“No, you haven’t—”
“I have. I should have loved you properly. Perhaps then Luke wouldn’t be like his father and you’d…”
“Me? What about me?” What was wrong with Camilla?
The marchioness touched Camilla’s chin. “I should have loved you better. I should have protected you.”
“I don’t know what you’re saying.” It was strange to have such a long conversation with her mother, to speak so deeply about things they’d never spoken about before.
This was the mother Camilla had always wanted. Someone she could talk to and share things with. Even while her mother was vague on the topic of her own love life, she was being calm and reasonable with other matters.
“Your heart is broken,” the marchioness said. “If I’d loved you correctly, perhaps you wouldn’t be so hurt. Then you’d know how you feel about Will.”
Camilla tilted her head. “Do you think I love him?”
Her mother dropped her hand. “I’m not going to tell you that, Camilla. I can’t. No one can. I wouldn’t even want to influence your thoughts on the matter.”
“But aren’t you supposed to? Isn’t that what mothers are for?” She was so lost. She honestly didn’t want to make this decision alone. She feared making the wrong choice. What if she grew to regret her marriage to Will?
Her mother smiled. “You want my advice?”
Camilla nodded.
“I’m going to give you the same words the Duchess of Van Dero gave me,” her mother said. “It’s not so simple to give and receive love. One must become love. They must wake up and go to bed with love on their minds and in their hearts. They must breathe it in and exhale it away. Love must be eaten and drank. It must be everything or it will be nothing.”
Camilla tried to think of all that entailed. “Love sounds exhausting.”
Her mother laughed. “Love is exhausting, but apparently, it’s worth it.”
“How can you know? What if someone hurts you? What if you give them everything and in the end, they throw it back in your face?”
Her mother shrugged. “I wondered the same thing, and I’m still struggling to come to terms with how Lady Milly replied.”
Camilla took a breath. “What did she say?”
“That’s the risk with love,” her mother said. “There’s always a risk, but… if you’ve become the embodiment of love, then you’ll see it in other ways.”
“Where? How?”
Lady Hornstein shrugged again. “Everywhere. Somewhere. I don’t know. But everyone wants love. Everyone is looking for it. It’ll find you.”
Love sounded just as complicated as before Camilla’s heart was broken.
“There’s simply too much going on right now. Between Father’s betrayal and Luke and…”
“My earlier advice to never trust men?” her mother added. “I would say take your time. You don’t need to make a decision right this moment.”
“But what if he leaves?” Camilla asked. “What if Will won’t wait?”
Her mother finished her tea and then stood. “Well then, does that sound like love to you? Does that sound like your William?”
* * *
“You’re somewhere else. Want to talk about it?”
Will looked up from his cards and realized it had been his turn for perhaps the last half hour.
Raven lifted a brow. “I take it this is about Camilla? She was the reason we didn’t go out last evening, isn’t she?”
Will shook his head and then nodded and then… He tossed down his cards and leaned back.
“She doesn’t love you?” Raven asked.
“I don’t know.” Will shrugged. “Perhaps I’m getting what I deserve for abandoning Annie.”
Raven rolled his eyes. “She came by earlier.”
Will stiffened and looked around the parlor. “Annie was here?”
“She had the audacity to come unannounced and demand Milly present you to her.”
Will was very glad he hadn’t seen that meeting. “What did Milly do?”
“I’ll tell you what I would have done. Toss her out.”
“That isn’t what Milly did?” Will played a card.
“No.” Raven frowned at his hand. “She took Annie to her private receiving room. They spoke for hours.”
“Poor Milly. I’m sure it didn’t help.” How many people from Van Dero’s organization had tried speaking with her?
“It didn’t. Annie came back down just as furious. That’s when she found me and asked where you were.”
“And you said?”
“She already knew,” Raven said. “She knew you were with her, as she said. Apparently, she’d heard about your moment with Camilla at the ball. Don’t be surprised if she shows up at Camilla’s front door.”
Will started to stand. “I’ll put a guard—”
Raven lift a hand, stopping him. “Milly’s already seen to it.”
Will sat back down. His chest tightened. “I grieve for her husband.” Mr. Cox deserved none of the trouble Annie caused him.
“He needs to put a leash on her,” Raven said. “That’s what I’d do.”
“She’s younger, much younger. I’m sure he just wants to please her.” Will knew he did.
“Then she’s a fool.” Raven tossed down his hand. “She runs after you, someone who doesn’t want her, when there’s someone who would give her the world right at home. She’ll get no sympathy from me.”
“Does anyone?” Will had never earned Raven’s sympathy either.
Will kind of liked that about his friend. It kept Will motivated and turned from falling into a dark pit with nothing but his cold memories of his past mistakes for company.
Older than Will by a year, Raven really was an older brother to him.
Raven shrugged. “I’ve sympathy for the truly helpless. You’re not helpless.”
Will smiled. “Where are Lord and Lady Van Dero?”
“A party. It’s for the general. We were invited. Do you want to go?”
