by Amy Sumida
I had lost Sabine, but I wouldn't lose Vervain. Five hundred years had passed while I waited for my wife to return to me and that whole time, she'd been trapped in Hvergelmir. I didn't know. I had been wrong, and I didn't know. If I hadn't given up and bargained with Mimir for that book of soul spells...
“Soul spells!” I shouted. Then I looked at my wife, writhing beneath another man.“Hold on, baby, I'm about to save your soul.”
“Odin,” I whispered against a sold chest. “Odin, I'm sorry.”
“He's not here, my star,” Viper whispered in my ear. “I am here. I'm with you, and I won't let go.”
“Then her suffering is on your head!” Star sneered. “I wash my hands of this!”
The Star's voice shifted into another.
“You want me to rally the Egyptian Pantheon against our wife?” I snarled at Vervain's other husbands. “Are you out of your minds? I'm not fighting her. What if she gets hurt? What if she hurts one of us? When she does come back from this, she'll never forgive herself.”
The pain in my chest was growing every day. It had spread to consume my entire body and I had thought that it couldn't go any further. I had thought to myself; well, this is it, absolute heartache. But no, it got worse. Even worse than when I lost Lusaset. I wasn't coming back from this. I was a dead man walking, my body just hadn't realized it yet.
“Re, no one is going to fight Vervain,” Odin explained. “The battle will be a distraction, nothing more. We just need to get her there, somewhere not warded by that damn star. When Vervain is out in the open, we can trace to her and grab her.”
“And then what?” I grimaced at him. “Her star will only steal her back.”
“Not if we can take over Vervain's mind first,” Arach said with one of his stupid, faerie king grins.
“And how will you do that?” I crossed my arms and faced off with him. “Faerie magic? That's not going to work, Dragon.”
“Dragon magic,” Arach countered. “Blood magic, to be exact.”
I slid into a chair and leaned across the table toward him. “You have my attention.”
The heartache was too much. Not only mine but that of all of my lovers. One heart is not built to hold so much pain. I screamed again, struggling to push it away, hoping I'd pass out from it. But emotional pain isn't like physical. You can't pass out to escape it. It won't let you. Even if you manage to sleep, it will follow you into your dreams.
“I've got you, my love,” his voice in my ear again.
Who was he? Did I love him? I must. I loved so many men. He had to be one of them. But I couldn't remember which one. The only memories I had didn't belong to me.
“This is enough, Toby,” my brother growled. “You have suffered and suffered for this woman. You gave up your chance to have a real relationship so you could be with her. To share her with six other men. And now, the bitch has gone bad. Enough already.”
“Don't ever call her a bitch!” I snapped as I grabbed him by the front of his shirt. “I love her, Naye. And I fell in love with Vervain because of you. Because you decided to bring her here. Because you tortured her and turned her into Ata. Vervain has suffered too and yet she brought me back from the Void. She made a place for me in her heart and her life at great cost to herself. So don't stand here and act as if I'm the victim.”
“Fine!” Naye shoved my hands away. “You're not the victim, but you're not being treated fairly either. She married the rest of them but here you are, hanging on the edges, her boyfriend.”
“It's too soon to talk to her about marriage,” I muttered as a horrible shivering started in my chest.
My brother may be an ass, but he was right. I felt like an afterthought. Yes, she loved me. Yes, she made time for us. And yes, I was happy with her. But I wanted more. I wanted to at least be an equal. I wanted to stand at an altar with her and hear her pledge her eternal love to me. But she was too busy having babies with her husbands for that. And now...
“It doesn't matter,” I said hollowly as I fell back onto a couch. Doba hopped up beside me and laid her sleek head in my lap. I pet her absently. “She's gone, Naye. Vervain told us to never return. She threatened to kill us if we did.”
I shook my head at the absurdness of that statement. Vervain had saved all of us at one point or another but now, she threatens to kill us. She's lost to me; nothing of the woman I love is left in that shell. I had looked in her eyes and seen only a dark light.
“Hey,” Naye sat awkwardly beside me. “You don't know that.”
“You were just telling me to let her go.”
“Yeah, I know,” he grumbled. “But I don't want you to be sad, Brother. We need to save her before you leave.”
“Wonderful.” I rolled my eyes. “Your advice is that I save the woman I love and then walk out on her. Great talk, Naye.”
“You will never feel complete with her, Toby,” Naye said gently. “It will always be like this. Something terrible will come for the Godhunter and it will affect everyone she loves. That's the way her life goes.”
“And so, that's the way my life goes,” I said firmly.
“But it doesn't have to be like that,” he said urgently. “You let go of her once, you can do it again. Just let go, Toby.”
“The last time didn't turn out so well.”
“So, you had one bad experience with a goddess who turned out to be a faerie,” Naye huffed. “It doesn't mean that you won't find someone else. You are meant for more than begging at Vervain's feet for some scraps of affection. You're a god; act like one.”
