Give her space. Give her time to explain herself, but never demand it.
This is your decision. Your game. Be yourself. Play it your way. But play to win. If that's what you want. If her explanation suits you. If you can live with it.
Lazer, of course, didn't know about the arrangement that Shelby and I had. The fake relationship. The dancing around the truth that two people who are afraid of real commitment do.
Some people would recommend counseling for us to get to the heart of the commitment problem. I wasn't ready for that. I knew my problem—I'd been rejected by women for my entire nerdy life. Until I got money. Now I didn't trust that they really liked me for me. Perils of wealth. Some guys didn't give a shit. I did.
So here I stood, rose-less. Nothing to fidget with. Wondering what my real emotion was. I was used to bottling them up. Covering with humor.
If I thought that Shelby was really cheating on me, I would have cut things off. One of the things I want most in a relationship is loyalty and faithfulness. But there was more to the story, I was convinced of that. Would Shelby share it with me? Tell me what was really going on? That was the test. Not in the classical sense. Not an artifice I'd created. A test of the woman she really was. The woman I hoped she was. The woman I wanted.
Shelby
Words. Communication. I was at a loss. I'd gone over and over what I'd say to Dex. But all my rehearsing had only imagined his reaction. That was where I got lost.
I'd worked on hundreds of weddings. Seen hundreds of touching romantic gestures. Seen couples who definitely belonged together and those who would have been better off going their separate ways. On their wedding days, almost all of them looked genuinely in love. Communication and trust were the keys. Those who could communicate with each other stood a much better chance of a long marriage than those who couldn't.
Dex and I could communicate. That was clear. Even without words. But we chose not to. We both had our secrets. For our own reasons. This was where trust came in—could I trust Dex with my secrets? Could I trust him to understand why I hadn't shared everything with him?
As the car Dex had sent for me pulled past security, I was at a loss for words. This was the way to travel. VIP treatment. No going through security in the terminal. We pulled onto the tarmac and toward a waiting helicopter with its blades slowly turning.
Dex stood in front of the helicopter, head down, studying the ground, his hair ruffled by the breeze from the copter.
He wasn't the kind of guy who was ever at a loss for words, but he appeared, for the moment, to be wondering what he was going to say. He was empty-handed. No cheesy gestures. No expected flowers. No red rose purely designed to get ratings.
Just him. Waiting for me. He'd been fantastically smart not to say anything until we could meet in person. I'd never known a guy with so much emotional and romantic intelligence.
The driver stopped the car, got out, and opened my door. Dex looked up, his heart in his eyes. The corners of his mouth turned up into a sexy, uncertain grin.
I took the hand the driver offered and let him help me out. The wind from the blades blew my hair back. I tucked a lock behind my ears. Tears of happiness and relief in my eyes, I smiled back at Dex, just as shyly. My feet had a mind of their own. They took off. I ran toward Dex and his open arms.
He caught me, picked me up, held me high, and spun me around and around. "Damn. It's good to see you."
He loosened his grip, just slightly, allowing me to slide through his arms, down his rock-hard body until my feet touched the ground. But I was still floating.
I whispered in his ear, "I'm so sorry." Tears welled up. "It isn't what it looks like."
He took my face in his hands and leaned his forehead against mine. "Plenty of time to explain later. You're here now. That's all that matters." He tipped my face up and kissed me. Gently at first. Then insistently.
My breath caught. This was the way to be kissed. Not dipped and forced off balance. Not having a tongue stuck down your unwilling throat. But kissed as if you're precious. Kissed as if he wants to possess you, but gives you the free will to let him. Kissed with the freedom to choose, with love and lust mingling in delicious combination.
Dex smelled like new cologne. Something summery and sensual. Masculine and powerful.
I clung to him, not wanting to ever let go. Not wanting to have to explain. Not feeling like I had to.
The kiss ended too soon.
He ran his fingers through my hair, his eyes shining as he looked into mine, smiling. He gestured toward the helicopter.
