiate and request these games.
What You Can Do to Increase the Fun Quotient
Three straightforward steps can help you find the smile to boost your child’s learning during sensory social routines you do together:
Step 1. Find the rhythm of sensory social routines.
Step 2. Build a repertoire and refine the routines.
Step 3. Optimize your child’s energy level for learning.
In the following pages, we describe how to carry out each of these steps, give you some ideas for activities to try, and suggest what you can do to solve problems that may come up.
Step 1. Find the Rhythm of Sensory Social Routines
Sensory social routines are activities in which you and your child are happily engaged face to face in highly social activity. These activities are marked by reciprocity. That is, you and your child are taking turns and communicating with words, gestures, or facial expressions to keep the “game” going. Neither of you is “directing” the other (though you often need to start the game). Each partner leads, and each partner follows. You can see your child’s leads when you pause or end one round of the game; your child will do something to continue it. That is your child’s turn, or lead. Finally, sensory social routines typically do not involve manipulating objects (though there are exceptions). It is not object play. It is people play. In sensory social routines, each play partner’s attention is intensely focused on the other, and they cue each other back and forth. There is a clear rhythm to this—a kind of balanced exchange in which both partners are engaged, in a back-and-forth manner. You start, you pause, your child cues, you continue, you pause, your child continues, and so on.
Rationale. Sensory social routines teach your child that other people’s bodies and faces “talk”—that they are important sources of communication, and that people can send and receive emotions face to face. In sensory social games, you will share smiles, make silly faces, add sound effects and expressions to all kinds of games, and draw your child’s attention to your face. Creating fun routines will motivate your child to communicate that he wants to continue the activity, which will form the basis for expressing other meanings, like “Don’t do that again” or “I’m not sure about this.” These routines can also help regulate your child’s emotions, energy, and arousal levels, so that your child is as alert and attentive as possible to you and ready to learn from you.
Activity: Pick a Sensory-Rich Activity and Find the Smile!
First, pick an activity—a physical activity like tickling, bouncing, flying through the air, or swinging; playing “This Little Piggy,” or using finger plays or songs; playing face-to-face games like peekaboo or pattycake—any games that capture your child’s interest and attention and bring forth big smiles. Try to find an activity that doesn’t incorporate a toy or other object. At the end of this step, there is a list of sensory social games that may give you some ideas.
Here are some ideas for finding the smile:
Do something inviting to get your child’s attention focused on you. Approach your child at a time when she’s not engaged in anything. Join her on the floor or couch if she is sitting, or if she is walking around or standing somewhere, join her, greet her, and touch her, maybe pick her up and give her a squeeze or two, spin her around, or do something else that will be fun.
While you have your child’s attention, and the two of you are face to face and close, begin a brief game with your child. Repeat it two or three times quickly if it’s short, like spinning, and then pause and wait, looking expectantly at your child and positioning your body to play the game again. If the game you picked is long, like a song or finger play, start with the first line and finger movements. Do that a little bit once or twice. Then stop, look expectantly, and see if your child seems to want you to continue.
Pause right before the big event. The big event is the most dramatic moment of the game. If you are playing chase, the big event is the moment you are positioned and ready for the chase. If you are playing tickle, it is the moment that the fingers are ready to descend. If you are playing peekaboo with a blanket, it is the moment before you pull the blanket off your head or your child’s. Pause right before the big event and look expectantly at your child. Get your child’s attention, then GO! After the big event, be sure to pause, smile, and laugh to accentuate the fun of the big event.
At the end of the big event, stop, look at your child excitedly, place your hands and body as if you are about to do it again, and wait. Wait for some action or sound from your child that invites you to begin again. Any small indication—a wiggle, a brief look, a quiet sound—will do. Wait for a signal from your child that tells you your child wants the game continued. (Your child’s expectant looking or waiting is also a cue for you to continue.) Once your child signals, finish the game and then pause again, waiting for another signal. Keep it going until either your energy or your child’s attention starts to lag. Waiting for your child’s cues brings your child into the game and balances the interactions. Now it is a two-person game, with two active participants, rather than an actor and an observer.
Once either you or your child is starting to lose interest, say, “All done with [airplane, or whatever game you played].” Give your child a hug and be finished.
What should you say during the routines? Songs are easy—just sing the songs, with motions! If you don’t know any motions, try making some up. For games like swing, tickle, and chase, invent a simple narration that goes along, like “I’m gonna get you” for chase; “Where’s [name]?” and then “Boo!” for peekaboo; “One, two, three swing!” for a spin-around. Use the same words day after day. These little chants will help your child learn the game and learn language. Often children’s first words are spoken in games like this.