I was about to tell my brother to stick his head where the sun doesn't shine—one of Vervain's favorite things to say to Naye since he's a sun god—when Azrael strode into the room.
“Get up, Toby,” Az said. “We're going to get our woman back.”
I gasped and sat up straight, dislodging Viper. I was naked but covered in a sheet, and I clutched it to my chest as I stared around me at my star gods. My star gods. What had I done? I had made men? I looked slowly to my right. Viper stared back at me with hopeful eyes. I had made a lover. Fred Flintstone! I was the bad guy! I was the villain! I—
Shh now, it's all over now, Star whispered in my mind. It's just the blood talking. Your traitorous ex-husbands and that savage ex-boyfriend of yours forced their blood down your throat. I think they did it simply to incapacitate you and me.
They did, I said in my head as horror filled me. They were going to cast a soul spell on me. But... they were trying to save me.
No, honey; that's what they want you to think. It's devious really; giving you that blood. They probably made themselves think loving thoughts of you to seduce you back to them. When all along, they're just trying to control you.
Deep amethyst light shone out from my heart, from the heart of my star, and spread its calming influence through me. I took a shaky breath as resolve settled in my soul again. I couldn't let them stop me; the world was depending on me. The whole world. And they stood against me. The men who swore they loved me were trying to stop me from doing the greatest thing I could ever do. Something that would free us to be happy and live without the threat of war hanging over our heads. Why were they fighting me?
They like war, Vervain. They're gods; they need the blood, Star said gently. But don't worry about that now. The blood has run its course, and you have come through their manipulations unscathed. I was able to get you back before they cast their spell on you. All is well, and we shall be more vigilant in the future.
“Vervain?” Viper took my hand and kissed it. “Speak to me. Tell me you're okay.”
I focused on my lover and smiled gently. I could be sure of Viper's love. Star had been right. Complaining about his loyalty had been stupid. Knowing how loyal Viper was gave me the confidence I needed to love him. The confidence to accept his love.
“I'm okay, Viper. I'm better now.” I kissed him tenderly as the other star gods sighed in relief.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
“Egypt
is ours, Dark Star,” Sin announced.
I sat on my dragon throne and stared out at the gathering of Gods and Dragons. They stared back at me with pride and confidence. For the Gods, their loyalty was finally paying off. I had given them victory after victory and now, I was about to give them regions of their own to govern. For the Dragons, I was proving to be the leader they craved; providing for their savage needs and doing all that I had promised. I couldn't tell any of them that I hadn't killed the Egyptian Pantheon with a single thought. That instead, I had sent them to safety in my territory. I had confessed it to my commanders but not Sin. When it came down to it, Sin wasn't family. I couldn't trust him as I did my star gods. Hopefully, the Egyptians had learned their lesson from my display of power and wouldn't try to oppose me again.
“After you cleared the way for us, we swept through the country and took control,” Sin went on. “Once the Egyptian Gods were gone, the humans were eager to surrender.”
“Excellent,” I said regally. “And as a reward, I will give each of my god allies a state to govern.”
The Gods cheered.
“See to it, Sin,” I commanded. “I trust you to choose the right regions for each god. I need you here, but I also want you to feel appreciated. So, I'm giving you Bahrain.”
“Bahrain is mine?” Sin asked in surprise.
“All but the stronghold,” I amended. “You may continue to live here, or I can build you a new palace for you to rule from.”
“I would very much enjoy a palace of my own.” Sin grinned unabashedly.
“I thought you might.” I closed my eyes and pictured it; a shining edifice of stone and steel and jewels in the center of Manama. Then I opened my eyes and nodded. “It's done. Your palace awaits in Manama. You've been a good friend to me, Sin, and I will continue to reward that. Watch over Bahrain so that I may concentrate on securing the rest of the world.”
“I will, Dark Star.” Sin bowed to me.
“For my dragons, I have another celebration planned. A wild hunt.”
The Dragons perked up, attention fixed on me eagerly. I knew their needs better than anyone. I knew they craved blood, but they also longed to chase their prey. War wouldn't satisfy them as well as a good hunt.
“Human prisoners who we've captured, the rebels who have refused to accept my peace, will be released,” I went on. “I have several prisoners for each regiment at every outpost so all of you will have a chance to chase and participate in the kill.”
The Dragons roared with happiness and my wild heart lifted with their joy. My savage children. Bloodthirsty beasts. They were so beautiful to me. I looked up at Viper, who stood at my right, and smiled. He returned my smile as he lifted my hand and kissed it. Yes; he could appreciate wild beauty as well.
“When you have caught your criminal and dispatched justice, we will feast,” I went on. “Now, go forth, my dread of dragons, and hunt. Rend and tear and claw and bite. Glory in who you are and what your powerful bodies can do. Then come home to me, and we will celebrate your glory together!”
