by Sofie Hern
She does her best to cover her skin with a heavy coat of makeup, applies lipstick and looks a little better. She puts her hair up in a ponytail with a strand of hair loose to one side, she smiles and wishes that Adam could see just how beautiful she looks.
“You hate him now, remember?” she tells the mirror.
She leaves the bathroom, grabs her phone, her bag and leaves her room.
–
Being in the house alone spooks her and has to walk past Jordyn’s room as quickly as possible, even though the door has been bolted shut.
Her anger toward Adam grows with each passing day. After everything she did to keep him she has nothing left. She killed Tianna; almost killed the kid and even killed her own daughter for him. This is all his fucking fault.
–
As she expected, the cold morning is too much for the little thin dress she’s wearing, but doesn’t care because she knows that the dress will help convince Ken to help her with the damn kid. She quickly gets in her car and blasts the heater. She’s shivering and can’t tell if it’s because she’s cold or nervous.
She needs to make a stop before going to Ken’s and she has been looking forward to this one for days.
The streets are busy as tourists make their way into the city for the long weekend. She avoids the strip as much as possible and wishes that she didn’t have to drive, but needs to see Ken. She drives the twenty minutes to the cemetery where Tianna is buried.
She drives to the grave, passing monuments of angels and crosses along the way. She knows the place will soon get busy as families bring Christmas trees and flowers.
She pulls over and parks the car as close to the grave as possible. The grass is still wet from the rain the previous night and even though it’s freezing, she feels nothing.
Tianna's grave is surrounded by flowers, some are wilted while others look fresh. She stares down at the stone for a long moment.
TIANNA NOVAK
1976 - 2014
Beloved Mother, daughter & sister
When she is finished, she laughs, feeling absolutely great. She looks around to make sure no one saw what she did and after putting all the flowers in a bag goes back in her car.
–
During the drive to Ken’s, she’s feeling a lot more relaxed and suddenly the traffic doesn’t bother her.
Thirty minutes later she arrives at Ken’s, pulls into the driveway and shuts off the engine.
She looks at herself in the visor mirror, making sure she still looks good and smiles. She grabs her bag and steps out to the cold. Ken opens the door before Irene has to knock.
–
She walks in to find at least a dozen boxes in the living room which is now bare as is the dining room. Every painting and frame that once decorated the walls are now on the floor waiting to be packed. Ken locks the door and leads her through the hallway into the bedroom which only has the bed and a lamp softly lights the room.
They stand at the foot of the bed and he takes her hand and kisses her knuckles.
“How long do we have?” she asks.
“Maybe an hour,” he says as he kisses her neck, breathing hard. He proceeds to remove his T-shirt, then starts to unbuckle his belt but Irene stops him.
“I need to ask you for something first,” she says, attempting to push him away but he continues to kiss her neck.
“Anything,” he says through kisses.
He gently lowers her down on the bed and puts his hand on her thigh and caresses her there as he continues to kiss her neck and jawbone.
“I need your help, Ken.”
He stops kissing her, but his hand remains on her leg.
“What is it?”
He pushes his glasses up with his index finger and looks in her eyes.
“I need to get rid of the boy.”
He studies her for a moment and then sits up on the edge of the bed with Irene by his side. He takes a deep breath and places a hand on her knee. “What do you need?”
She isn’t sure yet exactly what she wants to do.
“I just… need him gone.”
“Babe, he’s not coming back. You know that already.”
“I know that. I just… I need him to suffer as much as I have.”
He smiles, rises and gives her a soft kiss before leaving the room.
Irene gets off the bed and looks around, feeling jealous that Julia has a normal life and a husband that loves her.
Ken returns and Irene goes to him. He’s holding a vial in his hand and gives it to her. She takes it but is puzzled. He takes her in his arms and she wraps hers around him.
“This is the best I can do,” he whispers in her ear. “If he takes this, he’ll be gone in minutes.”
She pulls away. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?”
Once again, he pulls her in close and wraps his arms around her waist.
“Maybe you can get your friend Levy to do it.”
She smiles and puts her arms around his neck and kisses him passionately, then pulls her lips away from his. “Thank you,” she says and he proceeds to remove his belt, then takes her in his arms.
She closes her eyes and imagines Adam kissing her. They kiss passionately as Ken lowers her on the bed once again and starts kissing her lips desperately. She caresses his face as he kisses her lips, her chin and neck, then back to her lips but she suddenly stops.
“What, baby?” Ken whispers.
Irene pushes him away.
“What is it?” He asks and turns around to follow her gaze to find Julia standing at the door.
“Shit!”
“Julia!” Irene exclaims.
Ken gets to his feet and runs after his wife.
–
Irene smiles. She knows she should feel bad, but is actually glad that Julia saw them. She needs to be taught a lesson and show her that her life isn't perfect. She picks up the vial and puts it in her pocket, then fixes her hair.
When Ken returns moments later, she can tell that he’s confused. He sits at the foot of the bed and Irene joins him. He’s shirtless and barefoot and he puts his hands on his knees and bows his head.
