“Well, as I was saying, yes, he could have changed his mind, but I highly doubt it.”
“How so?” I was a bit sheepish for cutting her off.
“Here's how.” She pulled out her phone and searched for a picture. She flipped her phone so I could see her find. It was a picture of Colin watching me talking with someone at a Christmas party. He wasn't jealous, just an awe.
“Oh…” I had no words.
She flipped her phone back around and tapped a few buttons. Next thing I heard was my phone notifying me I had a message. “There, now you have it too. Sorry I didn't send it sooner. Honestly, I forgot. Isaac and I got to talking, but I'm glad I had it.”
“Wait back up. You and Isaac were talking. When did this happen?”
“We started talking at the reception and just a few other times. He's called a couple of times since he left, but nothing serious. So nothing to talk about.”
I sighed. “I'm being neurotic, aren't I?”
“Yep.”
“But you let me.”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“It's what you needed. Now are you finished so we can go shopping for your belated honeymoon?” She gave me a playful shove with her shoulder.
I nodded and grinned. “Yes.”
“Good. But why are we at Target instead of Victoria’s Secret? Come on, let's get out of here.”
We left Target after we purchased a few items in the cart and spent the rest of the afternoon at the mall, shopping for my belated honeymoon.
*********
The drive was perfect. We settled into our easy conversations while listening to various eighties songs on Sirius radio. The hour or so in the Jeep didn't seem all that long. I realized the picture Layla had taken all those months ago showed exactly how perfect we were for each other. At first, when we got to the campground, my facial expression betrayed my thoughts.
“Don't worry. We aren't camping in a tent or even a trailer. I booked a cabin.” Colin chuckled as he parked the Jeep in front of the registration place and got out. “I'll be right back. Don't worry. I promise we booked a cabin.”
I must have looked none too impressed, but seriously I was not the camping type. “We better have a cabin, or you'll be sleeping alone with the bears buddy,” I mumbled to myself.
Colin got back in his Jeep after only a few minutes and handed me some paperwork. But the look on his face had me concerned.
“Don't tell me no cabin,” I said, shaking my head. “I knew you were going to make me camp in a tent.”
He looked at me intently, then the corners of his mouth turned upwards. “Ha fooled you!” he announced, holding up a key.
“Brat! That was not funny.”
“Sure it was!” He was laughing as he dangled the key in front of me.
I snatched at the key and he pulled it away. I snatched at it again. Finally, I just turned in my seat, crossing my arms and huffing.
“Oh, come on. I had you going. And it was funny—at least from my point of view.” He reached over to try and kiss me, but got my cheek instead.
He dangled the key again and let me grab it this time but held onto it.
I turned with a smile.
He kissed me and let go of the key.
Minutes later we were pulling up to the cabin. Absolute beauty didn't begin to describe the scene before me.
“Wow! This is gorgeous. Perfect getaway. Great idea, babe.” I slowly got out of the Jeep. Looking around, the nearest cabin was far enough away to be of no concern. Several people were playing various water activities on the lake from tubing to kayaking. People were walking about while others were hanging out by the shoreline. It was the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday, so not as many people as a weekend, but it didn't matter. The area was so huge. There was enough room for everyone.
“I've lived within 90 minutes of this place and I've never been here. This is amazing! A little slice of heaven. How long are we here for?” The awe in my voice was very evident.
“Well, I booked for a few nights, but the guy told me we could stay ‘til next Wednesday if we wanted. So we're here ‘til then, if that's okay.”
“Is that okay? Seriously, a whole week. We'll have to get more groceries, but I'm down. Can we unload later? Let's go walk around a bit.”
Taking my hand, he answered my question. “I have missed our walks.”
“Me too. I tried to go a few times to our park, but it wasn't the same. Too quiet, weird feeling, but this feels perfect.” I wrapped around his arm and put my head on his bicep. As we walked, a deep breath of fresh air and his bodywash’s scent helped relax the last residual tension I had built up over him coming home.
The week was great. We had our walks and campfires. We rented a paddleboat one afternoon and nearly flipped ourselves. We checked out the Homeplace 1850s Working Farm and Living Museum and saw a massive beaver nest in Beaver Marsh. We didn't jam pack our days, but we did spend every minute together.
One morning, I woke up just as the sun was rising. The water was like glass with mist rolling off. I saw a large eagle gliding in the air as if he was the only creature around. The soft pink of the eastern sky bled into the soft purple and deep blue of the western sky. The sun was just below the tree line creating a silhouetted scene.
I had been standing outside on the porch of the cabin and had left the door open, so I hadn't heard Colin get up and walk outside. It wasn't until he gently slid his arms around my waist that I registered him there.
“Isn't it gorgeous?”
“Yes, you are.”
I tilted my head back slightly to catch him in the corner of my vision. “I meant the scenery.”
“I know what you meant and you're right. It is beautiful. But the first sight I saw here was you, my love.” He kissed me on the side of my forehead.
“I think we should come here every year. Don't you?” I nestled into his embrace.
