by Amity Cross
I smiled, my eyes feeling heavy. I wanted nothing more than to curl up and fall asleep.
“Consider the itch thoroughly scratched,” he said, sitting up. Turning his back to me, I studied the long line of his spine and stroked my fingers over some old bruises he’d probably gotten from fighting as he rolled the used condom off his cock. He tossed it into the bin just inside the bathroom door before reaching for his boxers and jeans.
“You’re going?” I asked, sinking back into the sheets.
“Hmm,” he replied absently, standing and zipping up his fly.
I didn’t reply. I watched him get dressed, and when he leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, I pushed down a wave of disappointment.
“See ya, Ali,” he murmured. Then he left.
I stared at the ceiling for a long time, listening to the silence.
I felt cold, but I’d known what I was getting into all along. He’d been very clear about his intentions. Tonight had just been a bit of fun. I’d agreed to it willingly, knowing exactly what it meant. Nothing.
I could pretend all I wanted, but deep down, I knew I’d fallen for a man who wasn’t interested in more. It was bad news for all involved. It was going to implode sooner or later, and my bet was on sooner.
The only thing I could do, the only thing that would ensure I protected my heart was to stay away from him. Easier said than done. Liam had just walked out and taken my heart with him.
Great.
11
Liam
I could’ve stayed all night in Ali’s bed. I’d wanted to.
I could have gone another three or four rounds with her if I’d wanted. Once more, right after we’d first come. Then again during the night when I woke with another erection, then in the morning. I could have woken her up from behind, slipping my cock through the pink lips between her legs, and she would have cried out for more.
Then we could have debated getting out of bed at all as I palmed her breasts, kissed her lips, and held her close.
Fuck, that was some dangerous shit I was thinking about.
From the look on her face, I doubted she’d ever been fucked like that in her life. I was also seriously wondering if any man had been able to get her off before I came along. If a man didn’t know what a woman orgasming on his cock felt like, then he was a pussy. It was the best feeling ever. Ali had milked me for everything I was worth.
Completely satisfying.
I went to the gym. I did my grocery shopping. I cooked my dinner. I went to The Underground and fought. I hung out with Faye. I did everything I normally did, but when I closed my eyes, I saw Ali.
A couple of days passed, and I didn’t hear from her. I’d told her one night was all I could do, but… I didn’t know why I was getting pissed about not getting a text from her. This was what I wanted, wasn’t it?
A fist slammed into the side of my face, and I stumbled.
The crowd let out a roar, stamping their feet on the bleachers and rattling the cage. Tasting blood, I spat, ducking just in time to miss a left hook from Renegade.
The guy had been fighting at The Underground for a few months and was still green. He shouldn’t have been able to land a hit on me—at least, not as easily as he just did. My mind was all over the place. I had to focus, or I would lose and be laughed right out of the cage.
Snarling, I punched from underneath and clipped him under his chin. He stumbled, and I launched myself at him, throwing him flat on his back with me on top.
Raising my fist, I hit him in the face, pounding his left eye. His skin turned red as I punched again, my knuckles splitting his eyebrow. Then he bucked underneath me, throwing my balance, and we rolled. A fist hit me in the mouth, tearing my lip open.
My head swam, my vision blurring. This fight had gone on for far too long.
We were pulled apart by the referee, and the fight resumed with us on our feet. Renegade danced before me, his fists held high, the wraps around his hands stained with my blood. He dripped with sweat, blood pouring from his eyebrow. I was sure I didn’t look any better. My mouth tasted like copper, and my teeth were probably red. A sexy look for the ladies.
I wondered if Ali was here. She needed money and wouldn’t let me give any to her, so maybe she’d placed a bet on me. If she had, I better make sure she didn’t lose the last of her cash.
I pushed forward against Renegade aggressively, hitting him with my right fist, and then my left. While he was stunned, I hooked my ankle around his and shoved my shoulder into his chest. He fell onto his back with a shout, and I brought down my knee into his stomach. I could tell the moment the air pushed from his lungs because his eyes bulged like he’d just had something rammed up his ass.
Raising my fist, I gave him a second to decide.
Renegade tapped, and the fight was over.
Afterward, I showered, washing off the sweat and blood, and patched up my lip with some salve. It would sting for a few days, but the sooner it healed, the better. Split lips were a pain in the ass.
Shoving my gear into my locker, I slammed the door closed and cursed when I saw Rebel standing on the other side staring at me. We weren’t exactly mates, but he wasn’t a douche like the other guys around here. He and Goblin were probably the only decent shits out of the lot, but I still didn’t like the way he was looking at me.
“What?” I snapped.
“You doin’ all right, man?” he asked, looking me up and down.
“If you’re looking for a weakness, you can forget about it.” I shoved my phone into my pocket and ignored him. “And if you’re looking to become a therapist, you’re in the wrong place.”
He shrugged and pushed off the lockers. “Your funeral.”
“What’s that meant to mean?”
He raised an eyebrow and gave a small nod toward the rear of the change rooms. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw a group of fighters standing by the showers, talking intently. In the center of the group were Viper and Rocket. When they looked over at us, I turned back to Rebel.
