Since he didn’t have any other choice.
Chapter One Hundred Nine
The body in the barn had belonged to a local woman who’d been seen with Stone two nights before.
“Maybe if I’d gotten here sooner, she’d still be alive,” Angel said sadly as she stepped out of the police station bathroom in a clean shirt they’d lent her. She and the others were free to go, so she followed Thorne outside to the parking lot. The blue sky above them should have made her feel happy, at least, if not hopeful.
But all she felt was unsettled.
“You can’t save everyone, Cassandra.” It was the first time Thorne had used her real name since the night he came to recruit her. “And you couldn’t have saved your parents if you’d woken sooner. Nicholas would have killed you. You do know that, right?”
She felt him beside her. Strong and steady, and waiting for her to answer. She couldn’t speak. All these years, she’d thought if she’d only woken up sooner, maybe as Nicholas was heading to their room with the knife, she would have been able to stop him.
There wouldn’t have been time for help to arrive. She’d seen the police reports, and knew it had taken them eighteen minutes to respond to her call. She wouldn’t have survived eighteen minutes unarmed and untrained.
But her parents might have had a chance. She might have saved them.
“I’m a father.” He grasped her shoulders and turned her to face him. “At times, I’ve allowed myself to pretend I was your father, because you were here and my own daughter wasn’t. And believe me, Cassie, I love you like my own.”
Damn it, now she was crying.
“So I can say this to you with all sincerity. The last thought that went through your parents’ minds was not that they wished you had been there to sacrifice yourself to Nicholas’s blade. I guarantee you they were hoping and praying you were safe. Because that is what parents always want.”
He hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head just like she remembered her dad doing when she was little.
“Now.” He cleared his throat, back to business. “What do you want, Cassie? Because you’re not coming back to Task Force Phoenix.”
Her heart sank. But she’d known that was a possibility. “I guess I’m not going to be much good to you, now that my cover’s been blown.”
He shook his head. “No. That’s not why. You’re out because you need to find your own life. I thought I was helping you by offering you this job, but I didn’t realize it had become an anchor.”
She stared at him incredulously. “Are you kidding? I would probably still be in and out of jail if you wouldn’t have given me this chance.”
“True, I’d intended it to be a chance. But at some point, it became an obligation to you. All I want is for you to be happy, Cassie. Find someone to love, and have a few kids I can spoil.”
Her eyes went wide in surprise as Thorne nodded toward the man standing in the parking lot by a black SUV.
Colton.
“But—”
Thorne held up his hands to interrupt. “No. I don’t care what you think I want. You’re wrong. It’s okay to have a family. It’s safe for you to love people outside of our team. You can’t keep hiding behind this job because you’re afraid to live and love. You can’t keep running away from your life. So, I’ll ask you again. What do you want?”
Though the question was what and not who, her thoughts went immediately to man in the parking lot. And the peace she’d felt at night while he’d held her in his arms. The laughter. The way she loved him.
But being with him wasn’t possible.
He was a marshal now. He wouldn’t be content having a day job like teaching. Hell, he was still wearing a shoulder holster, even after everyone else had disarmed. And she knew damned well she wouldn’t be able to relax knowing he was in danger and she wasn’t there on the team with him, ready to help.
She swallowed and looked up at Thorne. “I’m going to take some time to think it over, but I think I want a new identity. A home, a dog. Maybe I’ll start my own software consulting business so I can work in my pajamas whenever I want to.”
Thorne’s brows rose. “That’s it?”
She could tell he was asking about Colton.
“Yeah. That’s everything.”
Thorne let out a sigh, and nodded. “All right. When you’re ready, I’ll make it happen.”
“I see you offered him a job.” She nodded in Colton’s direction.
“Yeah, and he accepted.” Thorne shook his head, then walked away.
Breathing out a sigh of relief, she felt better knowing she’d helped Colton get back his life of action and adventure. Despite getting him shot, at least she’d managed to redeem herself by getting him everything he wanted.
Chapter One Hundred Ten
Colton knew how this was going to end before Angel even opened her mouth. He’d expected it to go down like this, but still, he’d hoped.
Why hadn’t he learned his lesson by now?
“Please don’t thank me again,” he said as he held up his hand in a stop motion.
She nodded. “Okay. Then—”
“Or apologize.”
“Then what should I say?” she asked with a small huff.
He had so many answers to that question.
He wanted her to say she wanted to give their relationship a chance and see what happened. He wanted her to say she loved him, and couldn’t live without him.
But she wouldn’t say that.
And he couldn’t say it.
Mostly because he wouldn’t survive her telling him she wasn’t willing to stay with him.
He knew it all already. He’d lived through it before.
The first time, he’d thought it had been harder because she’d left without a word. He’d stupidly thought it would have been better if they’d had a chance to discuss things first.
He’d been wrong.
This was much worse.