He thought about General Remy Astger, Earl of Bowland. He’d been Will’s leader in the military for years and even after… But they hardly spoke now.
Will had avoided him ever since he stole the man’s wife—then fiancée—and Remy’s nephew’s horse. He’d seen the man a few times. The general never seemed upset with Will, but Will avoided him either way.
“You should talk to him,” Raven said. “He isn’t angry with you.”
“I stabbed his nephew.”
“Noel stabbed you back at a dinner last year. All if forgiven.”
Will didn’t forgive himself.
“You were working on a matter that led to the saving of Princess Victoria,” Raven reminded him. “You didn’t stab the boy because you wanted to.” Will had been working as an assassin, but in reality, he’d been spying on the men who’d hired him.
Everything had been done for the Crown.
“I didn’t know who he was when I did it,” Will said. “I just didn’t want anyone following me. I had to slow him down.”
“And you did for a time, but he healed. No harm. He’s stronger because of it. And he got his horse back.”
“That was a fine horse.” Will could still feel the strength of the animal underneath him.
Midnight. The stallion’s name was fitting. His coat was dark but gleamed in the light, just like a sky full of stars.
“Will, leave the horse alone.”
Will smirked. “You remember that wooden horse my father brought me?”
“Yes, the stallion looks like it,” Raven agreed readily.
Will’s father had given him a soldier with a horse. The soldier had represented the man Will would become, just like he’d always dreamed. The stallion underneath the soldier had made the soldier seem more powerful.
Will had looked for a horse just like it for years. And then he’d seen Midnight.
Raven won the hand and looked at Will. “I knew the toy was why you stole Midnight but
leave the animal alone.”
Will made no promises as he stood. “I should make myself ready for dinner.”
“What about Lady Ruth?” Raven asked.
“That meeting won’t happen until later this evening,” he said. “Lady Ruth is at a dinner with her in-laws this evening.” Will had learned her schedule from an informant. “I’ve time to do both. Why don’t you join us?”
Raven lifted a brow. “Are you sure you don’t wish to be alone with your darling Camilla?”
Will chuckled. “We’ll hardly be alone. Her mother will be there. Besides, you return north tomorrow.”
Raven nodded and stood. “I hate to go, but I must. Criminals to round up. Lords to question.” He gave Will a look of understanding.
Will nodded. He understood. He’d understand even though this matter with Azalea would be his last job of sorts. He’d be a regular earl after that.
Before Camilla, the notion had been rather bleak but now not so much.
Camilla was another adventure and one he prayed to partake of for the rest of his life.
∫ ∫ ∫
4 9
* * *
Camilla liked Raven. It was hard not to. Though it was difficult to see past the sinister structure of his face, he had a hardness about him. A playfulness that matched Will’s. She would almost believe neither man took anything serious if it weren’t for the daring way they’d earned their titles.
She was glad Will shared his friend with her and more than glad to see him happy.
Her mother enjoyed the evening as well. They told stories from their childhood. Raven told one story in particular that had everyone laughing at Will’s expense, but he didn’t mind.
He took it in stride, hardly embarrassed by his childhood antics, which was a quality Camilla had never seen in any of the men she knew. Most gentlemen were reluctant to look at anything but their best at all times. Even to dare and say there was a time where they couldn’t walk or talk was to question their current intellect.
Will started another story but then struggled to remember the name of the person involved. Raven did as well and the two immediately began a private discussion about finding the name.
Lady Hornstein had taken that opportunity to lean over to Camilla and whisper, “Your father never invited his friends over for dinner like this. Outside of a few meetings at public events, he kept them away from me and preferred them at his club.”
Camilla knew what her mother was trying to tell her. Will was different, which was something Camilla already knew.
He was very different, but perhaps that was because he didn’t know better. He’d not been born into his earldom. He’d been born the son of a baker and a common soldier. He’d dined on simple meals with wooden cutlery. Now, he feasted with kings and those men ranked just under that. He ate dinners that came with three to five courses off delicate china.
He’d even asked Camilla’s advice, which was something no other lord would ever do.
They were to know everything, and yet Will was curious.
She could see herself loving him if he stayed this way, but surely, he’d change. Surely, being an earl would have him see the world with new eyes.
It was only a matter of time.
Will finished his story and then looked at his pocket watch. “It’s been a wonderful evening. Please forgive me, but I have a matter to attend to this evening.” While her mother knew about Lady Ruth’s search for Azalea, she didn’t know the meeting was happening tonight.
Raven stood with him and Camilla’s mother insisted that they see the gentlemen to the door. She stopped Raven in the foyer to speak to him and Camilla had a chance to speak with Will alone.
At the door, he whispered, “Dream about me tonight.”
She smiled. “I don’t believe I’ll have to try that hard to accomplish that goal.” He was already deep in her thoughts. “Thank you for coming. Thank you for bringing Raven.”
“I want you to get along.”
“Why?”
His smirk revealed his dimples. “You’re the most important people in my life. Why wouldn’t I want you to be friends?”
