“Yes.”
Where was he going with this?
“Afterwards, she got depressed. It was bad, Jessica. She couldn’t even look at the poor kid. The doctor told her it was postnatal depression, and with the help of some medication, she would get better. It didn’t help. Last week, her husband walked in after she had stuffed a tonne of pills into her mouth. She overdosed. They pumped her out or some shit like that. Physically, she is fine again, but mentally, she’s not my sister anymore. She won’t talk to anyone,” he continued. “Jessica, I know I can never excuse what I did to you, and I have no right to ask you for help, but she loved you. You were like a sister to her.”
Before he could go on, Jessica cut him off. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“Just remember, I am not doing this for you, Rob.”
“Of course, but thanks anyway,” was the last thing she heard him say before she hung up.
Fiercely jumping as Jake grabbed the phone from her hand. It made a loud thud as he dropped it on the coffee table. His dark eyes were blazing, and his breathing was coming faster by the second.
“What the fuck is going on? Why is Rob calling you?” he shouted, demanding to know the answer to each of his questions.
“I’m not in the mood for this.” Jessica shook her head as she kicked the heavy blanket from over her body and stood up, making her way to the sink for a glass of water.
“I’m sorry. Would you like me to come at another time?” Jake asked sarcastically as she swayed, having to grab onto the kitchen counter for support.
Slowly, she turned to look at him. His eyes had softened a little at the sight of her so vulnerable and in pain, but he was still angry. She could tell by the fire blazing in his eyes.
“Was it him on the phone earlier?” he finally questioned, searching her face for a hint she was lying.
This was getting worse by the minute. It would have been easier to tell him it was the doctor who had called at the hotel, but he wouldn’t believe her. Not now. Not when Rob had just called.
“Jake.”
“Don’t deny it, Jessica.”
“Nothing is going on, Jake,” she defended herself.
He smiled coldly. “I never said there was.”
“No, but you were thinking it.”
“You have no idea what I am thinking,” he spat.
Jessica rubbed her fingers over her eyelids and took a deep breath.
“Jake,” she finally said, feeling the tears sting her eyes. She had hurt him in her attempts to protect him. “His sister is sick. I have to go and see her. I am not going anywhere near Rob. I swear.”
“It’s his sister. Why do you have to take care of her?”
He would never understand. It wasn’t because he couldn’t; it was because he didn’t want to understand. Jake was stubborn. He always had been.
“Because she trusts me, Jake. She needs someone to talk to, and I am going to be there for her. And yes, maybe I am crazy, but I have to go.”
“What if Rob is making it up? Maybe he just wants to see you. Have you thought about that?”
Jessica looked him straight in the eyes. He pursed his lips into a hard line, and his jaw hardened. She smiled warmly, and he sighed.
“That’s your imagination, Jake.”
He grunted loudly. “But yet, the secret phone call, and when he asks you to go over there, you go crawling.”
She threw her arms out in frustration. “I am not crawling anywhere or to anyone.” Didn’t that man realize he was killing her with just the look in his eyes? She could feel her eyes brim with tears as she took her steps toward him. Gently, she brushed her fingers against his cheek, over his mouth, enjoying how his eyes closed, and how he trembled under her touch.
“Jake, you saw what he did to me. You were there.”
His face flinched as we replayed the memories. But she needed him to remember.
“The physical pain he put me through was nothing compared to what went on in here.” She grabbed his hand and pressed it against her chest, where her heart was racing frantically at just that simple touch. “He hurt me, Jake. I am not going back there again. I never will,” she promised, biting down on her lip. “But I have to go.”
He stepped away, and her arm fell to her side. Jake wasn’t being reasonable, and she was already wasting time trying to tell him everything was going to be fine.
“What is wrong with him, anyway?” Jake gritted his teeth.
She looked at him, feeling confused for a moment. Had she not already told him it was his sister she was going to see?
“I am going to see his sister.”