The only hope was that he might be able to wear her down in time. He’d figured if he took the job Thorne offered, they would see each other from time to time. So he had. Maybe he’d be lucky enough to be partnered with her occasionally.
“I guess I’ll see you at team headquarters when I’m released for active duty,” he said, watching her intently to see her response.
When she frowned and shook her head, his heart sank. And his small hope died.
“No. Thorne took me off Task Force Phoenix,” she said softly.
Colton looked at her in surprise. True, she’d been exposed in the news, so she couldn’t do undercover work. Still, he thought she’d come back in a different capacity. Maybe something with computers, or intel. The team was her life. Her family.
“What will you do instead?” he asked in surprise.
“Not sure. I’m taking some time off to figure it out.”
Only his shredded pride kept him from falling at her feet and begging her to stay with him. His pride, and the fact he knew begging wouldn’t change anything.
She was obviously determined to leave him. Again.
And this time, he was determined to let her go.
Forever.
Chapter One Hundred Eleven
The silence grew uncomfortable as Angel stood with Colton in the parking lot. He was looking at her so intently, but didn’t say another word.
There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but she knew it would only confuse the situation even more. It wasn’t fair of her to ask him to give up this new opportunity with Task Force Phoenix.
She didn’t deserve his sacrifice, if he gave up what he wanted for her. Not when she’d been too scared to do the same for him a year ago.
“Well, I guess I need to get going before the news vans show up.” She couldn’t handle a bunch of probing questions about her past or her future.
He gave a short nod. “Sure. Good luck in whatever you end up doing.”
He started to turn away, but she struck like a snake before he
could, her body moving without her brain navigating.
She stood up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. There was a moment of hesitation before his mouth softened into what she interpreted as permission. His hands moved up her back and over her shoulders, to hold her face in his palms as his tongue mastered hers.
With a gasp, he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. “Angel—”
Yes, she silently answered whatever he was going to ask.
“Take care of yourself.” He stepped back and opened the door of the SUV without looking at her. “Goodbye.”
“Bye,” she said, but he’d already closed the door. Her heart pounded hard, the rhythm begging her feet to move.
Instead, she stood there in agony, watching him drive away.
Taking her heart with him.
She heard the uneven scuff of a boot on the pavement, and swallowed down the tears that were brimming.
“I’ve seen you do some pretty stupid things, but that was seriously painful,” Dane muttered.
Dane was the older brother she wished she’d had. She loved his protectiveness, and didn’t mind the teasing. But the best part was his brotherly advice.
Except when he didn’t agree with her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she managed to say through her tight throat. She prayed he’d play along, but she wasn’t that lucky.
“Seriously? That’s how you’re playing it?”
She let out a sigh and gave up the innocent act. “What was I supposed to do? Beg him to come with me into a life of oblivion? I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing? He has a future with the team. It’s what he wants. But it’s not what I want anymore.”
“What do you want?” Dane asked, looking steadily at her.
Good question. Once being with Colton was off the table, there wasn’t much left. “I don’t know.”
“That’s a lie. You do know. You’re just afraid.”
“Maybe.” She shrugged it off. “But it’s too late now.”
Dane sighed and shook his head. “Fine. Whatever. You want to stay with me until you get things figured out?”
“Would you mind?” She really didn’t want to be alone.
She’d been roommates with Dane in the past. While he didn’t cook and he played video games way too much, he was neat and didn’t ask her questions about her past.
“It would be nice to have some company,” he said as he glanced away.
Wait. Something was wrong. She’d been so immersed in her own misery, she hadn’t noticed his.
Until now.
“What’s going on?” she asked, ready to spring to his defense, whatever it was.
“Caroline got married this weekend.” He winced as if the statement caused him physical pain. It probably did.
Angel’s problems were difficult and her past was painful, but Dane’s story had always been utterly heartbreaking.
Caroline was Dane’s widow. The woman who thought her husband had been killed in a fire, and had gone on to raise their son while Dane saved other people so they could go home to their families.
It wasn’t fair.
“I’m so sorry,” Angel said, and pulled him close for a hug.
“Come on,” he muttered. “Let’s go get drunk.”
Chapter One Hundred Twelve
Something was wrong with Colton’s dog. Pudge hadn’t been eating. He didn’t want to play catch. He didn’t even try to get up on the bed.
Colton didn’t feel like doing any of those things, either, but he wasn’t a dog.
He was a man getting over a broken heart.
“Mr. Willis? You can bring Pudge back now.” The vet tech hovered by the door separating the lobby from the exam rooms.
“Are you going to come willingly, or are we doing this the hard way?” he asked his dog, who was stretched out on the floor as if already dead.
“Pudge, my boy!” an older gentleman in a white coat called to him in a cheerful tone. Pudge raised his head for a moment. His tail made two whole thumps, then he went back to his earlier position.
