‘I’m sorry, ladies, it seems our captain is used to salutes, not applause,’ she joked. This was her programme, and she wasn’t going to feel intimidated by him or anyone else.
‘You are here to learn to fly the way the army flies, and no exceptions will be made,’ he said, his voice deep and full of authority. ‘If you’ve come here thinking you’re hot pilots, then make no mistake, you’ll be out on your ear. You have a lot to learn, and no one here knows how to fly an army plane like an army pilot yet.’
Lizzie cleared her throat. She’d be having words with him about that later.
‘You will be treated as army recruits,’ Jackson continued, ‘and make no mistake about it. You misbehave or don’t obey army rules, you wash out. You flunk out on your classwork or fail one test flight too many, you wash out. And trust me, you do not want to wash out.’
He gave Lizzie a long, hard look, and she wondered what he was thinking. Did he not think they were up to the task? Did he not think she was up to the task? Or was he simply not impressed by having to train women to fly military aircraft? Now that they were back on home soil there was something very different about the man – he was being tough as nails. At Hamble he’d been very much in a secondary role, but she could see he was taking this new leadership position very seriously.
‘You will receive the same level of military training as our male cadets, with the exception of learning combat skills,’ Jackson told them. ‘You will rise at 0600 hours and be ready for training at 0700 hours. We will commence with ground school, including navigation and weather, and then move on to flying. Dinner will be at 1900 hours, followed by homework and lights out at 2200 hours. Are we clear?’
Lizzie looked around the room, expecting to see worried faces, but every single woman appeared full of anticipation. She smiled to herself; she’d clearly chosen well.
‘Do I hear a yes, sir?’ he asked.
‘Yes, sir!’ most of them called back, receiving a sigh from their new captain. Lizzie hoped they could muster a louder response next time.
When Jackson gestured for her to speak again, she gave him a tight smile and faced the crowd. ‘Ladies, I’m afraid to say that you will still be staying in the motels for now, but I’m working as hard as I can on a new location for us. I only had weeks to establish this training facility, and the lack of barracks isn’t ideal.’ In truth the location in Houston was terrible, especially with the thick fog that continually rolled in from the Gulf of Mexico. ‘Today will be as much an initiation as anything. We want you to familiarise yourself with the airfield and each other. Please report to your classroom after lunch for your first instruction. Class dismissed.’
As the women began to talk among themselves, Lizzie stood, but soon found herself face to face with Jackson. She wished she hadn’t left it so long to talk to him, because it had made the situation even more awkward.
‘I thought you might have focused more on uplifting our new recruits rather than trying to scare them into leaving,’ she said dryly, raising her chin. Jackson was at least a foot taller than her and his uniform fitted his broad shoulders like a glove. Unlike hers, she thought, which was a terrible fit. Thank goodness she’d been able to cinch the waist in with a belt and take the arms and legs up herself, or she’d have been swimming in it. ‘I can see you were going easy on us in England.’
‘I’m interested in training pilots, and I care little for the feelings of your bunch of recruits,’ he said. ‘I want them to understand the realities of their new job, and train them accordingly.’
‘Oh, I see. So you have a problem with training women, is that it, Captain?’
He had the gall to laugh, and she glared back at him. ‘No. A pilot is a pilot. Makes no difference to me.’ He shook his head. ‘Honestly, Lizzie, I thought you at least knew me that well.’
‘Then do you have a problem with me?’ she asked, keeping her voice low to stop the other women from hearing. ‘Is it because of what happened that day, over the Halifax? Because I’m not that woman anymore. I’ve come a long way since then and you need to believe it. I just don’t understand why you’re being so hard on these recruits instead of filling them with positivity!’
He shook his head. ‘Lizzie, I’m sorry if I offended you. I’ve been asked to train these recruits with military precision, and that’s exactly what I’m doing.’
When he turned and walked away from her, heat flooded her cheeks. What was it about him that rattled her so badly? They were always at odds, no matter what roles they were in!