“They’re talking,” he said. “Have been for a couple of weeks now.”
I nodded, dropping the tough guy act. I was pissed at myself for losing my focus and had been in a shitty mood, but now I realized people were watching…and not in a good way. I was well positioned in the rankings, and Rocket, Viper, and the others were just waiting for their chance to take me out. I’d shown weakness, and like an arrogant moron, I’d believed I was still strong.
Rebel slapped me on the shoulder and walked off, leaving me to contemplate his warning. He didn’t have to go out of his way like that, which only solidified him as one of the good guys. If only I could be as well adjusted as him, then I’d be set.
My thoughts inevitably went to Ali, and I went out to the bar, knowing she would be hanging with Faye if she was here, but as I approached, she was nowhere in sight.
Sitting on a free stool at the end, I smiled weakly as Faye leaned over the bar and kissed my cheek.
“What was with that fight?” she asked. “You let him hit you too much. It should’ve been an easy win for you.”
I pressed my fingers against my split lip and scowled when I tasted blood. I had to quit poking it.
“Liam?”
I glanced up at Faye and shrugged.
“You’ve been weird ever since Ali came along,” she declared. “I warned you.”
Automatically, I scanned the warehouse around me. Ali was probably busy writing a résumé or something since she was out of work. I wondered if she’d managed to score any interviews or if she’d sued her boss for trying to get her to suck his cock. She should totally sue for damages.
“Wake up,” Faye snapped, slapping my arm. “If you’re into her, then we need to stop hanging out, and you need to do something about it. You need to tell her. It’s not right for us to keep fucking behind her back.”
“You’re saying that like you know she’s got a thing for me.”
“After everything you’ve helped her
with? I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“What do you mean?” I hesitated, knowing exactly what she was getting at but not wanting to acknowledge any of it.
“You know exactly what you’re doing,” she said, staring me down. “You helped build her confidence up from next to nothing. When I first met her, she was frightened of saying the wrong thing in case I turned around and laughed in her face. She’d been bullied at work for three years straight, so I don’t blame her. She was one step away from something I don’t even want to contemplate. Honestly, I’m frightened that for her, it might’ve been down to jumping off a bridge or coming here. Thank fuck, she came here. Giving her any hope at all, helping her regain who she is…that’s a big fucking deal, Liam.”
“I know…” I muttered. I’d done all those things, and then I’d gone and fucked her. To add insult to injury, two minutes after coming inside her tight pussy, I left. I’d been the definition of a double standard.
“Listen, she needs a job pretty quick…”
“She needs money?” I asked. “I offered…”
“See?” Faye declared throwing her hands into the air. “You act indifferent, but when I mention she’s in trouble, your ears prick up. I wouldn’t be surprised if your cock is hard right now.”
“Don’t,” I said angrily.
“Don’t what? Keep telling you to give up your tough guy act and tell her that you want to give it a go?”
“I don’t want to give it a go.” Even as I said it, I began to doubt. I wanted to believe Ali was different, but she wasn’t in a good place in her life.
Faye scowled. “Why, Liam? I can see she’s gotten under your skin. It makes sense.”
“Because I’m not good for her,” I snapped, thumping my fist onto the bar. “This place isn’t good for her.”
Faye narrowed her eyes and sneered at me. “You’re full of shit.”
“Piss off.” I was beginning to sound like the kid who almost got locked up in juvenile detention for petty theft. That kid being me. “Like you’re any better off.”
She flinched slightly and shook her head. “The difference between you and me, Liam, is the fact I’m happy. I’m satisfied. I’m doing what I want without letting a shitty hand hold me back. I understand who I am and what I need to thrive. So fucking what if it’s not conventional? It’s my life.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re a miserable little shit, who’s hell-bent on wallowing. You’re floating in a sea of misery, and that’s on you. I don’t know what happened to you or if you were just born a moron, but don’t take it out on me.”
“Faye…”
She flipped me the bird and turned her back.
I watched her walk away, feeling like the biggest asshole of the century. She was right. She was so bloody right it hurt.
I didn’t want to fuck up Ali’s life. Inevitably, I would screw up, and she would leave brokenhearted, abandoning me like everyone else did. It was a vicious cycle that had repeated itself over and over until it was all I knew. No attachments meant no one would leave. It was that simple.
I wanted her to reach out and grab my hand and pull me out of the sea of shit that was my life. I wanted her to stay, but I always left before she had the chance.
What was I really afraid of?
12
Alison
I stayed away from The Underground after the night I spent with Liam.
Knowing he would be there fighting in the cage and flirting with other women caused a jagged tear to open up in my heart. I couldn’t handle knowing he was sleeping with other people. Call me old-fashioned, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to ‘explore my sexuality’ or whatever stupid modern buzzword people slapped on the age-old notion of sleeping around.
I wanted more. I craved connection, company, togetherness, love. I wanted something deeper than what my life had become. It wasn’t about being alone. It was about belonging.