The Dragons shouted, “Dark Star!” as they rushed from the room, off to enjoy their hunt.
I almost wished I were going with them.
“And you,” I looked from left to right at the Star Gods. “What can I give you, my commanders? Is there anything you desire?”
“Only victory,” Beast declared. “That's all we want.”
“There must be something else that I haven't given you,” I tried again.
Beast got a strange look on his face as he glanced at the others.
“Not that,” Viper hissed. “We've talked about this.”
“It's easy for you to dismiss it. You have her love,” Hound growled. “All we have are replicas of her.”
“So you want her to give you her body as a reward for doing what we were born to do?” Viper countered. “Do you think that will make her love you as she does me? She is a goddess, not a whore.”
The other men looked chastised.
I looked from them to Viper and then to Sin. “Take care of our allies, Sin. See to their posts.”
“Yes, Dark Star.” Sin bowed and strode down the dais to the waiting gods.
I watched Sin for a moment; he had come far from the man he had been. And I had helped him change. I had brought out the warrior inside the flirt. Given him purpose; a mission to motivate him. Sin had become the man I knew he could be.
“All of you, come with me,” I said to my commanders.
We strode down the curving aisle, gods bowing as we passed, and then took the central elevator up to the 14th floor; the lower level of the Star Gods suites. I didn't speak until we came to their shared living room. I turned in the center of the airy space and held my arms out to them. They rushed forward to surround me, and I hugged them tightly, one at a time, turning between them until I had given every man the attention he deserved.
“I've neglected you, haven't I?” I asked gently. “I brought you into a new life fully grown and expected you to behave like grown men. I didn't give you the guidance you needed or the love. I vowed to myself that I would but somewhere, that vow got lost. I'm sorry that you've felt the lack. That I haven't shown you how much I care about you. That this deficit has led to other things; to thinking that sex with me would fill some void in you. That joining your body with mine might bring you the love you haven't been feeling from me.”
Shoulders dropped as the men looked from me to each other.
“Why do you look so sad?” I asked gently as I went among them and kissed their cheeks as I stroked their hair. “I'm telling you that I love you. That I will try harder to show you that love. You don't have to make love to me to feel loved by me. Sex is an expression of a different kind of love, a love that may bloom between us one day or may not. Either way, we will always have the love of family to bind us. You are mine, and I am yours. I want you to be happy. Believe me; if I knew that sex would make you feel loved, I would give it to you. But without my heart in it, I think it would only make you feel worse and it might even hurt the love we already share.”
“We're not sad, we're ashamed,” Snake whispered. “We acted on her orders, but we also wanted it. We wanted you. I'm so sorry, Vervain.”
“What are you talking about?” I frowned at all of them.
“While you were under the control of the blood your ex-lovers, Star tried to use your weakened state as an opportunity to trick you into taking all of us as your lovers,” Viper explained. “First, she said that she couldn't help you, that the blood had to run its course. But then she tells us that if we all joined with you, it would complete your star and give you the power you needed to overcome the blood.”
“Join with me,” I whispered as the memory of hands on my body returned. Viper's voice echoed within that memory. He had defended me from Star and his brothers. I looked up at Viper and felt my love for him burrow even deeper. “You stopped them.”
“I swore to protect you,” Viper said softly. “And I will. Even from my brothers.” He nodded to the other star gods. “Even from her.” His gaze lifted and settled on someone beyond my shoulder.
I turned to face Star.
“I did what I thought would help you,” Star said defensively. “Viper misread my intentions. I wasn't trying to trick you. I truly believe that completing the star would have made you powerful enough to overcome the blood.”
“I understand.”
“I had to do something. You were screaming. Fighting against the blood. I wasn't sure you'd survive; not the you that we need.”
“It's okay, Star.”
“I couldn't let them break you.”
“Star, I said that I forgive you.” I laid my hand on her shoulder, and she crumpled. I caught her, the embodiment of my magic, and held her as she cried. “You and I are in this together. You are my heart. I know you acted out of concern for me. You were wrong, but you tried. Perhaps I will accept the other points of my star someday. Perhaps we will become what you hope us t
o be. But not today. I need time. They need time. And you need to be patient with us.”
“I'm sorry, Vervain,” she whispered. “I'm so sorry. I just want us to be as powerful as we can be.”
“I know.” I pulled her over to the men. “But we are great as we are. Unstoppable. And we have all the time in the world. Now, that being said, is there anything I can give you, Star Gods? Anything to make you happy?”
“You just did, Vervain,” Storm said in his phantom voice.
The men glanced at each other and then circled us. With a look of shock and awe on her face, Star stepped back to join the circle of men, her movements stiff as if she weren't in control of them. Moments later, Star brightened and darkened all at once. Amethyst light burst out of her, condensed into a line, and hit me in the heart. The avatar connecting with its source.