“Good idea.” Blythe reached down and curled his hand around the back of mine, his fingertips tickling my palm. The fluttering in my chest increased as I realized my next question. It made my hand close on his.
“When are we leaving?”
I heard him swallow a gulp of air. “Morning. When shops start opening and there’s as many people out as possible.”
“Midday didn’t stop David earlier.”
“That was different. I didn’t think there was any real danger out there for you. I know better now.” Blythe’s resolve to protect me hid the fears I was choking down. None of it had anything to do with Avaston or his men. Lying in this bed, relishing the touch of his leg against mine was all I needed. If we could stay here…. Hold on to this….
But we weren’t free.
“I’m going to be sorry to leave this room.”
“I’m going to be sorry to leave this bed.” Blythe rolled on his side, facing me. The landscape of his hedonist skin disappeared into a shadowed tent formed by the duvet draping off his hip. I hadn’t forgotten what lay beneath.
“You know we can’t do this once we leave.”
Blythe grimaced and dropped his forehead into the pillow. “Damn. You had to go and say it.”
“I’m sorry. But I think it had to be said.”
“I know. Once we leave here, it’s back to Delaga House. Rother has too much on us.”
A plague of sorrow knifed into my heart. It made the bruises left behind by David’s ambush unimportant. Our hands tightened, and my eyes misted.
“He can’t know. Ever. It’s too dangerous. He’ll kill or torture us both. Can you pretend nothing happened?”
“I’ll find a way.”
I leaned up on one elbow to face him. “You have to be able to convince Rother.”
“I’ll be all right. Are you going to able to?”
“I hate myself sometimes for it, but Rother makes it easy. I don’t know what other choice we have.”
“There’s isn’t any. At least nothing that won’t put me back in a cell waiting to hang.”
“Don’t do anything to risk that.”
“All right.”
The noncommittal response sparked a frisson of panic up my spine. I grabbed Blythe’s head between my hands and glared into his eyes. “I would die, Blythe. I mean that. You can’t. Promise me.”
The long seconds of silence only heightened my fear. Blythe’s dispatching of David and Avaston’s men illustrated his capacity for vengeful brutality. Frustration and jealousy lit a fire behind his eyes I needed to squelch. The stakes were too high, and I couldn’t bear to think what might happen to him. I held on tight until his shoulders slacked, matched with a surrendering exhale. “All right. I promise.”
Air escaped me in relief, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. It was all I could do not to cry when he returned the crushing embrace. His heartbeat pounded, its vibration transmitting through our touch. We stayed twined together for a long time until we both calmed.
“Do you think this was a mistake?” My whisper gave away my fear of the answer.
Blythe drew back and wiped away the wetness under my eye with his thumb. The certainty in his gaze was unshakable. “No. Mistakes are things you wish you hadn’t done. I’ll be praying to do it again.”
“I can’t make any promises. You know that.”
“I know. But it’s my choice. I’ll wait.”
I closed my eyes because I couldn’t bear his reaction. We’d already been through this earlier and it made my breathing stutter. “You know I won’t be able to hold Rother off. At some point….”
“Do what you need to stay safe. Just don’t tell me about any of it. I’ll fucking hate it, but I won’t hate you.”
I wanted to believe him. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
A feathery kiss stroked each of my eyelids, and I squirreled away my misgivings. It wouldn’t be so easy, but what choice did we have? None. Rother held power over us both. Blythe’s past wasn’t erased, and I was bound by Marisolian law and the officials in Rother’s thrall. It would be a task to work around those obstacles. And whether he realized it or not, keeping Blythe from doing anything stupid held me tighter than before.
We settled back into the mattress, holding each other like lovers going off to war and fearing to never see each other again. I marveled at our differences. How the hair on his chest threaded between my fingers and how my feet didn’t reach his. I scorched his scent into my memory, deciding it wasn’t enough.
“Blythe, we don’t have to leave until morning, right?”