I glanced at the helicopter and raised an eyebrow, hitching my thumb toward it uncertainly. "I've never ridden in one before."
"There's a first time for everything. Glad I get to give you a first-time experience." He stretched out his arm in welcome. "Shall we?"
The pilot loaded my weekend suitcase and backpack in. Dex helped me into the copter and handed me a pair of headphones. "It gets noisy in there."
"Where are you taking me?" I asked as I put them on.
"Do you trust me?"
The eternal question. I nodded. "I think I do."
"Good. Someplace secluded. Private. But first, enjoy the ride. I've asked for a tour."
We buckled in next to each other. Dex took my hand.
Moments later, we were properly loaded and balanced. The pilot got in the cockpit and we were airborne.
The sun set late in June. It was now low in the sky. The shadows were long as we took off. The day was clear. The air was cooling.
"Perfect time for a ride. Evening," Dex said. "Cooler air. More lift."
I didn't care about aerodynamics, other than that we stayed in the sky. I only wanted to be next to Dex.
Up over the city. The pilot took us on a tour—past the Wheel, up the port, around the Space Needle, over the sound with the Olympic Mountains toward the west. He banked and headed east toward the Cascade Mountains.
I raised an eyebrow. Dex grinned in reply.
The view was breathtaking and unobstructed. It was like riding in a glass elevator—views in all directions. Or like flying without an aircraft.
I squeezed Dex's hand.
Up into the mountains. Up over the trees, leaving the city and civilization behind.
Dex pulled me close. I snuggled into him. There was no need for words. I wished this could go on and on. No words. No problems. Just us—flying in each other's arms.
All too soon, we began to descend into the trees. A lodge and helipad came into view. I wouldn't even attempt to describe the thrill of treetops reaching up to us.
The copter landed in front of a beautiful lodge. Rustic, yet modern at the same time. We unbuckled and took off our headphones.
Dex helped me out of the helicopter while Gary, the pilot, unloaded our bags.
"Where are we?" The air was so fresh and pure, full of oxygen, it was like breathing a high. Not that I needed any high other than being with Dex. My lungs felt clearer and cleaner already. My heart was full. I looked around, marveling at the curved driveway and magnificent lodge.
Dex took my hand and pressed it to his lips. "Lazer Lodge."
I ran through my repertoire of popular honeymoon night spots in the area. A place like this—secluded, romantic—should have been on the list. "I've never heard of it before."
"It's a private residence. It belongs to a friend of mine, Lazer Grayson."
"Lazer Grayson." My eyes went wide. "Of Pair Us? The matchmaking agency?"
"Yeah, the same." Dex looked amused. "Lazer offered it to me for the weekend. But don't let him hear you make that matchmaking connection about him first. He's better known for his video game design and company. That's how he made his original billions. In fact, he made my cousin Kayla a character in one of his most popular games."
"Really?" The way Dex stated it, it sounded like there was more to the story, almost a scandal. "I've done lettering for the weddings of many couples that Pair Us matched. I've never known a single
one that didn't seem ideally suited to each other." I looked at the lodge with new eyes. "Lazer must be a romantic to his core. This place is…"
"A lover's paradise. Yeah, Lazer knows romance. But he has a good teacher. I have to give Ashley most of the credit for the matchmaking success."
"You have intriguing friends."
The manager appeared to welcome us.
Dex cleared his throat. "The welcoming committee has arrived."
"Mr. Rushford." The manager turned to me. "Ms. Hudson. Everything is ready for you. Dinner is waiting for you on the back patio, as requested. Mr. Grayson gave strict instructions to make sure your stay is as close to perfect as we can make it. Don't worry about your bags. I'll have them taken to your room."
The singular use—room—wasn't lost on me. I hoped all was truly forgiven.
Dex thanked him and pulled me forward toward the lodge.
Lazer Lodge was the size of a respectable resort lodge. Huge for a personal residence. It was built like a hunting lodge from the 1930s or 1940s, out of logs and river rock, with a contemporary twist.