“You okay?”
He shakes his head.
Irene stands in front of him and he looks up, then she caresses his chin. “Good luck in Houston.” She kisses him once more. “If she dumps you, I'll move to Houston with you.” She smiles and walks out of the house.
13
JULIA
Julia is devastated to have found her husband with the person she considers a sister. She pulls over because the tears are blurring her vision and she’s too distraught to drive. She grips the steering wheel and her head rests on the back of her hands.
She can’t believe what she just saw. She lifts her head and wipes the tears, but they just kept coming. Surely there’s an explanation? Ken can’t possibly do this to her. She calms down and makes a U-turn and drives back home.
–
Irene’s car is gone and for that she’s glad. She’s no longer shaking and the tears have stopped. She turns off the engine, takes another deep breath and gets out of the car. She isn’t sure what she’ll say or even if Ken can explain.
She walks in the house and there’s an echo when she closes the door. Once again, tears start to fall and she wipes them away while she stands in the middle of the living room, unable to take one more step.
Ken appears in the dining room, fully dressed. “Hey,” he says, with his hands in his pockets.
Julia puts her bag on one of the boxes along with her keys then leans back against the wall and buries her face in her hands.
He approaches and gives her a hug, which she returns. She wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his chest. “Why, Ken?”
He takes her face in his hands and looks in her eyes.
“Why?” she says again and continues to cry.
“I'm sorry, baby,” he says.
“Why, love… why?” she asks again and then pushes him
away. She walks away, one hand on her hip and with the other wipes the tears from her face. Ken takes a deep breath and leans back against the wall, sliding to the floor.
“Nothing I say will…” he stops and shakes his head.
Julia looks at him knowing she loves him too much.
“Don't you love me?” she asks through tears.
“Baby, no,” he says and stands. He approaches and holds her again and they rock back and forth, as Julia sobs and he soothes her back.
“I love you, Julia. I've always loved you and only you.”
“Then why?”
“It… it was just this once.”
She pulls away and faces him. “Once?”
He nods.
“But why?”
“She… she’s been blackmailing me.”
She looks confused. “What are you talking about?”
“She said she’d turn us in if… if I didn't do it. I wasn’t going to let us fall, baby. You matter so much to me.”
Julia pulls away, shaking her head. “This makes no sense.”
Ken has his hands on his hips. “I know! That's why I couldn't tell you, Julia. I love you!”
She says nothing.
“I'm sorry, Julia. That's all I can say.”
They are quiet for a moment and then he looks at her. She has her arms crossed over her chest and he approaches and stands in front of her, rubbing her arms up and down.
“Please, let’s work this out. We can do it, Julia. We’re never going to see her again.” He holds her close.
“Ken, I love you.”
“And I, you.”
Julia takes a deep breath and looks at him. “We need to leave right away. I don't want to see her ever again.”
He nods.
14
ADAM
I think I’m more excited than I should be, knowing I’ll be seeing Rita tomorrow. I’m also excited because Howard, Jaycob and I spent most of the night upgrading Aaron’s wheelchair. Howard got new tires made for sand and mud.
Jaycob stenciled Aaron’s name on it with black letters and I installed a mount for his tablet. It will make it easier for him to use without straining his arm, and his eyes will no longer hurt from looking down all the time. The garage has plenty of space where Howard stores his surfing equipment.
When we were finished, Jaycob put a large red bow on the chair and we took it to the living room but realized there was no tree to put it by. The three of us only looked at each other like the three stooges
“I know!” said Howard and disappeared into the garage and returned moments later with Christmas lights. He wrapped them around an artificial bamboo tree and then moved it to the den. Jaycob then put the chair next to it and we were quite happy with the results.
It was after two in the morning when I finally went to my room to wrap a present for Jaycob and one for Howard.
–
I wake up after five and go downstairs to take the gifts to our makeshift Christmas tree. Aaron and Jaycob are still sleeping and I know they’ll be out for a while still. The tree is the only thing lighting the room. I place the boxes under it and stand admiring the lights which take me back.
I gave Jordyn her first phone one year ago. Her first bicycle when she was six, which she learned to ride within days.
I’m also taken back to the first Christmas with Tianna when my parents gave her a whole new wardrobe and she was so grateful. I got a Nintendo that year, which Tianna and I played the entire Christmas weekend. I sigh as I recall those times. I miss them all so much.
I come out of the trance and decide to make breakfast for the guys so I turn on the lights and get busy. I like the spacious kitchen and find my way around pretty easily. Howard says he never does any cooking and I can tell because the kitchen is spotless.
I take out some eggs, bacon, and sausage along with a few vegetables and start making Jordyn’s favorite breakfast casserole and then get the coffee going.
The sun is coming up and daylight comes in through the sliding doors leading to the backyard and I watch as the sky goes from dark to blue with beautiful colors in between.
Howard is the first to appear. “You're up early,” he says with sleepy eyes as he pours himself some coffee.
“I feel like a kid on Christmas morning.”