“That’s the plan.”
I twirled a few hairs around my finger and toyed with his nipple. “We have food, a bed, and we’re conspicuously naked. Perhaps we shouldn’t waste the opportunity.”
Leaning into him, I ran my tongue along the cords of his neck. Blythe’s cock twitched along my thigh.
“I like the way you think. You might just get rid of that stodgy Deilian thing after all.” His speech came from deep in his throat.
I slid down his expanse with a firm hand and took hold of his growing manhood. It formed a rigid bone with minor coaxing. I ran my hand up the veined length, making sure to drive my thumb along the dampening slit.
“Teach me to be a heathen.”
Blythe’s grin was all animal. “With pleasure, sir.”
I YAWNED as morning daylight spread across the empty serving tray holding a smattering of crumbs. The piled sandwiches and water had not gone to waste, fueling our repeat performances. Sleep, eat, fornicate. Sleep, eat, fornicate. Not always in that order. Sleep appeared to be given the smallest portion of our fleeting time.
Blythe had dressed and gone ahead, scouting the way and tracking down a new carriage ride. I missed his presence, even knowing he would return. Getting him out the door was a struggle. There could only be so many “one more times.” Blythe insisted on four; one more than Rother’s bragging. I gasped as I clenched my backside, the strain a sweet reminder. The bed was a shambles, stained with proof of last night’s insatiable athleticism.
We’d each bathed—separately, because we couldn’t trust ourselves—so we could remove the scent of sex from our skin. The smell was all too familiar at Delaga House. The fresh clothes fit like they were tailored. Harston’s skills never ceased to impress. However, the shirt had too many complicated fasteners and I made clumsy work of them. Would I never be able to dress myself without a crew of helpers?
I was fighting with the cuffs, as usual, when the door opened.
“Harston….”
His face brightened, and I found myself so happy to see my former valet. Months had gone by since we last saw each other. I refused to count yesterday. That could not be called a reunion. I’d missed Harston’s instincts to begin tidying. He straightened the dishes on the tray and swept a few stray crumbs into his hand.
“It’s good to see you up and about.” I swear Harston nearly scoffed at the sight of me dressing myself. He brushed off his palms and batted my hands away from my cuffs. “At some point you need to learn this. I never understood how you could be a genius with all the clockworks and still fumble with clothes.”
“I never had to do this for myself.”
“Things are different now.”
“I’ve been practicing. I swear.”
“Well, the fashion in Marisol isn’t as complicated.”
With one final gesture, my cuffs were straight and symmetrical. “It’s the only reason I can be seen in public. Thank you for taking such good care of me. Before. Yesterday.”
“I didn’t really do much yesterday. Blythe did all the heavy lifting.” Harston checked the line of my clothes and frowned. Without another word he began unbuttoning my shirt. The fasteners were out of alignment.
“Yes, Blythe. About Blythe—”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“But I know you saw us together.”
“In bed aslee
p. Not during. I made sure of that.”
Standing still as Harston fitted my wardrobe brought back a sense of nostalgia. If I closed my eyes, this could have been any day back in Deilia, prepping for any number of social events. Dinners. Debutante balls. Holding court. What independence I’d forged receded as we played our former roles. Lord and valet.
There was a simplicity in what was expected of me as a noble. I might have disappointed my parents on many fronts, but my place was a neat order of etiquette. Pushing aside thoughts of Delaga House, I sank into the familiar regimen. How sad to think I missed those days.
“I don’t want any awkwardness between us.”
“Why would there be?”
“Because of your history with Blythe.”
“Nathan, I said it before. Blythe and I had a lively time, but that’s all. I told you I’m not the man he’d settle down with. I wasn’t the one he really wanted.”
“And it didn’t bother you when he took you to bed knowing he wanted someone else?”
“He needed the distraction. And I wasn’t looking to tie myself down to another brothel employee. Far too much temptation and potential for scandal. Besides, you were married and unavailable.”
