by Katy Kaylee
“They’re good people, Danny.”
He sat back and studied me. I felt raw and could not find the strength to appear unaffected by his scrutiny.
“What’s your intention with my sister?”
I shook my head. “It’s different today than it was before you showed up.”
He frowned and leaned forward. “Why?”
I laughed. Did he seriously not know? “Because she doesn’t believe in me. But make no mistake, I’ll be there for my child. And if she needs anything, I’ll provide that too.”
“But you don’t love her.”
“It doesn’t matter how I feel. She doesn’t love me. She thinks I’m the man you’ve made me out to be all these years.” I took a long swig of my beer because my throat felt like sandpaper. “I’m not perfect, but I don’t betray people I care about. As much as I love your sister, I don’t want a woman who can’t see me for who I really am.”
“So, you do love her?”
I blew out a breath. “Yes.”
“Good.” He held up his beer bottle. “To love.”
I clicked my bottle with his more out of social obligation, because the truth was, I didn’t believe in love. Not anymore.
23
Katie
The fluttering sound made my heart swell. “Is that it?”
“That’s it,” Dr. Wallace said as she moved the device over my belly. “It’s a strong heartbeat.”
My eyes filled with tears, partly because of the miracle of growing life in me, but also, from sadness because Ryder wasn’t here. I should have invited him. Especially now that I was certain I’d made a mistake letting him go. I wanted to apologize and ask his forgiveness, but the anger and pain I’d seen in his eyes made me think I’d gone too far. Or maybe I was just a coward and didn’t want to hear him tell me he’d had enough of my lack of faith in him.
“Everything looks great,” Dr. Wallace said to me as I pulled my shirt down over my belly. “I’m thinking you’ll have a bundle of joy mid-December.”
In some ways, December seemed so far away, and yet, so soon when I considered how much there was to get ready for a baby. Much of it would be during football season, so how much would Ryder be able to help me? Would he help me?
Yes, of course he would. I had no doubt that he wanted to be involved with his child. It was me that had let him down. Knowing how much it hurt him when people thought the worst of him, I was certain my betrayal had killed any feelings he had for me.
Tears sprang to my eyes again.
“You okay?” The doctor gently put her hand on my arm.
“Yes. I was just thinking of the baby’s father.”
“He’s not involved?”
“Actually, he wants to be. I should have let him know about this visit.”
“But you’re not a couple?”
I shook my head. The weight of what I’d lost made it almost impossible to breathe. I loved Ryder. I hadn’t known how much until he was gone.
“It’s a good thing he wants to be involved at least. Having a baby is a lot of work. Raising them is even more.”
I managed a wan smile. “He’ll be a great father.”
I left the doctor’s office with a sonogram picture of my baby. Had things been different, Ryder would have been there to see it and hear the heartbeat too. What sort of person was I that I hadn’t invited him? A coward. I couldn’t face him and have him look at me with those cutting blue eyes. But I had to get over that. I had to talk to him and made plans about the baby.
But first, I had to get to work. There was another issue I needed to deal with; telling my boss I was pregnant. And I supposed at some point, it would come out that Ryder was the father. He fired me, so I wasn’t breaking any rules now, but I had been when I was sleeping with my client.
My boss knew Ryder fired me and wasn’t surprised. Like most other people, he’d thought Ryder was exactly as his public image suggested. They figured he’d fired me because I was asking him to do stuff he didn’t want to do or that he didn’t care about his image. I wanted to correct him but wasn’t brave enough.
Of course, when my pregnancy came out, and they knew that Ryder was the father, I’d likely get fired from the firm. I’d have to get a new job. I wondered if it was hard to get hired when pregnant. If I couldn’t get a new job, I’d have to return to Missouri. I knew my parents would help, but I was certain Ryder wouldn’t like the baby being so far away. God, what a mess.
I pushed all that aside as I entered my office, shutting the door, and getting to work. If I proved invaluable, maybe my boss would have to keep me. I was just finishing setting up an appearance for one of my NBA clients when there was a knock on my door. My heart leaped to my throat with a hope that it was Ryder.
“Come in.”
Danny poked his head through the door. “Got a minute?”
My heart sank, and my brain reminded me that Ryder didn’t care for me anymore. “Yes. Everything okay?
“Yeah.” He came in and sat in the chair in front of my desk. He looked at me for a moment and I couldn’t decide if he was going to deliver bad news to me or if he was about to share something he didn’t want to.
“What’s up?”
“I met with Ryder today.”
Again, my heart clogged in my throat. I wanted to ask how he looked? Was he doing okay? But then I realized what he said. Danny hated Ryder. As far as I could tell, he was holding on to his belief that Ryder had done him wrong, even after I shared some of what my parents had said. “Why?”
“The way you and Mom and Dad acted made me wonder if I had it all wrong, so I called Phoebe.”
“Did she tell you what happened?”
“Not at first. But then I told her that Ryder was going to sue her for everything she had if I went public with what she told me about DJ, and that seemed to change her tune.”
