Ted went silent.
I notice he’s not hanging up.
‘Easy come, easy go,’ said Ted. ‘The house I can live without – the damn thing leaked. Nix can bring home the bacon until I locate a new gig, can’t you, Nix?’ Nickie, doubtless, was rolling her eyes in the background.
‘Hey, Dad, why don’t you come with us to Disney World tomorrow? We can have fun. I’ll pay.’ No turning back now.
‘Disney World? Are you out of your mind?’
‘Dad, you see, there’s this guy – Norm …’ Wade realized how bad that last sentence fragment sounded: There’s this guy, Norm …
‘And?’
‘He needs some help on a project …’
‘And?’
‘I was going to help him and I thought maybe you could, you know, help, too.’
‘Doing what? And how much do I get?’
He sounds almost ruthless. ‘For you? Ten K, and it’ll be nothing more than a quick day trip to somewhere nearby.’
A pause: ‘OK.’
‘What – you don’t want to know the details?’
‘I want the money. I’ll leave the details to you.’ There was a pause. ‘It was very kind of you to think of me, Wade.’
The two men arranged a pickup time the next morning and hung up. Feeling like Santa Claus, Wade went inside the room where he, Beth and Janet fell asleep watching the History Channel. Around three, he woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. He went out onto the balcony, swaddled in the bored, muggy remains of a Gulf wind. He looked up at the moon, either full or nearly full. If human beings had never happened, that same moon would still have been in that very same position, and nothing about it would be different than it is now. Wade tried to imagine Florida before the advent of man, but couldn’t. The landscape seemed too thoroughly colonized – the trailers, factory outlets and cocktail shacks of the world below. He decided that if human beings took over the moon, they’d probably just turn it into Florida. It was probably for the best it was so far away, unreachable.
Wade then thought about his mother, seemingly ebbing away before his eyes – and yet she was also somehow younger than ever – she knows about things now, stuff even I didn’t know about until recently: scary sex shit – she’s opened up so many doors – and again he felt one of the countless bolts of shame he felt whenever he thought of his father’s behavior, his own behavior, and what it had done to his mother – his womanizing and stupidity.
At least tomorrow there would be money, and maybe now Wade could keep away those goons from Carson City, the ones parking outside his and Beth’s condo flashing their high beams at one A.M. And maybe a bit left over to try some new anti-HIV drug combinations. And the ten K for Dad? Peanuts. For once I can do him a sizeable favor.
Life was simple, really: a wife to care for and a baby on the way – a little nest to protect, and this enormous world just waiting to pounce and shred the whole shebang. Wade thought about his blood flowing through his veins – his legs and toes and fingertips and scalp – and he tried to keep totally still to see if he could feel the blood moving within him, but no go. We’re no more allowed to feel our blood than the rotation of the earth. He thought about his AIDS. When he’d told Sarah, he’d said, ‘It’s a time machine, baby sister.’
‘Don’t be so flippant, Wade.’
‘I’m not being flip, Sarah. The truth is the truth.’
‘In what way is it the truth?’
‘Like this: If it were a hundred years ago instead of right now, both of us would be dead. You from that burst appendix in grade three – or an infected cut.’
Sarah had said, ‘Or they’d have drowned me at birth.’
‘Blink, you’re alive; blink, you’re dead. Me? Hell, I’d be dead a hundred different ways by now. So I figure that this virus is merely resetting the clocks to where they ought to be reset. Senior citizens are unnatural.’
‘You honestly believe that?’
‘I do.’
‘Excuse me if I have trouble agreeing with you.’
Wade had heard the hardness in Sarah’s voice. She’d asked him, ‘Are you able to get a job and work?’
‘Sort of. I have this part-time job dealing cards in this shitty club off Fremont Street. No booze, either – these livers are picky little fuckers.’
‘Medication?’
‘Yeah, but let’s leave it at that. I have to take a pill every time I blink. Pills are driving me mental.’
Out on the hotel balcony, fire ants had discovered Wade. He went inside. Beth was snoring. It was 4:00 A.M. and time for a 3TC capsule and a sip of pineapple juice. Where did the past six minutes go? When time is used up, does it go to some kind of place like a junkyard? Or down a river like the waters beneath Niagara Falls? Does time evaporate and turn into rain and start all over again?
