Copyright © 2020 by Laura Christopher
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means. Including photocopying, recording or other electronic or mechanical methods, without written prior consent of the publisher. Except in the case of brief quotation embodied in the critical reviews and certain noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Resemblance to actual persons and things living or dead, locations or events is entirely coincidental.
ISBN:9798688373844
Cover designer and Formatter- Laura Christopher
Editor- Johnny Ray Smoot
Proceed with caution.
There is some content in this dark romance that could be upsetting for some readers.
Enjoy, my loves.
xxx
To my mother, who will never read this book. I love you and could not be who I am today without your unconditional love and support.
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”- Maya Angelou
‘Hate Me’- Blue October
‘Make Me Wanna Die’- The Pretty Reckless
‘Don’t let me get me’- James Gillespie
’18’- Anarbor
‘Baba O’Riely’- The Who
‘Lost’- Avenged Sevenfold
‘Go Alone’- Hell Or Highwater ft M Shadows
‘My ex’s best friend’ (With blackberry) - Machine Gun Kelly
‘Exile’ - Taylor Swift Ft. Bon Iver
‘Drama everything’ - Blue October
‘The Way’ - Fastball
‘Crooked Ways’ - Motion City Soundtrack
‘I Am the Future’ - Alice Cooper, Patty Donahue
‘You Had It Coming’- June
‘Now you’re Gone’- Tom Walker Ft. Zara Larsson
‘Home’- Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadord, Bebe Rexha
When I was younger, my grandmother had this collection of snow globes. She would buy a new one on every trip, bringing back a piece of every place she visited with her. There were hundreds of those little glass orbs full of water and serene scenes throughout her condo.
The collection started when she was just six years old when her father, my great-grandfather Malcolm Reeves, had gone out of town on business for the first time. A small gift to show that he was thinking of her while he was away. That very one, the first of the collection, is the only thing I physically have, other than pictures, to remind me of my kind and caring grandmother. The most precious item I truly have in the entire world. Even now, I could spend hours just watching the snow inside dance as it whooshed through the liquid and settled to the bottom.
If anyone was to ask what it was like, to be me, I would explain to them that it felt as though I lived inside one of those very snow globes. Apart from instead of being filled with life-giving water, with a beautiful, brilliant white snow covering every surface inside of it. Mine, well mine was filled to the brim with a dark, thick smog. Unmoving and suffocating everything inside of it.
Until one day, the day I ended up in the emergency room. The fateful day that changed everything in my life, in ways that I could never have predicted.
On the one hand, it brought something I could never have imagined. It brought me him, flying in like a sick and twisted knight on a black Harley motorcycle.
On the other hand, it ripped me away from everything and everyone I thought I knew. Completely shattering that glass orb that I was inside of.
Ashby Bronx was either going to bring me back to life, clearing the suffocating smog from my lungs. Or he was going to irrevocably destroy me in every way possible.
Have you ever felt like you were coasting through life?
As though you were stuck in a cloud of thick smog that weighed you down from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, simply holding you in place?
Never really enjoying a moment you were in and realising that nothing you did was your choice?
They say that your senior year is meant to be the best in your high school life. That it is the last chance to have fun and be without responsibilities. The 'big one' before you get to college and become the person you will be for the rest of your life. Whether you like it or not.
I suppose that most of my peers at Hudson High felt exactly like that is what this final year was all about. Me on the other hand, well, I had never felt that way.
Always feeling as though I lived my life under a smog, while they looked like they didn't have a care in the world.
Every day felt like Groundhog Day.
The problem was I felt as though I was losing myself, and I was only eighteen.
Had I ever really had anything to lose, though?
That was the biggest question of them all.
I'd always been a dedicated student, always got the highest grades, but that was mainly because of my mom. She always pushed me to be the best that I could be in everything, her version of it anyway. Maybe that was why I felt so lost. Perhaps it was because my life was anything but my own.
I mean, why she pushed me so hard was anyone's guess it was not like she; they wanted me to do anything with the grades I had earned. College is not for girls like me and you, Nala, my mom's words would run on repeat in my mind. My dream of being something, someone, was so far in the distance, you couldn't even see it.
Sometimes it was like I was simply on the outside watching everything unfold before me. You know those people who are trapped inside of a paralyzed body? They can hear everything around them but are unable to move or speak. That was me, Nala Reeves.
Hudson High was where most of the people in my social circle thrived in, but not me. I guess to anyone watching us, it looked like I was just another popular girl with everything at my feet. They would never know just how wrong they were.