“Oh God, Danny.”
“Fuck.” He scrapped a hand over his face. “I don’t know why she married me. Clearly, she didn’t love me.”
“Why did she?”
“She was pregnant by someone else and wanted to be taken care of and have a father for her baby.”
“But she said yes to marriage before that, didn’t she? You guys were engaged for several months.” I couldn’t understand Phoebe, except maybe she was just selfish and lazy. She wanted to live well without earning it. It would make sense then that she’d target Ryder. She probably thought since she’d slept with him in college, she could get him again. When that didn’t work, she went back to the original plan and married Danny.
He laughed derisively. “I think she just wanted a ring and to say she was engaged. She’s quite superficial. I suppose you already noticed that.”
I nodded. “So she set Ryder up?”
“She’d wanted him. Had always wanted him. I was second best, I guess. Or the best way to get to him since we’d been friends.”
I was happy that this was coming out, even as I was broken-hearted that it hadn’t come out sooner; before I’d hurt Ryder.
“I wouldn’t say we’re back to being best buddies, but at least the truth is out,” Danny said.
“I’m glad you worked it out.” I blew out a breath. “You do realize what you’ve done though, haven’t you?”
He stared at me.
“Danny, he was your best friend.”
“She said—”
“You betrayed him. You believed her and absolved her, sacrificing Ryder. It’s not a little thing. It’s as big as if he’d slept with your fiance.”
He blew out a breath. “Fuck.
“I don’t get how that happened? Besides finding them together, why would you so easily dismiss his denial?” If I was going to suffer losing Ryder, I wanted to know why. I’d put my faith in Danny and it turned out to be misguided. I needed to hear his reasoning.
He threw up his hands and shook his head. “Jealousy I guess. I don’t know.”
“Jealousy?”
“Ryder’s life has bee
n so easy—”
“Aside from his mother abandoning him and his father beating him.”
Danny glared at me. “I’m an asshole, I know it. But from my perspective, he got admiration for being a football star from mom and dad and the school, he got the scholarship, he’d fucked Phoebe in college, he got drafted by the NFL… all of that could have been mine, Katie. He took it.”
“You don’t really believe that do you?”
He looked away. “No.”
“But you did? Jesus, Danny. No one can take a scholarship or NFL job from you. He earned that by working hard.”
“If it weren’t for mom and dad—”
“You’re right, but they didn’t give it to him either. He used what they offered to help himself. I don’t remember you having a tutor. Or getting up at the crack of dawn to train.”
He stood and paced back and forth in front of my desk. “I get that now. I was a jealous idiot.” He stared at me for a moment. “I know that I’m the reason things imploded with you two.”
I shook my head. “I made my choice—”
“It was the wrong choice, and it cost you Ryder. He says he’ll be there for the baby, and whatever you need.”
I nodded, noting the part he left out about Ryder wanting me. Clearly, that would not happen. Deciding I should own my part in this debacle I said, “I’m feeling bad I didn’t tell him about this doctor’s visit. I heard the heartbeat.”
Danny smiled. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? I remember the first time hearing DJ’s heartbeat.” His smile faltered, I supposed at realizing DJ wasn’t his biological child. But he rallied and looked at me. “He loves you.”
“DJ?”
“No, well yes, but I meant Ryder.”
“He told you that?”
“Reluctantly.”
The way he said it squashed the miniscule hope that bloomed in my chest. “But love isn’t enough?”
“He said that you don’t love him, but I think it’s more about that you think he’s the type of man who’d do what I accused him of.”
I nodded. Sometimes I thought Ryder was thin-skinned, but in this case, he had every reason to be angry and hurt. If someone I cared about thought I could betray my friends and family, I’d have a difficult time forgiving too.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” Danny asked.
When I looked at him, the question was sincere. Like he was waiting for me to map out a plan to get back into Ryder’s heart.
I shrugged. “There’s nothing I can do, except keep him informed about the baby.”
Danny frowned. “You can’t tell me you’re giving up that easy, are you?”
“Danny, I questioned his character, his pride. They mean everything to him.”
He scoffed. “I doubt that. Look at his reputation.”
I waved a hand. “He doesn’t care about what the public thinks. But he cares deeply about what the people he cares about think. It’s important to him that they see him for who he really is; beyond the talent, fame, fortune, and whatever the media is saying at the moment.” I sighed a deep breath. “You and I really hurt him because we, and our parents, are important to him and how we think of him is important to him. We let him down.”
Danny nodded.
“He doesn’t show it, but he knows we’re part of why he’s successful.”
“He worked hard too.”
“Yes. And his story is one that would inspire others if he was ever willing to tell it, but I think he doesn’t because deep down, I think he’s afraid he’s not worthy.”
Danny shook his head. “Ryder is the most self-assured man I’ve ever known.”
I took a moment to gather my thoughts so I could adequately explain what I meant. “Ryder knows he can throw a ball. He’s rich, and he’s handsome, but all that is surface stuff. When he can’t play ball, or if he doesn’t have money or looks, what does he have left?”
