He smiled. “Thanks.” He fumbled with the tiny cotton dress with a lightness in his heart.
Eventually it was time to go. Glancing at his phone, Ryan saw he’d arrived over an hour ago. Lesson learned: there was no quick pick up and go when it came to preparing a toddler.
They drove south to beautiful Huntingdon Beach State Park in Murrells Inlet. It boasted not only a three-mile stretch of protected beachfront, but it also had nature trails in case Grace wanted to stretch her legs. He paid the fee for the three of them, drove on the causeway over the salt marsh, and made it to the large parking lot. He parked and started pulling everything out of the trunk while Carly got Grace out of her car seat.
“Where’s your bathing suit, Ryan?” asked Carly.
He pointed into the back seat with a thumb. “It’s right there. Once I carry all this stuff out and get us set up, I’ll just hop over to the locker room and change.”
She nodded and started studying the best way to transport all their stuff to the beach with only one trip. She hoisted a few of the lighter beach bags over her shoulders and held out a hand to hold Grace’s.
“I got all this, don’t worry about it,” Ryan said confidently before actually establishing how he would carry it all. He glanced toward the boardwalk that led to the beach. They had quite a walk. Oh well. He was young and fit. He’d manage. The important thing was that the ladies in his life wouldn’t have to become pack mules.
They waited, watching him while he tried a variety of options, and ultimately, he managed to get every last parcel on his body. He looked up with a smile and a thumbs up. “Ready to go.”
They walked slowly to the beach. Normally, he’d want to stride as fast as he could, so he could dump his load and relax. But again, you don’t do anything fast with a toddler. Grace stopped and studied everything along the way. The boards on the path. The vegetation growing in the sand. The sign displaying a picture of a turtle. The yellow flag indicating moderate waves today.
Carly was so good with her. Patient and kind and encouraging of her questions. Ryan could learn a lot from her. So, he strolled at a snail’s pace as they elongated the walk to ten times its normal length.
They finally arrived on the sand and he let Carly select the perfect location to set up. Thankfully it was late summer, and it wasn’t as crowded as it would’ve been earlier in the season. He unloaded the beach mat, set up the umbrella and chairs, and laid out the towels. While Carly dug out the bucket and shovels for Grace to start digging, he grabbed his suit. “I’ll be right back,” he said, motioning with the garment.
Carly nodded and went back to playing with Grace.
He covered the distance to the locker room in a jog, put on his bathing suit, then back to the car to throw his clothes in the back seat and grab his towel. He’d never really messed with sunscreen; his complexion was responsive to sun and he’d never burned, despite his lack of care. He headed back to their spot on the beach and when he approached his two ladies, he went breathless for the first time since he’d started the jog. However, it wasn’t due to his run.
It was the sight in front of him.
Carly kneeled in the sand, reaching for a shovel while Grace filled a small plastic bucket with sand. The sight of Carly on her knees, stretching and reaching and extending her beautiful petite figure to grab the shovel, slammed the breath out of his lungs.
He came to a stop about twenty yards away, so he could breathe normally again. And continue to observe her.
Carly grabbed the shovel and came back to sit on her haunches, knees bent while she dug with Grace. Carly wore a purple two-piece suit. Not a bikini exactly: not a revealing garment meant to entice and show as much skin as possible. It was more like an athletic suit. High-waisted bottoms that looked like the shorts an Olympic track star would wear, paired with a sports bra on the top, exposing her midriff. Functional. Utilitarian.
She looked beautiful.
Her body looked different than it had when he last saw her exposed to this extent; when they were dating in high school and in their youthful ignorance, were exploring each other’s bodies. She was leaner then, thinner, more of a girl. Now, she was a woman. Her body had plumped in all the places that a woman’s body needed to be plump. She had luscious curves and her shape was perfect. Still petite, not an ounce of fat. Just ... perfect.
His breathing returned to normal, and still he lingered at a distance, watching her, admiring her. The unmistakable attraction he felt filled his head. He liked what he saw. But no. No, no, no.
Bad idea. He couldn’t, shouldn’t. He forced his eyes away from her while he worked with his mind. He couldn’t allow his physical attraction to Carly, which had always been there, from the very beginning of their relationship, distract him from what he was trying to do. This was about Grace, first and foremost. Sure, in a perfect world, it would also be about Carly. The three of them together. A family. But he’d done such damage to Carly, he didn’t even harbor a hope that she’d be open to that. The very worst thing he could do was to reveal his physical attraction to Carly and make her think, that’s all this was about.
He had a higher purpose. A higher goal. He wanted to be a hands-on father to Grace. If it meant that someday he could also have Carly, great. But until then, he had to focus on his daughter.
“Ryan?”
Her voice came to him on the breeze. He shook the thoughts out of his head and glanced up. She was looking at him with a frown. “What are you doing?”
Shoot. “Oh,” he called, mind racing. “I dropped something.” He bent over and scanned the sand, filling his hands, looking for a missed item that didn’t exist.
“What is it?”
He straightened, kicked the sand and began to walk toward her. “Oh, just some coins I had in my pocket. No biggie.” Making his way over to her, it disturbed him how easily the lie had come, and he made a mental promise that he’d never lie to her again. He’d already betrayed her and their daughter by being an absentee father. The last thing he wanted to do was lie to her as well.
