by Jess Ryder
Chloe ate with more enthusiasm than I’d seen from her in months. I cleared up my shameful debris and put the empty bottles in the recycling bin. After the despair of the previous night, I felt incredibly happy – almost euphoric – but I’d learnt not to trust either mood. The world was still off kilter and could go spinning out of control at any moment. Everything felt so delicately poised, so fragile. While Chloe had been missing, all our other problems had been suspended. They’d seemed unimportant and irrelevant then, but now she was back we would have to tackle them again. There was so much to deal with, I didn’t know where to start.
And there was something else. Something Chloe had said that was nagging for my attention. If I was going to find out more, I’d have to choose my words carefully.
‘Chloe, darling … can I just ask you … You said there was another woman at this flat, a friend of Jade’s?’
‘That’s right, she lives there too, I think. Or used to.’
‘What did she look like?’
Chloe frowned. ‘Er, dunno … Long hair tied back, jeans, slim. Tanned. I didn’t take much notice.’
‘Do you remember the address?’
‘Maybe … Why?’ She looked at me suspiciously.
‘Because I think this girl might be the one who blackmailed me.’
‘Oh … Oh, I see … Just forget it, Mum. It’s all over now.’
‘I need to see Jade. I want to sort this out once and for all. Please, Chloe. I promise not to cause a scene.’
She sighed and put down her fork. ‘Okay … It’s Flat 117, Inverness House or Inverness Place, something like that. When we arrived, we got off at Leyton Tube, that’s all I know. But Jade might not still be there …’
‘The sooner I go, then, the better.’ I ruffled her hair. ‘Will you be all right on your own for a bit?’
‘Yeah … Gonna have a shower. Mum? Be careful.’
‘I will be … So good to have you home,’ I said.
* * *
I nipped into the shower myself first and tried to wash away the remains of my hangover. I felt revitalised and strangely optimistic. The binge drinking had been frightening, but I hoped and prayed it had been a one-off, a slip rather than a relapse. That was up to me to decide, nobody else. My future was hanging by a thin thread and I was determined not to be the one to snap it.
Worried that I might still be over the limit for driving, I caught a bus to the station and took the train to London for the second day running. As we rattled along, I went back over Chloe’s vague account of what had happened at the flat. She’d behaved as if the experience was no big deal, but her appearance gave that the lie. Her face was marked, she looked exhausted and she’d shovelled that breakfast into her mouth like she hadn’t eaten for days. Then there was the lost phone, and the message sent in the middle of the night from the reservoir, which was nowhere near where she’d been staying. It didn’t add up. I knew she was hiding something from me, but I didn’t dare challenge her. The last thing I wanted was a row and for her to run away again.
I found the housing estate with the help of Google Maps. Inverness Court was a tall block, constructed in the sixties. It was clad in blue wooden panels, which were badly chipped and rotting in parts. There were balconies all the way up to the top floor, which shocked me. The metal railings that served as barriers looked horribly inadequate. How could such a dangerous place be allowed to house families with little children? I peered up at the chaos of washing lines, bikes, toys and the occasional flowerpot and wondered how they didn’t fall off in the slightest breeze.
I keyed in the number of the flat and waited. Was there a videophone? Perhaps they’d seen me and decided not to let me in. I tried again. After about thirty seconds, there was a buzzing sound and a female voice said, ‘Hello?’ It wasn’t Jade.
‘Oh, hi, it’s Erin Whitesteed here,’ I said. ‘Chloe’s mum. And, er … Jade’s birth mum. Can I talk to you, please?’
There was a fractional pause. ‘Yeah, okay. Come on up.’ The door buzzed open and I stepped inside.
Chapter Forty-One
Jade
May 2020
Jade starts to panic. ‘You shouldn’t have let her in,’ she says, pacing in circles around the room. ‘What if she’s dobbed me in to the police? What if they’re with her? Oh shit, they’re coming to arrest me!’
‘What do you expect?’ Amy says. ‘You tied her daughter up, you plonker!’
‘Can’t stay here. Gotta get out. Gotta go!’