Preferring quiet time over loud parties and ice cream parlor trips to Unicorn Scoops with Claire over watching the football teams' games. Although, as one of Hudson High's prestigious cheerleaders, I was always at the games. At least, in body, cheering words that I didn't mean and shaking those stupid red pom-poms in the black and red cheer uniform.
In my mind, though, I was never really anywhere. Simply floating in the abbesses, that was my life.
This town, White Church Creek was not the smallest, but at the same time, it was also not so small that you knew everyone who was also unlucky enough to call it home. Located on the border between California and Oregon, it was always hot as hell and hardly ever rained. It was the perfect place to feel as though you were nothing. It was my own personal hell.
"Yo, Nala!" Brandon, my boyfriend, wrapped his arm around my shoulders as I stood at my open locker in an attempt to delay going into the cafeteria for lunch.
I'd always wondered how I had ended up really dating him and being in this social circle. I say social circle because I wasn't actually friends with any of these people that I spent most of my time around during school hours. The only time I saw them was when I was with Brandon, their star football player.
The first time I met him, it must have been kindergarten, I think. Our parents, who were in the White Church Country Club, pushed us together on many 'playdates' throughout the years. As we got older, those playdates became actual dates.
Looking back, I don't think I remember actually consciously agreeing to be his girlfriend. There was no grand gesture of him asking, or me asking him for the matter. No, it just was, one day I was called 'Brandon's girlfriend' by one of the other jocks, and that is what happened. Playing the part of his girlfriend became my life.
B
randon was not a bad guy, not really; he just liked to show off and give this attitude that he was your typical hotshot jock. I think it was an act anyway. He never used to be the way he is now when we were younger. Sometimes, if you looked at him really closely, you could almost still see that boy who used to read Peter Rabbit books in the sandpit to me when we were little kids.
The only time these days I really saw my 'boyfriend' was when we were at school. We never hung out after class ended or on the weekends unless it was a party or an out of town game for the football team. We were too old to be going on those country club playdates these days. I think that once he realized that I wasn't going to give him everything he wanted on tap, he just stopped trying at all. Holding me to his side between the hours of eight am and three-thirty pm, Monday to Friday, only.
I wonder if this is how my mom felt with dad?
Like some kind of trophy?
My parents' relationship was not something to be envied. My dad, well, he was never around, always working out of town. Making sure that we had everything and anything we wanted. Apart from him just showing up and actually being there. That was all we really needed. We both needed that.
There had to be more to this life, right?
In the last few weeks, I felt as though there was an even heavier cloud over me.
Feeling sick to my stomach a lot of the time and just plain off. It was as though my brain was becoming more and more disconnected from its body by the day. Maybe even by the hour.
A sudden burst of pain made me flinch, bringing me out of my thoughts. Instantly becoming aware of being in the busy high school cafeteria. Brandon's grip on my elbow was starting to hurt, and it was apparent that I had missed whatever the group was talking about. Glancing around the table, everyone's gaze was on me. Shit.
"Don't you think, Na-la" Camila chuckled while throwing her long brown hair over a perfectly tanned shoulder. I always hated the way she said my name, dragging each syllable out "A night down the lake, sounds fun. Don't you agree?"
The way her eyes were boring into mine, I knew just how much she disliked me and just how much she wanted Brandon's arm around her instead of me. In public, at least, I was almost positive that when no one else was around, there was most certainly more than his arm around her happening between the two of them. Gut instinct, I suppose.
Swallowing the lump in my throat as I answered, "Yeah, sure," pushing the tray away with my untouched salad, I tried to stand, but Brandon stopped me. Pulling on my elbow so hard, I knew a bruise would no doubt form.
"What's wrong with you?" his voice was low. Those brown eyes of his looked almost black. A stark contrast against his tanned skin and scruffy blond hair. The older he got, the more he looked like his dad, all he was missing was the suit.
"Nothing," my own eyes felt almost heavy as I looked at my boyfriend. What is wrong with me?
My heart felt like it was suddenly racing. Almost like it was about to burst out of my chest. Maybe I should go and see the nurse?
"Yeah, well, you're acting weird and embarrassing," he whispered into my ear so that only I could hear what he was saying.
How the hell was I embarrassing him? I had barely said two words all damn day.
Looking up at the table, I shrank back slightly, seeing everyone's eyes were still on us. Watching us like we were a primetime reality tv show or something. Cutting my eyes back to my boyfriend, I could feel anger filling my veins, almost violently snaking through my blood.
Was he actually being serious right now?
