by Amity Cross
“You’re such a liar, Monica,” I said, squaring my shoulders. “You say you’ve changed, but I can see right through you. You’re rotten to the core.”
She sneered and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Here’s the thing… I won. He doesn’t want you. He wants me. You’ll never be anything more than a glorified sex doll—cheap and made of plastic, an empty whore for men to stick their cocks into.”
Bitch. If I hit her now, she’d slap an assault charge on me. I was powerless, and she knew it. All I could do was stand there and take her barbs. I was already numb, so they stuck in my heart without causing much of anything, but once the anesthesia wore off, it’d hurt like a bitch.
“You better go upstairs and pack up your desk,” she purred in triumph when she realized she had me in a corner. “Your services aren’t needed here anymore.”
Turning on her heel, Monica melted into the shadows, her work done for the evening. She’d gone back to her dark corner to wait for Dean and to reap the rewards of her awful scheming.
Shaking my head, I opened the door to the gym, everything spinning out of control.
Lincoln was walking out the upstairs door when I appeared, and he stopped me before I could go in.
“Hey,” he said, hesitating when he saw the look on my face. “Everything okay? Did the meeting not go to plan?”
“No,” I said, still reeling from my encounter with Monica outside. “It was fine. Just long.”
He frowned and shook his head in exasperation. “What’s he done this time?”
Snorting, I replied, “So every foul look on my face has to be the result of your brother’s latest fuck up?”
“Josie, I know.”
My expression dropped, and I tightened my grip on my bag. “Excuse me?”
“I know about you and Dean,” he said more firmly. “It’s cool. I have zero problem with it.”
“He told you?” I asked, sounding more offended than I had a right to be considering I’d blabbed to Violet on Saturday.
“I’m his twin brother,” he said with a kind smile. “I notice a lot more than most people. We’re two halves of a whole.”
Glancing at the door to the gym and then downstairs to the depths of hell, I wasn’t sure what to say.
“He’s still there,” Linc added. “I think he’s waiting for you. He’s got a feather up his butt about something.”
Or he was waiting for his brother to clear out so he could go fuck Monica Miller, who was downstairs hiding in the shadows until she could get him alone. At the thought of them fucking, I wanted nothing more than to throw up the bile that was stuck in the back of my throat.
If I fled now, then Lincoln would know something was up. If I went upstairs, I’d be forced to confront Dean. I wasn’t ready to face either, but I had to do something.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I forced a smile and nodded. “Thanks.”
I turned to go face the music when he called out, “Hey, Jo?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatever he’s done now, you guys will work it out. Give him a chance, hey?”
Give him a chance? Did he know who came to visit Dean today and who was lingering outside? Did he even realize that his brother was on the street starting something with the woman he’d had a crush on for ten years? Did he realize she was finally offering his brother what he’d always wanted?
I knew Dean had considered it despite me being in the picture. What we had wasn’t strong enough to stop him from hesitating. I wasn’t enough. I was a poor substitute for the ultimate dream.
I smiled thinly at Lincoln and lied to his face. “I’ll think about it.”
“Awesome. You guys are good for each other.” Like a hole in the head.
With a heavy heart, I watched him clatter down the stairs and push out onto the street.
How could Dean want me in the first place when I was so weak? I couldn’t even stand up for myself. I couldn’t see why any man would want to love someone like me. They never had and probably never would.
Punching in the code on the door, I opened it and stepped into the gym. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement at the far end of the room, but I kept my head down and strode into my office.
Dumping my bag on the desk, I began pulling out the paperwork I’d collected at the meeting with the AUFC and Tightrope. Contracts I had to get the Twins to sign when we’d worked out their schedule. How was I going to keep working here knowing that…
“Jo?”
Dean’s voice filtered through the gym, and I closed my eyes, praying for strength.
“Jo?” he said again. This time, he was standing in the doorway, his gaze fixed on my back.
I had to talk to him sooner or later, but I was fond of avoiding confrontations of the heart, so I’d rather it was later or not at all. I turned slightly so I could slide the contracts into my inbox to look at again in the morning.
I could sense him staring, and it unnerved me how my body wanted to fling itself at him despite all the chaos inside my heart. That confrontation was going to be now whether I wanted to face the truth or not.
“How did the meeting go?” he asked, leaning against the doorjamb.
“Fine,” I said briskly, shuffling papers on my desk. Anything to keep myself occupied. Anything to stop myself from bursting into tears.
“Just fine?”
“I had to make a sizeable donation to Tightrope on your behalf,” I said thinly. “And you’ll have to carve out extra time for training days. The AUFC was happy with the outcome.”
“So smooth sailing,” he murmured.
I could hear the concern in his voice, but I was still too much of a coward to raise my gaze and read his expression. He knew something was wrong.
“Jo,” he said, pushing off the doorjamb and stepping toward me. “We need to talk.”
“Yeah, we do,” I declared, leveling my gaze at him.
“I realized something today,” he murmured. “This thing with you and me. I’m all in. Every part of me. I know you’re worried about…” He sighed and ran his hand over his face. “I’ve put that part of me in the past. All I want is to be with you. No regrets.”
