“I do have my own business. I pretty much just work from wherever I want because it’s all freelance work that I do. I develop software for companies who hire me. Sometimes I have to go to them, but most of the time I can do the work from home.”
He laughed and shrugged before he continued. “As for being married, that’s a hard no. And no girlfriend. There’s not much point since most women at this age are looking for something long-term that will lead to marriage, and there’s no way that’s ever happening with me. So, it’s just easier to stay single.”
She brought her own eyebrows together in confusion. “You never want to get married? That seems a bit harsh. I know there are many men out there afraid of commitment but eventually they know they’ll likely end up married at some point. You seriously don’t ever want to get married?”
She couldn’t even understand why this fact bothered her so much. It’s not like it was any of her business anyway.
“Never. It’s not an institution I hold in high regard.”
“Wow. I’ve never heard of anyone who felt so strongly about it. What if you meet someone someday and fall in love? You won’t even take a chance?”
He stared straight ahead, the muscles in his cheek moving as his jaw clenched tightly. “I’ve seen what marriage can do and it’s just not something I want to go through. As for falling in love, I won’t let that happen. It wouldn’t be fair to lead someone on to believe there could ever be more between us, when it would just be a lie.”
She suspected the phone call with his mother last night might be tied into his feelings about marriage.
He quickly turned to look at her for a second again and the intensity in his eyes shocked her. Obviously, talking about marriage was a bit of a sore spot for him. When he looked back at the road, she let her breath go she’d been holding.
“I know it’s hard for you to understand because the family you come from is obviously very close and loving. Has anyone been through a divorce?”
She thought about her large family, extended cousins, aunts and uncles. “Well, yes, there have been some of my family who were in relationships that didn’t work out.” Her thoughts went to her cousin Heather, and the divorce she’d been through. It hadn’t been a good situation for her, but she hadn’t sworn off love forever because of it.
He laughed under his breath. “Didn’t work out. Trust me, you have no idea how utterly devastating a divorce can be. Or how it can completely destroy families. You’ve never had to witness anything like that in your fairy-tale family.”
“Listen, I know my family might be a bit of an anomaly in that we’re all close. And maybe we don’t have the dysfunction present in other families, but it doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to what can happen during a divorce. I’m a nurse, and I’ve been working with the elderly for a long time. I see so much dysfunction in some families, it makes me go home and cry at night. So, don’t make me out to be some woman living in a bubble of rainbows and unicorns when I’m not.”
He kept his eyes ahead for a moment, then threw her a quick glance. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just that sometimes when I see someone who has come from a family like yours, I find it hard to believe you’ve ever had to see any of the bad stuff out there in the world. I shouldn’t have made a sweeping judgment. Especially since I don’t really know you or your family at all other than what I’ve seen the few times I’ve met them.”
“Margaret told me your parents were divorced. I assume it wasn’t amicable.” Now that she’d gotten him talking about it, she wanted to find out exactly what had happened.
He laughed bitterly and shook his head. “No, it wasn’t. And honestly, from what I can remember of them being married when I was still young, I don’t think anything between them ever was amicable. All I can remember is fighting…nonstop fighting and arguing over every little thing. By the time they divorced, I honestly think my mom hated my father.”
“I’m sorry. That couldn’t have been easy.”
“After they split up, I became their pawn, constantly being forced to pick sides. My mom never wanted me to be with my dad, and said such horrible things about him that, as a child, I didn’t know what to believe. When I was ever allowed to go with my dad, she made me feel so guilty that I was scared to let myself have any fun with him.”
She pictured the little boy being torn between his parents, not wanting to upset either of them.
“What was your dad like? Margaret hasn’t really said much about her son, other than he passed away a few years ago.”
He didn’t say anything for so long, Vicki worried she’d pushed him too much. Maybe it was painful to talk about his father.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pried so much into your life.”
“You’re not prying. It’s just not something I’ve ever really had anyone to talk about with.” He shrugged again, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. “My dad was pretty great. I know he felt guilty about the divorce and tried to keep the fighting away from me when I’d be dropped off or picked up.”
He smiled and laughed. “He was a fireman, just like those superheroes you read about as a kid. At least, he seemed like one to me. Sometimes, he’d take me to the station where he worked and let me sit in the truck, blowing the horns. I always wanted to be a fireman, just like him.”
“How come you didn’t? A software developer is a far cry from that.” She smiled to herself as she thought about the profession he’d chosen and the huge difference between them.
He looked into the mirror to check on Margaret, obviously wanting to make sure she was asleep before he continued.
“My dad died when I was thirteen. I was supposed to have gone to his place for Thanksgiving weekend and he was going to take me up to visit Grandma because I hadn’t been there in over a year. But Mom ended up crying just before I left, saying how she didn’t think it was fair that she’d be alone for the holiday weekend and Dad would get to spend it all with me. It didn’t matter that she’d had me to herself every holiday since they’d divorced. They got into a big fight and I told him I was just going to stay with Mom. It was just easier than listening to them fight.”
