by Coralee June
He wasn’t my uncle?
“What?” I asked. Of course he was my uncle. The state contacted him after Mom died. He was my mother’s estranged brother. He knew things about her, talked about their childhood together. Certainly, he’d not made all of that up.
“I was hired by someone to keep you safe. They were going to put you in foster care, and my employer figured a steady home would be better for you.”
His employer? Who the fuck was his employer? I was wading through the thickness of this reality, trying to understand. “Why would someone want to keep me safe?”
“I can’t answer that, Roe.” His response was instantaneous and laced with guilt. His bruised face turned a blotchy red color as obvious shame filled his swollen and battered expression. “I’ve always loved you like you were my own daughter, kid. I promise. This doesn’t mean anything has to change. Just because I was hired to be here doesn’t mean I don’t care.” He was speaking rapidly like he was trying to get his truth out there for me to absorb as fast as possible.
But there was only one thing that stood out to me: Everything I knew was a lie. Who was it that hired him? Why? I was a nobody, the daughter of a crazy mother and a ghost of a father. My parents weren’t important. Hell, I wasn’t important. I was just a trivial, damaged girl.
“Of course this changes everything!” I yelled, my voice rough and full of rage. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
“You know me. I raised you, Roe. All of that is still true. I taught you how to ride a bike. I took you to school. I braided your hair. I cared about you.” Those memories, which had once felt important to me, made me nauseous now. It all felt fake. “But you’re right,” he began again. “You need to know the truth. I can’t tell you all of it, but I own up to my part. I was hired to raise you.”
He was hired to raise me.
All this time, I thought Uncle Mack was the only person in my life that stayed. I pushed others away, but he seemed like an unmoving tree, an eternal force that proudly set up roots in my life. He saw past my toxic bullshit and really looked out for me. He broke my mother’s toxic chains and slowly reintroduced me back into the real world. My mother didn’t let me go to school. Hell, we barely left the house. The day she died, I thought I was leaving her hell, but I was leaving one form of control for another. All of it was a lie. He kept me around because he was paid to do it. And I couldn’t cope with that reality.
“Who wants to keep me safe?” I asked again while shoving the rising betrayal down. I was determined to understand this. I definitely had no plans to stay now, though. My entire life felt orchestrated, and I didn’t know what the end goal was.
Uncle Mack closed his swollen eyes and let out a sigh. Though he didn’t say a name or a reason, the hooded man from the cabin stood out in my memory. “It’s him, isn’t it?” I asked.
Uncle Mack’s busted lip twitched. His tell.
“Why would he want to keep me safe if he kicked us out of his cabin? If you thought revealing that you aren’t really my uncle would suddenly explain everything and keep me here, you’re an idiot.”
Uncle Mack tugged at his wrinkled shirt as if debating about what to say. “Fine. Leave. He’ll bring you back here within the hour. He will find you, Roe.”
I snorted, but there was a tingling sense of fear inching up my spine. Could that strange man really drag me back home? There’s no telling what he was capable of. He’d already managed to control my life behind the scenes. He’d killed the men chasing Uncle Mack and me. Was he watching us now? Did I have a stalker? None of this made any sense, and it felt like the last three days all melted together into one giant unanswered question.
“I’d like to see him try,” I responded with mock strength. There was no way in hell I’d sit idle while this complete stranger watched and controlled my life.
Uncle—I mean—Mack huffed. “Have a good afternoon. I’ll see you at dinner. Pizza sound good?”
The twinkle in his eye and the effortless way he stared at me made me bristle. He seemed so confident that this person would be able to find me. I’d have to be smart about this. I left my cell phone in my room, but did he have other means of tracking me?
“I won’t be back,” I assured.
“See you tonight.”
I twisted the handle and turned the knob, prepared to come up with a good plan to escape on the fly.
I felt determined, but Mack’s words still echoed in my mind.
He’ll bring you back.
He will find you.
Let your damage breathe.
Maybe being found wasn’t such a bad thing.
I’d have to talk to the devil if I wanted answers.
