by Ruby Wax
Step 3. (One minute) Widen your focus to your whole body, breathing in and out; imagine you’re a bellows and the air is filling your whole body on the in breath and emptying it out on the out breath. You might notice your thoughts have receded slightly (they never disappear, the thoughts are just less intrusive). They become more like background noise, as if you’re listening to a radio that’s on in another room. When they’re not so overbearing, you have a space to notice them and not be so drawn in by them. Eventually, you’ll no longer be at their beck and call. You’ll be able to sit back and watch.
Exercise 2: Sound
Just as in Thubten’s exercise on breathing, sit on a chair with your back straight, but not rigid. Feel where your feet and bottom make contact with the ground and the chair. Let the focus on those sensations go and bring your focus to whatever sounds you hear. Don’t try to find them, let them come to you; then listen to the pitch, volume, quality of the sounds and the silence between them. When your thoughts snare you, don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong, just bring your focus back to the sounds without beating yourself up that you’ve done something wrong. Listen to the sounds; don’t analyse or label them. Simply observe them for a while and then bring your focus back to the contact between your feet, the floor and your bottom on the chair.
Exercise 3: Bubbles
Do this whenever you feel your thoughts are going on a rampage, when you can’t think clearly or you’re caught in a brain fog. Imagine your thoughts as if they’re thought bubbles, like the ones in cartoons. Each time a thought comes up, imagine it being inside a bubble outside your head and picture reaching out your hand and gently popping the bubble. It’s so easy, I figure, why don’t I live my life doing this? You just go, ‘Pop, pop, pop.’ And the thought bursts and vanishes.
Exercise 4: Refocusing When Your Mind Leaves Town
(This is almost impossible to do, but I find it amusing.)
You can do this exercise while you’re reading these words. Keep reading the words in this book … that’s it, you’re doing really well. Are you following what I’m writing, or has your mind gone into your own inner story and you’re thinking about something else? If not, keep reading, but if you notice your mind has gone elsewhere or these words aren’t making sense, stop trying to read and take a second to notice where your mind went. Did you go blank? Did you get carried away in a thought storm or think about yesterday or what’s happening tomorrow? If you’re at home, did you forget the whole exercise and find yourself in the fridge, looking for a chicken leg? Once you’ve noticed that your mind has strayed, bring your focus back to this page and start reading again and, to reward yourself for noticing that your mind went on a short holiday, get up and get yourself another chicken leg.
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Mindfulness Exercises for Emotions
THUBTEN’S EXERCISES
The body scan and breathing exercises for thoughts also work for emotions. When an emotion pulls you away, just like a thought, all you need to do is bring the focus back to the physical body or your breathing, without judgement.
Exercise 1: The Sky
Sit somewhere outdoors where you can look at the sky, or indoors near a window where you can see the sky.
Your eyes are open, looking at the sky. Breathe in and out deeply three times. Imagine you’re breathing out all your painful emotions into the sky and they are dissolving into that open space. You might feel lighter and unburdened. After these three deep breaths, return to normal breathing.
Continue to look at the sky. Don’t try to focus on the breath, just be aware of the sky. Notice whether you’re gazing blankly, your mind is thinking of something else or you’re getting lost in thoughts or emotions. When that happens, gently bring your focus back to the sky. Your mind is focused, in a relaxed and open way. As you’re looking into the vast sky, see if you can experience that same expanse inside yourself. Simply look at the sky and let your emotions melt into the expanse.
If there are clouds in the sky, feel you’re looking beyond them. Just as the clouds aren’t solid, neither are your thoughts or emotions. You don’t need to become involved in them, you can simply let them go. Your mind is bigger than your emotions, just like the sky is bigger than the clouds. The sky is unaffected by the clouds, and your mind can be unaffected by emotions. If your eyes start to get sore, close them from time to time.
At the end of the exercise, bring your attention to your body (for example, focus on where your body is in contact with the seat) for a few moments, to become grounded again.
This practice is especially good to do when sitting on a beach, noticing the expanse while looking at the horizon where sea and sky meet. If there are waves, let them come and go, just like your emotions can come and go without you needing to hold on to them or get involved. They are just emotions, nothing solid. The ocean is bigger than its waves, just like the mind is bigger than its emotions. When you can relax into an open state of awareness, you don’t need to feel bothered by your emotions.
Exercise 2: Focusing on Feelings
Sit somewhere quiet, in a comfortable position, back straight but not rigid, head and shoulders relaxed.
Start to notice your breath, where you sense it moving in and out. Don’t try to control it, but allow it to go at its own pace. After a few breaths, scan your body for any emotional feeling. Maybe there’s a feeling of sadness, upset, worry or fear. See if you can take your focus to the exact location of the sensation, feeling its shape, edges, depth, weight, and so on. If you start thinking about the emotion, or the storyline behind it, gently bring your focus back to the area. As you pay attention, notice if anything changes. Maybe it starts to dissipate or change location. This helps you realize that emotions aren’t solid.