Wade took his pill, sipped his juice and went to look out the window at the hotels and roads and cars covering Florida. Talk about a time machine. Of all the states – even Nevada – yet again Florida struck Wade as being the one most firmly locked in the primordial past. The plants seemed cruder here, the animals more cruel and the air more dank and bacterial. He felt as if the whole landscape were resigned to the fact that in a billion more years it’d all probably be squished into petroleum.
Janet was sleeping on the rollaway couch, her breath slight, like a finger brushing against paper.
Wade opened the sliding doors onto the balcony, still hot, even at this hour, and lit a cigarette. If he couldn’t drink, he’d smoke. Forget the fire ants. Wade, his doctor had told him, your liver has the metabolizing capacity of a two-year-old girl’s. I don’t know when it was you had your last drink, but whenever it was, it was your last.
He turned around and looked into the bedroom. For no reason, the red message light on the phone started blinking. Huh? He went inside, picked up the cordless phone and pushed the message button – Sarah:
‘Wade, hi, it’s your baby sister. You won’t be awake – we’re on these funny hours that have to do with orbiting schedules. I’m on a break. Doesn’t that sound goofy? Hi, I’m an astronaut and I’m on a coffee break. But it’s the truth, and today has been a long haul, so I gladly welcome some feet-up time. The Russians have tissue regeneration experiments on this flight, and I swear, their whole zero-G research program is being run by a McDonald’s crew chief. Remember when the Soviets used to have their act together? We should be so lucky again. How’s Mom? How are you? Beth and I only had maybe seventeen seconds together. Bryan’s girlfriend is – oh, God – well, at least she has two X chromosomes. If you wake up early enough, give me a call. I’ll be hitting the sack at 8:00 civilian time.’
She left a number, which Wade went onto the balcony and dialed. ‘Baby sister?’
‘Wade! Oh, this is yummy. What are you up to? What are you doing up at … 4:15 in the morning?’
‘Way too much weird family juju. Can’t sleep. Sometimes I wish we were the way real estate salespeople look in those little newspaper ads – with nice parted hair, optimistic attitudes and perfect little lives – and that we’d all had our reptile cortexes surgically removed.’
‘How’s Mom?’
‘OK. Tired.’
Wade told her about Shw. And Bryan. And Nickie. Sarah listened, rapt, and then asked, ‘What are you guys going to do about Nickie and Dad?’
‘No idea. Sarah—?’
‘Yeah, big brother?’
‘Tell me something – how do you deal with so many responsibilities? How? I really mean it. We’ve sort of talked about this before – when you visited me in Kansas. I can barely arrange dinner reservations at Jessie’s Catfish Grill, and I can’t even order Disney World tickets over the phone. I’ve never had to actually do things before. I never had any reason to. And I finally want to accomplish things, but don’t have a clue how. Meanwhile, you’re orchestrating DNA strands in outer space, fostering world peace and landing the single most complex artifact ever made by the human species out in the d
esert.’
Sarah took a second. ‘I never think about it like that, Wade. There are simply these things that need to be done, and it’s simpler to do them than to not do them.’
‘You’re amazing.’
‘You give me too much credit.’
‘Wade—’ Sarah cut Wade off. ‘Sorry, but my break’s nearly over, and I really need to ask you one thing.’
‘Shoot.’ Wade braced himself.
‘How is your health in measurable scientific terms?’
‘Jesus, Sarah.’
‘Just tell me, Wade.’
Wade took a deep breath. ‘OK then. Not too hot.’
‘That’s what I thought. You didn’t look too groovy today.’
‘My cell count numbers are falling bit by bit. My numbers just won’t stay steady.’
‘How do you feel on a day-to-day basis?’
‘A bit tired-ish. Otherwise OK. I had a rash, and some days I feel fluey. Anything more than this is complaining, so I don’t want to go any further on that subject.’
