A tear drips to the floor. “I wasn’t able to … to handle the weight of my secret alone anymore.”
“I know.” Billy’s voice is calm, understanding. “Even then I could see you never could have changed the outcome, and, man, it hurt to see you so torn up about it.” A single tear sneaks down his cheek, and he hurriedly wipes it away. “I never want to see you like that again.”
“I know. You were—are—a good friend.” I sniffle. “You never have thought any less of me for what I’ve dealt with.”
Billy stands. “Aiden, no one should ever think less of you for what you’ve gone through. You were strong enough to accept help, and you found a way to cope by wanting to be a Guardian. I thought it was such a badass dream that I couldn’t help but go along with it.” He grins. “Even though we all know I’ll be the better Guardian one day.”
I chortle. “You wish.”
He chuckles but eyes me firmly. “But seriously, you’ve worked hard to get where you’re at today. You were able to walk away from what happened for a while, but there’s still something you need to do.”
I sigh, feeling extremely taxed from the emotional roller coaster I just can’t seem to get off. “And what’s that?”
“You need to forgive yourself. You never have, and meeting Ember caused all those old wounds to explode open. That’s why I told you to stay away from her, but once I realized exactly what she meant to you, I wanted to be supportive.” He chuckles. “Then something else surprisingly happened.”
I tilt my head, not hiding my puzzlement. “What’s that?”
He smirks. “The chick fell for you too. That’s why you need to forgive yourself. Not just for you, but for her. That’s the only way you can put this behind you and have a solid future with her, if she still wants it. If you don’t, the guilt may eat you alive.”
Breathing suddenly gets harder. He has a point; the guilt could come between Ember and me. It would devastate me if we managed to work through this, just to fall apart because I feel guilty every time I look at her. Even worse, could she see anything else besides her parents’ deaths when she looks at me?
“Everything you say is true, but I don’t know how I can, especially when all I’ve managed to do is hurt her even more.”
“Man, give yourself some credit. You’ve risked your life for her, and you guys actually became friends. Clearly, she cares for you or she would’ve told you to get lost.”
My throat grows taut. “She still might.”
Billy puts his hand on my shoulder. “And that’s another reason for why you need to forgive yourself. If Ember does break things off, you still have to carry on. I know it’ll hurt, but you have to accept you’ve done the best you could.”
Is it even possible to forgive myself? The heartbreak in Ember’s eyes, the anger behind her words—it was everything I always feared, but, if there’s any hope of moving forward with or without her, I’ll have to learn how to forgive myself. Even so, I have no clue where to begin. I feel like I’m lost in a dark forest without a guidepost.
I rub my achy eyes, trying to soothe them. “You’re right. I just … don’t know how.”
“Hey, man.” Billy’s brown eyes shimmer with hope. “You’re in a way better place than you were eight years ago. If anything, maybe revisit your therapist for a bit?”
He’s got a point. Therapy helped me before; it wouldn’t hurt to go back. “Yeah, that may be a good place to start.” My heart feels lighter, like it’s sighing in relief at my words.
Billy’s smile is genuine. “Just take it one step at a time.”
I take in the sight of my best friend, the messy, overly muscular guy he is. He can drive me nuts, but he’s always been here for me, and I’m lucky to have him. “Thanks, man. I appreciate everything you’ve always done for me. I hope you know that.”
Billy squeezes my shoulder, reassuringly and lovingly. “Man, we’re brothers. Maybe not by blood, but the family you choose is just as important. I got your back, and you’ve got mine.”
I grab his shoulder and squeeze it back with the same affection. “Always.”
Chapter 39
Ember
Just breathe.
The door to Aiden’s room terrifies me. What will he think about seeing me back so soon? Has he really thought about what it means to be with me? Will I be a constant reminder of a past that almost broke him? It’s a real possibility he may push me away for the final time.
No. I can’t think like this. He won’t do that. He loves me, and I must live in that light, not allow myself to get lost in the shadows.
My hand trembles as I knock on the door.
It opens to reveal Billy wearing a red short-sleeved shirt that’s tight on his overly buff frame. His skin looks calmer than its normal storm. It cycles through hues of beige and brown, like an artist swirling his paints together on a canvas.
I cock my head. “Billy?”
His brown eyes grow round. “Ember?”
“What?” Aiden appears behind him, and my heart skips a beat. How can someone so strong look so weak? His white hair is disheveled, his blue eyes tired and his cheeks wet. “Are you okay?”
I nod, and my heartbeat quickens. “Yes, but can we talk?”
Billy glances back at Aiden. “I’ll give you guys some time.” He walks into the hallway and heads for the stairwell.
A new question pops into my mind. “Wait a second, Billy! How’s Ian? Is he doing okay?”
He faces me and shrugs. “He’s … okay. He got out of surgery this morning. His tibia was fractured in multiple places, and his spine suffered a slight injury. The only surgeon who could’ve mended it fully, Dr. Sarcio, was too overwhelmed with more severe cases. So they did everything they could for him, but it’ll be a long road to recovery.”