Too bad I’d asked the universe for something that was rarer than the ground we lived on. A gazillion million trillion planets were out there, and only one had developed intelligent life. Well, only one we were smart enough to find. What a metaphor.
I liked Liam. I liked him a lot, but it was more than that.
I woke up, and all I could think about was him. I rolled over at seven a.m.—the time I usually got up for work—and imagined him beside me. The bed was always empty, but I still hoped, knowing it would never be true.
I could remember every little detail about that night. The way he’d undressed me. The way he’d kissed me. The moment his cock entered me for the first time. When I came…and when he let go, coming inside me. Then the bitter disappointment when he left.
It was better this way. My feelings were one-sided. I had to move on. I had to pull myself together.
So I’d spent the best part of the last few days writing covering letters and applying for any job I thought I was qualified for, even ones that were well out of my skill set. Call centers, telemarketing, retail, office administration, leaflet dropping…anything to keep me from lining up for unemployment benefits. I had to make rent at the end of the month, and if I couldn’t, it would only be a matter of time before I was homeless.
It only took twenty-four hours for the rejections to start flooding in. Every time I checked my email or looked in the letterbox, it was like being hit with a bullet in my heart. My confidence dipped, my panic rose, and my stress levels grew unchecked.
After a week, I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I went to The Underground, desperate for something, anything, to happen. It was where I’d finally started to live again, so it was inevitable in a way, even though it had caused me a great deal of trouble.
The Underground was the lesser of two evils, so I got into my car and drove across the city, trying and failing to keep Liam out of my mind.
I was playing with fire…big time.
Raking my gaze over the fight board, I saw Liam was up tonight. He would be here someplace, so I had to keep my eyes peeled. I wasn’t ready to see him yet even though I ached to hear his voice and feel his touch against my skin.
Turning, I noticed a man watching me. He was lingering a few paces away, his gaze raking over my body. He wasn’t even trying to hide his outright ogling, and I began to wonder if there was someone much better looking behind me. No one had ever checked me out…besides Liam.
Looking the man over, I made the assumption he was a fighter. On the surface, he was muscled, had old cuts on his face that were in the final stages of healing, and seemed well aware he was hot as hell. Shaved head, tattoos, stubble on his chin. The rugged kind of sexy I liked about Liam. Most of the fighters here had the same air about them—the underwear model vibe—besides Mountain, that was.
“Hey,” he said, flashing a smile.
I hesitated, not entirely sure he was talking to me.
“Are you new around here?” he went on. Definitely talking to me. “I haven’t seen you before. Are you with someone?”
I glanced around, but I couldn’t see Liam anywhere. Why was I even looking? He didn’t want me, so what was the harm in talking to this guy? None.
“No, I’m not new,” I replied. “I’m supposed to meet someone, but they’re late.” The last part was a lie, but after the first time I came here alone, I figured it was better to be safe than sorry.
“I’m Viper,” he said, stepping closer.
“With a name like that, I suppose you fight.”
He nodded, his lips curving upward. “And what can I call you?”
“Ali.”
“Ali…” His gaze dropped, drinking in my breasts before lowering further. “What do you do with yourself, Ali?”
“Uh, currently unemployed and looking,” I replied awkwardly.
“A beautiful woman like you?” His eyebrows rose as his gaze returned to mine. “With all the fighters in this place, none have come forward and offered to take care of you?”
I frowned, thinking about Liam. “I’m
not looking for an easy ride.”
“Nothing wrong with it,” Viper said. “Nothing wrong with wanting to earn your own way, either. Sorry if I offended you. It’s just, most women around here are looking for a fighter to keep them, you know? After a while, it becomes almost expected. Shit double standard if you ask me.”
“It wouldn’t sit right,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ve always earned my own way.”
“Would it sit all right if I bought you a drink?” He smiled, nodding toward the bar.
Hesitating, I cast my gaze over the warehouse. Spotting Liam’s familiar shoulders through the crowd, my heart leapt. As if he sensed me looking at him, his head turned, searching the space around him.
I used to turn my nose up at people who acted like I was about to. How they couldn’t hold onto their emotions and acted erratically, all because they were hot for someone. How they felt the uncontrollable need to drive the other person crazy with jealousy just so they could get a shred of attention from their heart’s desire.
Heartache sent people loopy, and it irritated the hell out of me. Now I understood. When you wanted someone so badly and didn’t know how to let them know they meant more, you would do almost anything to get their attention.
The moment Liam’s gaze found mine, I turned away and smiled at Viper.
“Sure,” I said. “Why not.”
He beamed. “Awesome. What do you like?”
We walked toward the bar, and I shrugged. “I’m not a huge drinker, but I like sweet over bitter. So cider I guess.”
“Cider it is.” He gestured to one of the bartenders who hurried off to fill the order.
“You’re friends with Faye, right?” he went on, leaning an elbow on top of the bar. His muscles were well defined, his bicep twitching as he leaned weight on his right side. He didn’t have any tattoos, not like Liam, but it wasn’t a prerequisite.
“I thought you said you’d never seen me around before?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.