“I know. He knows it, too. He’s not expecting—”
“Bullshit.” Justin walked in a small circle and waved a hand at her. “You think I don’t know what is going on? I’ve had my share of T-shirt-and-panties mornings. Hell, you are getting way too close.”
“I’m not. I’m—”
Oh, hell. She was. She couldn’t lie to Justin. Or to herself.
She let out a breath. “Do you know how many times I’ve almost died, Justin? A lot. There’ve been times when I’ve been alone, wondering why I’m still there. Feeling like maybe none of it was worth it.”
She stepped away when Justin reached for her. She wasn’t done yet.
“When I’m with Colton, I think maybe this is why. And I feel really glad that I lived through all the shit just so I could have a few moments with him. Maybe it’s not fair. And you’re probably right—I am too close, and it’s going to hurt like hell for both of us when the time comes for me to move on. But you know what? It’s a hell of a lot better to have a few moment of happiness than to constantly wonder why I even bother to survive.”
Justin let out a sigh and gave her a grim look. “I just don’t want you to hurt anymore. You’ve already been through enough. The thing with Lucas—”
“This is not like Lucas. I’d lost myself in him. It wasn’t healthy. It’s different with Colton. I’m still me, just better. Happier.”
“I wish this could work out for both of you,” Justin said sadly, and she saw in his eyes he didn’t think it was possible.
“Thank you. But sometimes the good things are worth the hurt.” She hoped this was one of those times she survived.
“I’ll trust you. You know what you’re doing. Just keep his face off the news.”
She nodded. “I will.”
The smirk on Justin’s lips was fair warning. “Just think what the press would say if they knew The Mantis really did kill one of her lovers.”
She smacked him in the arm—it was like hitting a wall. “Lucas Stone wasn’t my lover when I killed him. He wasn’t the person I knew.”
At. All.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Justin pulled her into a hug so tight she thought her ribs touched in the center. “He tricked us all.”
They walked back in the house silently. Justin pulled her into another bone-crushing hug, then gave some last-minute instructions on reaching out if there was any trouble.
“I’ll walk you out,” Colton offered as Justin moved for the door.
Angel took a spot next to Pudge, and they both watched as the two men stepped out into the driveway to talk about her.
Chapter Fifty-Four
“What’s Task Force Phoenix doing to find Heath Zeller’s real killer?” Colton asked as soon as he and Justin were alone. As much as he wanted Angel to stay with him, he didn’t want it to have to be like this. With both of them hiding and not knowing what danger lurked around the next corner.
Virtual prisoners in his home.
He wanted Kulakov behind bars. And he wanted Angel to stay with him because she chose to, not because she didn’t have any other options.
“We’re not officially working the case, since there is no case. Everyone is convinced it was Angel who killed him, so they don’t want to waste resources on chasing down a phantom suspect. But we’re all working on it off the books.”
“But you all have other cases to work, too?” Colton suspected.
“Yeah.” Justin let out a sigh. “We have to make it look legit.”
“So, what do you have so far?”
“Not much of anything. We know Noah wasn’t the killer. He has an alibi. He may have set up the hit, but we don’t have proof yet.”
That’s what Colton had figured, but hearing it out loud made his head hurt.
“Look at it this way. It gives you two some more time together,” Justin said with a sad smile before he slid into the driver’s seat, and put the car in reverse. “Take care of yourself. Contact me immediately if anything seems off.” With a wave, Justin drove away.
As much as Colton liked having more time with Angel, he wished it wasn’t this way. She was there because she was trapped. For now. He didn’t like the uncertainty that she could be gone at any minute. They really needed to have a talk before he got in any deeper. He needed an answer to the question he’d asked just before the untimely interruption.
When he went back into the house, Angel wasn’t in the living room. He called her name, and she answered from the bedroom…where he found her lying in his bed, naked.
“Where were we?” she asked as she reached for him.
God help him, but he went willingly into her arms.
Chapter Fifty-Five
It didn’t go unnoticed by Colton that Angel had used sex to distract him from his worries…and that he had let her. There were now only twenty-one condoms in the box.
Before Justin showed up, Colton had asked her to stay again. He knew damn well he was setting himself up to get another no from her. And he didn’t know if he would survive it.
She was asleep when he came back from the bathroom. He climbed in behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist. She fit perfectly against him.
She fit perfectly into his life.
Why couldn’t she understand how great they could be, and give in to it? Why couldn’t she love him as much as he loved her?
His body tensed with that revelation. He should have realized that was what he was feeling. Love. Hadn’t he watched his brothers, one by one, shift their lives to focus on that one person who fulfilled them?
Except, in each case, the recipient of their affection felt the same way and didn’t run off in the middle of the night in terror of commitment.
He let out a sigh and pulled her closer, enjoying the moment while he had it. He knew asking for promises from Angel wouldn’t work. He’d have to convince her it was worth taking a shot with him.