‘No, Jade. I won’t let you.’ Amy stands resolute in front of the door. ‘You’ve got to face up to things.’
She looks towards the balcony. It would be possible. To slide the glass door across, make a running jump and hurl herself over the edge. If she could do it in one flowing action, without stopping to think, maybe she could go through with it. But if she has to fiddle with the catch, if the railings are too high, if Amy calls out …
‘My heart’s beating too fast, I’m going to faint.’
‘Just calm down! Take some deep breaths. She just wants to talk, okay?’
The wait for Erin to come up in the lift feels like an age. Why isn’t Amy panicking too? She’s in just as much trouble. Kidnap, blackmail, there’s not much to choose between them. They’ll be seen as an evil pair, preying on decent families, torturing children; they’ll be sent to prison, where the other inmates will bully them and make their lives hell.
There’s a knock on the door.
‘Don’t answer!’ Jade shouts in a last desperate attempt to save them, but Amy is already opening it. She flinches in anticipation of the rush of blue uniforms, angry commands telling her to put her hands up, but it doesn’t happen. Erin is on her own.
She enters the room, her eyes flicking around the tatty furniture and the piles of clothing that litter every surface. Jade cowers behind a dress rail, her head poking out between two floral cotton frocks. Her heart is drumming through her body and she has to hold onto the rail to stop herself keeling over.
‘It’s okay, Jade,’ Erin says. ‘I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to chat.’
‘Please …’ Amy gestures at the sofa. ‘I’m sorry it’s a mess; I only just got back.’
Erin sits down. She seems confused, as if she’s come to the wrong house. ‘And you are …?’
‘Amy. I live here. It’s my mum’s flat, but …’ She pauses to compose herself. ‘She passed three days ago. In Lanzarote.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t mean to disturb—’
‘Jade’s really sorry about Chloe,’ Amy interrupts. She looks over her shoulder. ‘That’s right, isn’t it? Jade! For God’s sake come out from behind the rail and talk to your mum.’
Jade buries her face in the vintage dress. She smells lavender and mothballs, the subtle notes of the past. Not her past, somebody else’s. Yet it reminds her of happier, simpler days, before she knew there was something wrong with her, and that her birth mother had caused it. Before she was a victim. When everyone thought she was just a pain-in-the-arse kid who couldn’t concentrate, nothing more.
Erin is saying something. She didn’t catch the beginning of it and now she can’t understand the conversation. Why isn’t she storming about tearing them both off a strip? Perhaps Chloe has stuck to her promise. She assumed her sister would call the cops straight away, or at least tell her parents, who would do it themselves. But it seems not. And why is Erin apologising to Amy when it should be the other way around? It doesn’t make any sense.
‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just barged in like this during such a difficult time,’ she is saying. ‘I was expecting you to be somebody else … I assumed you were the woman who … Oh, never mind. I apologise … I’ve made a mistake.’
‘You’re not the only one,’ clips Amy. ‘Jade? Will you come out. This is important.’
Now Erin. ‘I’m not angry with you. There’s no need to be scared. We just need to sort things out.’
Jade feels the
tide of panic receding. She’s soothed by the softness of the fabric, the calm of Erin and Amy’s voices. Maybe, just maybe she can trust them a teeny tiny bit?
‘Jade. Come and sit down.’ Amy approaches and holds out her hand. ‘It’s okay.’ Jade takes it and lets herself be led, childlike, to the sofa. She keeps her eyes on the floor, not wanting to look at either of these women who are being so weirdly kind to her.
‘Thanks for looking after Chloe,’ Erin begins. ‘It could have been so much worse. I’m sure you didn’t encourage her to run away, but I would have appreciated a phone call to let us know she was safe. We were so worried. Still, you were in a difficult position. Chloe can be very strong-minded.’
Jade looks up and exchanges a quick glance with Amy. Relief surges through her system. Chloe did stick to her promise, how amazing is that? She loves her little sister so much.
‘How is she?’
‘Fine; a little ashamed, I think. We’re taking it one step at a time.’ Erin pauses. ‘I actually came about the other thing. The blackmail. Only I’ve obviously got it all wrong.’