ROE
“I knew you’d call me,” Joel’s voice thundered in the phone, making my achy head pound in tandem to his arrogant tone. I didn’t want to speak to Joel. My ego had a hissy fit at the idea of reaching out to him for help. After Nicole’s party, he’d settled securely at the top of my shit list, but I didn’t really have any other choices. My bag was packed, my resolve was bolstered, and anger churned in my gut with no place to go. I barely made it a block of walking when I realized that I couldn’t just walk my way to freedom. I felt like a melodramatic toddler and didn’t want to give Uncle Mack the satisfaction of seeing me strut down the road with my backpack in tow. I’d called Nicole numerous times, but evidently, her phone was taken away for throwing the party. Guess she got the attention she wanted from her parents after all.
I didn’t maintain many friendships, so the pool of people to call when I needed to run away was very slim. There was one thing I could always count on, though, and that was Joel’s love of blow jobs. He didn’t care who was attached to the mouth sucking his cock, as long as he got off.
“Oh you did, huh?” I asked, my throat still dry. Based on my chronic constipation and cotton mouth, I’d determined that my uncle and his friend had been pumping me with pain meds for the last three days. I guess it was a good thing because, now that the opioids were wearing off, there wasn’t a single bone in my body that didn’t hurt.
I was currently popping ibuprofen and Tylenol like it was candy, not caring if it fucked up my liver. My broken arm hurt like a bitch, but I was grateful to have control over my mind and body. It made me sick to my stomach to think that my body was an unconscious void. I didn’t like not knowing what happened to me while at the cabin. Obviously, a doctor had put the cast on my arm, but there was still something violating about not remembering much of the last three days.
I still remembered him though. The handsome hooded stranger that knew my body intimately.
“You can’t help it. You miss my dick,” Joel responded gleefully. I imagined him beaming on the other end of the phone, sitting in his dark bedroom full of roaches simmering in makeshift ashtrays. My little fuck buddy was probably even stroking himself through his holey jeans. “I think about you in the shower,” he added in a raspy voice.
Yep. He was definitely touching himself right now. Disgusting.
“I’m glad you take your hygiene seriously,” I deadpanned. I had to literally bite my tongue to stop myself from telling him to fuck off. If I wanted Joel to come and get me, I had to play the part. I needed someone to drive me out of town or to a bus stop. I could try to steal Uncle Mack’s new car, but I worried he had a tracker on it. I’d watched enough crime television to know that was possible. I had some cash saved up for a one-way bus ticket out of Denver but needed a ride there. Joel would be suspicious if I suddenly started acting like the lovesick fool he wanted me to be, but I had to at least pretend to want him. It was a precarious tightrope. One word too affectionate, and he’d know something was up. Even hinting I was disgusted by him would earn me a lecture and get my calls blocked.
“Look,” I huffed. “Do you want to come and get me so we can fuck, or am I going to have to find someone else to get me off?” I asked while staring at the blood caked under my nails. He went silent for a moment, likely debating
my offer. He probably struggled with his pride, but I knew his horny dick would win in the end.
“Fine, fine,” he relented. I let out a sigh of relief. I needed out of here and fast. “I’ll pick you up in thirty minutes. Just let me shower real quick and tug one out so I can last longer.”
My mouth curled in disgust. “Lovely,” I replied. Why did I ever date this guy in the first place?
Oh yeah, I was a desperate motherfucker.
He hung up the phone, and I tried not to imagine him stroking his cock in his bedroom.
“What the fuck happened to you?” Joel asked the moment I slid into the passenger seat of his compact truck. His cobalt eyes raked over my cast and bruised skin, assessing me as I struggled to shove my oversized backpack into the small floor space at my feet. “You look like shit, Roe,” he added, making me bristle. If I had to guess, he was seemingly speculating if I was up for sex. I might have called him here under false pretenses, but if I knew Joel, he’d still be down.
“I got into a car accident,” I replied while squinting out the window.
“A car accident? What the fuck? When?”