He must have fallen asleep, because he was pulled from his dreams by the sound of Angel whimpering next to him. She thrashed around, and her arms came up protectively, shielding her from some unseen attacker.
In an effort to save her, as she’d saved him from his own subconscious, he shook her awake.
Fists flying, she gulped in air and sat up. It was a good thing his reaction time was still up to speed or he might have gotten a broken nose.
“You’re okay, you’re safe. It’s Colton. I’ve got you,” he said firmly, dodging her blows.
She froze, then slumped against him and let out a sigh of relief. They were both haunted by their pasts. How much he wished they could both find some peace.
“I could have been killed,” she whispered.
He frowned, but wanted to help if he could. That meant narrowing it down.
“Which time?” he asked.
And she burst into tears.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Angel didn’t know why she was crying. She hated crying. It served no real purpose, and rarely did it ever make her feel better. Still, it was impossible to stop, so she simply gave in and allowed the sobs to rack her body and destroy her temporary peace.
Colton turned on the light and pulled her close.
“It’s okay,” he soothed. His strong arms held her so tightly it was difficult to breathe, but she didn’t want him to let go. He was safe. “Tell me about it.”
She’d had to go through a lot of analysis before she joined Task Force Phoenix. Her past, paired with her previous life of crime, put her at the top of the list for some kind of mental disorder.
After being shot on the job by her own partner, not to mention then killing him, she’d been forced to attend her four required meetings with the shrink before she could be released back to duty.
But none of those sessions prepared her to talk about what haunted her now. She knew instinctively it would help to talk about it, though. And Colton was here. Willing.
She pulled away so she could look at him. “Why didn’t he kill me, too?” she asked.
Colton licked his bottom lip and brushed a tear from her cheek. “I don’t know all the details, but from what you’ve said it sounded like the cops showed up and stopped him before he had the chance.”
She shook her head. She hadn’t been clear regarding who he was. Colton assumed she’d meant her brother.
She could see why he’d misunderstood.
And yes, that question had plagued her thoughts since the night she sat curled up in a blanket at the police station while the detective worked out what had happened to her parents. She’d been questioned, and she’d told them what she’d seen, and how her brother had attacked her. Her voice, though quiet, had been strong. At the time, it had seemed as though someone else was talking. Like a stranger was relaying a story. A horribly gruesome story. Not her story.
While the coffee had been hot enough to burn her tongue, it didn’t stop her body from shaking, or warm her from her emotionally frozen hell.
All these years later, it still didn’t feel like the story belonged to her. She kept it apart from her. Something she would deal with another time.
Someday.
But…not today.
Not ready to plunge into that black hole, she shifted the conversation to a different situation.
“No. I didn’t mean my brother. I meant the person who drugged me and killed Heath. This Jim, or Redgamer3, whoever he is. He was there. He touched me to move me into position. He could have done anything he wanted.” She shivered. “He could have killed me, too. Why didn’t he?”
Colton’s brows creased, then he shook his head. “I’m guessing he wanted somebody to pin it on.”
“But no one has been able to track him. He was able to get away with it. Why leave a loose end?” It didn’t make any sense.
Those emails taunted her. Did he leave her alive so he could play with her? Was she nothing but a mouse being toyed with by the cat?
“The police are using all their resources to find you. They’re not looking for anyone else. It’s the perfect plan to get away with murder.”
She nodded, but didn’t feel any better.
He let out a breath and pulled her back against him. “Is that what’s really bothering you?” he asked, his voice soft.
She tensed with fear. Not the kind she felt on an almost normal basis—the fear that kept her one step ahead of a criminal—but a more personal fear.
He knew her. Too well.
He knew when she was lying. Even to herself.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Angel knew it was time to face her demons. If she ever wanted to get past this, she knew she needed to deal with it. And Colton was here. He cared. He’d help her pick up the pieces when she broke apart.
“I— No.” She wasn’t just upset about her failure to protect Heath. Not by a long shot. Her heartbeat kicked up painfully.
She tucked her head under his chin and traced trembling fingers along his bare chest. She could feel his heartbeat thumping under her fingertips, and felt his chest rise and fall as he took in air and let it out. Life.
As she trailed back up her fingers brushed over the raised skin of a scar. One of six similar marks. Proof that he, too, had faced death and walked away. She knew from his file that two of the bullets hit organs, while the other four missed vital targets.
If anyone understood what she was feeling, it was Colton.
“You’ve seen my scars,” she started.
“Yes. I think they’re beautiful. They’re proof that you lived through something horrific. They’re symbols of your strength.”
“If my brother had come to my room first, I wouldn’t be here.” Her breath caught in her throat. She’d always known this, but saying the words out loud made it real.
Colton nodded slowly. “In a criminology course, they might say it was because you were the lesser threat. Nicholas would have started with your father because he knew he could overpower you and your mother.”
“You think it comes down to strategy?” she asked.