Lizzie started to compose a letter in her head to May and Ruby, desperate to tell them what she was going on. If only they were here to talk to now.
‘Dunlop!’
She cringed to hear her name called so crudely. Surely she should have a title, given that she was running the show?
Jackson had spun back around to face her. ‘Anyone taught your ladies how to march?’
Lizzie rolled her eyes dramatically, more to annoy him than anything. ‘They’ve just arrived, Montgomery,’ she said. ‘Give them a goddamn break.’
‘That’s Captain Montgomery to you,’ he replied. ‘And I expect them to march everywhere like real soldiers. We’re not in Britain now, Dunlop!’
‘I thought we weren’t real soldiers?’ she asked, perplexed. ‘And I’m well aware what side of the pond we’re on, Captain.’
‘If you’re under my command, you’ll be treated like a soldier,’ he barked, making every young woman within earshot stop and stare. ‘When you’re training in a PT-19 you will be treated like a soldier, and if you’re issued with more than seventy demerit points, you will be treated like a soldier and sent home.’
Lizzie gulped, wondering if this was a routine part of his show to scare new recruits into submission, or whether he was deadly serious. She’d certainly never seen this side of him before.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LONDON, SEPTEMBER 1942
RUBY
Ruby brought the plane in to land and went through the motions, careful to check everything twice before stepping out of the cockpit. She gratefully took the mechanic’s hand, probably holding it too hard as she clung to him on her way down.
She headed straight for the mess room, trying not to shake, trying not to think, trying to stay numb. Her body felt like a prison, keeping the real her, the feeling her, locked away, stifling how she truly felt and how she wanted to act. It took all her willpower not to fall apart.
He could still be alive. Those five words kept echoing through her head, as they had every single minute, every hour, every day since she’d heard the news. He could still be alive. Was she stupid to hold out hope? Was this what every wife, daughter, mother thought when they received similar news, or was she just naïve?
‘Ruby!’ May’s call rang out across the field. Her commander came running over and placed her arm protectively around Ruby’s shoulder. ‘You’re certain you don’t want to take some time off? You can have all the time you need until . . .’
‘No,’ Ruby croaked. ‘Please, no.’
She needed to fly, because if she couldn’t do her job then all she’d have were her thoughts, and they terrified her. And the last thing she wanted was to go home and have to deal with his mother; she needed to stay strong and keep Tom in her prayers and thoughts, believing that the news might be wrong.
‘Do you believe Tom could be alive?’ she whispered, clutching May’s hand. ‘Am I so stupid to believe he might have made it?’
‘It’s unlikely,’ May answered, ‘but not impossible. We both know the odds. But there’s always a chance.’
‘But what do you think, really? I need to know what you honestly believe.’
May looked at her long and hard, and Ruby knew. ‘Ruby, listen to me,’ she said gently. ‘I don’t want you to give up hope, but believing that someone could still be alive when everything is suggesting otherwise – it’s a cruel trick of the mind.’
Ruby gulped down tears. ‘So you think I’m b
eing silly, holding out hope?’
May took her hand, and Ruby saw her tears reflected in her commander’s gaze. ‘I lost my brother, Ruby, and I loved him more than anything in the world,’ May whispered. ‘But when his plane went down, my mother clung to that hope, believing there was a way he could have survived, and she drove herself crazy holding on to that. Refusing to believe he’d been taken from us.’
May had lost her brother? Why hadn’t she ever said anything before now? Ruby was lost for words. ‘I had no idea. I mean, I knew your brother was a pilot, but . . .’
May nodded. ‘He was. And a mighty fine one at that. But we lost him early in the war and I don’t think I’ll ever stop grieving for him.’
‘I can’t believe I didn’t know,’ Ruby said. ‘I’m so sorry for your loss, May. Truly. I wish I could think of the right words to say.’
