by Leela Ash
He took another quick look at Quinn, surprised that the intensity in his eyes as he fought his inner dragon away only seemed to intrigue her. She stepped closer, eyeing him steadily as if she were afraid of nothing.
“Apollo…”
He stifled a frustrated growl. What the hell was he thinking? He couldn’t let himself get this worked up over a woman of all things. He had so much to do. He didn’t want to mate again. To top it all off, this was his nanny. They couldn’t just disregard that. It was his only chance at having a secure place for his child to go so he could do what he had to do to protect the earth.
“Apollo, why won’t you look at me?”
Apollo gritted his teeth, his heart hammering in his chest as the slow, steady heat of his desire for this woman began to snake throughout his body. When he finally dared to meet her eye, she started, shocked by the intensity in his gaze.
She understood immediately, and his heightened dragon’s senses knew that as soon as she could see his desire, her own spiked right alongside his own. The scent of her longing was like a delicious, forbidden fruit, and suddenly, all caution was thrown out the window. He gripped her by the waist and held her close to his body, his member engorged with a sudden, vicious longing. The dragon was pushing him further and further away from his goals and working to do the one and only thing it had had on its mind since the moment he’d met Quinn.
Claim her.
But he couldn’t do that. Not now. Not with all the other bullshit going on. It didn’t matter whether she seemed to understand him, or even if she liked him. None of that was worth a shit. All that he could really do was protect himself and his daughter at all costs. Whether he liked it or not.
He kissed her suddenly, the dragon pushing him to act. Quinn responded with both surprise and enthusiasm. Suddenly though, Apollo came to his senses. They were in his cabin. His daughter would be here soon. And this just wasn’t going to work. They couldn’t.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’ll see you later, Quinn,” Apollo muttered. They were probably the most painful words he had ever uttered. “Thanks for everything.”
He walked her to the door assertively, trying to ignore the crushing disappointment that was blatantly and painfully obvious in her features, and in her energy. There was nowhere good they were headed. He was too close to figuring things out with the serpent mound. There was no way in hell he was going to risk anything more just for a fling with a woman, no matter how much he happened to like that woman.
In fact, liking the woman was part of the problem. He had to protect her. the more time he spent thinking about her and wanting to be with her, be intimate with her, the less focused he was going to be on what was most important. And whether she was a dragon shifter like he was, she was part of the universe he was trying to save. And if he couldn’t do that, then what in the hell was the point?
He watched her go, knowing somewhere deep within himself that he had messed up somehow. She wasn’t going to take his actions objectively. And he wasn’t going to take the time to explain them in a way she could understand. Because her understanding was too dangerous.
Being seen by her was probably the most naked he had ever felt. And although it was intoxicating, it just wasn’t something he could afford right now. he needed to feel strong and protected. To be strong and protective. Not naked and vulnerable to this ridiculous tender feeling that the damn woman seemed to tempt him toward. And he had to do it not only for himself and for Quinn, but for his daughter. She was the most important.
10.
Quinn let Apollo walk her out of his cabin, not particularly surprised by his reaction but definitely hurt by it. But the pain she was experiencing was fleeting. That was what the Buddhists said, right? That pain was a choice and she didn’t have to choose to suffer?
So why did she feel like this? It was almost like a betrayal. She hadn’t been imagining him opening up to her. She truly had begun to feel as if she had been getting close to Apollo. As if he had been trusting her with something so important and then suddenly it was gone. Over. There was nothing else left.
In the very next moment, he was escorting her unceremoniously out the door like she was just some irritation that he didn’t want to deal with anymore. What the hell was wrong with men? She was so sick of being treated this way.
No, it wasn’t men. It was her own fault. She had terrible taste and had some bizarre, masochistic urge to let men mess with her and knock her off course. She sabotaged herself by getting into extreme situations that didn’t serve her in any positive way.
All of that was going to change. She couldn’t let herself get too close to Apollo. Not this time. It just wasn’t going to work out. She was tired of letting herself get her hopes up even though there was no evidence stating that she was making a good investment into her future. Everything she had invested in so far had been crap, and she wasn’t about to forget it again. she had to be on guard. She had to protect herself from herself.
She sighed, considering whether to head back to her apartment or to stay in her cabin. She had grown to really enjoy the serenity of her space out here. Especially knowing that Apollo and Vera were nearby. And her parents were coming and going. Everyone she enjoyed spending time with was in one place. And Daisy was completely in love.
But after the painful rejection by Apollo, maybe she should just head back to her apartment before work. She and Daisy could spend time at home in her apartment before she had to wake up at dawn to babysit Vera again.
The thought made her stomach knot. She would have to keep dealing with Apollo no matter how emotionally difficult it was for her. She had made a promise to him. He was paying for renovations and remodeling. Her father was in seventh heaven about the whole thing, and her mother was finally relaxing. It had taken a huge toll on her to feel as if her illness and hospital bills were holding her family back. Apollo had changed everything in her life for the better.
