by Bill Sage
Feeling a sense of tranquillity, he thought, You got a pretty good life. Don’t dwell on the shit.
7
AL ARRIVED AT NEWPORT GRILL a little after 8:30. Linda and Matt were already there, sitting at a table near the fireplace. She was wearing a beige scoop-neck sweater and a deep brown fitted blazer.
Al hugged Linda and said hello to Matt.
They engaged in small talk at first, mainly about the annual Newport Beach Christmas Boat Parade they’d all watched together two weeks ago. Matt recently bought a ketch and managed to find a way of squeezing that into every conversation.
“I’m thinking of entering my boat in the parade for this year.”
Al mainly listened as Linda and Matt talked about a new restaurant that opened in Corona Del Mar. Then they went on to talk about work. There was one conversation, however, Al never wanted to hear anything about: Linda’s dating other guys. Thankfully, if she did, she kept it to herself.
“Oh, listen to this," Linda said to Al. "You remember I was telling you I'm bidding on supplying all the computers and other IT equipment for the new Reliable Savings and Loan headquarters building? The one they're putting up in San Clemente…”
Linda was vice president of sales at one of her father’s businesses.
“Yeah, I remember,” Al said.
“I may get it. I'm one of the finalists. That’s the company Congressman Hamilton used to run before he was elected. I don’t know if it’s legal or not, but he seems to be in charge of awarding the contract. He says it looks like I could get it.”
“Hamilton?” Al said, giving her a questioning look. “He’s the guy you’ve been dealing with?”
“Yeah, I thought I told you.”
“I don’t think you did,” Al said, shaking his head.
“Why the funny look?”
“I was just thinking…there’s probably no conflict in having him involved in deciding who gets the contract.”
“It seems fine to me.”
“So he says you could get it. That's incredible.” Al wondered if there was any connection between Ward’s blackmailing him and Linda’s bid. Would they try to spring that on him next?
“Boy,” Matt said, “you'll be making a ton of dough on that deal.”
“It’s going to be huge,” Linda said.
"When will you know?” Al asked.
“It should be pretty soon.” She paused. “Oh, he says he knows you.”
“Yeah, I've met him a few times. Fundraisers and stuff like that.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“How did my name come up?” Al asked.
“I told him I knew you. We were just talking.” She lowered her eyes. “You know, I always talk about you.”
“I bet he was thrilled.” Al wanted to say, Yeah, and now you’re giving him another way of blackmailing me.
“He said he knew you, that's all.”
They ate dinner and finished two bottles of pinot noir. Al could tell Linda was feeling no pain. She was laughing more than usual and sometimes looking at him like she was mulling something over.
Al was thinking this night might end better than he could’ve ever imagined.
They’d dated for close to two years. It was the best time of Al’s life. But Linda was tired of hearing his excuses for not wanting to get married and she called it quits.
On the night they broke up, a teary-eyed Linda told Al he was “full of shit” and said, “you’ll never find anyone who’ll love you as much as I do.”
She ended up telling him to “just grow up.”
Al blamed his reluctance to get married on the brief time he’d spent on the family court panel. He said listening to the squabbling parties put a bad taste in his mouth and he needed more time.
But deep down he knew that was bullshit.
Al’s friends, Ron Bradford and retired LAPD sergeant Carlos Lopez, adored Linda. She loved them back and told Al he was lucky to have good friends like them. When they asked Al why he and Linda had broken up, he told them, “I don't know. We just drifted apart.”
They didn’t believe him and said they thought it was because he was either too chicken to tie the knot or too much of a loner.
Al told Linda about Jake Gertner. What he did for a living. And he told her about Hack and Ben, the two former 12th Street Gang members now living in LA.
At first, she didn’t know what to make of it.
“You’re a judge and your friends are gangsters?”
It seemed wrong to her, and she couldn’t understand why Al would continue having them as friends. Al had to admit, it was difficult to explain. He kept at it, though, and seemed to be making progress.
Once when they were talking about Jake, he took another stab at it. “Sweetheart, keep in mind, I didn’t grow up in Beverly Hills. It was a tough neighborhood. You had to fight or you’d get your ass kicked. All of us stood side by side, fighting it out together.”
After a while she seemed to accept Al’s close friendship with his old Detroit gang buddies. “Well, at least you took a different path,” she said. “You’re no longer like them.”
Al smiled.
Linda and Matt were talking about Sophie’s Choice, a movie they’d seen the previous weekend. While they talked, Al studied her face for a few seconds. He was thinking of how beautiful she was. Then while he was looking at her, her long blond hair suddenly swished across her face as she quickly turned away from Matt and stared at him.
When their eyes met, she smiled warmly, letting her gaze linger on him.
That made him smile.
Linda Burns was Jewish but hadn’t grown up the same way as Al Roth. Roth was a first-generation American, the son of Russian-Jewish immigrants. Linda’s family had been here for years.
Her father was a wealthy man who owned several businesses in California. She’d lived a life of luxury and pleasure, not in a Jewish ghetto in Detroit, hanging around ex-Purple Gang mobsters or having street hoods for friends.