He laughs and sits at the table. He turns to look at the wheelchair and admires it for a moment.
“That’s a fucking sweet ride, man,” he says, then turns to greet Jaycob who walks in moments later.
“Hey, Jake. Merry Christmas,” says Howard and I second it.
“Thanks and he's awake!” He looks as excited as I feel.
I put the baking dish in the oven and go get Aaron
–
I find him sitting up on the bed.
“Hey, buddy.” I approach and give him a hug, then sit in front of him. “Merry Christmas,” I say with a smile, but he looks sad. I study his face for a moment. “I made breakfast,” I tell him, trying to cheer him up, but he only stares at me. “Buddy, what’s wrong?”
Tears well in his eyes. “I miss my mom,” he says softly.
I move to sit next to him and drape my arm around his small frame and pull him in as close as I can, with the halo in the way.
“I miss her too.”
I take a deep breath and say, “It's not going to be easy, buddy. There will be days—like today—when the pain is so bad that we’re not sure how or where we’ll get the strength we need to make it through the day. But, somehow we manage to make it through. As bad as it hurts we keep moving forward.”
“But how?” he cries and it pains me to see him so broken.
“Think of your favorite memory of her.”
He’s quiet for a moment, then says, “Once, we went to the county fair and she won a huge stuffed giraffe in a game and she gave it to me and we took it with us on all the rides and it was so funny.”
“Think of all those wonderful memories as fuel. A car without gas can’t go anywhere. Not unless it’s pushed, right?”
“Right.”
“And what happens if we try pushing a car on our own? Just one person?”
“We get tired?”
“Exactly. One person can’t push a car because we get tired. That’s what it feels like now. Only instead of getting tired, we get sad. So memories are like gas to us. And those memories lighten hour heavy hearts and help to keep us going when we run out of gas. But to do that, we need each other. Telling me this is making you feel a little better, right?
“Uh-huh.”
We are quiet for a moment and then he says, “Rita says I’ll see mom and grandma and grandpa again… is that true?”
“Yes, sir. In heaven.”
“What is heaven like?” He stops crying for the moment.
“I don’t know that, buddy. I imagine it’s made up of all the things we love, the people we’ve lost.” I’m not sure if I’m making any sense.
“I guess we have to wait to go to them, huh?”
“Exactly… and we push through. We keep going until it’s our turn to go to heaven and see them again. Heavy hearts will slow us down and there's nothing wrong with crying. We have to unload that heaviness. Tears cleanse the soul.”
“My mom used to say that!”
“I know,” I say and smile. “I learned so much from your mom, and you know what we do during these difficult days?”
“What?”
“We have the amazing opportunity to honor them by living every minute to the fullest because that’s what they would want us to do.”
He gives me a sweet smile.
“Now, can we go see what Santa brought you?”
“Yes!”
–
I carry him downstairs, to the den. He sees the tree first and Jaycob stands by the chair and then Howard joins in. Aaron’s eyes widen as soon as he sees it.
“Merry Christmas, Aaron,” says Jaycob.
Aaron’s smile is absolutely beautiful. “Holy co
w!”
We all burst out laughing. Aaron removes the bow from the chair and I place him in it. He moves back and forth and round.
I take the boxes from under the tree and hand them to Jaycob and Howard. “Merry Christmas.” They both look surprised.
“What the hell? But I didn’t get you anything,” says Jaycob.
“Don’t worry about it. You’ve done so much already.”
He smiles, gives me a hug and proceeds to open his gift. I got him a MacBook, which has been on his list for years. “Fucking awesome!” and again he gives me a hug.
“You didn’t have to, man,” Howard tells me.
“It’s from all of us as a thank you for your hospitality.”
He opens the box to find a surf drone.”
“Adam, this is… wow.”
I pat his back. “Thanks again.”
Once the gifts have been admired, Howard takes Aaron’s tablet and puts it in on the mount. “Now you won’t hurt your eyes looking down,” he tells Aaron, who is still in awe.
“This is awesome!”
“The tires are for sand and mud,” I tell him pointing to them.
“Can we go to the beach?”
“That's actually on the agenda for today.”
“Yes!”
“Okay, breakfast is ready. Let’s eat!” I tell them.
I take out the casserole, Howard grabs plates and I serve everyone. Jaycob pours OJ for Aaron and coffee for the rest. It’s nice to see Aaron and Jaycob so happy. Although our hearts are heavy for those lost, we enjoy each other’s company and I take the advice I gave Aaron a moment ago, to live every minute to the fullest. I’m still a little hurt by Jordyn for taking her life before she was supposed to go.
When we finish eating, Howard and Aaron go to the garage to make minor adjustments on the chair, getting it ready to go to the beach while Jaycob helps me clean the kitchen.
“Are you alright, Jake?” I ask as I dry the dishes.
“Yes. Why?”
“Just… I don’t know, this being Christmas and all.”
I know I’m feeling down and Aaron is as well, but Jaycob is a mystery. He continues to put the clean dishes in their place.