He approached their set-up and Grace gave him a distracted wave from underneath her beach hat. She also had on tiny sunglasses that made him smile. Carly really did think of everything.
“Everything okay?” Carly asked.
“Yep. Sure is.” He sat on the sand beside them and played.
CARLY RECLINED ON HER beach chair, then scooted it to the right a little bit so she’d get the perfect angle from the sun. She closed her eyes and breathed out her stress, then positioned her hat more fully over her face. Darn her fair complexion. What an irony God had handed her – to make her absolutely worship the sun yet give her skin that burned at the drop of a hat. Severely. Painfully. And then, despite Ryan’s DNA combining with hers, their daughter got Carly's exact complexion.
She sighed and peered at Ryan from under her hat brim. She didn’t think he used an ounce of sunscreen, yet his skin tone was at least two notches darker now than it had been when they’d arrived three hours ago. She could literally see him tanning. It was ridiculous.
Her gaze rested on him as he lifted Grace, swung her up onto his shoulders and trotted to the water. Grace was laughing and giggling, of course. She always did when she got attention from him. She bathed in his responsiveness. She was madly in love with him.
He was a great ... playmate. She wouldn’t make the mental leap that he was a great father ... yet. Spending an afternoon occasionally entertaining a child and keeping her in good spirits was not the same thing as parenting. There was a lot more to being a parent than being the fun guy every week or so. What about the non-fun chores? Bathing her, feeding her, waking her up in the morning, getting her dressed and ready to walk out the door by seven thirty? Where was Ryan for all those activities? Well, he was away at college, of course.
But she could admit that the two of them enjoyed their time together, and because of that, she got a little bit of rela
xation during their outings. Right now, for instance. When could she ever rest in a chair facing the sun with her eyes closed when she took Grace to the beach? Never. She was the one digging with her, holding her hand, taking her to the water’s edge, preparing her peanut butter and jelly sandwich, reapplying sunscreen. She was determined to take advantage and savor this break in responsibility if he was going to hand it to her.
She sighed and closed her eyes, but way too soon, opened them again. Yeah, that was the problem. She couldn’t just drift away when Ryan was around. Because she wanted to watch him.
He was a good-looking guy; he always had been. Feelings that should’ve been squashed long ago, simmered just beneath the surface. Which meant that when Ryan Melrose was mere feet away from her, wearing nothing more than swim trunks, she was going to look. She had no choice.
He was in constant movement because of Grace. Reaching for a shovel, getting up and following her when she wandered, lifting her up, his muscles moving gracefully under his skin. He was beautifully fluid.
And those eyes. Those unique, wonderful brown eyes the shade of a cup of hot cocoa. She’d always loved to gaze into them. Occasionally, she’d shift her gaze from his body to his face and see that his eyes were locked with hers. Could he know she was studying him or were her sunglasses shielding her eyes? And why was he watching her? Then her face heated, and almost certainly she blushed.
No. Having Ryan around definitely was not conducive to peaceful rest.
The hours passed pleasantly with a break for lunch, several swims in the waves, sandcastle creation and a short walk up the beach. It became clear that their day was over when Grace’s mood shifted to ornery and irritated. Naptime. Carly was gratified to see that she didn’t have to explain this to Ryan. He seemed to understand when she announced that it was time to go, and although Grace started crying, he supported her decision with an enthusiastic, “Time to go, Grace,” and a concerted effort to start loading up all their stuff.
Grace fell asleep a minute into the drive home, and Ryan’s instincts must’ve told him to stay silent in the car and let her sleep. All he did was look in the rearview mirror, then motion to Carly with his head and wink at her. The gesture made her smile, and yet her heart hurt. When Ryan was like this, she could picture them together, facing the joys and challenges of family life. They could be raising Grace together. A real family. The three of them.
But then she pulled that guard back up and reminded herself that a few fun family outings were not real life.
He parked and turned to look at her. “Why don’t I carry her up and put her right into her crib?”
She considered, then shook her head. “As tempting as it is, I don’t want her to take her nap yet. She is covered in lotion and sweat, and she could still have sand in uncomfortable places. You can carry her upstairs, but I need to give her a bath before I let her sleep.”
He gazed at her a moment, his face a mystery, before he nodded. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
She let out an embarrassed laugh. “Why?”
“You are such a good mother. You really are.”
She shrugged, then got back to business. “You carry her up and I’ll bring the bags, then you can come back down for the heavy stuff while I bathe her.”
“Yes ma’am,” he joked, and they sprang into action.
Later, when Grace was bathed, dried, and changed into her shorts and t-shirt, Carly was in her room, trying to convince her to take her nap. She kept asking for “Why-n” and although Carly assumed he hadn’t left yet, she hadn’t seen him in a while since she’d been tied up with Grace. “If I let you say good-bye to Ryan, will you settle down and take your nap?”
The little girl nodded and gave her a determined, serious look. Carly smiled at her. “Okay, go ahead and call for Ryan and ask him to come in here.”