I stared at him, half in shock and half in anger, and couldn’t believe what he was saying. Not when I’d seen him that afternoon with Monica. Not when he’d hesitated and not when I’d just seen her outside.
Was he playing both sides? He sure as hell had the skills if that’s what he wanted. I just didn’t think he’d be so callous.
“I saw you,” I hissed, unable to hold onto it anymore. “I saw you with her.”
The hope in his eyes began to fade, and he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
“I don’t know what you think you saw, but it wasn’t anything,” he murmured like he was trying to calm a wild animal. Maybe I was. I spooked easily, and I was always ready to bring my claws out at the slightest provocation.
“I saw enough,” I said, turning to face him head on. “I saw, and I heard. She’s waiting for you outside, you know. Did you really think she’d pass up the opportunity to sink her claws into me?”
“She’s what?” His mouth fell open like he was surprised. Patronizing bastard.
“Like you didn’t know,” I muttered, turning my gaze away.
“What do you want me to say, Jo?” he asked, taking a step toward me. “She turned up here out of the blue, pleading for me to start something with her, and I sent her packing. I told her no. I chose you. Did you hear that part? Or did you run away before you got the whole picture?”
I shook my head back and forth, not wanting to believe him. I couldn’t, not when my already fragile heart was on the line. I had to protect myself. I had to run.
“No,” I said, snatching up my bag. “I saw you with my own two eyes. She asked, and you hesitated.”
He stared at me, his eyes full of something I didn’t want to acknowledge.
I stepped around him, fully intending to leave, but at
the last second, his hand shot out and grasped my arm.
“You have to believe me, Jo,” he pleaded. “I don’t want her. I want you. You.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” I murmured. “It’s too hard. I thought I could handle it but turns out I can’t. I was never going to be enough for you. Not after her.”
“Jo…” His fingers slipped from my arm, and I was free.
“It’s over, Dean,” I said, edging away.
“Just like that?” he asked. “You know this thing between us is worth the fight. You said it yourself. You’re stronger than that, Josie. I don’t believe you. I can’t, and I won’t.”
“See, that’s the problem,” I said, turning my back on him and doing what I did best—walking away. “I don’t believe you, either.”
20
Dean
I watched Josie walk away from me, not knowing how to stop her.
She didn’t believe me. She didn’t believe in herself. She didn’t believe in us. The truth hadn’t worked, and I wasn’t sure what to do.
I couldn’t force her to stay, so I let her walk away thinking I was in love with another woman. She wanted to believe I was the bad guy so much she couldn’t see what was right in front of her. A man begging for a woman to love him. She couldn’t believe someone wanted to love her despite me telling her over and over that I wanted it with her. Knowing she felt that way killed me inside.
Josie didn’t answer my calls, she didn’t answer my texts, and she didn’t answer her door. I practically slept outside her apartment, and at three a.m. when she still hadn’t shown, I had to call it quits.
She’d jumped to the wrong conclusions when she’d seen Monica pleading with me that afternoon. If she’d stuck around to hear the end of the conversation, she would know that she was the one I wanted and Monica Miller was no more. That door was closed forever.
I’d only hesitated because it was so unexpected that I was stunned into silence, but she wouldn’t let me explain. She refused to hear a single thing I had to say. How was I supposed to make her listen when she’d closed herself off?
Knowing she was hurting and I was the cause, no matter my intentions, made my insides burn. I felt sick to the stomach. I hadn’t cared about hurting a woman’s feelings before, let alone felt bad about it afterward, but I obviously did now… Did that mean this was the real deal?
I knew was falling for her…but did falling mean it was love? Lust was a part of it, but I’d always taken love to mean more than just falling for someone. I’d fallen for Monica, but it wasn’t anything close to what I felt now.
I knew shit-all about what was happening to me right then, but I was certain of one thing. I wanted Josie back. I wanted to make things right. I wanted to keep her.
But she was gone.
I went to the gym the next morning with red eyes and a mean temperament.
The first thing I did was climb onto the treadmill and run. My feet pounded on the track as I stared at the horizon, the ocean a brilliant blue…just like Josie’s eyes.
I’d hoped she would come in early and run beside me, but she never showed. When it rolled around to eight thirty, she still hadn’t arrived, and my heart began to sink.
When Linc turned up for training, he ignored me as I ran, still pissed at me because of the fight I’d been putting up to be the one to challenge O’Connell. He was also so far up his own ass he was oblivious to the drama that had gone down the previous day.
I didn’t know how long I’d been running when I saw Coach lingering in my peripheral vision. Glancing at him, I sneered as I saw the look of unrestrained fury on his face. Looked like daughter dearest had paid him a visit and told him where she’d been yesterday afternoon.
Thumping the controls and slowing to a jog, I glared at him, waiting for whatever he had to throw at me.
“You want to tell me why I’ve just opened a letter from Josie tendering her resignation?” he asked, holding up a piece of paper in his hand. Okay, so not what I was expecting him to come out with.