"People actually live like this?" I whispered to Dex as he led the way. "In this kind of rustic opulence?"
"Eh." Dex shrugged. "This is nothing. It's just a vacation home."
Gulp. I couldn't tell whether he was joking or not.
We stepped into a large, open great room with windows along the back so large and clear that it looked as if it was open air. Almost a treehouse nestled in the evergreens. A row of sliding doors opened to the patio, making the place truly feel like a nest.
There was a breathtaking view of the rest of the Cascade Mountains beyond. The ceilings had to be twelve feet tall at least.
Dex leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Lazer has eight guest suites, each with their own bath and fireplace and unique décor. All of them have a view." His Adam's apple bobbed. "I asked Lazer for the most romantic room. But if things don't work out, and you'd rather sleep alone, you have seven other rooms to choose from. You're not trapped with me."
"And if I want to be?" I looked him in the eye.
He grinned. "No one's stopping you. Least of all me." He kissed me quickly. "This way." Dex pulled me to the terrace.
A table near the pool was set for dinner. Candles burned in hurricane lamps. The sky was alight with pinks and oranges. The air was perfumed with the scent of pines and firs.
"Dinner has been prepared by one of Seattle's finest chefs," Dex said. "He flew in just to prepare it for us. He's leaving now on the copter with Gary."
"You shouldn't have." I was hungry for more than food.
Dex's returning gaze was positively famished.
My desire burned. In a vain attempt to cool things down, I turned to the cool blue water of the pool. "An infinity pool. It looks like you could swim right off the edge into the sky and eternity."
Looking at the pool made me philosophical. There was only one man I wanted for eternity. And my relationship with him was frustratingly "fake." I wondered, as I had many times, whether I could walk down the aisle to him without running.
"It's one of Lazer's triumphs. Don't ever let him tell you the tale of what it took to design and build it. You'll be listening to him pontificate on the intricacies of pool design for hours." Dex pulled out a chair for me. "Later we can go for a dip." He raised an eyebrow comically yet lecherously. Nearly everything Dex did was laced with humor.
I almost laughed.
"When the stars come out and you dim the lights, it's like swimming in the heavens. There's no light pollution out here. You'll see more stars than you've ever seen before." His gaze returned to me. The invitation to a cosmic experience was clear.
A waiter appeared, interrupting the mood. For the moment.
I sat as he set drinks in front of us—a cocktail of some sort.
"Chef created this just for us. For tonight." Dex raised his glass. "I give you the Cosmic Love. To my beautiful dinner companion."
"To handsome men and truth." I clinked his glass. Our eyes met. It may have been mere imagination, but in the depths of his startling violet-blue eyes, I saw understanding.
When you meet your soul mate, you don't need words to communicate. A bride told me that once. Sometimes I think the reason I chose the wedding business, when I could have applied my graphic and hand-lettering skills to any variety of industries, was because I've spent my life searching for how to determine what true love is. How to recognize it. How to discern true love from puppy love or lust or infatuation.
I've watched bride after bride walk confidently down the aisle. Radiantly. Nervously. Almost floating. But joyously. And yet, I've chickened out four times. Usually well before the altar, but still, I've broken four engagements. Not a stellar record.
The Cosmic Love was smooth and delicious. It tasted of summer love, if you can imagine such a thing. It went to my head immediately, leaving a pleasant, sensual feeling settling over me. Which had clearly been the plan, if you could believe the devious look on Dex's face.
A plate of appetizers arrived—Pacific oysters on the half shell. Crispy pancakes with goat cheese. Pink cylinders of sweet king crab.
The pace of the courses left little time for conversation. But none seemed necessary. Our silence, and the looks we gave each other, spoke volumes. I meant to convey how sorry I was, and thought I was succeeding.
The main course was Chinook salmon and birch-fired lamb loin with fennel, creamed herbs, and morel mushrooms.
Our slim conversation consisted mostly of comments about the food, the view (with hints that a large part of that view was each other), the vibrant sunset, and the stars that began appearing in the twilight.