Grace sat and let out a loud “Why-n? Why-n?”
Carly heard Ryan’s voice from the living room, “Yes, Grace?”
“Will you come in here?” she asked in her adorable little girl voice. Who could resist that? Certainly not Ryan, because he appeared in the doorway about five seconds later.
“Yes?”
“I told her she could say good-bye to you and thank you for a fun day at the beach,” she eyed Grace with a nod, “if she promised to settle down and take her nap.”
Ryan’s face transformed with a happy smile. “Oh, okay,” he said, and stepped inside. On uncertain ground, he came to a halt in the middle of the room and looked around. Grace patted the mattress and he looked at Carly as if for permission. She nodded and scooted to make room for him. He squeezed his tall body onto a crib mattress beside her, so he could give Grace a kiss good-bye, making Carly chuckle.
“Thank you, Why-n. And good-bye.”
His heart melted; Carly could tell by the look on his face. He leaned forward and kissed Grace on the forehead. “Thank you for spending a fun day with me, and good-bye till next time. I love you, Grace.”
He traced a knuckle across her cheek and was starting to get up when Grace said, “You do?”
Ryan froze and looked back at her. “Huh?”
“You love me?”
Ryann swallowed but met her gaze directly. “Yes, I do, Grace. I love you, and your mommy loves you, too.”
Carly could feel her pulse start to race, wondering if this revelation was going to lead to additional questions from her daughter that she was nowhere near ready to address. But fortunately, his explanation seemed to suffice for now. She nodded and closed her eyes. Ryan locked eyes with Carly, then got up to leave.
She stayed with Grace through a few lullabies and left the room about fifteen minutes later. She walked by the mound of beach supplies and started with the towels, getting them ready to put in the washer. She assumed Ryan had left, but he was sitting there in the living room.
“Oh,” she said.
“Sorry, I didn’t want to go into your bedroom to put all that stuff away, but I’d be happy to help you now.”
“That’s okay. It’ll be just as easy for me to take care of it myself.”
He nodded. “Carly, I have something to tell you.”
Why did those words make her blood run cold? Why did he have this power over her? He was taking off again. His semester was starting, and he needed to leave. What else could it be? “You do? What is it?”
He patted the couch beside him, just as his daughter had earlier. She went over and sat next to him, frowning. “Relax,” he laughed. “It’s good news. At least I hope you think it is.”
She schooled her expression to release her tension. “What is it?” she said again.
“I quit Chapel Hill. I’m starting school here in town to finish my degree.”
She stared at him. Her mind was blank. What did this mean? He'd actually quit UNC? This was monumental. “Why?”
He considered the question. “When I said I wanted to be a hands-on dad, I meant it. I can’t do that from hundreds of miles away.” He looked at her, probably waiting for some kind of reaction. But she was frozen. Turned to stone. She wasn’t even sure if she was breathing. He took her hand in his. “I’m serious about this, Carly. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”
Chapter Six
Carly felt like she was stumbling through her life. Case in point, she got out of her car at work and tripped over a cement parking barrier. Thank God she didn’t fall and skin her knee. She really needed to shake out the cobwebs in her brain in order to do her job.
But Ryan’s confession had thrown her for a loop. She couldn’t think of anything else. It was so much in the forefront of her mind that when she walked into the office, and she saw Haley, she told her, “Ryan quit UNC,” before she even allowed Haley time to say hello.
Haley blinked. “Uh. What?”
Carly shook her head, then her hands out, which were suddenly tingling. “Sorry. Ryan withdrew from his col
lege in Chapel Hill and he’s going to school here in town. He starts classes today.”
Haley let her mouth drop open. “And this means ....?”
“He wants to be a hands-on dad to Grace. So he says.”
Haley came out from around her receptionist desk and brought Carly into her arms in a warm hug. “That’s fantastic!” But she must’ve noticed that Carly was not reciprocating the hug. She was limp, standing there with her arms down. Haley pulled back and studied her with a frown. “Isn’t it?”
Carly took a breath and let it out. “I have no idea.” She stumbled back to her desk, Haley following her.
“What could possibly be bad about it?” Haley’s smile was a little too big for comfort.
“Oh, let me see,” Carly deadpanned while she unlocked her desk, removed her purse from her shoulder and sat in her desk chair, “he could start showing up and get Grace so hooked on him that when he decides he doesn’t want this after all, she’ll be totally destroyed.” She halted her non-stop activity to stare wide-eyed at Haley.
Haley stared back. “Maybe he won’t change his mind,” she said in a small voice.
“You don’t know Ryan. He’s never had to sacrifice. He’s always gotten what he wanted. He was the star of the high school basketball team. He got straight A’s. Tons of friends. Won scholarships to one of the best schools in the country. I’m sure he earned great grades there, too.”
“And ...?” Haley asked, confused.
“He gave all that up ... to be Grace’s father. He’s now living with his parents, taking classes at an ordinary college so he can see Grace regularly.”
A smile burst back onto Haley’s face. “That’s great!”
Carly shook her head, the threat of tears overwhelming. “You don’t get it. How long will that be enough for Ryan? He walked away from so much to do this. How long until he gets tired of it, and wants his old life back?”
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