One time when Linda broke away from talking to Matt and stared at Al, he thought he saw a touch of concern on her face. Was Ward’s threat showing on his face?
To assure her nothing was wrong, the next time he saw her doing that, he gave her an exaggerated smile, hoping that would mollify her.
It didn’t work.
“Al, how come you're so quiet?” Linda asked.
“I'm not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I'm not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Maybe it's work,” he began. “I had to send an innocent guy to jail today. But since he was innocent I only gave him six months.”
Linda nudged Al’s arm. “Oh, come on. What's going on?”
“Nothing… I don't know.”
“You're quiet.”
“I'm always quiet.”
“Not like this.”
“I killed somebody. What do you want me to say?”
Linda went silent for a moment.
“Do you miss me?”
Al thought this could be a good time to see if his impression of what he thought she may have on her mind was correct. “Maybe there’s a warm jacket and an open car in your future.”
Linda peered down at her coffee cup.
Before she could say anything, Matt jumped in. “Hey, I thought you guys broke up. I don’t get it.”
Al looked at Linda, who lifted her eyes to meet his, then turned away.
Al said, “Yeah, we broke up, but that doesn’t mean we still don’t have feelings for each other.”
“One of us is stubborn and stupid,” Linda said.
“Let me guess which one,” Matt said, looking at Al.
Al smiled. “Nobody’s perfect,” he said, shrugging.
Matt chuckled. “It’s obvious, you guys never should’ve broken up.”
Al and Linda didn’t say a word. Linda peeked at Al, who smiled back.
“You know what I’m talking about?” Al said, wanting to get back
to what he’d said about an “open car.”
Linda looked up again.
“Take the top off my car, put on warm jackets, and drive around in the night air.” But Al really didn’t want to do that. That was something she used to like to do.
Linda said, “I don’t know…”
Al held back saying anything else. Pressuring her never worked anyway.
There was silence for a few moments.
Then Linda asked, “Did you ever get that new CD of Mozart’s 24th you were talking about?”
That was his favorite piano concerto, especially the third movement. After he’d played it for her, she’d fallen in love with it too.
“Yeah, I did,” Al answered. That wasn’t true, he hadn’t bought one yet. But he still had the old CD.
The waiter scraped crumbs off the table and asked if they wanted more coffee. Only Matt did.
Linda sat quietly for a while, every now and then sneaking a look at Al, who was taking his last sip of coffee.
When Al looked over at her again, she smiled, put her hand on his. “Well, I’d like to hear the new Mozart CD. Maybe we could do that too.”
Since they’d finished their final swallows of coffee, they said goodbye to Matt, who shook his head. “I don’t get it. You guys?”
They left soon after that.
8
LINDA FOLLOWED AL TO HIS HOME in Newport Beach. He had a two-bedroom condo in a gated community on Jamboree Road. Al had just installed French Doors in the dining room.
When they came inside, Al started a fire. Even though he really didn’t want to ride around in the car like he’d suggested and didn’t think Linda did either, that wouldn’t stop him from having some fun teasing her about it.
So while Linda sat on the floor next to the fireplace, Al went into the garage and took the top off his Porsche 911 Targa. Then he took two warm jackets out of the hall closet and tossed them on the couch.
Let’s see what she really wants to do.
Linda said, “Hey, what do you say we listen to the new CD. I’d like to hear it.”
He was right, no driving around. “Okay, you’ll love it. It’s hard to tell any difference from the older one. Just maybe the second movement.”
He looked through his CDs for Mozart’s 24th, but soon realized it was already in the CD player. He pushed play and it started.
“Don’t you think it’s a little too cold to drive around with the top down?” Linda said.
“Nah, it’s not that bad. We’ve been out at this time before.” He liked it better when she was a little pissed.
“C’mon, it’s nice and cozy here. And we’re listening to beautiful music.”
“Maybe we could just drive around for a half hour… That wouldn’t be too bad. Then we’ll come back.”
“Al, cut the bullshit. You’re not fooling anyone.”
Al smiled. “Oh, listen to Miss Smarty-Pants. Don’t make me come over there.”
Linda frowned at first, then smiled.
“How about a small drink?” Al asked.
“I’m okay.”
“I’m gonna get one for myself.” Al went into the kitchen, poured a small amount of rye, and then came back in and sat on the couch next to her. Took a sip, looked at her, then put the glass on the coffee table.
“I been thinking. What Matt said at the restaurant. Maybe he was right,” Al said, looking thoughtful. “We should’ve broken up. It wasn’t what…”
Linda tilted her head toward him and grimaced a little. “You know how I felt,” she said, looking very pensive. “You were the one who was acting like a jerk.”
“I’m starting to see that.”
Linda stared at Al, but didn’t say anything.
“I got some heavy thinking to do.”
She shook her head. “You know I still love you.” She sighed and then in a soft voice, said, “Maybe you’ll finally get it.”