“Pull the other one, Jess. He called you twice today. What did he want earlier? A midday quickie? Was it the same usual time, usual place?”
Jessica felt like her heart was being squeezed by an iron fist. The tugging at her chest was unbearable, and a single tear trailed down her cheek. It felt like a brick falling from her face. She couldn’t believe he had just said that to her. They had always fought. It was what they did, but she knew it was always playful and she had never taken much notice. Now, it wasn’t all that playful. She took notice, and it hurt like a slap in the face.
Promptly, she wiped away the moisture from her cheek and stood up straight, doing her best to hide how much it was killing her to stand there and watch him look at her like that, as if he despised everything about her. His dark brown eyes were no longer soft and loving, but cold and distant.
“It’s none of your business what the phone call was about earlier. You always were great for making assumptions,” she said coldly, brushing past him to get her shoes.
“Hey, maybe I should pay a visit to see Katie.”
She stopped dead in her tracks.
“That wouldn’t be any of your business either, would it? I’m sure she wouldn’t object.”
Those words rang through with nothing but ice and venom.
Her eyes burned with the will to cry, but she couldn’t. She felt weak and her knees buckled like jelly. Her blood had surely turned to water.
She laughed lightly then, without any humour. “Maybe you should. I am sure she would love that.”
When she looked at him, his mouth slightly parted, his broad shoulders were tensed, and his eyes were wide. Maybe if she looked closely enough, she might even see regret.
Jessica turned, grabbed her brown high-heeled boots, and stuck her feet into them.
“Jess.” He strolled towards her.
“Don’t you dare.” She stopped him, holding out her hand. “You were fighting for me?” She laughed hysterically. “That line was excellent. You always had a certain charm about you. Well, it worked. You got me into bed. Now go and tell Katie you are fighting for her. Maybe this time you will speak the truth.” She turned, grabbing her bag and keys. “You can see yourself out.”
She shut the door, leaving a gobsmacked Jake behind.
Chapter Seventeen
Forty minutes later, and Jessica had arrived outside Michelle’s house. She made her way through the garden and knocked on the black-painted door of the red brick house.
“Lucas,” Jessica exclaimed, smiling at Michelle’s husband. She had not seen him since she broke up with Rob. He looked different. Dark circles painted on his smiling eyes, and his once boyish face looked tired and worn. He lost weight too, she noted. His black hair was peppered with grey and stubble prickled his face.
“Oh, thank God. Thank you so much for coming,” he said, guiding her into the house. It was decorated pleasantly with a bright apple green hallway and marble tiled floors.
“It’s no problem. I don’t know if I can help, but I can try. Is she with the baby?” Jessica asked, forgetting why she was there. “I’m sorry.” She felt like an idiot.
“That’s okay.” Lucas smiled, understanding written in his gentle smile. “She is in our room. She doesn’t leave there.”
Jessica rubbed his arm supportively.<
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“Do you mind if I go up?”
“No, not at all. You know where to go.”
As Jessica made her way upstairs, she suddenly realized that Rob wasn’t even in the house. That made her blood boil even more. During her journey, her hurt had turned to anger. She should have slapped Jake while she had the chance.
Shaking the thought from her head, she knocked gently three times on the bedroom door and turned the knob.
“Michelle,” she called quietly.
She waited for a moment while her eyes adjusted to the dark room. The curtains were drawn. After a long, silent moment, there was a movement in the bed. Jessica watched her sit up, still standing at the door. She didn’t want to rush in.
“Who is it?” Michelle queried, her voice sounding particularly tired.
“It’s Jessica, M,” she told her friend, using the nickname she had always called her.
Jessica cursed herself for ever losing contact.
The bedside lamp flicked on, filtering light throughout the large warm coloured bedroom.
“Jess?” Michelle edged from the bed, recognition spreading across her face. “Oh Jesus, Jess, what are you doing here?”
They both hugged each other tightly for a long moment and Jessica realized then just how much she had missed her.