Feeling that anger bubbling under the surface of my skin as my head started to pound. It was like it had been slammed against the lockers back out in the hallway. I could not contain myself before the words flew from my lips like venom.
"You can be such a jerk," I muttered, pulling myself free from his firm grasp. He really had become such a jerk these days, and from the look on his face, he was more shocked than embarrassed at my outburst as everyone continued to stare at us in silence around the table. Usually, I would just roll my eyes and keep my head down, but I'd had enough of this. I'd had enough of everything.
Why were my eyes becoming almost blurry? Jesus.
At that exact moment, my cell phone vibrated on the table, and when Brandon's attention was taken by Barlow, our table burst back to life. Taking the opportunity to ditch my 'friends' I slowly made my way into the girls' restroom as fast as my unsteady legs could carry me. Holding onto the wall with one hand as I moved. Do not fall, Nala.
When I finally made it to the restroom, leaning against the wall by the door, I looked down at my cell phone, seeing the name Clairebear flashing across the screen.
Clairebear- Are you okay? You don't look right, Nalabanana!
Unable to hold in a smile, I quickly replied to her.
No matter what happened, she was always looking out for me, even if we didn't hang out that much when we were in school, she would forever be my best friend.
Nala- I'm fine. Want to help me ditch cheer practice and get some ice cream after school?
Her reply was almost instant, and suddenly my day felt that little bit better.
Clairebear- I'm down. Meet you there at 4 ��
Slipping my cell phone back into my bag, I could hear the door fly open as it crashed into the wall behind it. Looking up, I was shocked to see Brandon standing there with anger flowing from every pour.
"What is wrong with you?" he sneered, stopping one of the juniors from trying to enter the room we were in as he pressed the door closed firmly. Leaving just the two of us in this small space that was feeling impossibly smaller by the second. The air felt like it had been sucked out of the room, suffocating me even more.
When he realized that I was staying silent, shocked by this outburst. In all of the years that I had known him, this had never been a side of him I'd ever seen. Growling, he closed the distance between us. "You know the girls on the squad are saying you're on drugs."
"What?" Drugs, he could not be serious right now. Could he? "I am not on drugs, Brandon."
"I don't know, you are acting weird," blowing out a breath, he just stared at me with those almost black eyes penetrating my soul. "Well, weirder than usual."
"Look, I just feel a bit off," like my chest and brain were about to explode.
Grabbing ahold of my face with his firm fingers, he looked into my eyes, like he was searching for something. Probably checking my pupils to see if I was indeed on drugs.
Had the girls on the squad really been saying that behind my back?
What else had they been saying?
Sadness and embarrassment seeped into my veins at that thought.
"Do you want to search my bag?"
Releasing me with a little push, I stumbled slightly, my back colliding with the white sink behind me.
He was about to say something, but the warning bell for class rang, and he jerked backward, giving me one last look. "Sort yourself out, you're becoming an embarrassment, Nala," and then he left me alone, standing open-mouthed in the middle of the girl's restroom.
They think I'm on drugs?
The last period was by far the longest class of the day. My head was somehow feeling heavier than before, and I had not been able to make out a word of the textbook in front of me for the last ten minutes.
Finally, the bell rang, and as everyone else scattered out of the room. Mr. Bronx, the youngest faculty member in our school and the object of almost every teenage girls' fantasy in this school, was watching me closely. Far closer than I was comfortable with, did he think I was on drugs too? I could understand the infatuation, he was one of the best-looking men in not only this school but easily the whole town, but he was a teacher and must be in his thirties. Why the hell any of these high school girls think they have got a chance with him is anyone's guess. Last I heard he was about to have a baby, I think.
"Are you alright, Nala?" his soft blue eyes looked at me with nothing but concern. Unable to take that sympathetic look
from him, my eyes dropped down onto the solid black rectangle tattoo on his forearm. Unaware that he had tattoos, I was surprised. He seemed like such a clean-cut man. He must have noticed my gaze because suddenly, his hand was pulling his sleeve down, covering the odd tattoo from me.
"Nala?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, Mr. Bronx. Training is just tough at the moment. We're putting everything into it that we have for the game on Friday" lying through my teeth, I could tell that he wasn't buying it one bit. Sighing, he gave me a sad smile and let me flee the classroom without another awkward word.
Stopping to lean on a locker, I could see my best friend's blond hair coming my way. As soon as she was close enough, I saw her mouth drop open. Storming over to me in her combat boots, she pinned me with her gaze to the lockers that I was leaning against. Blue eyes so intense, I almost closed my own to stop them from reading my soul. It was almost like she had a superpower.
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