Darkness was good for confession. Just a while longer and the atmosphere would be just right to spill all. Especially aided by alcohol.
Finally, dessert was served—mignardises, chocolates, and bite-sized pastries. It was accompanied by a sweet wine and the best coffee I'd ever tasted. Trying to sober me up enough that I'd be coherent? There was surely a balance to be reached there between where my tongue was loose, but my mind was sharp.
The staff discreetly disappeared. The outdoor lights dimmed as if on their own.
"Alone at last." Dex's eyes sparkled.
My heart pounded. There was so much promise in his expression and tone. Promise I didn't want to dim. But I had to clear the air first. "Dex—I have to explain about Jesse."
Dex slid his chair back from the table and stared at me intently, his face in shadow. He was looking for something. I hoped he found it in my explanation.
I took a deep breath. "Jesse is my former fiancé."
Dex's face remained a mask. "Another one?"
I nodded. "One among many. I have four."
"Four?" His tone was neutral enough. He played a good bluff. "That's the full extent? Only two I haven't met? No more in the woodwork?"
I frowned. "Have you met Jesse?"
"I've seen him on TV. I know what he looks and sounds like."
Fair enough. "Only two more men of mystery, I promise." I tried to make light. Defensive mechanism, maybe. It was hard enough admitting that I'd broken four hearts. And really, it wasn't anything to joke about. It probably meant there was something wrong with me, something deep in my psyche that rebelled at lasting happiness. "I'm a serial engager, you could say. Just so there's no doubt in your mind—I'm the one who broke each of them off."
"Oh?" He looked more interested than condemning. "You came to your senses in time to leave yourself single for when you met me?"
"You're crazy."
A smile played at the corners of his mouth. "Or I believe in fate."
I twisted the napkin in my lap, loving him more each minute. Petrified I'd blow it with him, or that there would come a time when I'd no longer desire him, love him.
"Fate." I mulled it over. "I love falling in love. I love the idea of love. I love seeing others walk down the aisle and pledge their love and loyalty to each other for life. I love gett
ing engaged and living the dream for a while. I love planning weddings…"
I took a deep breath. "I'm less capable, it seems, of staying in love. Of actually taking that walk down the aisle myself. I have perpetual cold feet that appear at the last moment. Despite Mitch's recent behavior, none of my exes are bad guys. I just… They weren't right for me."
I made myself look Dex in the eye. I had to see how he was taking the news. To my astonishment, he looked unconcerned by my past.
"I wouldn't blame you if you think I'm terrible. I'm not the kind who toys with men and plays with their hearts. Not on purpose. I'm always sincere. Right up until…"
"Shelby—"
"No, please. Just listen. It probably doesn't sound like it. But I'm confiding in you." I fought to keep my voice steady. "I've never told anyone about Jesse. Not my family, not my friends, not my colleagues—no one knows about Jesse. Even my closest friends are only aware of three ex-fiancés."
Dex cocked his head. "You kept an entire romance and engagement secret? From everyone?"
It was hard to tell whether he was repulsed at my behavior or impressed by my skill at covert love operations. After all, we were in a fake relationship. Secrecy was of the essence. So maybe I was, in an odd way, building trust. Yeah, I can keep a secret. But tangled webs eventually unravel at the least convenient times.
I bit my lip and laughed, so nervous I was shaking. "Good point. It's not that hard to keep a relationship that's less than a day old a secret."
Dex frowned, clearly puzzled.
"Yes," I said. "We had too many drinks, we met, we got even drunker to the point of memory blackout, we headed to a discount wedding chapel, and we broke up, all in the space of a day. Or, to be specific, I bolted while Jesse waited in line to pick our wedding package and pay for our discount nuptials. Only the best for our spur-of-the-moment wedding."
I gave Dex a minute to digest my confession, gently pushing his glass of wine toward him. "Drinking helps make sense of it."
Loves Billionaires and Corgis: A Feel Good Romance Page 10