“You knew?”
Harston shrugged without stopping. “I guessed. We’d all spent so much time together one way or another. Seeing you latch on to him yesterday confirmed it.”
“But I’m still married.”
“I know. To a horrible man.”
The more I immersed myself in the past, the more its prejudices and stifled morality wormed their way to the front. I might have closed the door on Deilian life, but I hadn’t erased its influence.
“Does that matter? It doesn’t change any of the pledges I made before the vicar and my family. I can’t believe I argued with Rother about how I valued my wedding vows.”
“Yes, after you walked in on him ‘auditioning’ a new prostitute.”
“I still believe in them.” So much of me had changed over the past months. Many of my Deilian principles had been reevaluated, but some were so tied to my dignity, their claws wouldn’t give up my flesh.
“Yes, and that’s part of what makes you a good person. Rother broke all of his. Cherish, honor, and protect?” Harston pulled aside my collar to reveal Rother’s brand. “I dare say he fouled that right up.”
“I may not be in love with Rother, but I’m still a married man.”
Harston tried his best, but he couldn’t stamp his frustrations out completely. “If you’re looking for me to scold you for choosing a man and properly bedding him down, you’ll have a long wait.”
“But—”
“Forgive me for saying so, but you’re married by law only.” An angry sneer drew lines around both of his nostrils. Harston was so vexed, I worried actual venom might spray me although I wasn’t the real target. “There’s nothing sacred about your union. If I could annul your marriage and have a bullet put in your husband’s head, I’d throw a party. Your husband is a vile excuse for a human being.”
Harston stepped back, his outrage shifting into shock. Back in Deilia such impertinence would have been grounds for instant dismissal. Now I held no authority over him, but had to remind myself there was no divide in our stations here. It only took a moment. Harston spoke the truth, and I needed to hear it from someone who had witnessed it all.
“That’s more outspoken than I would have expected from you.”
“My life’s work has been dedicated to caring for you. I did it happily for years, and now because of him I spend every day worried about you, whether you’re safe. Blythe tells me what he can, but he can only visit so often. At least with Blythe around, there’s a chance he can club the bastard if he gets out of line again.”
Apprehension flitted through me. While I applauded Harston’s defensive sentiment, the reality was less straightforward. I started to laugh, without any humor behind it.
“If only it were so simple. There’s a giant risk if Blythe acts against him to defend me. Rother holds secrets over everyone. The kind that owns a man. Blythe’s could get him hanged. I can’t risk that.”
“I didn’t know. Have you considered running away with Blythe?”
“Before last night, I hadn’t given anything regarding him a serious thought.”
“And now?”
Thinking too much about Blythe crowded me until he was all there was left. I clenched both fists, trying to stem the ripple of feelings. “Now everything has changed and nothing has. Rother has contacts in the local government and authorities. They would hunt me down and bring me back, and I can’t even talk about what might happen to Blythe. Now I have to protect us both.”
Neither one of us could say more. The whole thing was too new, too complicated, so Harston finished his work making me presentable. He smoothed my shirt and made final adjustments. I found the small mirror over the dresser and reminded myself how much I missed his talents. I hadn’t looked so smart in months.
With a satisfied grin, he stepped to the bed and proceeded to strip the linens. Harston might not have been my employee any longer, but it was good to see him working. His expulsion from Delaga House had given me many sleepless nights.
“How have you been?” I asked.
“It’s not so bad. Blythe found me this job right after everything, and it’s a nice place. Not as grand as I’m used to, but Mrs. Fiesch is a good, decent sort. Her pay is fair and I have my own room, and for the most part the customers don’t make too much noise when they ruin the bedclothes.”
Harston stopped a moment and threw an accusing glance my way. My face heated at once. He finished by making a pile of the dubious bedsheets. While doing the job without complaint, it wasn’t exactly the sort of work he did for me.