His jaw was clenched so tightly, she was sure he was going to break a tooth.
“He was upset when he left. And I guess he must have decided not to go to Grandma’s and went into work instead. He was killed in a fire that night when a roof caved in on a building they were trying to save. I never got to see him again, and I’ve had to live with the fact that if not for me deciding to stay with Mom that weekend, he’d still be alive.”
The van became silent, except for the sound of the tires rolling over the pavement. Vicki didn’t know what to say. How could she say anything that would ever take that guilt away he’d been carrying all these years?
“That was never your fault, Mitchell. And I won’t let you believe that for one more moment.”
Margaret’s voice from the backseat startled both of them.
“Grandma! I thought you were sleeping.”
“I was just pretending. You two were having such a nice talk I didn’t want to interrupt.” She pulled on the seat handle to bring the back of her seat up. Vicki was surprised at how much strength she seemed to have in her as the older woman kept her eyes focused on Mitch.
“But there’s no way I’m letting you think you’re responsible for what happened to Danny. Your father loved you, but he knew he’d made mistakes. The way things happened between your parents was horrible, and I so badly wanted to just shield you from all of it. They used you as a pawn and tried to turn you against the other parent every chance they got. But your dad also knew that weekend how hard it was on you to decide where to be. He wasn’t angry with you at all. In fact, he told me he’d agreed to it simply because he didn’t want you to feel bad. He stayed in town instead of coming up to visit us for Thanksgiving because he hoped he’d maybe get to see you some time over the weekend, even for a couple of hours.”
“Grandm
a, I wish you hadn’t heard any of this. It’s not something you need to worry about.”
“Well, I heard it, and I’m not going to let you keep thinking these crazy thoughts. Your dad made the decision to go into work because they were working short staffed. And the fire that killed him was ruled arson, so the only one who can carry that blame is the one who lit that match.”
Vicki nodded in agreement. “She’s right, Mitch. You can’t blame yourself for anything that happened, even though I can understand the feelings that go with it.”
“I’m just sorry I didn’t know how much you’d been hurt by everything that had happened between your parents. I knew they were making things difficult, and I tried to step in, but your mom was so angry at all of us, that there was nothing I could say. And then, after Danny died…” Margaret’s voice trailed off and she turned to look out the window while she tried to regain her composure.
Vicki was glad they’d had the chance to get some of this out in the open, but they both needed to have a moment to process their thoughts. They still had a long trip ahead of them before they were back home.
“I just saw a sign for a roadside rest area. Why don’t we pull in and have the rest of the sandwiches Grandma packed us? I could use a bit of a stretch.”
Mitch peeked at his grandma in the mirror, then turned to give Vicki a smile. He mouthed the words “thank you” before taking the turn into the rest stop.
Vicki realized just how much she hadn’t known about Mitch’s life, and how unfair she’d been to judge him. While it still didn’t explain why he’d never made the effort to come visit his grandma when he’d gotten older, she was beginning to understand him a bit more.
And the fact that he had turned out to be the kind of man who would do something like this for his grandma, even knowing what he’d had to grow up with, told her a lot about who he was as a person.
Chapter Eight
“Oh, my…it still seems the same.” Mitch smiled to himself as he listened to his grandma so full of excitement in the backseat. They’d just pulled into Promise, and she’d been chattering like a child at Christmas ever since they’d left the hotel this morning for the final leg of the trip.
“We’ll stop here at the bed-and-breakfast to give you a chance to rest and have some lunch before we head out to the homestead.” He pulled the vehicle up in front of the steps leading into the old house at the end of the street that was fixed up for guests. Promise really was a small town, smaller even than Quinn Valley, so there wasn’t an actual hotel.
As they’d driven up the Main Street, it looked like there wasn’t much more than a convenience store, a small grocery store, a feed mill, bank, and a restaurant. Although, the restaurant was called The Roadhouse, so he suspected after supper, it was also a hangout for anyone wanting some nightlife.
There were a few other small buildings scattered around, with vehicles parked in front. A flag proudly hung from a large pole in the center of town, and it looked like the people from the community took great pride in keeping things looking nice.
Halloween decorations hung in the windows, and Vicki laughed as she stepped out of the vehicle and saw a giant spider hanging from the porch of their bed-and-breakfast.
“Oh, no, Mitch! You might have to find other accommodations.” She grinned at him as he walked around the front of the van.
“I told you, you have to take care of these things for me. I’m not going past that horrific-looking creature.”
She rolled her eyes before pulling the door open for Margaret. He came over to put his arm out for his grandma to hold onto. “Besides, I thought you’d been sworn to secrecy about my aversion to anything creepy or scary. Here you are blabbing it out loud for the world to hear.”
He was grinning as Margaret took his arm. “What on Earth are you two talking about?”
“Oh, just the fact that your grandson is deathly afraid of spiders. Or anything spooky or creepy.”
“Well, I can believe it. His father was terrified of spiders.”