They both pulled away slowly, Michelle uncovering the purple bruise-like shadows below her eyes. It was from the lack of sleep; she guessed. Her sandy blonde hair was matted and tied up loosely. Her hazel eyes had lost their warmth and tenderness. She was awfully like Rob, only thinner; painfully so now. Even wrapped in her loose pyjamas, Jessica could tell that her womanly curves had disappeared. She took a loose strand of Michelle’s hair and placed it behind her ear.
“It looks like someone needs a good chat.” Jessica sympathized.
“Oh, Jess,” Michelle cried onto her shoulder. “I don’t know what is wrong with me.”
“It’s okay, sweetie.” Jessica hugged her. “Come on, sit down.” She guided her towards the bed. “I am going to open the curtains. Is that okay with you?”
“Sure.” She nodded, and Jessica slipped off her boots and sat down next to her on the bed. “Rob called you, didn’t he?”
“Yes, he did,” Jessica answered honestly.
“I am going to kill him. After everything he has put you through, he comes running to you for help.”
Jessica’s eyes narrowed. She had never told his family.
“He told me,” Michelle answered without any need for a question. “I wanted to know why you two broke up, and I kept on nagging until he gave in. I knew you wouldn’t have left without some sort of reason. I should have known.”
“Nobody knew, Michelle. And those who had suspicions towards the end didn’t realize the severity.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t keep in contact with you. I didn’t know what to say.”
“I understand. It’s not your fault.”
For twenty minutes they spoke about general small news in each other’s lives. No speaking of the dark past or turbulent present they both shared. Michelle’s eyes glistened the whole time, her mind in battle with her body to keep the sobs from coming.
“You can talk to me. You know that, right?” Jessica offered.
“I know.” She nodded, wiping away the pooling moisture. “That’s why I am glad you are here.”
“Then talk to me.”
Michelle took a long, deep breath before she began speaking. “I feel so isolated lately. After I had Ryan, everything was fine for the first week, but then I just kept on getting deeper into myself. I was crying for no reason and having unusual outbursts. But I thought it was natural. I was just after a baby. But after another few days, I constantly gave the baby to Lucas every chance I got. I couldn’t bear to look at him, and I don’t know why. I don’t even feel like his mother. It feels like he belongs to someone else. And I can’t talk to Lucas. He will not understand. And every time I want to talk to him, he gets mad. He thinks I don’t care.”
“Did he say that?”
“No,” she answered. “But I know what he is thinking. It’s not that I don’t want to care for the baby. I do. I just think I am going to mess up. And he is constantly crying. He never stops.”
She inhaled the air surrounding her.
“Last week, I thought he would be better with me out of his life. It would make it easier for him. I grabbed all the painkillers I could find. God Jess, I’m a terrible mother,” she sobbed.
“You’re not,” Jessica demanded. “Lots of mothers go through this, M. It’s alright to be afraid and nobody is pushing you into this too fast. Maybe give it a go; slowly,” she assured her. “I’ll tell you what.” Jessica stood up. “You have a shower. That hair looks like birds are living in it,” she laughed softly.
Michelle joined in, her laugh sounding brand new, like she hadn’t used it in so long, and her cheeks blushed with embarrassment.
“Put on some fresh, comfortable clothes. When you are ready, I will be downstairs waiting for you.”
“Then what?” Michelle questioned.
“We are taking Ryan for a walk. Just a short walk up and down the street. We can come back whenever you feel overwhelmed.”
She looked scared. No, she looked petrified. Jessica thought she was going to crawl back under the covers and hide. But to her surprise, her friend stood up and nodded.
“You’re right. I have to start somewhere.”
“Good girl.” Jessica grinned as she watched Michelle stroll into her bathroom.
“Thanks, Jess.” She smiled gratefully before she disappeared and closed the door behind her.