The acid in Wade’s stomach gurgled. He remembered back when he was eight and Sarah was six, out in the backyard trees, him puncturing a hole on the inside of his wrist with a safety pin, and Sarah unsqueamishly poking a hole in the end of her left arm, and the two of them then mixing their blood amid the sound of buzzing flies and rustling alder leaves. There had been a lot of aphids that year, and the wind was whistling through the holes they’d eaten in the leaves.
‘Wade, I have to go. The Russkies are beckoning me – small vanilla shake, six-pack of McNuggets and a Happy Meal plastic toy. Call me tomorrow, same time, OK? – if you’re awake. What plans do you have for the day?’
‘Disney World.’
‘You looking forward to it?’
Wade paused. ‘You know what? I am.’
‘Have fun, big brother.’
‘G’night, baby sister.’
10
‘Wade, what the hell are you doing?’ Ted came in the back door from work to find Janet and Wade watching TV.
‘Mom and me are watching the Sonny and Cher Show.’
‘It’s a funny show, Ted.’
‘You’re not watching TV,’ said Ted, ‘you were dancing.’ Ted spat this last word out like it was a pubic hair.
‘Leave him alone, Ted. We’re enjoying the show. How was your day? You’re late again.’
Wade said, ‘So what if I was dancing?’
Ted said, ‘Jan, you’re going to turn him into a pantywaist.’
Wade didn’t know what a pantywaist was, but he didn’t like the way his father was blaming his mother. ‘Hey, Dad, how was work today?’
‘Like you care.’ Behind this talk was a laugh track completely out of sync with their words. The cat, Haiku, sensed a squall and leapt from the top of its alpine perch on the TV.
‘Hey, Dad, when was the last time you ever danced?’
‘Wade, stop bothering your father. I really do want to watch this show.’
Bryan, his radar attuned to free entertainment, poked his head into the room from the hallway. Sarah was nowhere to be seen.
‘Hey, Dad, I asked you a question. When was the last time you ever danced?’
Ted spoke to Janet. ‘Time to buy our boy leotards, dear.’
‘I bet the last time you danced was with a bunch of your frat buddies when you were in college,’ Wade said, pushing buttons like mad. ‘You were all probably naked and rubbing each other with shaving cream.’
Janet said, ‘Wade—’ A song came on TV, a fast song with a strong beat.
‘Ooh. This is my favorite song. Hey, Dad, come in and join the fun.’ Wade began dancing in his awkward fifteen-year-old way, ad-libbing lyrics along the lines of, Ted Drummond is a pantywaist. In his clothes he has no taste. He likes to be naked and he likes to dance in a circle with men.
Wade saw Bryan’s eyes widen and dilate. Good – this meant Ted was going to zoom in for the kill, and he did. He stormed over to Wade, who was by now adept at ducking his father’s swings. Wade jumped onto the Naugahyde couch screaming, pantywaist, pantywaist, and Ted lunged after him, sending the sofa toppling, eliciting a (predictable) scream from Janet.
‘You’re a pantywaist and you can’t even catch me …’
Just then the power died, and to Wade it felt as if the entire house had been clubbed on the head. The night was dark and rainy, and nobody could see anything. Ted twisted his ankle, shouted, ‘Oh fuck—’ and Wade ran off crying a victory whoop. But victorious or not, he knew he needed to hide out for an hour or so until Ted cooled down. He fumbled his way toward the basement door and headed down the stairs where, with a candle, stood Sarah by the fusebox. Upon seeing Wade, she flipped the power on.
Hours later Ted had simmered down and gone to bed. Wade was watching the news with Janet and Sarah. He said, ‘You and Dad should get divorced.’
‘Wade! Don’t talk like that. And you shouldn’t taunt your father so much, either. He has to give a speech tomorrow, and his leg is all pranged.’
‘Gee. What a tragedy.’ The news went on about inflation and Gerald Ford. ‘So why’d you marry him in the first place?’
‘Wade, stop it.’
‘No, I mean it. I did the math and I was born thirteen months after you were married, so it’s not like you had to.’
‘I don’t have a clue. Or – I don’t know. He was American. He was studying rocket fuel systems and it was so sexy at the time. He was going to take us to the moon.’
‘And?’
‘And then – he started designing oil pipelines and we moved west and the moon got lost along the way, and I can’t believe I’m telling this to my own child.’