I rolled my neck and twisted to face him. “Three days ago. I’ve been recovering since then.”
Joel gnawed on the inside of his cheek. “Explains why you haven’t been at school. Shit, Roe. Shouldn’t you be asleep right now? I’m not one to turn down sex, but even I have my limits.” He knocked at my cast and then looked back at me. “I mean, we could try some sexual healing, though.”
I tried to stay cool but was too on edge to stretch my composure long enough to entertain Joel. I needed him to get the fuck out of here—the faster the better. “Yeah, about that. I didn’t actually call you for sex.” His face dropped, and I knew I had to hurry through my plea before he kicked me out of his truck. I could walk to the bus station if necessary, but I was still too sore to move. I didn’t want to waste my limited funds on a cab, either. “Joel, I need you to drive me to the bus station in Denver, okay?”
I avoided eye contact with him, instead looking around his compact truck. It reeked of weed and cologne. I could sense his stare on me, though, and from the corner of my eye, I saw a peculiar expression that roughly mimicked pity on his face. “What’s going on?” he asked.
I glared at the road while swallowing. “I’m not hooking up with you. I need you to be a decent guy for thirty minutes and drive me to the bus station, okay?”
He braced his hands on the steering wheel and gripped until his knuckles became peppered with red and white blotches. “Did someone hurt you, Rowboat?” he gritted. I blanched, shocked by his concern and warmed by the familiar nickname. I used to hate it when we were dating, but the familiarity and comfort grounded me now. It was nice to find footing in Joel’s presence. “I’ll kick his ass, Roe. Did your uncle hurt you?”
His question caught me off guard. My uncle did hurt me. Hell, he wasn’t even my uncle. I was still processing that bombshell of a revelation. The hooded man at the cabin hired him and was the reason for this mess. I was sure of it. But something within me didn’t want to blame Mack. I knew there was more to the story, and I wasn’t willing to admit that this was his fault. “Not directly, no,” I answered, the words tasting bitter in my mouth. “A lot of shit has gone down. I’m not safe, Joel. I didn’t have anyone else to call. I really need you to take me to the bus station and pretend you never saw me, okay?”
His hand moved to hover over the gear shift, as if he were debating on listening to me. “Where are you going?” he asked before relenting and driving off. The carefree pothead turned serious in an instant, his face hardened in earnest determination. The switch surprised me. Maybe I’d underestimated him.
“I don’t know. I’m just going to buy a bus ticket and get the fuck out of town.”
“What happened to you, Roe? I know shit has to be serious if the ice queen is asking me for help.”
His words stung, but I’d deserved them. Joel wasn’t the love of my life, but we had fun. Until we’d broken up, he’d been a good enough guy. I could have stayed with him. I could have conquered my fear of abandonment and maybe fallen a bit for the asshole, but I didn’t want to. I fell for souls, then ran when things got too real, leaving them behind in whatever mess I’d abandoned.
I’d seen what happened to people that loved, and wanted nothing to do with it.
“Mack isn’t my uncle. I don’t know the details, but he’s involved in some shady shit, and there are people that want to hurt me. Someone wrecked our car on purpose.”
“Fuck, Roe. That’s a lot to digest. What do you mean he isn’t your uncle?”
I quickly explained everything I could as he drove into the city toward the bus station. The more I spoke, the more he checked his rearview mirror and peered around the corner of every street. His spine was rigid, and he sat in rapt attention as he absorbed my words. The carefree expression he usually wore so well became worried.
“The guy that took us in was terrifying. He knew things about me, Joel. Things I’ve told no one,” I whispered while thinking back on the hooded man with his tender touch.
“Roe, you need to go to the police,” he finally said while pulling up to a stoplight. He reached for my hand but paused when he saw the cast.
Going to the police was a good idea. If I were being honest, it was smarter than buying a bus ticket and sleeping on the street. “I probably should, but…”
“But what? You were in an accident and some guy locked you in a fucking room and drugged you.” He was shouting now. His anger on my behalf was endearing.
