Happiness for Beginners

by Carole Matthews

  ‘Seems so.’

  We both have a good giggle into our hands. I’m never naughty and I rather like the feel of it.

  ‘I’m glad it went well with Alan.’

  ‘I’d rather be shagging Shelby Dacre, obvs, you lucky cow. But Alan wasn’t too shabby at all. Who’d have thought? In fairness, I had knocked back an awful lot of wine.’

  ‘It will probably be better to have a more considered assessment when strong drink isn’t clouding your judgement.’

  ‘I think that’s probably a good thing,’ she agrees. ‘That’s why we’re going out tonight.’

  We both snarf again.

  ‘He’s nice,’ Bev says, with a quick look over her shoulder. ‘Who knew he’d scrub up so well? His cottage is amazing too. As neat as a pin. I think neither of us realised that our Alan had hidden depths. Beneath those scruffy band T-shirts beats a heart of gold.’

  ‘He’s always been one of the good guys, but I guess we’ve just rubbed along with him for all this time.’

  ‘Well, I’m certainly planning to rub along with him a little bit more!’

  ‘Poor man, he’ll have no chance now you’ve set your sights on him. I’m glad for you both.’

  ‘Maybe I’ll get to choose his band T-shirt every morning from now on.’

  ‘I do hope so.’ If anyone deserves happiness, it’s Bev. ‘But who will I have band T-shirt bets with?’

  ‘All good things must come to an end,’ she says sagely.

  Never a truer word spoken, I think.

  ‘Last night was bloody ace though, wasn’t it? That Shelby knows how to put on a do.’

  ‘He raised loads of money for us. We’ll be able to pay our bills now. All of them. You might even get your wages on time. Every week.’

  She holds her hands to the sky. ‘It’s a miracle.’

  ‘Yes, but we’ll need another one if the animals are going to get to eat today. We should get started on our chores.’

  ‘I’m feeling pretty sluggish this morning. It could take a while.’

  ‘Shelby’s going to stay and help us.’

  ‘Is he now?’ We both look over to where the men are. ‘Farmer Gordon is going to show us how it’s done, is he? Wouldn’t it be nice if he was a permanent feature?’

  ‘I don’t know if that will ever happen,’ I admit. ‘But it’s been good to have him as a friend, even for a short while. He’s still heading off to Los Angeles for his big leap to international stardom.’ We didn’t talk about it last night and, to be honest, I don’t even like to raise the subject. Nothing he’s said so far has given me the impression he’s decided to stay put.

  ‘Really? Oh, boo to that.’

  ‘Yeah.’ I shrug. ‘But what can I do?’

  ‘You seem to have done a pretty good job of wrapping him round your little finger so far. Don’t give up yet. We don’t want to be sitting here watching him on telly while he’s sunning himself in California.’

  ‘I don’t have a telly,’ I remind her.

  ‘Oh, bum.’ Bev links her arm through mine. ‘Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. We should get a wiggle on. But not before we have some strong coffee. I’m going to need at least a dozen cups to get my motor running.’

  While Bev makes us all a restorative drink, I get changed into my scruffy jeans. I’m quite sad to be hanging up my pretty frock. I enjoyed dressing up for a while. I press the floaty fabric to my face hoping to catch the scent of Shelby on it, but any trace of him has gone with the rising of the sun.

  When I go outside again, Shelby’s there in his dress shirt, though it is open-necked, and has his suit trousers tucked into wellington boots.

  ‘You’re going to ruin your fine clothes,’ I warn him.

  ‘Strangely, I don’t care this morning.’

  ‘Well, it will be the smartest waiter service that the animals have ever had.’

  He catches my hand and we head towards the feed shed where I show him who has what to eat and we fill up the buckets.

  When we’ve finished in the barn, we go back down to the sheep paddock and I notice that one of the sheep is limping.

  ‘Can you keep Anthony distracted while I have a look at Fluffy? There seems to be something wrong with her front leg.’

  Shelby looks worried. ‘Isn’t Anthony the awkward one?’

  ‘He seems quite placid today.’ Currently, he’s quietly munching grass in the corner of his field. ‘It will only be for a minute. I just need to jump in and have a quick check. He probably won’t even notice you.’