“Absolutely. Maybe we can renew our vows here for our fifth anniversary.” He squeezed me to him. I loved being in his arms. I could stay there forever.
“But for now, I say breakfast and cuddles.”
“Deal. After you, Mrs. Dawson.” His crooked smile let me know breakfast was not what he was thinking.
Damn do I love this man! Even looking like I rolled out of bed, a hot mess, he still finds me desirable and beautiful. I thought how lucky I was as I led him back inside and closed the door on the amazing creation outside.
*********
The time of the cabin didn't fly by, but it wasn't long enough either. Soon after getting back to reality, Colin had to pack up and don his ACUs and army combat uniform once again.
It's crazy; as kids and even as adults, two weeks seems like more than enough time, but it really isn't, especially when it'll be months before you see the other person again.
We walked hand-in-hand, fingers entwined, to security check at Killeen Regional Airport. I tried to will him to slow down. Just before he went through security, he stopped and pulled me to him. He dropped his bag and my hand, placing each of his on either side of my face, and kissed me like there was no tomorrow and we only had this one moment together. Time finally stood still. I held him with all my might.
When he finished, in a husky voice he whispered, “I love you, Joleene Nicole Dawson. See ya.” That was it. The tears I had successfully held off fell of their own accord.
“I love you, Colin. See ya,” I could barely whisper back. I just wanted to hold him forever, but he took a step back and grabbed his bag from the floor and turned. Just before he disappeared beyond security check he looked back with his crooked smile and steel-grey eyes and winked. Then he was gone.
July finished and melted into August. Colin called letting me know he made it safely to the sandbox. August came and went with no major hiccups. September rolled up unassumingly, hiding what was just beyond the horizon.
“You ok, girl?” Leyla shouted through the closed bathroom door at me.
&nbs
p; “Yeah,” I managed as I finished emptying my stomach for the third time that day. I rinsed out my mouth and nearly gagged in the process, but managed to keep from hacking up anymore.
I walked out of the bathroom and Layla was standing there. “What's wrong?”
“I don't know. My stomach has been giving me fits all day. I'm probably coming down with something like I always do this time of year.”
“Maybe.” Layla just stood there looking at me, raising an eyebrow. “You sure?”
“Yeah. It's nothing.” I walked back to the living room and sat slowly down as if I was trying not to hurt myself.
Unfortunately, my butt never hit the cushions before I stood up and ran back into the bathroom.
“I'm gonna run and get you some crackers and a Sprite. You don't have any.”
I just leaned against the wall opposite the toilet, willing my stomach to stop rolling. I was hoping I was done so I could at least lie down. Eventually, I made it back to the couch and just laid my head back, taking deep breaths in hopes of settling myself and staving off a headache.
I hate getting sick. I was trying to focus on my breathing instead of the acrobatics my stomach was attempting. I'm probably going to have to call off tomorrow. I'll have Layla call Dale when she gets back. Damn. I hope she hurries. I could feel another round coming.
I heard Layla call out as I closed the bathroom door. When I came back out, she had a spread of various items on the coffee table, including crackers and a Sprite already opened and poured over ice with a straw—she knew me well. And there was one other item that confused me.
“Call it a hunch. Get something to drink first.”
She knew what had caught my attention without me saying a word. I looked at her, then back at the box, then back at her, then back to the box, shaking my head.
“No way, not possible. I had my period—”I stopped walking to the couch and raised my hands slowly to my mouth. I remembered I hadn't had my period since before Colin was home. I had just brushed it off as stress related. I mean seriously, what did I have to stress about?
She simply grabbed the box and handed it over. I booked it back to the bathroom. Three minutes later, I walked slowly out holding the test. I just looked at Layla. She met me halfway and guided me to the couch. I was clearly in shock.
“How…” I started then swallowed hard. “How, how did this happen?” I was staring blankly at the room.
“Well, at some point when Colin was home, you two started kissing and holding each other. That led to—” She stopped when I smacked her in the arm.
“I know how, smart ass.” I was looking at her as she grinned back.
“What? You asked! I thought I'd remind you of health class.” She shrugged.
I grabbed my Sprite and crackers and sat back on the couch.
“What am I going to do?”
“Well, I would say first you eat that cracker and take a sip of your Sprite. Then I'd suggest calling Dale to let him know you need tomorrow off and then call your doctor for an appointment.”
“Funny you say that.” I took a sip of my Sprite and waited a moment to see if my sprinting abilities would be needed.
“I was going to have you call him for me, figuring I would need to rest.”
“Deal. I'll call him right now,” she said, reaching for her phone and dialing before I could tell her she didn't have to.
“Don't tell him!”
“I won't. Go call your doctor and make that appointment.”
Layla made sure I was okay before leaving me to rest, promising me she'd be by in the morning to pick me up from my appointment. I spent the night in disbelief. Sleep found me before I could make it to the bedroom.
Chapter 17
It had been a week since I discovered I was going to be a mom. I called off work and told Dale I wasn't feeling well, which was partly true. He grumbled, but told me to take care. I knew if I showed up to work, he would know something was up and get me to tell him. But I wanted to tell Colin first.