Try to drop the storyline that comes with the emotion: ‘He said this’ or ‘She did that’, and so on. If the mind flies off into those stories, keep bringing it back to the emotional feeling in the body. You’re relaxing into the feeling, befriending it, and as you do, the resistance starts to drop away. This exercise is training you to discover a non-judgemental acceptance and, ultimately, freedom.
RUBY’S EXERCISES
The idea behind mindfulness isn’t to learn how to turn off emotions but to learn to be okay with them, no matter how hard the punch.
Exercise 1: Tagging the Feelings
You can do this on the bus, in a cab, on the Tube, while bicycling, in the shower, or really anywhere.
Follow the feeling of your breath going in and out. If you sense an emotion, try to hone in on the area of your body where you feel it most. Try to label the feeling with whatever word comes into your head. Choose one word that feels most relevant; don’t make up a whole story. When you label an emotion, a space opens up around the feeling and the intensity of the emotion lowers. You’re stepping back from the feeling and becoming an observer of it. Some mindfulness teachers say, ‘Name it to tame it.’ You can repeat the word as long as the sensation stays and, if the emotion changes, give it a new label.
Remember that you aren’t trying to make the sensation go away, you’re just sitting with it like you would with a friend who’s struggling and you’re helping them find the right word that says it all. And if the emotion becomes too intense, just go back to bicycling or the shower or go eat another chicken leg.
My Story
A few months ago, I woke up gripped by the throat with anxiety. In the past, I wouldn’t have been aware of what the feeling was and, for the rest of the day, I’d try to hunt someone or something down to pin my anxiety on and blame them for it. This time when I woke up, I took note of my inner state and gave it the label ‘anxiety’. This was my internal weather condition; it hadn’t been caused by anyone or anything. After doing some mindfulness practice, I realized I was anxious because of the dream I’d had the night before: A moose was chasing me down Kensington High Street. Once the feeling rose and I could label it ‘anxiety’, the emotion receded. It was such a relief. I could even laugh about i
t. I thought, Ha, ha! Why would a moose be on Kensington High Street? Isn’t that ridiculous? (If anyone reading this has been chased by a moose down Kensington High Street, you have my sympathy.)
Exercise 2: Change Your Posture, Change Your Brain
Your bodily state is a reflection of your emotions and thoughts, and vice versa. When you let go of tension in the muscles, the emotions and thoughts also loosen up. If your body is tense, so are the thoughts and emotions.
Step 1. Hunch your shoulders, look down, frown and walk slowly, even shuffle. Shorten your breathing. Notice the influence it has on your feelings and thoughts. Don’t do it for too long, or you’ll get upset and blame me.
Step 2. Stand up straight, chest out, walk confidently and smile. (No one’s looking, just do it.)
Feel the difference? You can’t snap out of chronic depression by changing your posture but, if you’re feeling a little blue or anxious, play with your posture by deliberately changing it.
You’ll notice that, when you change your body posture, people who see you sometimes change theirs. We all catch each other’s moods through signals in the body. So, spread your happy body!
Note: When You Hit Depression
I’ve always believed that, when I slip into the depths of depression, it would be cruel to try and do any kind of therapy, let alone mindfulness. I use mindfulness to be able to sense an oncoming depression but, if the floodgates open and it hits hard, then I know to back off.
People are always making suggestions when you’re depressed, saying things like, ‘Have you tried perking up?’ The words ‘fuck off’ come to mind. How can you possibly tune into your mind when your mind is gone? If you could tune in, you’d most likely hear the voices of hell, because that is a symptom of the disease. In my opinion, all you can do when you’re chronically depressed is wait it out and, if you’re lucky enough to find the right medication and lucky enough to have compassionate friends and family, you’ve scored.
Once the light starts to shine, even if it’s only a narrow shaft, that’s when you could try practising a little mindfulness. Focus on the body or the breath, allowing the thoughts to pass by, remembering, above all, to be kind to yourself as you bring the focus back. Don’t do this for more than five minutes at the start. And if you begin to get overwhelmed by the thoughts, do not continue until you’re feeling better. As you come out of the depression, or whatever mental illness you may suffer from, go back to your usual practice.
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Mindfulness Exercises for the Body
THUBTEN’S EXERCISES
Using our body for mindfulness helps to bring our practice into our daily life, rather than just leaving it at home on the chair.
Exercise 1: Three Steps, Ten Days Each
This is a programme you can practise over a month and is a good way to build up mindfulness in your daily life.
Step 1. For the first ten days, choose two or three simple activities that you do every day, like washing your hands, brushing your teeth, walking, and so on. Decide that these will be your ‘mindfulness activities’, you’ll be mindful while you do them. This is a great exercise, as it gives you something physical to hook on to and will instil the habit of being mindful in general.
Every morning when you wake up, remind yourself of those two or three activities and your commitment to do them mindfully. (Stick with the same activities throughout the ten days.)
Maybe one of your chosen actions is brushing your teeth: we usually do this in a distracted way, but now try to focus on it with full attention. Sense the bristles against your teeth; taste and experience the toothpaste and water. Try not to run off into mental commentary. If that happens, bring your awareness back to the sensations. It’s a mindful moment; you’re staying present and focused.