Colton shrugged and twisted his lips to the side as he thought it over. “In my experience there are two kinds of criminals. There are the kind who plan things out, and know what they’re doing. They choose it. And then there are the people who can’t help themselves. There is no strategy, there is just an empty soul and madness.”
She nodded in agreement.
“For that last group, I don’t think there is a way to rationalize their behavior. We’ll never know for sure why they do something, because we’re trying to make sense out of something that is senseless.”
“This scar.” She pulled up her shirt to show a circular scar much like the ones on his chest. Hers was right under her ribs. “I was shot by my partner. When I got hit, I lay there wondering if anyone would find me in time.”
Colton’s eyes widened. “I would like to get my hands on him.” His voice was low and threatening.
“You can’t. I shot him back. He’s dead. But I should have died then, too. Just a few inches and the bullet would have hit something vital. Like when I was with Heath. He was murdered right next to me, yet the killer murdered him and left me unharmed.”
Colton blew out a breath and brushed her hair back from her face. “You sound upset that you survived. Most people would feel lucky.”
She didn’t really want to go into that whole mess with Lucas. So she diverted the subject a little. “I guess I just feel there must be something…good…I’m supposed to do with my life. I’ve escaped death so many times, this can’t be it.”
He nodded, and she could tell he understood.
“I’ve wondered the same thing,” he said. “And then something happens, I make some difference, and I think, was that it? Was that the thing I’m meant to do?”
“Like what?” she asked, momentarily forgetting about her own situation.
“Like rescuing damsels who are wanted by the law, for one.”
This was a joke, she could tell.
Then he turned serious. “In January, one of my students came in after class and told me he was failing almost every subject. His parents were going through a rough divorce, and seemed to be focused on hurting each other instead of making sure their son was handling things okay.”
“Poor kid.”
“He asked if he could have an extra credit assignment to get his grade back up. He told me the other teachers had all given him reports to write or projects to do. It seemed asinine to give a student more work to do when he was already struggling. How would that help?”
“Good point.”
“I asked him to come in the next day and I would come up with something. When he showed up I got out my guitar and held it out to him.”
“Wait. You play the guitar?” She sat up to look at him. She’d had no idea.
“Not well. I just started last year. But it gives me something to do in the evenings.”
She felt the familiar guilt. Had she stayed with him, maybe they would have found something fun to do together. Maybe she would have learned to play the drums and they could have gone on tour.
“Anyway, we took turns playing the chords from the book I brought. Then we put them together and played a little song. It wasn’t bad, and he seemed more relaxed when we were finished.”
“Music can be very therapeutic,” she observed.
Many times when she was having trouble with her thoughts, she’d turn on some hard music and play it as loud as she could without disturbing her neighbors. Feeling the bass pound through her body made her feel alive.
“We did this almost every night for a month, and his math grade came up on its own. I checked with the other teachers and he was doing better in their classes, as well.”
“He just needed someone to take the time,” she said, feeling ridiculously proud of Colton for being so sensitive to the child’s needs.
“I told him I was proud of him, and he told me that the day he came into my room to get his extra credit assignment he was at the end of his rope. He had been planni
ng to go home and end his life. He told me he’d felt like he was drowning and wasn’t able to breathe. He didn’t see any other way out.”
Angel felt tears in her eyes again as Colton swallowed down his obvious emotion.
“Maybe that’s why I didn’t die when Viktor ordered Weller to shoot me and leave me for dead. If I wasn’t here, would that kid have gone through with it? Who knows? Maybe he’ll do something amazing someday.”
“You’re still saving lives, even as a teacher,” she said and smiled.
He pulled away to look down at her. “I guess so. I didn’t think of it like that.”
“You don’t need a gun and a badge to help someone.” He was helping her now by offering her a place to hide. And his strong arms to hold her.
“The truth is, I do like teaching. I like the way the students all start off looking at me like I’m crazy, then one by one their eyes light up when they understand what I’m talking about. I can tell the one or two who just don’t get it, and I reword the concept until I see that light come on.”
She gazed at him with even more respect than she’d already had for him. “You have a purpose. That’s what’s important.”
“I guess. But if you think this means I’m backing down when it comes time to chase down this bastard with you, you’re wrong.”
She would find a way to keep him safe when the time came. Justin told him to keep a low profile. That wouldn’t be possible if he got caught up in her plans and ended up on the news as an accomplice to The Mantis.
But for now, she didn’t want to argue.
“I wish I didn’t need to fight my way out of this situation,” she admitted. She was so tired of fighting. Tired of running from things that scared her.
Including the man lying next to her.
He looked over at her, curiosity in his eyes. “What?”
“I sometimes wonder what it would be like to just fade off into the shadows and live off the grid. Or better yet, clear my name and start a completely new life. A normal, quiet life where the biggest challenge of the day is grocery shopping or getting someone to a soccer game.”
Wanted for Life Page 14