by Katy Kaylee
“It goes to show the power of that photo shoot.” I waggled my brows.
He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “So it’s just my body you want?”
I cocked my head to the side. “Ryder, the public persona you have right now is your body. Because you hide your true self from the public,” and me, I thought, “All they know is the sexy man who can throw a football.”
“I’m not asking about the public. I’m asking about you. Do you think I’m only brawn with no substance?”
I shook my head. “No. I saw you at the vet community. And I’ve also noticed the things you’ve done to the house and that you get a delivery of local organic food. That suggests you care about the environment and your health. You know that could be another area of PR. Perhaps we can get a home magazine in here.”
There was a flash of annoyance in his eyes. “Sure.”
“What’s wrong?”
He shrugged. “Nothing.”
“You don’t want a home magazine? If you don’t plan to make appearances, then interviews are the best alternative. Are you sure you don’t want to have something about the vet community?”
His facial features hardened. “No.”
“I get that you don’t want to exploit them, but Ryder, when you only let the world see your womanizing and bar brawls, they’re going to think you have no substance.”
“The vets shouldn’t be used to make me look good, Katie. I go there because I want to thank them, to honor them. They’ve done enough; they don’t need to be used to get me a shoe deal.”
I sat back and studied him. “You’ve got a lovely home and a good life, Ryder. The public thinks you don’t appreciate that. They think you’re an ungrateful spoiled, golden boy quarterback that thinks the world owes you something because you can throw a football. What you do for the vets could show them that’s not true.”
“I don’t give a fuck about the public.” He tossed his napkin on his plate.
“Except you do, otherwise you wouldn’t have hired my firm.”
His jaw clenched as he looked out over the water.
He turned back. “I’m not ungrateful.” He leaned forward and jammed his finger into the table. “I know exactly why I’m here. Your parents. Coach Wilson in high school. Busting my butt. And the vets made the opportunities for me and everyone else possible.”
I sat back. “Have you ever told them that?”
“What?”
“Do the people you believe are part of your success know that you recognize their contribution? Have you ever thanked them?”
“In some ways. But not in public. That would seem disingenuous.”
I wondered if he ever thanked my parents for all the love and support they gave him when his father was incapable. Of pushing him to work harder in school, even going so far to hire a tutor to help so he would have the grades necessary to earn the football scholarship to college. Ryder wasn’t stupid, but he didn’t apply himself in school for a long time. Not until it was clear he had talent in football and that could make a life for him.
“I’m not saying you have to do it in public. How you treat people in private can also impact your image, because they talk to others. We know about your dick because in private women like to snap pictures.”
He scowled.
“Now, having seen your dick, I can’t blame them. The point is, you have to open up to people beyond sex.”
“I’m plenty open with my friends.”
I shook my head. “Not with me.”
“What is this we’re doing now? You’re my publicist, Katie, not my therapist.”
“Maybe you need a therapist.”
“What the fuck?”
I started to feel like I was pushing too hard. Or maybe expecting too much. I finally put it on the line.
“Ryder.” I put my hand over his. “There’s so much more to you than you let people know. I get not wanting to let the world know about your relationships at the vet community, but your concern about the environment or healthy living, what about that makes you want to hide it?”
“Why do people care about how I live?”
I smiled. “Because you’re a rockstar quarterback. You don’t need to open up every aspect of your life. But you’re so closed off that from the outside, it makes you look conceited and uncaring. Why are you so closed off?”
He shrugged. “I never thought people gave a shit. As long as I can throw the ball, that’s all anyone cares about.”
“Ryder.” My heart broke at the idea he thought no one cared about who he was as a person.
He shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not sure you’ve noticed, Katie, but I don’t have a family, except for my uncle. I don’t have a lot of friends.” He looked me in the eyes. “I don’t seem to be the sort of man they can believe in and stick by.”
I swallowed hard as I realized he was calling me out about the situation with Danny. He’s also said he had no family, which meant he didn’t feel connected to my parents. I never talked to my parents about Ryder or what happened after that weekend. I suspected they were like me; supporting Danny’s version of the story. I realized how much Ryder lost that weekend. He deserved it if what Danny said was true, but if Ryder was telling the truth, God, we’d done him a great injustice.
He turned his gaze back over the water. “So, Fuck ’em. I’ll figure out how to play nice to make your job easier, but I’m not going to set myself up to get shit on anymore.”
It was strange how perfect we fit when words weren’t involved. When we had to talk, that’s when things went off the rails. But at least I understood him better. He felt isolated and alone, and that made me sad. Because in the few weeks I’d been with him, I’d discovered he was a kind and gentle soul. He cared deeply about things but didn’t want to share that. Because he didn’t, it often made him seem surly, indifferent or even, callous.
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Shitting on you?”
He downed the rest of his wine. “That’s what I’m paying you for, right?”
Anger bloomed. “A half hour ago, you fucked me and told me I was beautiful, and I believed you. But now, you dismiss me. You act like this is just a business relationship, and I’m a convenient pussy.”
