Her blood felt like it was boiling in her veins. She just wanted to smash something into tiny pieces.
Maybe Mark’s head?
That sounded like a fantastic idea.
Two hours, a deep breathing session, cried out eyes, and a coffee or two later, Jessica scrambled her way out of the ball she had curled up into on her leather chair. Not the best place to relax, but it was the only option she had.
Placing her aching feet into her black stiletto heels, she picked her bag up from the floor and threw it over her shoulder.
She never knew her life’s options could sprawl out in front of her in just one day.
This was going to kill Jake; she knew it. She hadn’t even thought about what she was going to do if he told her to get rid of their baby.
Either way, he was going to hate her - for telling him and for not telling him. Realistically, she could never win this battle, no matter how hard she fought it.
She couldn’t even see him today; to yell at him for telling everyone she was pregnant. She knew she would just break down into a blubbering mess.
Why couldn’t things just be the way they were?
Today, she found herself thinking back on only six months ago, when she wasn’t in a relationship with Jake, she wasn’t pregnant, and she didn’t have cancer. She could go out and have fun, be young, go clubbing with her friends when she liked, and didn’t have to answer to anyone for anything.
But for some strange reason, she felt lonely looking back. She didn’t have anybody. Just herself and a messed up emotional state to keep her company.
“You ready?”
Her head shot up to a familiar voice and the face she recognized all too well standing at her doorway.
And there it was. Her question was answered. The reason she was so lonely six months ago; she didn’t have Jake in her life. He was there. She just didn’t have him. And as dark and as morbid as it may sound, cancer, or not, she wouldn’t change it for the world. She loved him more than anything.
She always believed that everything happened for a reason.
Jake was her reason. But looking at him at that moment, she knew she was doing something she couldn’t bear to think of. She was practically committing murder the longer she kept her mouth shut because without his permission, or even his knowledge, she was killing him just the same way the cancer was killing her.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” she said, swallowing back the lump in her throat. “But I promised Michelle I would come and visit her this evening.”
“Oh.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.
“And I’m also sorting some stuff out at the apartment, so I think it’ll be better if I just stay there tonight.”
“Is everything okay, Jess? I mean, everything is alright with you?”
“Of course,” she sighed, waving her hand casually, trying her best to place a believable smile on her lips.
Somehow, she doubted he believed her, and as he stepped further into her office, his eyes widened and lined creased his forehead in worry.
“Baby, have you been crying?”
“Oh.” She pointed to the red and blotching patches surrounding her dark, water deep eyes. “This is a bit embarrassing, but I’m reading a new book.”
The deep chuckle that followed confirmed he believed every word. “You are so strange sometimes.”
“Laugh it up,” she said, shrugging her hands into the sleeves of her jacket and taking a few steps closer to him. He moved in to kiss her gently on the lips, and she tried her best not to melt right into him. “I really should get off.” She shifted awkwardly, glancing at her wristwatch.
She wasn’t lying about going to see Michelle, but she didn’t need to sort out anything at her apartment. The only thing she was going to sort out at her apartment was her head. She needed to figure out the best way of telling him, and she would not do that if she stayed at his place.
“I guess I will see you in the morning then. If you need anything just call.” He nested his fingers in her hair. “I love you, sweetheart.”
He kissed her one last time before turning to leave.
*****
“That suits you.” Michelle glanced towards Jessica, sitting on the comfort of the sofa with the baby held securely in her arms. “What is it with you?” Michelle wondered. “No offense, but you seem far too happy. Like you’re making me depressed.”
She was happy. She was so undeniably joyous, and she held onto that for the time she had with it. Ever so slowly, she was losing a grasp on the happiness.
And in one desperate attempt to hold a little tighter, she told Michelle about the baby, just to have the experience of telling someone without nerves or anxiety. She wanted to feel a moment of bliss one last time before she sat down with Jake.
“You’re joking, right?” Michelle laughed, her eyes widening.
Jessica shook her head.
“Oh, shit.” Michelle leaped to her feet.
Jessica found herself having to rock the baby as Michelle’s outburst put it through a brief uneasiness.
“Hush,” Jessica giggled, holding her finger over her mouth.
“I can’t believe it. I mean, how? Okay, don’t answer that part. I didn’t even know you were seeing someone. Who?” Michelle questioned giddily.
“Jake,” she answered shyly, her cheeks burning red.
“Jake?” Michelle questioned, her eyes narrowing as she tried to gain any recollection of him. “You mean your brother’s friend?”
That just sounded wrong, and again the blood rushed to her cheeks.
“Oh, my God. I thought you two had this raging hatred towards each other?”
“It looks like I am going to have to get used to him now. I have no other choice.” She shrugged casually, still giggling at Michelle’s reaction.
“I can’t believe it.” Michelle calmed down as her eyes flashed a somber look. “I’m happy for you, Jess.” She nodded before she stretched her body over to hug her friend briefly.