How could I possibly explain that I was scared to go to the police? Would they even believe me? Uncle Mack was able to convince the state that he was my biological uncle. The police would probably think I was just a stupid, pissed-off, and rebellious teen. I was a legal adult, too. Car accidents happened. They got me medical help, and I had no way of proving what kind of shady shit they were involved in when I didn’t even know it myself. Sure, I could give them a tip to investigate, but would they? And then what would happen? Would he punish me for leading the police to their operations? I didn’t know how to go up against something I didn’t understand. I’d seen enough television to know that snitches get stitches. They already tried to kill us once.
“I can’t go to the police,” I replied steadily, hoping Joel didn’t press the issue.
“You can. Or you can stay with me. I’ll protect you, Rowboat.”
I smiled but didn’t immediately answer him. People were always about grand gestures, but I didn’t want to be disappointed when Joel got scared and realized I wasn’t worth the effort. “Joel…” I began, certain he could hear the distance in my tone. There was no way in hell I’d put that sort of responsibility on his shoulders. I just needed a ride.
Poising his lips in a firm line, Joel pulled up to the bus station and turned off his car. “Do you have money?” he asked.
I pulled cash out of my wallet and flashed it in his face. “Enough to get out of here and eat for a few days. I’ll find a job when I get there.”
“That sounds like a shitty plan, Roe. Are you thinking this through?”
He was right, but impulsivity was in my blood. I wasn’t stupid. I knew this was a bad, terrible, ridiculous idea, but it felt right. Even if I wasn’t thinking rationally, I wanted to see just how far Mack’s employer was willing to go to keep me. I also wanted to give myself a chance to get away, and I definitely couldn’t stomach the idea of staying in that house with a man that had been lying to me all these years.
When I didn’t answer, Joel sighed and reached into his tight jeans to pull out his wallet. Flicking through a thick wad of cash, he pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and tossed it to me. “For the record, I think you should go to the police.”
I clutched the cash in my palm and leaned over the center console to kiss his cheek. “For the record, you are kind of a good guy.”
“Gee, thanks,” he replied. “I was hoping for at least a
blow job, but…”
I used my good hand to shove his shoulder. “I’m sure you can find someone that isn’t bruised to hell to take care of that,” I joked.
“But no one with a mouth like yours. That thing you do with your—”
“Nope. Not going there.”
He frowned for a moment and leaned over to kiss me. I braced myself for the familiar soft touch of his lips and the smell of his cologne. It wasn’t a devouring sort of kiss that left you drowning in passion. It was tender. Intimate. Kind and loving. I opened for him, but he pulled away, leaving me on the edge of a confusing battle within myself. “Call me if you need anything, okay? I’ve got an unlimited supply of orgasms,” he teased before biting his lip. Cocky motherfucker.
“Thanks for the ride.”
I got out of the car and watched as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed back toward town. It felt like just a moment—a blink in time. I should have felt something in that moment other than self-preservation. I’d ripped Joel apart, and he still came through for me. But I couldn’t force myself to feel gratitude or even love for the boy with cobalt eyes and scars on his wrist. I just felt relieved to be out of his hard stare.
They say that if you keep hurting the same part of you again and again and again and again, the nerve endings die, making you numb to the pain. The corner of my heart where Joel tried to find a home lost feeling long ago.
ROE
I clumsily purchased a one-way ticket to Los Angeles. It felt like a cheesy cliche, but I was committed. The woman working the ticket counter eyed me suspiciously and asked to see my ID. Thank God I was eighteen, or she might have refused to sell it to me. I couldn’t even fault her. I looked like I’d been tossed in a wood chipper and had that anxious energy that put off a suspicious vibe.
I’d always wanted to visit LA, and I figured it was far enough away that I could put some distance between me and the clusterfuck that was here in Denver. It was a big city, too, so I was sure I could find a job there and survive for a little. Plus, it wasn’t as cold as Denver, so if I had to sleep on the streets, I wouldn’t freeze to death. See? I could handle this. I was thinking it through.