‘We’ve never met before, have we, Erin?’ says Amy.
‘No. I’m so sorry. When Chloe said there was another woman in the flat, I immediately assumed—’
‘Hang on!’ Jade cuts in. ‘What are you saying?’
‘Amy isn’t the woman who impersonated you and blackmailed me.’
‘But … I don’t get it.’
Amy shoots her a triumphant look. ‘I told you, didn’t I? I swore on my dead mother’s soul that it wasn’t me, but you still wouldn’t believe me. As if I’d do something so disgusting.’
Jade doesn’t understand; none of this is making sense. She rewinds through the last few hours. After Chloe left, there was a showdown. Amy was extremely angry with Jade and said she couldn’t cope with her any more. Then Jade accused her of scamming Erin, which Amy flatly denied, even though Jade had made a point of saying she forgave her because the money had been put to good use.
‘How dare you involve my mum in this!’ Amy screamed at her. ‘She paid for that holiday out of her life savings. I told you that.’
Yes, but Jade hadn’t believed her, because all the evidence pointed to her friend and nobody else was even a suspect. Only Amy knew about her search for her birth mum. Only Amy had access to Erin’s contact details. And let’s be honest, she wasn’t exactly a saint: she sold clothes that had been stolen from charity shops.
‘I’m sorry,’ Jade says now, breaking the silence. ‘It’s just I couldn’t see how it could be anybody else. You were the only one who knew, Amy.’
‘Yes, that is strange,’ says her birth mum. ‘It can’t be a coincidence. This woman had all my info; she gave me a copy of the adoption file.’
Jade shrugs. ‘I don’t know how she got hold of that.’
Amy curses under her breath. ‘I think I know,’ she says. ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry.’
Erin leans forward. ‘What? Who?’ Amy covers her face with her hands. ‘Did my friend Asha have anything to do with it? I know she was the one who gave Jade all my contact details.’
‘No … it’s nothing to do with her,’ mumbles Amy behind her fingers. ‘I was trying to help, trying to make it up to Jade. She was so upset when you didn’t reply to her email, she felt like nobody cared, so I thought, if her birth mum didn’t want to know, maybe …’
‘What?’ Jade and Erin respond in unison.
‘Maybe I could find her birth dad instead.’
‘My birth dad?’ echoes Jade.
Amy removes her hands and looks into her eyes. ‘Yes. It was Mum’s idea. We didn’t tell you in case it didn’t work out – didn’t want to raise your hopes and then have you all upset again. It was supposed to be a nice surprise.’
‘You tracked down Dean Philips?’ says Erin slowly.
‘Yes, it was quite easy. He still lives in Camford; he’s got this gym, Deano’s Den.’
‘You went to see him?’
‘Not to begin with. I sent him a letter saying I was Jade’s friend and I was trying to help her trace her birth family. A few days later, I heard back from his wife. She asked me to come and see her. She said Dean claimed he wasn’t Jade’s father, but she knew he was lying. She wanted him to face up to his responsibilities – that’s what she said.’
Erin huffs. ‘Hmm … Then what happened?’
‘She asked me for any information that could help prove Dean was the father, so I gave her a copy of the adoption file. Then she started asking questions about you – whether you’d got married, what you were doing now, that kind of thing. I told her you didn’t seem to be interested and she said that was sad. She said she wanted to talk to you; she thought she could, er … mediate.’
‘You gave her my contact details?’
‘Yeah. I didn’t realise … I thought she was being, like, really kind and generous. I had no idea she was going to scam you.’
‘Of course you didn’t,’ said Jade quickly. ‘It wasn’t your fault. I can’t believe you did that for me, Amy, that’s awesome.’
‘Don’t thank me, it was stupid. Caused a lot of bother.’
Erin is thinking hard. Jade can almost see the cogs turning. ‘Was her name Gemma?’ Erin asks.
‘Yeah … Did you know her?’
‘Only slightly. We were in the same maternity ward, both pregnant by Dean. He denied he knew me and Gemma believed him – or pretended to. It was humiliating. They were both absolutely vile to me.’