  ‘OK,’ he says, but not in a way that could be considered keen.

  ‘You’ll be fine,’ I assure him.

  I nod encouragingly towards the field and, with only a slight grimace, Shelby tentatively climbs over the fence. Immediately, Anthony looks up. Hmm. Our dearest anti-social sheep has more of a scowl on his face than I’d imagined.

  Shelby notices Anthony’s sudden interest too. ‘Now what do I do?’

  ‘Distract him.’

  He looks at me horrified. ‘By doing what?’

  But before I can answer, Shelby’s driver turns up with Lucas in the passenger seat. ‘I need to get the gate,’ I tell Shelby. ‘Hang on a sec!’

  ‘Don’t leave me,’ Shelby cries.

  ‘If he starts to run towards you, jump out.’ At the moment Anthony just looks menacing. Shelby should be OK.

  I dash to open the gate and wave the car through. Then I hurry back to the fence to see how Shelby’s getting on. Not well, it seems.

  When Lucas climbs out of the car he comes to lean next to me at the fence. There are still smudges of eyeliner round his eyes and he looks more than a little hungover. Lucas yawns.

  His father is standing in front of Anthony trying to stop the sheep from head-butting him.

  ‘No, Anthony,’ Shelby says, sternly. ‘Down, boy. That’s being a bad lad. I’m your friend.’

  I know that I should jump in and rescue Shelby, but it’s too funny to watch and he’s not in any danger. Well, not much. Anthony has his head down in charge position and looks as if he means business. He takes a run at Shelby.

  I’m giggling away. ‘Tell him you’re a superstar farmer.’

  ‘You’re not helping,’ Shelby shouts. Anthony advances again. ‘Stop it. Bad boy.’

  Anthony cares not for Shelby’s celebrity status and tries to ram him in the gentleman’s nether regions.

  Lucas turns to me. ‘Is there a reason why my father is still here dressed in last night’s clothes trying to reason with an attack sheep?’

  ‘He’s giving me a hand.’

  ‘Not by the look of it.’

  I guffaw again as Anthony starts to chase Shelby. ‘Don’t run,’ I call. ‘It only makes him worse. Face him off. Show him who’s boss.’

  ‘He’s boss,’ Shelby yells and runs back the other way.

  ‘Nice to see Farmer Gordon deigning to get his hands dirty instead of riding around in a Land Rover,’ Lucas calls out.

  ‘You can shut up too,’ Shelby cries. I don’t think he’s ever had to run in wellies before. ‘No, Anthony. No!’

  ‘Oh, my sides are going to split.’ I wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes.

  Lucas can’t help but laugh too as we watch a sheep getting the upper hand and Lucas is not prone to spontaneous laughter.

  Finally, Shelby manages to grab Anthony.

  ‘Tickle him behind the ears,’ I advise. ‘He likes that.’

  ‘You have got to be kidding me!’ We laugh again as Shelby tries to keep Anthony still enough to find his ears. If I’m honest, sometimes Anthony likes it, sometimes he hates anyone going near his ears. Shelby will find out soon enough whether it’s an ear-tickling kind of day or not.

  Lucas flinches. ‘He’s not a natural with animals, is he?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I heard that,’ Shelby shouts. ‘Give me a break! I was brought up in Muswell Hill. I didn’t see a sheep until I was twenty-one.’

  I wonder how he e
ver managed to get cast as a farmer.

  Lucas doesn’t look at me when he asks, ‘So are you two getting it together?’

  I pause before answering, ‘Would you mind?’

  ‘No. I guess not.’ He sighs. ‘I’ve seen it coming for ages. He likes you.’

  ‘I like him too.’

  ‘He seems happier. And he’s less of a tit when you’re around. He could almost pass as a normal human being instead of being wrapped up in all that star shit.’

  ‘You judge him very harshly,’ I say. Then I remember that he’ll soon be heading off to LA and he doesn’t yet seem to have told Lucas. ‘It may not be enough for you, but I believe he tries to do his best. He was great last night.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he agrees. ‘That was cool.’

  ‘You were brilliant, too.’ Lucas looks bashful. ‘You’ve really got something there.’