Nancy begins a sensory social routine with 2-year-old Devon, who is sprawled on a bean bag chair in front of her. She begins to sing “Itsy-Bitsy Spider” and combines a gesture that fits each phrase. When Nancy sings, “The itsy-bitsy spider crawled up the water spout,” she creeps her fingers up along Devon’s chest. She pauses, and he looks intently at her. For the next phrase, “Down came the rain and washed the spider out,” she brings her hands down his chest repeatedly, brushing against his chest with her fingers. She pauses, and he smiles expectantly with great eye contact. Then she raises her hands to her face and frames her face as she sings, “Out came the sun and [moving her hands like water down through the air] dried off all the rain.” Finally, she positions her hands to creep her fingers up his chest for the last phrase, “And the itsy-bitsy spider—” She waits in position (her pause), and he looks at her, smiles, and reaches for her hands—at which point she finishes “crawled up the spout again” (fingers up his chest).
Thi
s is a lovely sensory social routine that many parents instinctively use to engage their young children—and most children seem to love it. Devon smiles, gives great eye contact, and reaches toward his mother in those pauses, taking his turns on cue. And why wouldn’t he? It’s a kind of mutually enjoyable conversation—each partner taking a turn and pausing for the other: a balanced interaction; both of them on the same “topic”; each clearly enjoying the other and showing it with smiles, actions, eye contact, and happy voices and movements. The feelings are genuine and positive between them, and they are speaking the same emotional language: “It’s fun to play together.”
When you introduce a new sensory social routine, your child may look dubious. Present the activity in brief segments, by starting and stopping the activity several times, so that your child learns the routine and what to expect. Children do not always show immediate pleasure in a new routine. It may appear that they are not even interested in the game. It is all right to persist in the three quick repetitions of a new game even if your child does not seem to like it very much, as a way to introduce the game. However, if your child is wary, be gentler on the next repetition—softer and slower—so your child can get to know what is coming and does not start to avoid the routine. Over several repetitions, the game may become more and more interesting. However, if your child is clearly uncomfortable (backing away, still, serious face, avoiding contact, or protesting), stop the routine and shift to a familiar, happy one.
If there are no routines your child enjoys, you will need to start to build them up. Here are some ideas:
Bath time: Use bubbles in the tub to place on your child’s arm; then rinse away by pouring water; repeat; dry your child with extra little tummy rubs; pour water from a cup over your child’s hands while in the tub.
Changing or dressing: Try a little peekaboo with a diaper or pieces of clothing. Try a few toe tickles or “This Little Piggy” before putting on socks, or after taking them off, or while washing feet in the tub.
Try massaging a little lotion on your child’s hands and arms. Does that feel good to your child?
Try squeezing your child gently in a bean bag chair, bouncing your child on your bed, or putting a pillow over your child’s tummy as you play on your bed.
Some Sensory Social Games to Consider2
Summary of Step 1
If you have followed along and carried out the prescribing activities, you will probably have an idea of what kinds of sensory social routines your child prefers, and you can build on those in the days ahead. Some children enjoy more physical or roughhouse games—being chased and caught, somersaulted in the air, swung around, or spun. Others may favor games involving touch: “Round and Round the Garden,” creepy fingers, tickle, having their bellies soaped up in the bathtub or having raspberries blown on their bellies, or foot games like “This Little Piggy.” Then there are the songs and finger plays your child likes to hear you sing and do, or silly faces and noises that your child enjoys watching you make. You have probably also experienced the rhythm of these activities—the back-and-forth nature of the starts, pauses, cues, and continuations that make the games reciprocal. Over time, build up your child’s repertoire of sensory social routines from 5 to 10, to 20.
See if you agree with most of the statements in the following checklist. If so, you have learned how to create sensory social games with your child and are ready for some additional techniques involving these games. If not, continue to try different routines; your child might need more exposures to them to learn the pattern and what to expect.
Activity Checklist: Have I Found the Rhythm
of Sensory Social Routines?
____ I know a number of sensory social routines that bring a smile and excitement to my child’s face.
____ I have figured out how to position myself face to face while doing these routines.
____ When I start a favorite routine, my child often makes eye contact and smiles at me.
____ When I pause for a few seconds before the big event in a favorite routine, my child waits for me to continue.
____ When I pause, my child actively communicates his or her desire for me to continue—by looking at me, vocalizing, reaching, or some other behavior.
____ I have built up my child’s interest in several new routines by practicing them with him or her several days in a row.