My heart breaks hearing his brother is suffering so much. “I’ll talk to Eliza. She knows a lot of people, and I’ll see if she knows someone who may be able to do more for your brother.”
Billy smiles, his bright white teeth sneaking through. “Thanks, Ember. That means a lot. My mom is a mess right now, but she forced me out and told me I needed to be around friends. It’s killing me not being there for her, but this made it worth it. That news will bring her some comfort.”
I smile reassuringly. “Of course. Anything I can do to help, just let me know.”
Our eyes meet. A mutual understanding seems to pass between us, that we’re both here for Aiden, but we’re also becoming friends.
He nods in Aiden’s direction. “Comfort him, will you? He’s a mess.”
I nod. “I’ll try.”
He winks and heads down the stairs.
I turn, giving Aiden my full attention. He’s still dressed in the same black dress pants but now wears a light blue t-shirt that compliments his eyes. His strong but lean body is a beacon, and all I want is to have his arms around me.
He frowns, and worry creases his handsome face. “What’s going on? Did the press bother you?”
I shake my head. “No. I really did just want to talk with you.”
His aquamarine eyes glimmer. “You did?”
“Is it okay if I come in?” My nerves melt away. “I’d rather not have this conversation from the hallway.”
“Oh, of course!” He steps backward and clears his throat. “I’m sorry if I seem startled. I just wasn’t expecting to see you back so soon.”
“I understand.”
I step in, and he closes the door behind me, and his body is very close to mine. Electrical energy radiates from him, causing the hair on my arms to stand, and his cinnamon scent wafts up my nose. I force myself to step away, going farther into his room. I can’t let myself get distracted—not yet.
“What’s going on, Em?” Nervousness drenches Aiden’s voice. “I know I should be happy to see you, but I’m terrified you’ve decided you want nothing—”
I spin around to face him. “I’m sorry.”
Confusion pinches his eyes “You’re sorry?�
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“I really screwed up.”
“You screwed up? What are you talking about?”
I fidget with the edge of my black shirt. “When you told me everything, I didn’t want to listen. I was … hurt and taken off guard.”
“Understandably so.” Aiden’s voice is soft. “Your reaction was completely warranted.”
“You deserved so much more from me though. I let my thoughts take over and didn’t really listen to what you were telling me. So, for that, I am sorry.”
His breathing hitches. “Ember, you don’t need to apologize.”
I nod rapidly and stifle my tears. “Yes, I do. I was wrong, Aiden. You were a kid just like me—scared and terrified of what was happening around you. Even if you tried to help my parents, I’m sure you would’ve been killed.”
His gaze falls to the floor. “Iron Forge was going to kill me, but Black Mold stopped him.”
I inhale sharply. “What?”
He shivers. “I don’t know why Black Mold made that decision. It would’ve made sense for them to take me out. Maybe it would’ve been better for me if they would have.”
I rush for him and grab his arms. “It would not have been better if they killed you. You’re an amazing person, Aiden, and you did nothing wrong. It wasn’t your responsibility to save my parents from whatever they got themselves wrapped up in. I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier. I know it wasn’t something you ever took lightly, and it breaks my heart that you’ve suffered so much.”
His already raw eyes somehow manage to weep more, and he chokes like he wants to say something but is struggling to breathe. “Is-Is this really happening? I have to be dreaming.”
My cheeks lift with my smile. “Aiden, I want to be with you. You are the one who broke through my walls and made me reevaluate my life. You made me laugh, as well as cry, but you gave me hope that a better life was waiting for me. You’re a good man, and I would be an idiot to overlook everything you’ve done for me.”
He sways in my arms, like a weight has dropped off his shoulders. “You have no idea what this means to me to hear this from you.”
My eyes downcast. “I will admit, I still don’t like that you hid it from me. I think that hurt me more than anything.”
He frowns. “I hated hiding it from you. I just felt like I had no other choice, and I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you sooner.”
I reach for his face, and he melts into my touch. “Just know this, if you ever hide anything from me again or try to push me away, there’ll be no place you can hide from my fury,” I say half-jokingly.
He chuckles and pulls me into a hug, threading his fingers through my hair. “You never have to worry about that. The guilt almost killed me, especially when all I wanted was for you to be mine.”
My lips graze his ear. “I am yours, Aiden.”
His fingers trail up my spine, and he kisses my cheek, his lips lingering close to my mouth. “And I’m yours, Ember.”
His lips meet mine, light and gentle. My body curves into him, fitting perfectly, like this is where I’ve always belonged.
“Thank you,” he whispers. “For coming back. For talking to me. It means more to me than you even realize.”
I inch back. “You can thank Stella. She helped calm me down, and you were right when you said we needed to talk things out. I just … needed a moment.”
He caresses the side of my neck. “You came back. That’s all that matters.”
I shiver, enjoying his touch, but remember there is more we need to discuss. “I do want to talk to you more about what happened with my parents.”
Aiden trembles in my arms, and his shoulders cave. His eyes are bloodshot, and they’re so puffy they seem more closed than open.