  ‘I’d like to try and make it as a poet,’ he admits. ‘Do you think he’ll let me?’ Lucas nods towards his father. ‘He’s always said that the last thing he wants me to do is be a performer, but I don’t know what else I can do. This feels important.’

  ‘He was so very proud of you. Anyone could see that.’

  ‘I wish Mum had been there.’

  ‘Me too,’ I tell him. ‘I bet she was. Our loved ones never go far from us. Part of her will always be right inside you. Nothing can ever change the fact that you’re her son. She’ll always be there for you.’

  ‘Thanks, Molly.’ He sidles up next to me and I put my arm round his shoulders. Lucas leans against me.

  ‘I’ll do all that I can to help you,’ I say. ‘You know that.’ And the first thing will be to persuade Shelby not to send him away to boarding school.

  Chapter Ninety-Two

  When Shelby has finally gained some kind of control over Anthony, he makes a break for it and quickly climbs out of the field, dropping down from the fence in front of me.

  He brushes off his hands and gives me a dark look. ‘Thanks for all your help there, Molly. Really appreciate it.’

  I laugh again. ‘It was great fun to watch.’

  ‘I just hope no one was recording it. If that gets onto YouTube, then Farmer Gordon will lose all his street cred.’

  ‘Damn,’ Lucas says. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’

  ‘Don’t you dare!’ Shelby ruffles his son’s hair and, as usual, Lucas ducks away from it. ‘Still high on performance adrenaline? You did a great job last night.’

  ‘Thanks for helping me out.’ It looks as if it’s an effort for Lucas to say it, but I’m glad that he does.

  ‘You smashed it,’ Shelby says. ‘That standing ovation? That was down to you.’

  ‘I want to try to give it a go.’ Lucas kicks at the ground with his toe. ‘A proper go. Maybe see if I can line up some gigs and stuff.’

  ‘Definitely,’ Shelby says. ‘I’ll see what I can do to help.’

  ‘Just like that?’ Lucas is clearly shocked. ‘You’ve always been against it.’

  ‘I didn’t actually know, Lucas. You never talked to me about your poetry. It was Molly who spilled the beans. Maybe if you’d told me about it yourself, I could have done more before now.’ Shelby sighs. ‘Performing isn’t the best way to earn a living. Half of the artists and actors out there end up working for peanuts. I wanted to protect you from that, but if it’s what you want to do, then you should.’ He looks directly at me when he adds, ‘We should all follow our dreams.’

  I don’t know what he means by that. Is he referring to the fact that no matter what has happened between us, he’s still off to the USA? Disappointing as that may be, I hadn’t expected anything else. Or is he implying that in helping Lucas to achieve his dreams, he should be free to pursue his own? I don’t know. You can see why I don’t do relationships.

  ‘I should go home,’ Shelby says. ‘Unless I’m required for more animal duties, I’d like to get a shower and change out of these clothes.’

  There’s mud on his dinner suit, straw in places there shouldn’t be straw and, overall, he’s certainly not as immaculately groomed as he usually is. It goes without saying that the crumpled look suits him, though.

  ‘You’re relieved of all duties,’ I tell him. I’ll walk you to your car and see to the gate.’ His driver is still sitting patiently waiting for him.

  ‘Catch you later, son,’ he says to Lucas. ‘We’ll talk more tonight. We could get a pizza in or something and make a plan.’

  ‘Yeah. OK.’ Lucas watches us carefully as we fall into step and walk away from him.

  When we’re out of earshot, I say quietly, ‘Lucas knows that we’ve … become close.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘He seems to be OK with it.’

  ‘Good. That’s a relief. He always hated Scarlett.’ I don’t comment that I can understand why. I’d like to think that I’m a very different kettle of fish. Especially when it comes to Lucas.

  ‘I wanted to talk to you about him.’

  ‘Lucas?’

  ‘Don’t send him away to boarding school. Please. I think it would be the worst possible thing for him. He’s just finding his feet and he’s doing really well. If you sent him away, it would really set him back.’ Shelby goes to speak, but I press on before he can interrupt my flow. ‘You’re both getting on a little bit better and I don’t want you to jeopardise this. If he goes to boarding school and hates it – as I really think he will – you could lose him for ever, Shelby. I can help. I haven’t thought through the details, but I’d be more than happy to take him on.’