‘You’re always stopping yourself the moment you start saying something good.’
‘I know I do.’
‘You have this whole secret world that nobody knows about, don’t you?’
‘Wade! Jesus, not even Helena cuts to the quick like you.’
‘You should get divorced. He doesn’t deserve you.’ Wade didn’t mention that the week before he’d been playing hooky to search for illegal fireworks over on Lonsdale Boulevard, and he’d seen his father lunching with his secretary in a schnitzel restaurant.
‘Wade – the man is your father. Show him some respect.’
Wade noticed his mother didn’t deny his suggestion of divorce. ‘You know what Dad told me when I asked him why he married you?’
Resistance was futile; Janet pretended she didn’t care. ‘OK then, what?’
‘I’m not telling you.’
‘Wade!’
‘OK, OK. He told me he liked you because he can never tell what you’re thinking about.’
‘Did he now?’
‘That’s what he said.’
‘Really now?’
‘Yup.’
He could see that his mother enjoyed being mysterious.
11
The next morning Nickie was on the phone to Janet, who had the room to herself. She was luxuriating on the bed, twiddling her toes and enjoying the blanket’s softness. ‘How’s your mouth?’
‘Better than yesterday.’
‘Good. You know what? I’m going bonkers down here in Kissimmee. The place is like a mortuary. Ted went to Disney World with the others. The very idea of Disney World makes me retch.’
‘So—’ began Janet, ‘would you like to … go out for an early lunch, perhaps?’
‘Yeah. I would. I’ll come by there in Ted’s car. What about Her Holiness – we should ask her, too.’
Beth was vomiting in the bathroom. ‘Morning sickness. Not a good idea.’ Janet paused. ‘I ought to call Shw, too.’
‘What on earth for?’
‘Protocol, I guess. She may or may not be the mother of my grandchild.’
‘I don’t know … she strikes me as bonkers. And that name of hers …’
Janet called Shw’s room. ‘Shw, it’s Janet. Have you eaten anything today?’
Shw’s reply was
almost silent. ‘No.’
‘Nickie and I are going out for coffee. Slap on some makeup, throw on some clean clothes and I’ll meet you downstairs in a half hour. Can you do that?’
‘I don’t wear makeup.’
‘But you’ll still join us?’
A pause. ‘Yes.’
Click
A half hour later Nickie picked up Janet at the hotel’s main entranceway, like Pennsylvania Station with its comings and goings. Janet was wearing black wraparound sunglasses of the style favored by rock stars and seventysomething Hollywood agents, and young, Gappy clothing. By wardrobe alone I could pass as a twenty-five-year-old male coffee clerk in St. Paul, Minnesota.
Nickie asked, ‘Is Gwendolyn coming?’
‘Gwendolyn?’
‘Shw just sounds so stupid.’
‘There she is now.’
Shw hopped into the rear seat, offering an efficient little grunt as a greeting.
‘I’m actually in a really OK mood,’ Shw said. ‘Don’t take my grunt the wrong way.’
‘So – what’s new today?’ Nickie asked her.
‘Bryan wanted me to go to Mauschwitz with him. He begged. I was disgusted.’
Janet changed the subject. ‘That valet parker is so handsome.’
Nickie said, ‘Nah, you’re just horny. That’s all.’
‘Finally! Somebody who treats me as a sexual being!’
They drove. Janet watched the landscape melt by. Nickie asked, ‘Is there any NASA stuff on today?’
‘Nope. A clear slate.’
‘Huh.’ The car became immobilized at a red light amid a crowd of mobile homes and red and white rental cars. ‘Sarah’s really smart, isn’t she?’ Shw asked.
‘I suppose she’d have to be.’
‘Is she street smart?’
Janet considered this. ‘Even if you’re an astronaut I suppose there’d have to be some degree of treachery and backstabbing you’d have to confront. If nothing else, think of the hundreds of people who weren’t picked for the shuttle flight.’ She lapsed into her familiar educational mode. ‘But you know, they choose astronauts for evenness of personality the way breeders choose dogs – astronauts are like the black labs of the aerospace world.’
All Families Are Psychotic Page 7