Guilt fueled my next question. “Harston, I need to ask: Were you ever upset with me?”
“Whatever for?”
“I fired you.”
Undressing the bed came to a halt, and Harston turned to me. “Nathan, you saved me. As quickly as I would have done the same to you. You had no choice. Rother would have put me in with the worst sort of customers. You heard him. I wasn’t safe in Delaga House. He wanted me away from you so he could keep you prisoner.”
“I won’t be his prisoner forever. No matter what he thinks. It’s just a matter of time.”
Harston crept closer, regarding me with a careful eye. “What are you up to?”
“I don’t want to say. Not a word to Blythe either. I don’t want to get his hopes up. There’s too many things that could go wrong, but if it works, I’ll be back for you. I know our professional relationship is convoluted, but you’ve been my friend and family for so long, I refuse to live my life without you. If you’ll have me again.”
My blood relatives had never heard me say such things, and hearing them freed a piece of my weary soul. Months of being smothered in deception and uncertainty made being part of something honest a good change.
“You just tell me where and when. I’ll be at your side. As always.”
“Thank you, Harston.”
I took the first step and hugged him tight. This time the move didn’t startle him. Harston squeezed me back, and I thanked any higher power listening for giving me the brother I would have asked for had I a choice. Temples touching, I absorbed every ounce of his support since a repeat moment couldn’t be promised.
“Just take care of yourself. And the big idiot.”
I couldn’t stop grinning. “I will.”
Of course, during this tender exchange was the precise opportunity for Blythe to reappear.
“I know we didn’t talk about sharing, but I like where this is going. Am I going to be stuck watching, or do I get to join?”
Our embrace ended and we drifted apart. I leveled my most unimpressed stare at Blythe. “After last night I wouldn’t think you had the energy left for such an adventure.”
Blythe groped himself and gave us both one of his classic leers. “My pipes are
all well blown out and all, but moments like these inspire a man.”
“I can teach you how to smother him while he sleeps and make it look like an accident,” Harston said.
“Oy! You shut it.”
Blythe passed me a wink, his gaze for me alone. While crude as ever, his suggestion was a front. I almost believed he might wait for me. Not smiling at the fantasy was a hellish effort.
Trying not to dwell, I turned my attention back to Harston. “Where would you learn something like that?”
“What did you think the servants talked about when the Valencus family went to bed? You’ve met your father, haven’t you?”
Chapter 21
DURING THE entire carriage ride Blythe stayed tense, on alert. His head swiveled at every movement or sound, like the ferocious guard dog I knew he could be. We sat close with our legs touching, knowing it might be the last time we ever touched again. The wheels crunching on the cobblestones and the clop of hooves were all I could hear. My heartbeat seemed to have fallen into dead silence.
We were heading home, and the impending doom grew with each city block we passed. The scenery outside became more familiar as the ride progressed. It didn’t give me comfort, only twisted the gears of sick anticipation inside me.
“When we get back, I’ll have to do what I’m told, when I’m told, and pretend I like it. Is this what it’s like to be taken to prison?”
Blythe’s massive hand engulfed mine. “Pretty much.”
I held on tight until Delaga House dominated the coach’s windows. My knuckles screamed, but allowed me to hang on to the forbidden night we’d shared a touch longer. The elusive fantasy of happiness. Ironic that these walls denied me what every customer entering through its doors sought. When the ride stopped, Blythe let go. The ache receded along with the fairy tale.
At least I wouldn’t have to pretend to be distraught in front of anyone here.
Blythe led the way into the house, maintaining his protective hover until we were safe inside. As if “safe” described my existence here.
As soon as the door closed, I noticed a small handful of staff frozen in the middle of chores, all of them surprised at our appearance. The news must have spread quickly. No one spoke. Were they shocked at my survival, or could they read the marital indiscretion on my face? The scrutiny burned and made me want to shrink away from the heat and hide inside Blythe’s arms.
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