  ‘Where would he live?’

  ‘That’s one of the little details we’d have to iron out.’

  ‘If you don’t mind me pointing out, your caravan is hardly adequate.’

  Possibly quite a big detail then. ‘I’m sure we could work something out. Couldn’t he stay at the house?’

  ‘I’m planning to rent that out,’ Shelby says. ‘It’s a ridiculous size for the two of us. Especially when Lucas chooses to live in the gardener’s cottage. I might even sell it and downsize at some point.’

  So that’s not an option either. I’m at a loss to suggest what else might work and my throat closes with emotion when I say, ‘I’ve grown very fond of Lucas, of you both. Please tell me that you’ll at least think about it.’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about nothing else. I’m even considering taking him out there with me,’ Shelby says. ‘Lucas would like California.’

  I think he’d absolutely hate it, but I say nothing. Lucas loathes the sun. He’s like a vampire and will do everything possible to stay out of it. Isn’t California all about the beach and roller-blading? Though it seems a feeble argument with which to persuade Shelby to leave his son behind. It looks as if I’ll have to steel myself to letting them both go.

  Shelby touches my arm and plants a soft kiss on my cheek, but I can tell that he’s distracted.

  ‘I’ll call you,’ he says.

  He slides into the passenger seat and I wish there was more that I could say to convince him I’m right. Then his car turns in the yard and I let it pass through the gate. I watch as Shelby is driven away down the lane.

  Soon, it will be the last time that I see him do this and my chest tightens just a bit. Get used to it, Molly, I think. You’ve been alone before, you can do it again. But now that I’ve had a small taste of what being in love is like, will I want to be alone again?

  Chapter Ninety-Three

  Shelby calls several times. Each time it’s to do with the logistics of moving Hope Farm to its new location. We talk about timings, places, volunteers, trucks, utilities, trailers, animals, feed, equipment. All of those things and more. There is so much to do and so little time. As the date of our move grows ever closer, we exchange a dozen phone calls a day and even more texts. What we don’t do is mention the blissful night we spent together under the stars. Each time, I feel as if the words hang in the air between us, just waiting for one of us to leap in and grab them. It doesn’t happen.
As the days go on the feel of his lips on mine, his skin against my skin, his body along the length of mine is slowly fading and I don’t want that to happen. What we also don’t mention is his infinitely less blissful impending move to America.

  Essentially, I’m trying to ignore that it’s on the horizon at all. Except perhaps I spend a little longer with Lucas each day, trying to soak up hours with him to store away in case Shelby insists on taking him to California with him. I wonder if he’s considered my offer to keep Lucas here with me. If he has, how will that work in reality? Perhaps he’s considered it and discounted it as impractical. It’s true that I can’t offer Lucas the type of accommodation that he’s been used to. But I can’t bear to think about him leaving. Or Shelby, if I’m being honest with you. Would Lucas come back to see me at the farm or will he forget all about us as soon as he moves? Could be the latter. Such is the fickleness of youth. I can’t blame him for that. While all this is going through my head, Lucas, on the other hand, is carrying on with his tasks, mood borderline sunny, which makes me think that he is, as yet, happily unaware of what’s about to hit him.

  Still, I have more pressing issues to address. In two days’ time we will have to shift about fifty or more uncooperative animals to their new home. Much as Shelby hasn’t mentioned his relocation to the USA, I’ve not told the animals that we’re upping sticks either. Though I’m sure Little Dog can sense something’s afoot. He’s been twitchy all week and more clingy than usual. The students, on the other hand, are all completely hyperactive and it’s difficult to keep them on task. It’s nice to see them all excited by the move though instead of stressed by it. We’ve decided to let them help with the change of premises to the new place so that they feel involved and invested in it. I have everything crossed that this is going to prove to be the best approach.

  As I hang up the phone to his father, Lucas swings through the door of the tea room. He’s all smiles. Well, as smiley as Lucas ever gets. He’s not scowling darkly, let’s put it that way. It’s pouring it down today, but it seems as if even torrential rain can’t dampen his spirits. He’s been like a changed boy since the night of the concert. I can feel that his self-esteem has been bolstered and there’s an air of delicate confidence about him. It’s good to see.