His gaze jerked to me. “Not even close to true. The fact that you think that proves my point.”
“That I’m shitting on you?”
“That I’m not a man to believe in.” He stood and took his dishes in the kitchen.
I stayed where I was, deciding that I wouldn’t run from this conversation. I wasn’t sure the goal of it anymore, but we needed to hash it out to its conclusion.
He finally returned with the bottle of wine, pouring us both some.
“I believe in you Ryder.” I breathed. “I don’t always understand why you do what you do, but I know you’re a good person with a lot to offer the world if you’d let them see you.”
He sank into his chair. It looked like all the air had gone out of him. With it went the anger, replaced by fatigue. “You’ve given me some things to think about.”
“Good.”
We sat in silence for so long, I began to think it was my cue to leave. I didn’t want to leave, which was odd since he was a frustrating man, that despite my words, I didn’t completely trust. Did I believe he could be a great man? Yes. Did I think he was hiding some of his best attributes from the world? Yes. But the past kept making me doubt him. He had potential that I believed in, but at this moment, I didn’t trust him.
Finally, he asked, “Can you stay for the afternoon?”
I had nowhere I needed to be. Ryder was a big client, and so whenever I made arrangements for him like this photo shoot and interview, I scheduled him for the day.
“Do you have plans?”
He shrugged. “Just to hang out here. Stay out of trouble.” His lips quirked up into his mischievous smile. “Maybe go for a swim.”
“I could do that.”
He stood, taking off the t-sh
irt he’d put on after having sex in the gym. He dropped his shorts, and then he jogged to the pool and dove in.
He popped up at the other side of the pool. “The water is perfect. Come in with me.”
“You’re not supposed to swim after eating.”
“I don’t plan to swim.”
My pussy flared to life wondering what he planned.
“We can just float.”
Oh. I sure had a dirty mind. I stood and took off my dress, as I walked to the pool. He waded in the water, those bright blue eyes watching my every step.
Once I was in, he rolled over on his back, closed his eyes and floated. I watched him for a moment. His magnificent body sparkled with water on his skin. How could such a beautiful talented man be so tormented inside?
I wasn’t much for floating, so I swam to the infinity edge of the pool and looked out over the ocean. It was like he lived in a resort. I realized this was his sanctuary. Outside this place, people made demands of him. Had expectations of him that everyone told him he was falling short on. He had a strange sense of honor that required him to hide his good deeds. It almost seemed like he didn’t feel worthy.
He came up behind me, kissing my shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m so difficult.”
I reached up and patted his cheek. “I’m sorry I push you so hard. I want the world to see the man I’m seeing in you.”
He rested his chin on my shoulder, his hands sliding around to my belly. “I did thank your parents.”
“What?” I turned my head to look at him.
“For being there and helping me get where I am. I did thank them.” There was something in his eyes that suggested more, but he didn’t say anything further.
“I’m sure they appreciated that.”
“And, I should thank you. I know I’m a difficult man, and that you’re just trying to help me.”
“You are difficult, but the perks are good.”
He flashed a wicked grin. “Just good?” He pressed his dick against my backside.
“Well, I might need more perks to know for sure.” At least this we did well. Banter and sex.
His fingers slid between my pussy lips and rubbed my clit, while his other hand pinched my nipple. I closed my eyes as the sweet sensations started to build.
“How are those perks?” He gently tugged on my ear with his teeth.
“Not bad.”
“You’re a tough customer.” He sucked on my neck as he thrust a finger inside me. “How about now?”
“Better.” I rode his finger, wanting more, faster, bigger.
“I’m running out of ideas.”
I reached behind me, wrapping my hand around his erect cock. “How about trying this?”
“I’m going to fuck you from behind, Katie.”
“Yes.” Wading in an infinity pool, overlooking the Pacific Ocean while Ryder Malloy took me from behind was an erotic fantasy come true.
“Have you ever been fucked from behind?”
He’d done many things to me that weekend four years ago, but from behind hadn’t been one of them. “No.”
A low growl emanated from his chest, as if the news turned him on. “Hold on, baby.”
With my forearms resting on the edge of the pool, I tilted my hips back, letting him know I was ready.
He pressed his cock to my entrance. His breath was harsh on my ear. “Do you want this?”
“Yes, Ryder.” I barely had his name out, when he plunged in making me gasp at his invasion.
“So good…” he groaned.
I had to agree. He held still, my body completely filled with him.
His chin rested on my shoulder again and he kissed my neck. “Look at the view.”
I laughed. “I’m a little preoccupied.”
He nibbled on my ear. “How many people can fuck in a pool with a view like this?”
You can, I thought. For a moment, I’d wondered how many women he had fucked in his pool, his gym, his bed. I quickly pushed it aside. I knew he’d had other women. I would just be tormenting myself wondering about them.
“This view is better with my dick in you.”
“I’m glad you think so.” But my pussy was burning with need. I moved my hips, urging him to move in me.
“I’ve never done this,” he whispered in my ear.
“From behind?”
“Here, like this.” He withdrew and thrust in, stopping whatever I might have said to respond to him.