May took a big breath. ‘He’s the reason I work such long hours, and the reason I’m so determined to keep you all safe,’ she said. ‘And it’s the same reason I never go home, even when I’m on leave in London. I just can’t deal with going back there – it seems harder than anything else I’ve faced.’ She looked stricken. ‘But hope can be a false friend, so I want you to be mindful of that.’
Ruby nodded, not about to pass judgement. If May couldn’t face going home because of her loss, then that was her business. She shuddered at the thought of having to come face to face with Tom’s mother, and a fresh wave of tears engulfed her. ‘How do you keep going?’ she asked. ‘How do you get yourself out of bed each day and face it all over again?’
May’s eyes shut for a moment before she answered. ‘Some days I don’t know the answer to that question, but mostly I think about my pilots here, and how I need to be strong for them. It gets me out of bed in the morning and keeps me going through the day. I hate the risks we take sometimes, but I do everything I can to keep my girls safe.’ She paused. ‘Come on now, let’s get you inside.’
Ruby walked in and was pleased to find only Polly there; the others were all out flying, but her friend must have delivered a plane and stayed to see her. She would make sure she was gone before the rest returned, still not ready to face anyone and to have to stay strong through their questions and sympathies.
‘You look like a girl who needs a good strong drink,’ Polly said, trading glances with May.
Ruby flopped into a chair, wrapping her arms tightly around herself; the cold seemed to seep into her bones. Polly curled up beside her, finding her hand and not letting go.
‘When do you leave?’ she heard May ask.
‘I’m taking the first lot of girls back later this afternoon with me,’ Polly replied.
‘Where are you going?’ Ruby mumbled.
‘Just back to White Waltham,’ Polly said with a yawn.
Ruby nodded as the two women chatted and laughed beside her, perhaps aware that she was craving normality so long as she didn’t have to be part of it.
He could still be alive, she said to herself, repeating the words over and over in her mind. No matter what May had said, she wasn’t about to give up hope, not yet. Please, God, please let Tom still be alive.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
TEXAS, SEPTEMBER 1942
LIZZIE
‘Hey Daddy!’ Lizzie squealed, and threw her arms around her father, holding on to him tight.
‘Elizabeth! You’ll give the poor man another heart attack carrying on like that!’
Lizzie laughed at her mother, swatting her away with one hand as she held on to her father with the other. No matter what anyone said, she wasn’t letting go of him.
‘How’s things?’ she asked him.
‘Well, I’m feeling better about the fact that our forces are progressing through Europe. It’s about time we threw our weight around and helped the Allies win the war!’
Lizzie smiled. ‘I meant you. How are things with you?’ she said. ‘I’m happy about the progress the Allies are making too, but right now I’m more interested in how your heart’s doing!’
He sat down and reached for his pipe, but Lizzie pushed it away.
‘Don’t you arrive home and go getting all bossy with me,’ he said.
‘Daddy, did the doctor say you could smoke?’
‘No, he didn’t,’ said her mother quietly, sitting down beside Lizzie.
Lizzie reached for her hand and then leaned in to kiss her cheek. ‘It’s so good to be home again,’ she whispered. ‘I miss you both so much whenever I’m away.’
Her mama kissed her back, then got up again. ‘I’ll get us all something to drink. You must be exhausted, Liz.’
Lizzie sat back and studied her father, hating how much he’d aged since she’d left. Before England, he’d seemed young and vibrant still, but now he was older, vulnerable even, and it was hard to accept.
‘Sweetheart, you’ve never told me about that first bomber flight. I want blow by blow details of how it all went down.’
Lizzie had been dreading this question, knowing it would come up eventually. On her other visits he hadn’t been well enough to sit and chat, but now he seemed more like his old self. ‘Well, I wasn’t the first, Daddy. Another highly capable pilot beat me to it, but it was a fair race.’
‘Good to hear. Did you get the next flight?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘It was a great learning experience, actually.’
‘Well, good. Nothing worse than a cocky pilot, Liz.’ He patted her hand. ‘You seem more grown-up, more level-headed. Don’t get me wrong, I loved you just fine the way you were, but England did you good. I’m so proud of you.’