When my phone rang, I jumped. I had been staring at the ultrasound, clearly showing I was pregnant. I tried to slow my breathing as I answered my phone.
“Hello?” I must have sounded slightly winded still because on the other end I heard Colin start laughing. “Running for the phone again, babe?”
“No, it just startled me is all.”
“What's up, Joleene?” He stopped laughing immediately.
“I need to tell you something and I'm not sure how to or how you're going to react.”
“Okay …”
I could tell he was tensing up. His reaction only added to my nerves. Taking an audibly deep breath, I forged ahead. We had never discussed having a family. So I was unsure how he would take the news he was going to be a father. I took one look at the ultrasound and simply stated,
“I'm pregnant.”
Silence was all that greeted me. I thought we had gotten disconnected. So I looked at my phone. Nope. It was still connected.
“Colin, are you there? Did you hear me? Please say something.” The silence stretched on. I looked at my phone again. “Colin. Please say something.” The tears were welling up and threatening to fall. “Colin.” My voice cracked.
“Are you sure?” was all he said. Silent tears slid down my cheek.
“Yes. I saw the doctor last week and I'm holding a picture from the ultrasound.”
“Really?” His voice sounded different, disbelief but not disappointment or irritation. “Really? We're going to have a baby?” Excitement came over the line.
I lifted my head. He's happy. He's not upset. Or accusing me of stepping out on him.
“Joleene you there? You okay?” His concerned tone penetrated my thoughts.
“Yes. I'm here. I'm fine. I just”—I stopped mid-thought—“I just thought—”
“You thought what?”
“I just thought when you didn't answer, you were upset.” I was crying ugly tears by this point.
“How could I be upset? You're having our child. I'm sorry I didn't respond at first. I thought it was a dream. Then I thought you were joking. Oh, Joleene, I'm sorry I upset you. I, I wish I was there. I'd pick you up and spin you around kissing you.”
“If you did that, we’d both need to change. As I puke all over us.” I instinctively put my hand on my stomach as the very thought turned it and threatened to end our conversation.
“I wouldn't care. Oh, Joleene. I'm so happy. I may not sleep tonight.”
“Just make sure you stay focused on your next mission.”
“No worries there. I love you.”
“I love you.”
“I'm sorry, babe, but I have to go, but I'm so excited to talk more about us and the baby. I wish I could be there, but I'll be involved as much as I can. I love you, Joleene.”
“I wish you were here too, be safe. I love you, Colin.”
Click.
Chapter 18
Every new year brings new beginnings and this year for me was no different. I was nearing the end of my second trimester of what could only be considered a textbook healthy pregnancy.
Colin's unit was preparing for redeployment. Their time in the sandbox was finally coming to an end. I was so excited. I was moving into a two-bedroom apartment in the same complex that weekend. Dale and Layla and movers were coming over to help.
Over the last several months, Dale had become like a proud uncle-to-be and even more overprotective. On busy nights, he kept me behind the bar and had a stool put back there so I could sit down. It was quite comical at times to listen or watch him when I was around.
Layla had been beyond amazing. She listened to me bawl for no reason. She went baby shopping and had made sure to inform me that she would be Auntie Layla. She had every intention of spoiling this child.
The day before the move had started like any other. I was putzing around before I finished the lightweight packing Dale and Layla had allowed me to do, listening to the classic 80s station on my new Ale
xa I had gotten for Christmas. Smiles and horrible singing with some eighties dance moves. I was on top of the world.
I wasn’t ready for a knock at the door.
Knock, knock, knock,
“Coming. Alexa, volume down.” The music lowered.
“Hell—” my smile dropped instantly as I opened the door and saw two soldiers on the other side, my hand went to my mouth and the other dropped from the handle.
“No, no.” I started shaking my head.
“Ma'am, may we come in?”
I just stood there, unable to move.
“Ma'am?”
I backed away from the door. I reached out behind me for something to grab. I felt faint. The soldiers must have sensed and tried to help me to the couch, but I just kept backing away. I finally found a chair and stumbled into it. “Ma'am.” They came over, but not too close.
“Jo,” was all I could utter.
“The commandant of the United States Army has entrusted me to express his deep regret that your husband, Colin, was killed in action in Mosul, Iraq on 15 January, when his squad was ambushed. The commandant extends his deepest sympathy to you and your family in your loss."
I sat numb.
“Ma'am,” he repeated.
“Jo, please call me Jo.” My voice sounded hollow to my ears as I sat there staring.
“Ma'am is there someone you can call or we can find to help you? Parents? Family?”
“I have no family. My best friend is coming over. I'm moving tomorrow.” Unconsciously, my hand drifted to my swollen belly.
“Ma'am do we need to call a doctor? Are you okay?” Layla had come through the door, chatting on the phone. The sight of the soldiers stopped her in her tracks. Seeing me in the chair in a catatonic state, Layla must have known in an instant what happened.
Colin had been killed.
Layla immediately called Dale, who was over within minutes. They both talked to the officers, keeping a close eye on me. I hadn't said a word. I just sat in the chair, staring into space.
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