Al thought about what she’d said for a moment. “If the truth be known, I love you more than you love me.” It was getting too heavy for him. He wasn’t sure where he wanted to take it from here.
“Impossible,” she said.
“No, it’s not.”
“You’ll never win this argument.”
“You’re overruled,” he said.
“And you’re a brat.”
He smiled and said, “I always learn something new when I’m with you.”
Linda stayed over that night. They made love that night, more than once.
Al didn’t fall asleep like he usually did. As they lay together in each other’s arms, he felt serene and full of love for Linda. He realized that he’d been wasting his life without her. His stubbornness was preventing them from having a life together.
He admitted to himself that his qualms about getting married were all nonsense, weren’t based on anything rational. They were keeping him from making the best decision of his life.
Al now knew that more than anything in the world, he wanted Linda to be his wife. No excuses, no turning back. He made up his mind that the first thing he’d do in the morning was ask her to marry him.
He went over how he’d do it, what he’d say. But as he was thinking about how she would react when he popped the question, he suddenly felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach.
Ward’s attempt to blackmail him.
If that turned to shit, it would screw up everything. Hitting the newspapers, maybe even be on local TV.
He pictured Linda drinking her morning coffee, opening the Register and dropping her cup after seeing a story splashed all over the front page about Judge Albert J. Roth and a Detroit gangster killing a Frenchman in Munich.
Then he asked himself if that something that was supposed to prevent him from getting married?
And forever? A dirtbag like Ward could do that?
No, marrying Linda was what he’d do, Ward or no Ward.
First thing in the morning, Al got up and started brewing some Colombian roast coffee. While it was dripping, Linda came into the living room. She was wearing his old, white terrycloth bathrobe. She wouldn’t let him throw it out. Linda sat on the couch and thumbed through the magazines sitting on the side table.
“Good morning Miss America,” Al said from the kitchen.
“I’ll have to bring over one of my bathrobes if you keep on seducing me.”
Linda was looking at a Time magazine when Al brought out a cup of coffee for her. This time he put it on a saucer, which brought an approving look. He sat next to her with his.
After Linda had taken two or three sips, Al took a breath and was going to do it—ask her to marry him, but he chickened out.
He swallowed and waited to get his nerve back again.
When she took two more sips, he bucked himself up, put down his cup and looked at her with a serious expression. “I want to have a talk.”
Linda smiled. “Good or bad?”
Al smiled then hesitated for a few seconds. “A good one. I’ve been thinking. I ruined what we had. We had something so special, I…” He took a breath. “No doubt, I’ve been a big schmuck.”
“Well,” she said then paused while she considered what he’d said, “some schmucks aren’t too bad.”
“I now know that I’ve been making a big mistake.”
Linda was silent, holding her saucer in her lap.
“I’m talking about us.”
She crinkled her eyes as she stared at Al. “I’m listening.” Her tone was now more serious.
“I want last night to be every night.”
Linda sat still, looking at him.
“I’m serious, Linda.” Al stopped for a second. “I love you so much, always have. Don’t want anyone else, never will.” He knelt in front of her and held her hand in both of his. “Be my wife.”
Linda put down her coffee cup and sighed. “You know, I still love you. Never stopped.”
She paused.
“It’s not that,” she went on. “But how can I be sure you are seriou
s? You could’ve done this a long time ago.” She paused as she looked down. “I don’t know…”
“I know I’ve screwed things up for us. Wasn’t right for you or me. But that was before. Now I want us to be together more than anything in the world. We can go on from here. We can—”
“You really hurt me,” Linda interrupted. “Not wanting to do this a long time ago.”
“I feel bad about that. That was wrong, a mistake.” As he was saying that he was thinking that her attitude had changed since last night, when she’d told him she still loved him. He figured she was trying to make sure he was serious and wanted to make him run the gauntlet for not doing it sooner.
“You said it was because you had to decide all those divorce cases. That wasn’t true. You know that. Promise me,” she paused, giving him a penetrating look, “you’ll always tell me the truth.”
“Yes, I will. I’ll tell you everything, no matter what.”
Linda looked at him and then smiled. “Okay, I’ve tortured you long enough.”
Al sighed then smiled.
Linda put her hand on his. “I think you know how much I love you. More than I could ever love any man. Been that way from the beginning,” she said, her eyes tearing up. “Of course, I’ll marry you. You’re the only man I could ever think of being with.”
They kissed for several moments. Then Al sat back and smiled. “You really had me panicking.”
“I had to make sure. It’s what I, I always wanted, but was starting to lose hope.”
“I always wanted it too,” Al said, shaking his head. “Now we can be together like before, but this time, forever.”
Linda stared at Al, looked down, then back up. “So what am I supposed to say to Josh?”
“What!”
“Just kidding. There is no Josh.”
“That wasn’t funny.”
“Only had two dates.” Linda paused a beat. “Nothing ever happened.”
“Don’t want to hear about it,” Al said, shaking his head.
“What about you?”
“I never did anything,” Al replied, breaking his promise to not lie to her in a little over five minutes.