Camilla gripped her arms around herself in order to keep from launching herself at Will. “Oh.” She hadn’t expected that answer. She hadn’t expected Will at all.
He studied her eyes and said, “Camilla, I don’t simply want you for my lady. I want to share my life with you. Do you understand?”
Her heart did. It was working hard to tell her so, beating the truth into her flesh. But she had to know. “What if you change your mind later? What if you change completely? What then?”
“What if you change?” he asked. “Anything is possible.” He leaned toward her and lowered his voice, “I thought I knew my future. Before you, my future was a black hole of listless wandering. A life with fleeting happiness. Now, that has changed.”
“What do you see your future like now?”
“I see blinding hope. I don’t know what will happen now. It’s a mystery, but one I can’t wait to unravel with you.”
She smiled.
He shook his head. “If you’d accept my courtship, your mother might have allowed me to kiss you goodbye.”
“But this is not goodbye,” she told him. “I’ll be seeing you later.”
He frowned. “What do you…?” He stiffened and lowered his voice to a dangerous pitch. “Camilla, stay home.”
“Lady Ruth is my friend. I’ll not let her vanish like the others.”
“Camilla—”
“Good evening, Lady Hornstein. It was a pleasure meeting you.” Raven moved to the door.
“Likewise, Lord Nyeport.”
Will’s lips parted, but he struggled to find words. Would he reveal her plan?
Camilla spoke with an unwavering gaze. “Thank you again for coming, Lord Nyeport. I’m very glad Will thought to invite you. It is not common that women get the pleasure to enjoy men who think for themselves as opposed to letting Society dictate their minds. Indeed, women are often given very few choices. Our opinions are stifled as though we are not beings who can think for ourselves. We are told to look pretty and sit in a corner like a child. I thank you for not treating me that way. You are welcome again.”
Raven gave a furious Will a puzzled look and then turned to Camilla. “I hope to see more of you, Lady Camilla.”
When the door closed, Camilla cut off her mother with a hug. “Thank you. Thank you for being so wonderful.”
Her mother gripped Camilla just as tightly. “Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter.” Then she pulled away. “Now, what was that—”
“I wish to go to my room. Can we speak tomorrow at breakfast?” She smiled.
Lady Hornstein nodded. Her lips were turned up. “Of course. Tomorrow.”
Camilla began to change the moment she got to her room.
She put on a darker violet gown, something she hoped would blend in no matter where she was. She knew how to get out of the house without being seen. She’d learned the route while trying to figure out how Will got in.
The servants all gathered in the kitchen in the evening. Therefore, Camilla went in the other direction.
She slipped out a side entrance and shouted when she was grabbed.
Her scream was muffled behind a large hand. A body pressed hers into the wall.
“I can’t believe you just did that.” Will’s dark voice was as thrilling as it was foreboding. “I can’t believe you’d put yourself in danger this way.”
She tried to speak, but everything she said was muffled.
“Quiet,” he told her. In the blackened alley, it was hard to make out any of his features, but she noticed when he shook his head. “I should let you make all the noise you wish. The servants will come out, find you, and report to your mother.”
She went silent then, but her glare was baleful even if he couldn’t see it. She stiffened and puffed her chest out for added effect.
If he called for the servant
s… she didn’t know what she would do.
Ruth was her dearest friend.
He let her mouth go. “You do as I say or this ends now. Do you hear me? I don’t care if you hate me for the rest of my life. I am not willing to put you in danger for your friend.”
“That’s not very nice. What about Ruth?”
“I’m not in love with Ruth.”
Such cold sentiments shouldn’t have put a flutter in her belly. Camilla wondered how terrible she was to enjoy being the recipient of Will’s full affection. “That’s not very nice.”
“Well, it’s the truth.” He leaned back. “So, make your choice right now. Are you going to be obedient or are you going back to your room?”
She huffed. “I don’t know if you’ll protect Ruth.”
“And I’m sure you’d be much better than me at such a task,” he said. “Have you protected many people from murderers? Tell me. Were you trained in battle? Have you ever shot anyone?”
Camilla blinked and was glad for the darkness that hid her fear. “No, I haven’t,” she whispered. “Have you?”
“Camilla…” He must have heard her fright because he reached out again and cupped her cheek. “I was in the war.”
“And after?”
“I was a spy.”
She swallowed. “Don’t spies just listen for information and pass it along?”
“Some do. I did more than that.” He rubbed his thumb against her cheek. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe.”
“I know.” She’d never doubted that. She put her hands out and came in contact with his chest. She slipped her fingers up the smooth fabric and grabbed his shoulder. Her fingers went around his neck.
She was startled to find it bare. “You’re not wearing a cravat.”
“Those things do make it hard to work in my field of business.”
She pulled him closer.
His next words were spoken just above her mouth. “What are you doing?”
She tightened her hold on him. For some reason, she feared he’d pull away. “I wish to kiss you.”
∫ ∫ ∫
The Exception of an Earl Page 25