“He’s a good person?” Danny didn’t seem to get where I was going.
“We know that, but I’m not sure Ryder knows that. I think he still sees himself as the kid his mother abandoned and his father abused, and right now he hides it with his talent and money.”
“That’s messed up.”
“Yes, and we, you and I, messed it up more by telling him that we believed he was the type of person who’d betray and lie to you. We reinforced his feelings of unworthiness.”
Danny’s head dropped back, and I knew he finally got what I was trying to say. “All this time, I was jealous of him.” He looked up at me. “I don’t think mom and dad ever bought Phoebe’s story.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so either.”
He leaned forward, putting his hands on my desk. “Do you love him, Katie?”
“Yes, but—”
“No.” He cut me off. “There’s time. Maybe he’s hurt now, but there’s time. There’s the baby you’ve made. There are mom and dad, who haven’t been assholes to him like we have.” He cocked his head, “Have they?”
I hadn’t told him about Ryder’s kindness to them over the years, but I felt I could say with no problem that our parents had never treated Ryder badly. “No.”
“Then you can apologize, like I did, and get him back.” Danny’s expression was earnest, like he had to believe what he was saying to alleviate his guilt from the part he played in influencing my treatment of Ryder.
In theory, he was right, but I knew Ryder wouldn’t be so easily convinced. His MO was to avoid difficult situations especially ones that involved emotion. At the same time, I owed him an apology, and I owed to our baby to try to salvage something of our relationship even if it didn’t mean we’d be together.
I opened my calendar to check my schedule. The next few days were packed. Plus, I knew Ryder was heading to training camp. From now until the end of football season, his life would be filled with training, travel, and games. Single again, he’d be free to go back to his old ways of picking up women during his travel games and at home. But that was my fault. Regardless of how he lived his life, I needed to be strong and face him.
24
Ryder
I got the ball off before my teammate, Sly, knocked me to the ground making my teeth chatter. That wasn’t so bad. I could handle being tackled. The problem was, the ball I threw didn’t make it to Speedy. I was playing like shit. Like everything else in my life, my football game had gone to hell. At this rate, I’d be a bum unable to care for myself much less a baby.
“Malloy!” my coach yelled.
I turned to him.
“Get your ass over here.”
I sighed and prepared for a verbal ass whipping as I jogged to the sideline.
“Coach,” I said once I removed my helmet.
“Your arm looks good, but your mind is somewhere else.”
I nodded.
He put his hands on his hips and studied me like he’d find the reason for my piss poor playing etched on my face. “Life out of the fast lane got you down?”
I knew he was being facetious. “No, sir.”
He scowled at me for a long moment. “Your PR person is here. Take the rest of the morning off, get your public life squared, and then be back here later this afternoon ready to play football.”
PR person? I scanned the stands where fans often came to watch us practice.
“Over there.” My coach nodded toward the building that housed the gym and locker rooms of the university facility we used during training camp.
I looked and my heart stopped. Katie stood looking so pretty. My first instinct was to rush over and beg her to believe me as Danny seemed to. Anger quickly replaced the yearning. She made her choice, and it hadn’t been to believe me.
I turned my attention back to my coach. “Sir, I want to play.”
“Play this afternoon. Right now, get your business and head straight.”
Reluctantly, I nodded and strode over to Katie. As I did, I wondered why she was here. She made her decision about me. So maybe she
had news about the baby. Concern that something was wrong grew. Katie may not believe in me, but I was certain she would keep me involved with the baby.
“Everything okay with the baby?” I asked when I reached her.
Her eyes narrowed as if the question confused her. Then she nodded and patted her belly. “Yes. I… ah… I have a picture.” She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.
I opened it and pulled out what looked like an x-ray film. I studied it and realized it was the baby. My heart swelled in my chest. This was my child. I drew a finger over the outline of a tiny body.
“I heard the heartbeat too.”
Emotion welled until I could barely contain it. But I forced myself to remain impassive. I didn’t need fans and sports reporters knowing about this business yet. Until I could get my game and life in order, my relationship with Katie and the baby needed to be kept under wraps.
I looked up at her. “Why wasn’t I invited to the doctor’s visit?” I wasn’t successful at keeping the hurt from my voice and hated that she’d know how much she’d broken me.
She looked down as if she couldn’t look in me in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Ryder, that was wrong.” She lifted her head. “I’ve done everything wrong.”
“So, you’ll let me know about the next appointment?”
“Yes, it’s next month. I’ll text you the date and address of the doctor’s office.”
I wondered if I’d be around for it. We’d be in the preseason by then, which often involved travel. I’d also need to be ready for the world to know that I’d gotten Katie pregnant. While I wasn’t keen on having that news out, nothing was going to keep me from being there for my child. Even if it meant getting photographed with her at an obstetrician’s office.
“Good. Thanks.” I handed the picture back to her.
“You keep it.”
I put it back in the envelope and would put it in my room once I finished with Katie. “Thank you.”