“How far along are you?”
“Three months.”
A few hours later, after the giddiness of baby talk and many cups of tea, Jessica only realized how late it was when her eyes began to get heavy.
“I better go. Some people have work to do around here,” she teased, getting to her feet and letting the feeling of her blood rush through her legs like hot acid.
“Work? Ha. You will know exactly what proper work is like when the baby comes along.”
Jessica just hoped she would be there.
*****
Her apartment felt cold and lonely, so she went about doing her normal routine of switching on the lamps, TV, and some heat before she took a hot shower and placed her tired body into blue silk pyjamas.
The last thing she was expecting as she sat down to watch some sappy soap was a loud bang on the door.
Didn’t she make it clear to Jake she would see him in the morning? Hadn’t she told him she had things to sort out at the apartment?
Opening the door, her eyes almost rolled in her head. It wasn’t the perfectly sculpted features of Jake that greeted her. Instead, her heart pounded viciously, threatening to make her collapse right there as dark raging eyes locked dead-on with hers.
“Rob? What are you doing here?” Her voice broke as the fear made her body freeze in place.
She didn’t have to be a genius to figure out he wasn’t there for a cup of coffee and weekly catch-up. She knew that look. It was the look that told every cell in her body to run in the opposite direction.
“You’re pregnant,” he growled. His hair was wild and falling into his face.
Christ. She thought Michelle would have had more sense than to tell her brother.
Her whole body jerked as he took a baby step closer. But it didn’t matter how little the step was. He was still getting nearer to her. And with it came the undeniable smell of alcohol.
“You’re drunk…”
; “See,” he cut her off, “my sister called me earlier to see how I was doing and accidentally let it slip that you had called for a visit. She also let slip that you were three months pregnant. She said I should be happy for you. You are finally moving on with your life. Can you believe she wanted me to do that? But I can’t just sit back and let you carry another man’s child. The thing is Jessie! You might be ‘finally’ moving on, but I haven’t let you go yet. So, the moving on part is all in that little head of yours.” He jabbed a finger into her temple.
“Rob, you are drunk, and you are scaring me, so right now I am going to close this door, and we can talk about this in the morning when you are sober.”
But she should have known better, and as she tried to close the door out, his fist sent it flying back and her entire body trembled in terror.
She felt like she was trapped in the relationship again, with him backing her into a room and locking it behind him. He had her trapped, right where he wanted her until her body was going through so much fear, she couldn’t phantom moving.
“No, Jess, you have it wrong.” He stepped closer. “We are going to talk about it now!” he demanded, before stepping inside and shutting the door behind him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jessica stood there and stared into Rob’s cold, black eyes. Her whole body had gone rigid, and her mind was betraying her and reliving the nightmarish scenes from her past. She remembered everything. She could almost smell the blood trickling down her pale cheeks, and the pain from the gash on her ribcage.
And here she was again; waiting for him to relish in her fear. Not even tears would come now. She was too scared, and she knew what was about to come. She ground her teeth; anxious, nervous, shaking, and with an overwhelming feeling of sorrow.
Was this it? Was she to just stand there and wait for him to damage every cell in her being, destroying any hope she had of protecting her baby?
“Rob, you are being stupid. Please,” she begged, just about getting the words out of her mouth. “Calm down!”
He laughed without any humour; an icy, disdainful laugh that left shivers creeping down her back.
“Jessie.” He leaned towards her, using the name she hated so much; it slid from his lips like toxic. Every second he was getting closer and closer. “You can’t honestly expect me to calm down. I have just found out the love of my life is carrying someone else’s child. I thought I already told you. I haven’t given you permission to move on.”
“Do you have some sort of memory loss, Rob? The last I can remember, I left you because you left a map of bruises all over my body. That was not love.”
“I love you,” he spluttered, appalled she might suggest otherwise. His eyes were stirring wildly now, and the fear in her body built until her hands were shaking uncontrollably. “How do you think it feels for me to find out from my sister that you are doing something you are supposed to be doing with me?”
“And what is that, Rob?” Jessica shot back.
“Starting a family.”
“Rob,” she said, her voice was softer now.
The last thing she wanted to do was provoke him, and it seemed how she was shouting back at him, she was not doing a successful job.
“When I met you in the coffee shop a couple of months ago, you said you had changed, and I believed you. You seemed like you wanted me to be happy, and Lord knows I want it for you, but with somebody else. If you really loved me, you would leave me go and let me be happy.”
“So, this guy? Does he make you happy?” he suddenly asked, totally ignoring her previous suggestion.
Her nose wrinkled, and her eyes creased painfully as he crossed his arms over his chest. He seemed to calm, but talking about how Jake made her happy would not keep his temper at bay.
“Rob, do you really think this is necessary?” Jessica questioned, looking away for a moment.