Jade has a sudden, brilliant thought. ‘Did she have a boy or a girl?’
Erin considers. ‘I don’t know … I left the hospital before she gave birth.’
‘It was a girl,’ says Amy. ‘I met her. She was about your age, Jade. Didn’t look anything like you, though. You’d never think you were half-sisters.’
Her birth mum stands up, suddenly agitated. ‘Brown highlighted hair scraped back? Lots of piercings?’
‘Yeah …’
‘Heavy eyebrows, way too much make-up? Nails painted yellow and blue on alternate fingers?’
‘They were purple and green when I saw her, but yes.’
‘That’s who it was, then,’ says Jade, feeling very proud of herself. ‘Gemma must have set her up, got her to pretend to be me. That’s who blackmailed you.’
‘Yes, I’m sure you’re right,’ Erin replies. ‘And that’s why I was fooled. Because she looked a lot like Dean. I could see him in her face, and hear him in her voice. She so reminded me of him, it was uncanny. That’s why I didn’t really like her, why I couldn’t connect. I felt so guilty about it …’
‘But it was your instincts working,’ says Amy. ‘In your heart, you knew she wasn’t yours.’
‘Yes. Whereas as soon as I saw Jade, I knew straight away. I felt so much love for her, it was instantaneous.’
Jade lights up. ‘Really? Is that true?’
‘Yes … honestly.’
‘Aww, that’s amazing.’
Erin comes over and gives her a hug, and Jade melts into her, letting her take her weight. She feels all soft and safe and cosy, like when she was little and Mummy – her other Mummy – would give her a bubble bath and then wrap her in a white towel with a hood and rub her all over until she was dry. She always felt so loved in those moments and she’d forgotten them until now. Everything has fluttered to a rest, like feathers after a pillow fight.
‘It’s okay, Jade,’ her birth mum whispers. ‘It’s going to be okay.’
It’s Amy who breaks the spell. ‘Look, I’m sorry, but I’m really knackered. I’ve had a tough couple of days. I need to lie down. Do you mind?’
Erin pulls away, but holds onto Jade’s hand. ‘Of course not. I’m sorry. It must be awful for you … with your mum and everything. We’re intruding.’
Amy nods. ‘Well, it has been a bit full-on …’
‘We’ll leave you in peace. Come on, darling, let’s go.’
Jade hesitates. There isn’t anywhere to go, not for h
er. ‘What are we going to do?’ she says.
Erin looks at her, a new expression of determination on her face. ‘Do you know what? I think it’s about time you met your father.’
Chapter Forty-Two
Erin
May 2020
We stood in silence as the lift descended. Something between us had changed. A complicated mechanism had clicked into place, like a space capsule uniting with the mother ship. After years of crashing around the universe on our own, we were finally connected in a deep, inextricable way. I felt it, and I was sure Jade was feeling it too. As the lift hit the ground floor, we nodded to each other, mother and daughter at last.
‘Are we going to see my birth dad now?’ Jade asked.
‘I don’t know. We need to make a plan.’ She laughed under her breath. ‘What’s so funny?’
‘I’m really shit at plans. They never work out.’
‘Maybe it’ll be different now we’re working together.’
‘Yeah, hope so.’ She hurried along beside me. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Why don’t you just go to the police? They’ll get you your money back.’
‘It’s not about the money,’ I said. ‘It’s about me and Dean. It’s personal. He abused me all those years ago and got away with it. Now he’s done it again. Well, I’m sick of being his victim. I’m going to make him and his disgusting family face up to the truth. He fathered you, Jade – he refused to use protection – and he knew I was drinking; he’s just as guilty as I am for what happened to you. He needs to face up to his responsibilities.’
‘Hmm.’ She digested my indignant speech. ‘But what does that mean?’
I stopped and turned to her. ‘I don’t know. I just have to do this, for my own sake. If I don’t confront him, I’ll never be able to move on. I can’t bear the idea of them laughing behind my back, thinking they’ve got one over on me yet again.’