My head pounds, drenched with fatigue. Not only has today been a whirlwind, but, if I’m honest, I’m still not fully recovered from the attacks earlier this week. Would today really be the best time to press Aiden for more information? I don’t know if I can endure another emotional tsunami right now—or if he could.
I place my hands on Aiden’s chest, his heartbeat comforting me. “But maybe that can wait for another day.”
He reaches for my hands, securing them in his grasp. “Are you sure? I’ll answer any questions you have.”
I kiss him, letting my lips linger for a moment before nodding. “Yes, I’m sure. We need to catch our breaths before we take on the next set of challenges that await us.”
Aiden rests his cheek against mine and sighs. “That sounds good to me, beautiful. Whenever you’re ready, let me know.”
I smile and close my eyes, reveling in this moment. “I love you.”
Aiden wraps his arms tight around me. “I love you too.”
The feeling of being loved and safe in Aiden’s embrace gives me all the reassurance I need. The future is scary, but also full of wonderful possibilities.
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The Guardians’ Daughter!
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A sneak peek from...
The Guardians’ Secret
Chapter 1
Ember
My heart beats like a paddleball against my chest. I can’t take my eyes off the image of me in the newspaper on the dean’s desk with the headline: EMBER VULTERRA PRESS CONFERENCE THIS SUNDAY. The photo had to be taken on the day of Erik’s service about two months ago. I’m dressed in black, my green eyes bright, my normal auburn hair looks like it’s on fire, with my anger aimed at the photographers.
More photos decorate the front page. One is of a crazed woman with white hair and gray eyes and a man with long, wet black hair: Mad Marie and Black Mold. A headline above them is in large, bolded letters: THE REGENERATOR’S MURDERERS STILL AT LARGE. One other small article has a photo of an elderly man with a long white twisted beard—a local clockmaker who has been missing for the last month.
I survey the rest of Stu’s office, trying to distract myself while I wait for him to finish talking to his secretary. I would think for being Dean of the University of Stalwarth, it would be neater. His oversized mahogany desk is cluttered with paper piles, files, and old doughnut bags. The bookshelves are crammed with folders, leather-bound books, newspapers, and random knickknacks like a small ceramic phoenix.
“I’m sorry about that, Ember.”
The suddenness of Stu’s voice startles me. My nerves really are all over the place.
“I told Susan to hold the rest of my calls so we don’t have another interruption.”
I hear the door close, and Stu walks up behind me and places his hand on my shoulder.
He glances at the newspaper. “I know things haven’t been easy since the loss of The Regenerator. I know he was close to your family. You actually called him Uncle Erik, right?”
My eyes and throat burn while forcing back the urge to cry. “Yeah,” I choke out. “We actually reconnected last semester, so losing him like that so suddenly … has been hard.”
He squeezes my shoulder as if to comfort me. “I hope you know the Guardians are doing everything they can to track down Mad Marie and Black Mold. They will pay for what they did to The Regenerator and for the destruction they did to our city.”
A lonely tear sneaks down my cheek. “At least Iron Forge was caught during the attacks, getting one of my parents’ murderers off the street, but it’s still unnerving.”
Stu sits behind his desk, and his chair squeaks under his weight. The panoramic window behind him showcases a perfect view of the campus. The glass buildings sparkle, dusted by snow, and the lake is a sheet of ice. The winter scene is the only appealing image in the room but also troubling. Winter in Stalwarth doesn’t usually get cold enough for actual snow.
“Rest assured we’re increasing security around campus.” Stu places his hands behind his bald head. “Eliza actually reached out to me to make
sure we were doing so, especially after the attacks. She really does care for you like a mother.” His lips pinch together. “It also seems she may have had a soft spot for Erik and took his loss pretty hard. She wanted assurance that no harm would come to you.”
Of course, Stu would mention this. I definitely picked up something going on between Eliza and Erik, but that’s not Stu’s business. “Well, they were good friends, and his death was a shock.”
He grunts. “Yeah. I didn’t realize she had such a tender heart when we were dating all those years ago.”
I shift in my seat, suddenly feeling awkward. “We should finish discussing the press conference. I know you’re a busy man, and I have class soon.”
“Of course.” Stu leans forward while eyeing some paperwork on his desk. “I think the only thing we need to finalize is what time you want to arrive.” He glances up from his papers at me. His overgrown caramel-colored beard and curled mustache cover his mouth, almost completely hiding his smile. “But rest easy. Everything is in place for you this Sunday. You have nothing to worry about. As long as you get to the auditorium about an hour beforehand, you should be fine.”
A knot forms in my stomach, and my leg bounces nervously. “Maybe I should arrive a little earlier, just so I get there before any press shows up.”
Stu’s face softens with sympathy in his gaze. “It’ll be okay. We’ll make sure the press doesn’t see you beforehand. If you really don’t want to deal with them, we can cancel.”
My heart takes off again like a game of paddleball, and I shake my head. “I couldn’t even imagine the ridicule I would receive if I backed out. I made this promise to hold a conference at Erik’s service so the press would focus on honoring him, not on my presence. No way will I risk tarnishing Erik’s memory by giving the press a reason to plaster a headline that I used his death as a tool to avoid them.”
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