Except for this pain. Why was she letting herself fall for a man who seemed so utterly oblivious of her? She had seen firsthand how attentive he could be. How in tune he could be. If only he cared. But judging by the way he had been acting, the actual problem was that he didn’t care. If he did, he wouldn’t be oblivious. He would be just as attentive as he was capable of being.
Ugh, she was being stupid. They weren’t even in a relationship. How could she expect him to want to give her time and attention, care, and consideration when it was obvious that he had a trillion other things to worry about? No, she would have to cut him some slack and try to be an adult about it. She would go back to her Buddhist learnings and realize that she was creating her own misery by dwelling in it when she had every option to choose to look on the bright side of things and stop her suffering. She wouldn’t get caught up in her own story of pain, she would get through it and let it go to find a better path. With or without Apollo in it.
***
“Something seems different about you,” Nera said, studying Quinn in concern. Quinn sighed and did her best to pretend that nothing was amiss. But her students were very observant and soon Tom was standing in front of her.
“Do we need to beat someone up?”
Quinn couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s hardly the peaceful approach I try to encourage.”
“No, but sometimes people need a good ass whooping.”
“Yeah,” Nera agreed. “Like those guys who like to come by and harass you.”
“Well, they haven’t been around in quite a while,” Quinn said, suddenly remembering that Apollo had promised to take care of it for her. It appeared that he had, though he hadn’t mentioned anything about it. She wondered what he had done. Did he throw his weight around? Threaten them somehow? And what the hell did it matter? He was just another alpha asshole who was overly concerned with his own life.
“That’s true. It’s been quite a relief,” Nera said. She was getting warmed up for the session, which was nice to see. Quinn wasn’t usually particularly impressed with their de
votion, but it was a pleasant surprise to see Nera taking initiative. Maybe some of what she was trying to drill into her students was finally sticking. That was encouraging. Some days she left the studio feeling like she wasn’t making any difference in their lives at all. But maybe she was. It was easy to get discouraged. Especially in a place like Greenrock.
“So, I have a problem,” Tom said, sighing heavily.
He motioned Quinn to step aside for some privacy.
“What’s going on, Tom?”
Tom sighed again, then rocked on the balls of his feet. “I need to quit your class.”
Quinn frowned. “Why do you say that? You have been doing so well with it!”
“Yeah but I don’t know… I have some budgeting issues.”
“Budgeting issues?”
A sudden smile spread across Tom’s face. “I’m going to have a baby.”
Quinn couldn’t hide that she was visibly surprised. But soon a smile broke out on her face that nearly matched Tom’s. She didn’t want to lose him as a student at all, but she had known that he and his wife had been childless and had always craved a son or daughter. Now it had finally happened, just as he was convinced that he was going to grow old and build an empire that would die when he did. Now he would have someone who could inherit it if they wanted to.
“Tom, that’s wonderful news! Congratulations!”
“Thanks! But I don’t want you to go around telling anybody just yet. you never really know what’s going to happen. I need a lot of good luck.”
“Well, just remember that you also have to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. Having a baby can be exceedingly demanding work, but I know that if anybody is capable of raising someone into a fine person, it’s you.”
Tom beamed with pride. “I’ve really enjoyed this class. I will keep going until the baby’s born. It might help me with staying centered and preparing things. And you know. Dealing with mood swings. I hear those can be bad.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that too,” Quinn said, smiling. “Stay as long as you like. You’re always welcome.”
Tom nodded and took his place. Quinn inhaled deeply. So, Tom was starting a family, was he? For whatever reason, that shifted Quinn’s thoughts to Apollo and Vera. It had been nice, settling in for a cozy evening with Vera and ending it with Apollo’s gentle attention. Seeing him be a father was probably one of the most incredible things she had ever witnessed. He was a man with a lot of layers, that was certain.
But what was it that he and his friends were really doing out there? They had all been vague as hell about it. She had heard some random story about starting a hippie ranch full of builders or something, but that didn’t really make sense. Apollo was far more concerned about danger. At first she had thought maybe he had some kind of military background and was working undercover as a way to protect the people he cared about the most, but now she was starting to wonder if it was more insidious than that.
He was so hot, cold, and sketchy. He had blown in from out of nowhere and went off at all hours to do who knows what. What she did know was that it probably had nothing to do with starting a hippie building community or whatever Mike had been trying to tell her.
She sighed, pushing her paranoid thoughts away. It didn’t matter whether he was a man with a sordid past or a real hero like Vera seemed to believe he was. What mattered was how he treated her. And lately, she hadn’t exactly been feeling like he paid much heed to her one way or another. They’d had sex in the shower right in her studio, she’d watched his child. He’d opened up a little bit about his ex, kissed her, then practically shoved her out the door. She honestly felt a little beat up about the whole thing. Nothing would really surprise her anymore. If he was a hardened criminal mastermind, great. If he was some kind of military war hero, wonderful. Hell, he could be a werewolf and she would hardly bat an eye.