“How is she?” Lucas asked anxiously as she entered the living room. He was sitting on the cream sofa with the television volume on low. A Moses basket was placed beside the sofa where the baby was sound asleep.
Sorry baby, she thought, you are going to have to wake up soon because your mommy is getting her sanity back.
“We are taking the baby for a walk.”
He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes wide in his head. “You mean she is up and going out?”
“Look, I don’t know if she will even go ahead with it yet, but she seemed hopeful. At least she is up and out of bed and having a shower, so it’s a start.”
Suddenly, he threw her into his arms and hugged her until she could no longer breathe.
“You are a miracle worker,” he said, pulling away from her. “When Rob called and said you were visiting, I agreed, but just because I was desperate. I don’t mean that she wouldn’t have wanted to see you, but I didn’t think she would accept help from anybody.” He nodded in disbelief.
Jessica watched as tears fell from his eyes.
“She is going to get through this, Lucas. You both will,” Jessica assured him confidently. She knew how much Michelle had wanted a baby for so long.
“I know he is sleeping, but would you mind if I held him?” Jessica asked, pointing towards the crib.
“Of course not.”
Carefully, she crept away the blanket that had him smothered in warmth, and placed him comfortably in her arms, securing his head with her hand.
“Suits you,” Lucas said, staring up at her from his chair.
“He is adorable,” she whispered in awe.
He was so small he fitted perfectly in her arms. It hurt desperately to know she would never hold a baby she could call her own. Of course, she wanted a child, but it was practically impossible now. She heard what the doctor had said.
Jessica stood there, just staring at the bright blue-eyed baby. He was so beautiful it overwhelmed her to look at him. He seemed content in her arms, and she knew when Michelle got a feeling for it, she would love it.
She looked up as quiet, small footsteps entered the room. It was Michelle, looking pained and anxious, hunched over as if afraid to be seen.
“Hey, darling.” Lucas stood up to greet her.
“Hi,” she breathed as she kissed him softly.
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“You ready to go?” Jessica asked. “You go and get the pram ready. I will wait here with Ryan.”
Michelle looked relieved that she didn’t have to hold him just yet.
One step at a time, Jessica thought.
And that one step was all it took. Minutes into the walk and Michelle had asked if she could take over and push the stroller.
She asked!
Like she needed permission to step into motherhood.
Jessica doubted that one walk would make everything perfect, but she hoped it was a start.
“He really is beautiful, isn’t he?” Michelle whispered as she peered in on him, lying fast asleep.
“He is yours. Of course he is beautiful.”
“I don’t think I have the confidence to do anymore but take him on walks right now, but I am hoping it will come to me soon. Thank you.”
“What are you thanking me for? This was all you.”
“You have just listened to me complain for over an hour. If it wasn’t for you, I would still be in bed. After Rob, it wouldn’t have surprised me if you never wanted to see any of us again.”
“I enjoyed listening to you complaining. I missed it,” she teased, giggling as Michelle childishly stuck out her tongue. “But what Rob did to me has nothing to do with you or your family. I have always loved you all. I just couldn’t face him for a while. Now, I’m stronger.”
“Well, I am glad you came. Now come on in, I will make you a coffee and you can tell me everything that has gone on with you.”
Hardly, Jessica thought. The poor girl would be driven to her grave if Jessica started with her problems too.
She halted at the door just as Lucas came to open it.
“I really should get off, M. I will call again next week. I promise.”
Truthfully, she just wanted to go home, go to bed, and allow herself to drown her sorrows.
“Please do.”
“I will.”
“Thank you,” Lucas whispered in her ear as she hugged him goodbye. She just winked and nodded before saying her final farewells.
After almost an hour and a quick stop for coffee later, she arrived inside her apartment building; tired, hurt, and emotionally drained. Her legs ached as she climbed the stairs, cursing herself for not being patient enough to wait for the elevator. As she got to her floor, she searched through her bag for keys.
Watch Over My Life: Emotional Love Story (What Will Be Book Series) Page 14