“Fine. No problem. I’ll carry you,” Colton said as he bent to pick up his lethargic—and very heavy—German shepherd. “It’s not like I was shot, or anything.” Though his wound had healed over the past two months, his chest was still tight.
He settled Pudge on the black vinyl table and stepped back so the vet could fix his best friend.
“How long has he been like this?” Dr. Westcott asked.
“A couple of months. It’s been getting worse over the last week.”
“She’s gone?” the vet asked as he placed the stethoscope on Pudge’s side and tilted his head.
Colton looked at him in surprise.
“I saw the news. She’s been cleared.”
Colton knew this was the vet who’d helped Angel when Pudge ate the bee. He’d stopped in shortly thereafter to settle the non-existent bill for his services.
“Yeah,” Colton said evenly. “She left a couple of months ago.”
“The timing seems suspect.” The man raised a thick gray eyebrow.
No shit.
“Yes.”
Dr. Westcott gave Pudge a thorough workup and scratched him behind the ears before delivering his diagnosis. “I don’t see anything obviously wrong with him. I could do some more tests, but my guess is it’s not a physical problem. I think he’s suffering from the same condition as his owner.”
Colton let out a long breath. “Will he get better in time?”
“Will you?” the vet asked.
Colton dragged his hand over his face and shook his head. “I’m not sure. I hope so.”
“I’m not going to pretend to know the girl, but she seemed like a catch.”
Perfect. As if he wasn’t already worried about his dog. Now the man was going to throw salt in his wounds.
“Yeah. Too bad she doesn’t want to be caught.”
Dr. Westcott tilted his head. “You ever notice the best stories are about the one that got away?”
Colton pressed his lips together. Really? The man thought this was helping?
The vet tossed a treat, which Pudge snatched up quickly. “I guess you need to decide if you want something more than a good story.”
Colton sure as hell hoped he wouldn’t be charged extra for the advice. Because it wasn’t worth shit.
Angel didn’t want him. She’d left. Again.
He couldn’t spend his whole life chasing after someone who would never stop running.
“Get up, you big faker. I’m not carrying you around anymore.” Colton pointed to the door, and Pudge lowered his head but walked out under his own power.
Pudge sat on Colton’s foot in the lobby as he paid the bill, and rested his chin on Colton’s leg on the drive home, rather than have his head out the window as usual.
Damn her to hell.
She’d broken his dog.
She’d broken him.
Chapter One Hundred Thirteen
Angel wasn’t pregnant. She’d known that since the week after Colton was shot. It was stupid, but it had taken until yesterday morning for it to finally catch up with her. She’d curled into a ball in the spare room at Dane’s apartment, and cried until he came in and threatened to call the entire team to come help.
She didn’t know what had caused her emotional overload. A baby would only have complicated things.
Or maybe it would have simplified everything.
Without her permission, a vision came of her and Colton walking at a park with a baby strapped in one of those ridiculous carriers on his back, Pudge loping along, chasing after a toddler.
Her chest seized as if it was a picture of something she’d lost, rather than something she’d never had. And never would have.
She didn’t tell Dane why she was crying. And eventually, she got herself together enough to pack her things and say goodbye.
She should have been relieved that her strong sense of duty to Thorne
was gone. She’d finally realized he was right. She was holding onto her job out of obligation, as well as the sense of family.
But as much as she loved the team, they weren’t her real family.
She stepped up to the gravestones bearing her parents’ names for the first time since they’d been placed there. Her brother’s marker was a few feet from theirs. Thorne had helped her make that decision. Anger had made her want him buried on another planet, as far from them as possible, in an unmarked grave. But Thorne had convinced her to put Nicholas there with them because they’d loved him.
She’d given in because she’d been too overwhelmed to argue, but now she realized he was right about that, as well. And if they still loved Nicholas after what he’d done to them, she knew they still loved her, too, even though she hadn’t been able to save them.
Instead of pouring out a stream of apologies to her parents as she’d planned, she sat down in the grass and spent the next two hours telling them about her life. She was surprised by how much of it included her feelings for Colton.
She found herself feeling the same way she’d felt a year ago.
Wondering what it might have been like if she hadn’t left him.
If she hadn’t been afraid to try a real relationship.
Chapter One Hundred Fourteen
It wasn’t a surprise to see a black sedan waiting in his driveway when Colton got home. Thorne got out of the driver’s seat and followed him inside without a word.
Pudge flopped over on his side under the front window. He hadn’t even begged their visitor to pet him. It was a testament to how sad he was.
How sad they both were.
“What’s wrong with him?” Thorne asked.
“He’s trying to get attention. Just ignore him.” He didn’t want to explain that he and his dog were heartbroken over the same woman.
Thorne laughed, then sobered as he looked around the living room and the stacks of moving boxes. “You’re packing.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t remember planning a move for you.”
Wanted for Life Page 27