I moaned, closing my eyes to savor the feel of this thick cock, sliding in and out of me. I could feel each ridge as he grew inside me. The friction getting hotter, coiling the tension tighter.
“So good… I love it when you come on me.” Ryder kept one hand on my hip, while using the other to play with my nipple. His thrusts began to come faster, deeper, harder. “Oh fuck… I’m going to come.”
I was nearly there too, teetering on the edge, but wanted to fully savor the moment. The cool water lapping against my heated body. The hot man assailing my pussy, his breath harsh in my ear as he approached orgasm. The ocean waves, crashing in the distance.
He released my nipple, and with both hands on my hips began to pound more forcefully. “Come, Katie… now… now…”
He tilted my hips back and thrust in deep, hitting that one elusive exquisite spot inside me. Pleasure shot out, firing to every neuron on my body. I cried out and my pussy contracted, its walls drowning in the most fantastic sensations.
“Yes, baby… oh…” Then he yelled, and plunged in, releasing his hot seed inside my body. “Fuck so good.” He withdrew and thrust in again, and again until he finally dropped his head on my shoulder. “It’s always so fantastic with you.”
I realized when it came to sex, he was open with his thoughts and feelings. Was his guard down, or was sex the only place he felt comfortable showing himself?
He kissed my neck. “I hope it’s good for you too. Tell me, do I compare with other men?”
I thought he was teasing, or maybe he was fishing. I took him at his word. I turned in his arms to give him a piece of me.
If I want him to reveal more of himself, I need to model for him how it was done. “I don’t know.”
He frowned. “What?”
“I don’t know if you compare. I’ve never had anyone but you.”
Emotion swept through his eyes as he stared at me. “Why?”
I laughed. “You want me to have other men?”
“Fuck no. But you’re a smart, sexy woman.”
“Who’s busy and can resist all other men except you.”
He gave me a cocky grin. “I am irresistible.”
“I know.”
He leaned closer to me. “So are you.”
I smirked, knowing it was just a line.
“No really, Katie. Even when you hated me, when I had to take care of my own needs,” he made a jacking off motion with his fist. “You were the one in my fantasies. You and your fantastic tits and beautiful gray eyes.”
My heart tumbled in my chest. It both excited and terrified me. It wasn’t wise to fall for this man. Our history still wasn’t resolved. He was too guarded. And yet, in moments like this, it was as if he was completely open to me.
I felt like I should say something, but then his lips were on mine. Unlike his other kisses, that had been firm and urgent, this one was soft and gentle, and so sweet my heart broke open and my mind said, “uh oh.”
10
Ryder
The possessive caveman inside me was ridiculously happy to know that I wasn’t just Katie’s first, but also, her only. She’d only ever been mine. My heart gave an odd squeeze at that idea.
But even as I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my stance on public appearances. I was happy, and in fact, desired to help children, animals, and vets, but not in front of a camera. It felt selfish and exploitive, especially considering how much I had compared to them.
But I did try to work with her in other area
s. If magazines, radio shows, and podcasts wanted to interview me, I could do that even though it felt invasive. Why did people care about how my house was decorated or changes I’d made to live a greener lifestyle? But if it helped me get the endorsements I needed to fund a future after football, then I’d do it.
As I drove north to Los Angeles to meet with Katie at her office, I wondered what life after football would look like. For so long, I’d been focused only on football. What would my days entail once I retired? Would I be rattling around my home by myself? I loved my home, but I wasn’t sure it would be enough to entertain me day-to-day.
Of course, by then, maybe I’d be married and have a couple of kids. Perhaps even a dog. I shook my head and laughed. I’d never thought about marriage before. Not that I had anything against it, but I couldn’t imagine finding a woman I’d want to spend my life with… except maybe Katie. Four years ago when I was with her, I wanted to see where things could lead, but of course, Phoebe and Danny fucked that up.
Today, I was enjoying my time with Katie, and not just the times we were naked. While I didn’t like the way she pushed me, I liked that she wasn’t impressed with my status or money. I liked how she challenged me and was willing to call me on my bullshit. She was the most authentic thing I had in my life except maybe the folks at the vet community.
When I was with her, there was a sense of calm when we weren’t at odds. She grounded me. However, as much as I wanted to keep seeing her, I wasn’t convinced she believed in me. On the one hand, it was hard to think she’d be sleeping with me if she still thought I’d betrayed Danny. And yet, I felt resistance in her. Like she wanted to keep her guard up around me. She didn’t seem to trust me.
The question was, did I want to earn that trust? Four years ago, I’d have said yes. I hadn’t been looking for a relationship, and our weekend together had surprised me. Until then, I hadn’t seen Katie as a romantic interest. I’d always liked her and thought she was attractive, but she’d been like family.
Today, I had no family except my uncle and the people at the vet community. I’d thought that was enough, but now I wondered if I wanted more. And did I want that with Katie? As much as I enjoyed spending time with her, I couldn’t put too much stock in a relationship with a woman who didn’t trust me.