“I don’t. I should know who the guy is first, don’t you think?”
Christ, hadn’t Michelle mentioned who she was with? He was going to kill her. Jake and Rob hated each other long before Jake knew how he abused her. Rob used to say he didn’t appreciate the looks he would get from Jake. Now, Jessica knew that not only was Rob paranoid, but Jake knew something she didn’t, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. They despised each other, and if she told Rob who the father of this baby was, then he was going to flip the switch in his head and once again become the monster.
“Did I not just ask you a question?”
All she could do now was stare up at him, feeling so helpless that it felt like the blood in her veins had turned to water. Her tears began to fall, and she couldn’t even attempt to stop them.
“You don’t know him, Rob. Please just leave,” she sobbed, the endless tears soaking her cheeks.
But he didn’t leave. Instead, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer to him. She could feel the blood pulsing beneath her skin as his grip became tighter and her wrist twisted painfully.
“Rob,” she tried to scream, but her voice was trapped in her throat.
“Who is it?” he demanded.
The silence was louder than anything she had ever heard.
“Who is it?” he screamed again, his hand like a bolt around her wrist.
“Jake,” she whispered, knowing that after she said his name, Rob was going to go off the rails.
All she could do now was hope and pray that someone was going to knock on the door and let her escape from this hell.
“Jake?” he trailed off, the deep hum of his laugh booming throughout her apartment. “Jake,” he shrilled, his mouth settling into a hard line. “You slut!” he cursed, picking up the vase of flowers on the hallway table and smashing it to a thousand pieces against the wooden floor.
Jessica tried to scream, but the shock and fear had taken control of her body. The only instinct she had was to run, but she had nowhere to go. He was blocking the front door and her apartment was three flights up.
“Well.” He tilted his head to the side and stared at her once again with that icy gaze that she feared so much. “You can’t expect me to love you when you have a part of him growing inside you.”
“Oh God,” Jessica gasped.
She knew it wasn’t a cue for him to leave. Immediately, her hand protectively shot to her stomach. He couldn’t harm her child. She wouldn’t let that happen.
“Rob,” she said soothingly, taking a step towards him. Being nice to him was her last resort. She had to do something.
But she should have known it would not work. His forceful grip wrapped around her shoulders and backed her violently against the wall. The pain soared through her flesh and up through her shoulders until her head spun due to the impact.
“Rob, please, I am begging you. This baby,” she stuttered.
Her head was pounding, and the room was spinning. But she needed to convince him that this baby’s life was worth saving.
“This baby has nothing to do with Jake. It is mine. It is a part of me and if you hurt this baby, you are hurting me too.”
Her sobs were uncontrollable now, and it amazed her she could even catch her breath.
He paced quickly back and forth for a minute, running his fingers through his wild hair. Then he stopped, and she could feel his warm breath on her face. The smell of alcohol and stale cigarettes made her want to heave.
“I’m sorry about that, but it’s nothing compared to the way you’ve hurt me.”
And then it came, the crushing fist moulded against her jawbone. The impact made her spin and only for her hands plastered against the wall she would have slumped to the ground.
But in her heart, deep down, she knew this was only the beginning. He had no intentions of stopping there.
And she was right because just as she turned her body around to try to find some strength in her weak limbs, a gut-wrenching blow to the stomach knocked her to the floor.
Her body slumped against the wall, struggling for oxygen, and no matter how hard she tried
to protect her belly with her arms, she still felt the pain.
Then he kicked and kicked, and then he kicked again.
She had taught herself not to scream when he kicked; it only made things worse.
She tried to fight him off, but it didn’t work.
It never did.
His shouting and ranting faded away into the distance, and the sight of her apartment blurred and spun around.
It did all of this until the pain began to disappear and lull dimly in the black.
Then all she saw was darkness.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep
The black darkness was turning into a grey area now; a grey area with an annoying, even beeping noise. She tried to force her eyelids open, but they would not obey her demands, and damn it, her head ached. She tried to shift her position, but as she did, an unforgiving pain shot through her body, and though she wanted to scream, only a moan escaped her.
“Jessica? Baby?”
That voice is familiar, she thought as a warm hand gripped hers.
“Chris, get the doctor. She is waking up,” the high-pitched voice demanded.
And Chris? She knew him too, right?
“It’s okay, sweetheart. You are going to be just fine. Can you hear me, Jessica?”
She tried to open her eyes to the sound of the voice, but once again they failed her.
“Could you step back for a moment?” another deep voice interrupted, taking command of the situation.
Her heart was racing now in her struggle to open her eyes. She could hear everything perfectly, so why could she not see what was going on?
“Jessica, this is Doctor Harris.”
He took her hand.
“Just squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”
She did as she was told.
“That’s good, but I need you to stop struggling, and take a deep breath.”
Watch Over My Life: Emotional Love Story (What Will Be Book Series) Page 19