“Really? Huh.” A warm feeling settled in his stomach at the thought of something he might have in common with his dad. Even something as silly as being scared of spiders. It gave him a connection he’d been feeling like he’d lost.
He suddenly realized coming on this trip was just as much a chance for him to heal as it was for his grandma to see her old home. Once more, he had an overwhelming feeling of appreciation toward Vicki for agreeing to do this with them. He knew it wouldn’t have happened without her.
They slowly made their way up the steps, with his grandma holding tightly to his arm while Vicki walked behind carrying the walker. His heart ached as she struggled, the hours in the van making her even stiffer than usual. And even through his jacket, he could feel the trembling in her hands. Some days were worse than others, but he suspected with all of the excitement of arriving where she’d grown up, she was having a harder time managing some of her symptoms.
He just hoped with a little bit of rest, she’d be feeling up to walking around the homestead. Thankfully, Vicki had spent the day on the road yesterday making calls and finding out who owned the properties Margaret wanted to visit, so they weren’t just showing up unannounced.
The house where she’d grown up now belonged to a young couple who were more than happy to let them come out and take a look around. And they’d been pleasantly surprised to find out Margaret’s grandparent’s house was still in the family. A distant cousin of hers still lived there.
After lunch, she would finally be home. They would spend some time today at her old house, then tomorrow would go out to her grandparent’s house and look around the town.
For the first time, Mitch felt a sense of excitement knowing all of this was a part of him too. This was where his dad’s family had come from.
They checked in and made their way to the rooms. Everyone would have their own room for tonight and tomorrow since there weren’t any with more than one bed. But Margaret had assured them she’d keep her phone near the bed to call Vicki if she needed anything.
He was actually glad Vicki could have a couple of nights to get a better sleep. She looked tired, and he knew that even though she’d joked about his grandma’s snoring, it really was keeping her awake.
“I’ll help Margaret get settled in for a rest before going to my room.” Vicki helped his grandma into the room, holding her elbow firmly as she led her toward the bed.
“I don’t need a rest. I’m too excited to sleep, so I’m just going to freshen up and get ready for the afternoon. You two go on and get your bags in your rooms because I want to get going as soon as we can.”
Her voice sounded so strained today, as though she was really struggling to get her words out. He hoped it was just from all the talking she’d been doing in the car this morning.
“Grandma, I know you’re excited to get out to your house, but you’ve been sleeping in a hotel for two nights and have spent hours riding in the van. It won’t hurt for you to have a little rest before we start walking around the homestead.”
“I may be old and feeble, but I know when I need to rest and when I don’t.”
He laughed and put his hands up in surrender. He was still worried at how weak her voice was, but he wasn’t going to upset her. “Okay, okay. And I’d hardly say you’re old or feeble.” He set his grandma’s bag on her bed and headed back to the doorway with Vicki behind him. “We’ll be back in a while to get you for lunch.”
As they stepped into the hall, he closed the door and turned to face Vicki. “I’ll go down and get your bag if you want to just get into your room.” Vicki’s room was across from his grandma’s, and his was on the top floor of the old Victorian home.
“Is everything okay, Mitch? I didn’t say anything in there, but you seem a bit worried about something.”
He looked at the now closed door, surprised that Vicki had picked up on his concern. “I just thought Grandma sounded a little bit more tired or weak today. But I’m sure i
t’s just because of the trip. Not to mention the excitement of finally getting here today.”
Vicki looked at the door too, then walked a little bit farther into the hallway. He sensed that she had more to tell him, so he followed her.
“For many people with Parkinson’s Disease, their speech will be affected. I’ve noticed she’s had a few bad spells lately, and today is likely just a combination of being tired along with her disease progression.”
He swallowed hard as his chest clenched. This wasn’t fair. His grandma was a good woman, and so full of life. Why did this have to happen to her?
“So will it keep getting worse?” He didn’t want to hear the answer, but he needed to learn as much as he could about what to expect over the months ahead. Because he planned to be with her through it all.
She nodded sadly. “Many people will lose their ability to speak above more than a whisper. It affects everyone differently, though, so it’s hard to predict exactly what will happen. All we can do is offer her our love and be there to help her when she faces struggles.”
He stood facing Vicki, so grateful she was here to help him understand everything. And it was obvious she genuinely cared about his grandma. She’d been with her all this time when he should have been the one there. He pushed his hand through his hair and turned to look out the window in the hall.
The sun reflected off the pavement of the street below where he watched a couple go into one of the buildings. There were a few cars driving past and from here he could see them waving to everyone they met.
Vicki walked over and stood beside him. “You know, she’s still going to have a lot of good days for you to enjoy with her. And the fact that you’re here now, when she needs you, is what matters.”
Again, Vicki seemed to be able to sense his thoughts, understanding the guilt he was feeling even without him having to say a word.
But today, he wanted to focus on making his grandma happy and not dwell on the sadness of her disease or the guilt of his absence. He turned around to head to the stairs.
Healing Hearts: Quinn Valley Ranch Book 27 Page 5