“What the hell?” Lincoln exclaimed, turning his gaze onto me.
“You’re fucking kidding me,” I said. Stepping off the treadmill, I went to snatch the letter from him, but he held it out of the way.
“She’s quit,” he said. “Effective immediately. You want to tell me what you did to make her leave?”
“You should ask your fucking daughter,” I snarled. “She turned up here yesterday completely unannounced and tried to crawl onto my cock, and Josie saw.”
Coach’s face began to turn beetroot red with anger. “Monica might’ve done some bad things, but she’s still my daughter.”
“You know she’s here,” I stated, looking him over. I was beginning to think she hadn’t changed at all despite the heartfelt speech she’d given me back in Melbourne.
“She came to see me last night to try to mend some bridges,” he began, and then shook his head. “She was here?”
“Somehow she still thinks I’m a sure bet. I told her to fuck off,” I snarled. “I want Josie! How many times do I have to spell it out to you assholes? I want Josie!”
They stared at me like I had a screw loose, but desperation was beginning to overwhelm me. This was what everyone was worried about when they found out that Josie and I had started seeing one another. They were afraid I’d fuck up and she’d quit. They were worried about their precious careers, not her.
I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that Monica turning up here was my fault. If I hadn’t gone to see her after the wedding and had just grown some balls and got the fuck over it, she wouldn’t be here now stuffing up my one chance at moving on. I’d had the best intentions, but I’d screwed up everything anyway.
Dean Hayes was forever fucking up everyone’s lives, including his own.
“I’ve done everything to show Josie how I feel,” I said, jabbing a finger at myself. “I’ve told her. I’ve shown her. I’ve pleaded with her. She overheard Monica declaring she wanted to start something with me, and she jumped to conclusions. I told Josie again and again she’s who I want, not Monica, but she won’t believe me.”
“Then you haven’t tried hard enough,” Linc said, narrowing his eyes.
“What else can I do?” I shouted at him. “I’ve called, texted, I practically slept on her doorstep last night. What else can I do, Linc? Tell me what you want me to do!”
“I don’t think there’s anything to be done,” Coach said, staring at the letter, and my mouth dropped open.
“You can’t be serious?” I exclaimed. After the talking to he gave me after Lincoln’s fight, he was just giving up?
“She knows what she wants,” he went on. “She won’t budge if she feels that strongly about it.”
Snatching the letter from his hands, I screwed it up into a ball and threw it across the room. “I can’t fucking believe you,” I snapped at him. “Always taking Monica’s side. You always bent to her will, you know that? She was a vapid little bitch for years, and you let her walk all over you. You were a hard-ass with your fighters, but when it came to a little fucking girl, you lost your balls. If anyone should be fired, it’s you.”
“That’s enough,” Lincoln said, stepping between us and placing his palm on my chest.
“You need to take a walk, son,” Coach snarled. “Take a long walk, and don’t come back in here until you’ve got your head on straight.”
“I can’t fucking believe you,” I exclaimed, shoving away Linc’s hand.
“Dean,” my brother said in warning, leveling his gaze with mine.
I stepped back and ran my hand over my face. I was hardly holding my anger in check, and my grip on my control was loosening with every second that passed.
“You don’t get it,” I said, backing away before I did something stupid. “None of you get it.”
Lincoln glanced at Coach as I snatched up my things, sweat still dripping down my back from my run. I had to get out of there. The whole place reminded me of her. She’d b
een with us the whole time we’d been in Sydney. She’d been with us when we first looked at the space the gym now occupied. She’d been with us at every weigh-in, fight, and press conference. She’d always been there.
Fighting wasn’t the same without Josie on the sidelines guiding this lost fucking boy to greatness.
“He loves her,” I heard Lincoln say just before the door slammed closed behind me.
I guess that’s why her leaving hurt so much, but even I knew love wasn’t enough sometimes.
Love was nothing without belief, and Josie didn’t believe.
She didn’t believe…
21
Josie
Melbourne was drenched in rain.
Stepping off the rickety old tram and into the mist, I flipped up the hood on my jacket to save my hair from getting wet and frizzing. Cars whooshed past the tram stop, their tires flinging up spray and clicking over the tram tracks as I darted across the pedestrian crossing at the red light.
Crossroads Fighter Gym sat on the corner of a busy intersection in Prahran, just south of the central business district. It was upper class with its fine boutiques, cafes, restaurants, and sprawling mansions and apartment buildings, so I wasn’t surprised to find this particular gym right in the middle of all the action. It was pompous and arrogant just like the man who trained here.
Opening the front door, I inhaled the familiar scent of leather, sweat, and men as it wafted in my face. It was a scent I was accustomed to, working with professional fighters and watching them train. Glancing around the gym as the door banged closed behind me, I took in the half a dozen muscled guys pumping weights and raised an eyebrow. The AUFC was definitely a man’s world.
I’d only given the place a cursory glance, and I could already see it was for serious fitness fanatics only. MMA, muscle, or get out. No rich bitch housewives doing yogalaties allowed.