Her brow furrowed as she considered the strange reptilian gaze he had given to her while they were making love. Maybe not a werewolf so much as something else. A lizard. Or a dragon, maybe? What in the world had that been about? Maybe she had just been imagining things. She’d looked too long at that damn tattoo on his bicep and was getting weird ideas. That had to be all it was.
Either way, she started her class with conflicting feelings about what it might be like to be a parent versus the confusing roller coaster ride that was falling for a man like Apollo, who was totally oblivious and totally unavailable. But hey, she had never had the best luck with men before. She shouldn’t be surprised about it now. She should focus on herself and becoming a stronger woman. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about falling for the wrong guy, because all she would need was herself.
***
The next morning, Quinn woke up with a heavy sigh. She wasn’t exactly looking forward to facing Apollo again. Not after everything that had happened. But she was going to have to do it one way or another. It was for the good of Winters. She couldn’t let her parents down now. They were just beginning to really daydream about all the different things they could do to make the bed and breakfast the place of their dreams.
She headed to Winters from her apartment, where she and Daisy had spent the night. She decided to take the dog for a nice walk around the bed and breakfast’s lands before returning to her cabin, where she was sure to run into Apollo once he wanted her to watch Vera.
“You’re excited, aren’t you!” she said, laughing at her dog, who was running with a huge smile on her face around the side of the building. Quinn jogged over to catch up with her, colliding immediately with Apollo.
“What the…” Apollo froze then regarded Quinn with a strange expression on his face. The expression quickly changed to unmistakable anger. “What are you doing? Are you following me?!”
The ferocity in his voice caught Quinn off-guard.
“What? No!”
Apollo regarded her sternly, then glanced all around the area as if he were looking for something. What the hell? Why was he acting so strange?
“Right. Sorry. Just, I need some privacy, please.”
“I’m just walking my dog. And seeing as this is my parent’s property, I can do whatever the hell I want wherever I want, got it?”
Apollo didn’t seem to have heard her.
What was he doing out here that required privacy? Why was he acting this way? It was almost cruel, the way he had looked at her. She had never experienced anything like it. It was frightening, really.
He seemed to have forgotten she was there and turned from her, heading into the woods. Quinn glanced at her watch. She had a few minutes before she was supposed to be watching Vera. But now she almost didn’t want to. What she wanted to do was go after Apollo and confront him about his behavior. Tell him off for acting like such a paranoid asshole.
Why had she tried to look on the bright side with him? It was obvious he was up to something, and that whatever it was, it wasn’t any good. He was probably a huge liar, and a criminal. Why else would he be sneaking around getting pissy over nothing?
Ugh, she had done it again. let herself start falling for someone who was nothing but a huge pain in the ass. A jerk. A worthless alpha jerk.
The worst part about it was, she still had to take care of his daughter so he could continue sneaking around being a suspicious creep in peace. What the hell had she gotten herself into?
***
Quinn scowled down at her sandwich. She hated being back in Apollo’s cabin. That guy was a serious asshole. They were all assholes around here. Especially the alpha ones.
“Quinn, are you still going to play with me?”
Quinn sighed, looking down at the small child who was standing at her knees. Quinn sat up on the couch and looked levelly at the child.
“I don’t feel very much like playing.”
Quinn felt terrible, but it was the truth. Apollo had soured her entire day. She never should have slept with him, no matter how good it had felt.
Vera’s amber eyes widened, and she re
ached a little chubby hand out to touch Quinn’s forehead. “Are you sick?”
Quinn smiled despite herself. “Maybe in a way.”
That was all Vera needed to hear before she jumped into action. “I know! I will be the doctor and you will be the sick lady.”
She ran off to sort through her toys, then came back promptly with a little bag. “This has all my doctor’s tools in it.”
Quinn nodded solemnly. “Do you think you will be able to fix it?”
“Well, maybe. But you might die.”
A bubble of laughter burst from Quinn’s chest at the unexpected announcement. She bit it back quickly when she saw the no-nonsense expression on the child’s face.
“Oh no. Doctor, I don’t want to die. Can you fix me?”
“I will do my best,” Vera promised. She proceeded to open the small bag and take out a rubber mallet. She smacked Quinn’s knee hard with it. Quinn winced. Ow.
“Does that make you feel better?”
From the look on the child’s face, Quinn could tell she sincerely thought testing the reflexes was as good as a medical diagnosis, and Quinn nodded quickly, lest she get smacked again.
“Good! Now you get a candy. You were an exceptionally good patient.”
Quinn watched, subtly rubbing the small bruise forming on her knee as Vera searched through her toys, then changed tracks and headed to the kitchen. She came back with a small, half-eaten sucker. The wrapper was clinging to a spot where the wet sugar had dried to it.
“Thank you for being a good girl in the doctor’s office today!”
“Thank you, Vera. I feel much better.”