Lizzie blinked away tears and leaned into him. All she’d ever wanted was for him to be proud of her, and hearing him say it was the best thing in the world.
She sat with him all afternoon, talking, but when her mother called them for dinner, she realised she hadn’t asked him something she’d been holding on to for some time.
‘Daddy, I met a pilot in London. He told me that his father was on your squadron.’
‘His name?’
‘Montgomery,’ she said.
‘Ah, yes. What a coincidence.’ She watched as he reached for his pipe again and this time she didn’t stop him. ‘He was always to my right. I couldn’t have flown without him.’
She swallowed hard. ‘I always imagined you flying solo, and taking down the enemy all on your own.’
He laughed and then coughed, spluttering on his first inhale. ‘Darling, there’s no such thing as a solo assault. We always flew in formation, and we had each other’s backs.’
She nodded. ‘I know that now.’ The fact that Jackson had known more about her father’s flying escapades than she did cut deep, but she could see how wrong she’d been.
‘I wasn’t a hero, Lizzie. I might have been the one to receive the medal and make my targets, but I was never doing it for myself. All of us,’ her father coughed again and cleared his throat, ‘we all did what we had to do for our country.’
Lizzie curled up beside him, inhaling the aroma from his smoking pipe and placing her head on his shoulder. She might only have forty-eight hours leave, but it had been worth every second to come home and see her daddy.
‘Was that Montgomery a pain in the backside?’ she asked.
Her father chuckled. ‘Not at all. Why?’
‘Because this one is,’ she muttered, trying not to grin.
Her daddy started to laugh. ‘I have a funny feeling you’re usually the pain in everyone’s backside, Liz.’
She glared at him, but couldn’t keep a straight face. Her daddy was probably right.
CHAPTER TWENTY
HAMBLE AIRFIELD, HAMPSHIRE,
OCTOBER 1942
MAY
May crossed the tarmac and looked for Ben, wanting to see how much longer he’d need to finish checking the two Spitfires she was waiting to send up. Ever since they’d heard about Tom going missing, she’d avoided him, no longer sitting in her spot for tea. Thinking about what Ruby was going
through had brought every vivid memory back to her, making her relive how Johnny had died all over again. Only the night before she’d been up, pacing, wondering for the millionth time if she’d somehow caused him to crash, and then panicking that one of her girls might be next. But now, with all the girls off flying and hardly anyone on base, it was time to seek Ben out again.
‘Benjamin?’ she called, walking into the hangar. ‘Ben, are you here?’
She heard the familiar sound of a tool falling to the concrete and waited for him to appear.
‘Hi stranger,’ he called out from somewhere beneath a plane.
When Ben finally emerged, rubbing his hands on a cloth, her heart skipped a beat. This was why she’d avoided him. Because the warmth she felt whenever she saw him, it scared her. Feelings like that were too easy to lose, to disappear in one stroke of fate.
‘I’ve missed you,’ she said, the words flying from her mouth before she could stop them.
He stopped a few feet away, his dark brown eyes searching hers out. ‘No tea for me again?’ he joked, looking at her empty hands.
She shook her head, about to say no, but ran the distance between them instead, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him like it was the last kiss of her life. She held his face to hers, stopping only when his hands skimmed down her back to rest on her hips.
‘I think I’ll forgive you for forgetting the tea,’ he murmured.
She pulled him closer, not wanting to stop. ‘I don’t want to be scared anymore,’ she said, her voice shaking. ‘I want to live. I need to live again.’
He frowned, studying her face and stroking her hair. ‘What are you scared of?’
‘I was so scared of losing you, of letting anyone close and losing them, but the worst thing would be not having anyone in the first place, don’t you think? After seeing Ruby lose Tom, feeling her pain, I just want to be happy again.’
He kissed her forehead, holding her close. ‘You’re not going to lose me,’ he said. ‘I promised you that already. I’m not going anywhere if I can help it.’
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