by Mira Zamin
Evela’s body had been conferred to the Temple privately, with no indication where she had come from but accompanied with enough gold to ensure that the funeral rites would be properly met. There was only so long the secret could be kept from the rest of Ghalain. Although I had vowed that night that I would depart immediately for Aquia, I rested for half a week beside Gwydion, leaving the day-to-day of governance largely to Kershid who would confer with me every night. Even that little exertion exhausted me. But with the passage of several days, although my spirits were still low, the immediate pain and tears were subsiding and my body was healing.
In a simple dressing gown, hair plaited down my back, I met with my circle of confidantes in my crimson parlor, curtains swept back to allow the grey, rainy light to filter in weakly. Sitting with me were Kershid, Liem, Ferdas, Niara, Avera, Oelphie, and Gwydion, while Reyal and Miri sewed quietly in the corner. It was a larger group than I would have wanted, but each had proven to me in the past few terrible days that I could trust them.
“In a few hours, I will be leaving for Aquia.”
Most of the group had already known that I had decided upon this, but Niara seemed alarmed, candlelight and natural light casting conflicting shadows on her visage. I could understand her agitation. We were in the middle of executing civil war, after all.
“I know it’s dreadful timing. I have just become queen and the issue with Quenela and Hadil…However.” I nodded towards Niara. “We are in able hands and I will not be away long and will always be readily available by messenger or bird.
“Lord Kershid will act as steward in my stead, but he knows that any major decisions need my approval. As you have been doing, please keep the...unfortunate incident...silent. The public knowledge of my departure should be put off as long as possible. This afternoon, I will make a few public appearances about the castle, let myself be seen. It is essential that my departure be kept hidden—it might be interpreted incorrectly.”
Or worse, correctly.
For this last item, I avoided meeting Gwydion’s gaze, instead concentrating on Kershid. “Kershid, I understand how difficult it must have been for you to release your mother’s...well, Gwydion, but you did this for my grief and let him remain so for my health. You may escort him back to his cell tonight.”
Kershid, who had been sitting stiffly as far from Gwydion as possible, relaxed. Gwydion’s arm grew hard against my touch. What had he thought? That all would be righted, murder and regicide could be blighted out by a few acts of kindness? A man could repent and redeem himself, but it took much more than that.
“Finally, I wish to thank all of you for your aid in this last week and in the coming weeks. If I have learned anything it is that the burden of rulership is impossible to carry alone and trusted ones are necessary to execute the job well. Thank you, so much. You are dismissed.”
Before departing, Ferdas whispered to me, “I hope you feel better. When you see my father, give him my blessing. To your family, as well.”
Oelphie stood before me and with the same strength I remembered from those terrible days, “Selene, I would accompany you to Aquia, it you will have me.”
I nodded. “I would be thankful for your presence.”
Genuflecting, they left, except for Gwydion who lingered, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. I squared myself for a confrontation.
He raised his hands and I could not help but flinch, but he merely placed them gently on my shoulders. I could feel the weight of his hands through the thin silk of my robe. “Selene, I...” A heavy paused filled the air. “Have a good trip,” he finished stiffly. It appeared that a miscarriage could not wipe the slate clean between us either. We were too broken, too deceptive, violent, and bitter.