Step 2. Build a Repertoire and Refine the Routines
Once you’ve identified at least a few sensory social routines that your child enjoys and that allow you to find the smile, you’re ready to add to this skill.
Rationale. These are repetitive activities, and once your child has learned them, they can lose their excitement. Early signs that a child is losing interest during a sensory social routine include lessened responding in between your pauses, looking away during your turns, and changing her body language (from active to passive or from passive to overactive). To make sure you don’t completely lose the benefits of sensory social routines, be alert for the need to add to your repertoire, promote your child’s participation as a full partner, vary the routine enough to keep it interesting, pick the best times and settings, and add objects judiciously if that seems likely to help.
Activity: Get Creative in Building and Varying Your Sensory
Social Repertoire
Here are some ideas:
Keep your turn short, so your child has more opportunities to respond. Ideally, your child will have an opportunity to respond every 5–10 seconds. If you do too much, the interaction is not balanced. Your child isn’t a full partner and will become bored, or at least won’t communicate enough to get the full benefit of the activity.
Caution! Avoid the situation in which you are making your child happy by simply entertaining your child, and your child is happily but passively observing and enjoying watching you do all of the work! Rather, you and your child should be in a balanced, back-and-forth communication throughout, via movements, gestures, eye contact, sounds, words, or other actions. The goal is for your child to actively attend and communicate with you in some way, even if only through gaze, to initiate, respond to, or continue the sensory social routine. You will need to start, pause, and wait often, to give your child a chance for her communicative turn. Be patient during your pauses, and wait for a response from your child.
As soon as your child has shown enjoyment, participation, and recognition of one familiar routine, go ahead and add another. Simple songs that involve simple hand movements are especially important to develop, for many reasons: the repeated language, which makes it easy for the child to predict; the shared social meaning that the games have for both of you; and the gestures that eventually build your child’s ability to imitate gestures. A good goal is to build up your child’s repertoire to 10–20 different sensory social routines that he enjoys and can play with various people.
Try to find a variety of times during the day to build in sensory social routines. Put them in all six activity types. Besides bath time and dressing, mentioned above, diaper changing is a great time for playing belly games, toe games, pattycake, peekaboo, and creepy fingers. Try to work a sensory social routine into regular diaper changes or potty times. Mealtimes can also provide a great setting for making silly faces and noises, with food and drinks as props, if you can make time to sit with your child at the table during a meal or snack. If it’s feasible for you, try sitting with your child at the table, getting as close to a face-to-face orientation as you can by positioning your child’s chair and your chair. Give you and your child the same food, and each of you have a drink. When your child takes a bite or a drink, imitate your child and add sound effects: drinking sounds, eating sounds, “Mmm-good,” “DEEli-cious!” See if your child starts to enjoy your big displays. If you see signs of enjoyment, do it again. Ham it up! Offer your child a bite of your food. Try to get your child to feed you a bite. Make fun noises and other reactions when your child does. Some children think it is very funny when a parent picks up a child�
��s bottle and pantomimes drinking from it—as long as the child gets it back quickly! Be sure to repeat all these routines several times, so your child begins to see the pattern in them and knows what to expect. Exaggerating your reactions, your sounds, your silliness—this is often the “attention draw” that children with autism (and those without autism too!) need to attend to you and the game, learn the patterns, and find the humor.
Once it starts to feel repetitive to you, add some variation! Surprise your child by adding a new verse, new sound effects, new steps to the routine, or maybe some props or another person. Variation will keep the game going longer—and that means more learning opportunities for your child.
Alexis and her dad are playing “Ring-around-the-Rosy” on the floor. She initially likes the fall-down part and does a few rounds with Dad, falling down first (her communication), then laughing and looking when he falls down too (sharing the fun), then standing up again and reaching for his hands (her communication to begin again). However, after a few rounds, she stops falling down on her own and stops reaching. Dad thinks she is getting bored, so, rather than stopping the game, he says, “Let’s get your sister!” Eight-year-old Tessa rolls her eyes, but Dad takes Alexis to Tessa (who is on the couch reading), takes her hand, and pulls her into the circle. He helps Alexis take Tessa’s hand, and the three of them play a couple more rounds. This is very exciting to Alexis, who watches Tessa intently as they both fall down, and takes Tessa’s hand to restart. Tessa says, “Get Daddy,” and motions to her father. Alexis looks at him and reaches her other hand for Dad, and the three of them repeat the game.
An Early Start for Your Child with Autism: Using Everyday Activities to Help Kids Connect, Communicate, and Learn Page 12