Step 2. For the next ten days, rather than focusing on specific actions, practise ‘micro-moments’ of mindfulness for a few seconds many times each day, like little drop-ins. Wherever you are, at home, at work, travelling, walking the dog, and so on, notice the sensations in your body – check in, without judging anything.
Notice the sensations in your shoulders, back, face, feet or any other parts of the body, even if you’re in a busy situation. You don’t need to freeze or stop doing what you’re doing but, just for a moment, for example, take your focus to your shoulders (maybe that’s where you hold a lot of tension). Just by noticing the sensations without judgement, you start to relax.
Step 3: For the concluding ten days, continue practising mindful moments throughout the day but now add another layer: be mindful whenever you’re waiting for something.
What do we often do when we’re waiting? We check our phone obsessively, or gulp food down while texting with the other hand, or our mind has gone to Hawaii. Waiting offers a very powerful opportunity for mindfulness training, and it’s useful because, in general, when we’re waiting for something, we become tense or impatient. People get frustrated when standing in a queue, being stuck in traffic, or when the internet connection is slow. So, while you’re waiting, let go of any stress or feelings of impatience by bringing your focus to your body. Feel the ground beneath your feet (I do this a lot when I’m on the Underground in London during rush hour), or feel the chair under you, or maybe sensations in your shoulders, stomach, that you’ve become aware of. When your mind flies off into frustration or other thoughts, bring it back to the body. Again, remember not to judge the sensations, just be present.
This is very good training for being able to deal with the more challenging things life might throw at us. We’re starting with easy things like waiting, and this will help us stay steady in the bigger, more stressful moments in life. We’re reprogramming our habitual reactions and in doing so we’re rewiring the neural pathways in the brain. Normally, we would have an automatic reaction, falling back into old habits. Mindfulness teaches us a different way of responding.
A traffic jam has become like going to the gym. You can think, Bring it on, I can use this to rewire my neurons. It’s all a training opportunity, teaching you how to be happy against the odds.
Exercise 2: Pain
The million-dollar question for many people is, how can they practise mindfulness when they’re in physical pain? They’re afraid that, if they focus on it, the pain will get stronger, but pain isn’t just physical, it’s also the mental reaction of pushing it away, which creates more tension: pain about the pain.
In this exercise, focus in on where in your body you’re feeling pain. Try not to get caught up in your thoughts about it, just feel it directly; use the pain as the object of your mindfulness. When the mind runs off into thoughts, gently come back to the direct focus on the raw sensation of the pain. If at any time it becomes overwhelming, just focus on your breathing for a while as in the earlier exercises.
Using pain as a mindfulness object helps us stop feeling tense about the pain as we learn to consciously focus with less judgement.
The pain might not go away, but your relationship with it changes because you’re no longer adding the mental pain on top of the physical pain. The physical sensations might start to move, become less solid, or you might start to relax around the pain, not being overwhelmed by it.
Exercise 3: Fatigue
Mindfulness can also be used to help you cope with tiredness or severe fatigue. As with pain, we can learn to stop pushing these sensations away, stop feeling stressed about them.
When we’re tired, we are in fact also quite tense, because we’re holding ourselves up – which, in turn, makes us more tired. In addition, we may have a lot of self-condemning thoughts, for example, I’m so weak. I really can’t face this, and once that happens, the tiredness is no longer just physical, it’s become a mental battle too.
In this exercise, locate where in your body you feel the fatigue (or perhaps it’s in your entire body), and let your awareness settle into that area and that feeling; move closer to it rather than pushing it away. Focus on the sensation of fatigue, using it as your mind
fulness object, and when your mind drifts off into thoughts and emotions, gently bring it back to the sensation in your body.
Sit in a chair, or lie on the floor or in bed. Feel the support of the chair, floor or bed beneath you – they’re doing the holding up, not you. Usually, when we’re fatigued, we feel as if we’re having to hold our body up with effort and that’s exactly what the feeling of tiredness is. Instead, we can relax and let go into the chair or bed which supports us. Go through your body and feel little micro-sensations of tension and let them drop into the chair or bed.
RUBY’S EXERCISES
Exercise 1: Walk the Talk
You can use mindfulness with any physical exercise. It’s always about noticing when your thoughts or emotions pull you away into distraction and then using the movements in your body as a point of focus. When you’re walking, for example, try to sense what each individual movement feels like, contractions, stretches, strains, releases in your muscles. With body awareness, you automatically reduce the possibility of rumination. Practice gives your brain a break.
Do this exercise for a few minutes at a time, and make sure you don’t walk into a lamp post.
Drop your attention down to the soles of your feet where they contact the ground. Focus on the sensation. Then notice the feeling of lifting your right foot up, the swing of your hips and exactly which part of the right foot touches the ground first and last. (Heel to toe is the way most people walk, though ballet dancers walk toe to heel, but what do they know?) Now do this with your left foot, lifting it, swinging it forward and being aware of where each area of the foot touches the ground. When your mind snatches you away, bring your focus to the last point of contact of your foot with the ground.