by Susan Gable
Returning to the bedroom, he slid into bed again. On his back, he pulled her to him. She laid her head on his shoulder, placed her hand between his pecs. He laced his fingers with hers, kissed the top of her head.
His heartbeat pounded, the sound heavy in his ears. Feeling the emotion was one thing. Confessing it... harder than he’d expected. Especially since he didn’t anticipate a favorable response. Best to just jump. “I love you.”
Her muscles tensed, and she went very still.
“Do you know how many women I’ve said that to?”
“All of them?” she whispered.
“None of them. Until now. Until you. I love you, Ronni.”
“Oh, God, Hayden. Don’t. Don’t do that. Let me be the same as the rest of them.”
“I can’t. ’Cause you’re not.” His chest tightened. Funny how it hurt that she didn’t return the words, even though he’d expected that. Because even if she felt it, Ronni wouldn’t say it. Not while she was still married. Saying it would be even worse, more of a betrayal than what they’d just done.
“I can’t give you forever, Hayden. Mine’s currently tied up.”
“I know.” He stroked her hair, relishing the silkiness, wondering how long it would be before he got the chance to touch it—touch her—again. “But you could fix that. Back in the hospital, when we were leaving, you were crying. What were those tears about? Were those happy tears that Scott was going to be okay?”
She shook her head.
“I didn’t think so. Why were you crying, babe?”
“Don’t.” Her voice caught on a sob, making him hate himself. “Don’t make me say it. It’s too ugly.”
“No. Truth is sometimes hard to take, but it’s not ugly. What made you cry?”
“B-because...I can’t see another way out. His death, my death...”
“Hey!” He squeezed his arms around her. “Don’t you ever say that. Not even in passing. Nick needs you. I need you. In whatever form that takes. There’s another way out. You’ve just got to be strong enough to take it. To say the hell with what people think of me, I deserve my own life, I deserve to be happy.”
He rolled onto his side, facing her. “Divorce him, Ronni. Be with me. Marry me.”
Her eyes widened.
“I swear, I’ll never hurt you like he did. I’ll be a Semper Fi guy for you. You know what Semper Fi means?”
She nodded. “Always faithful.”
“That’s right. I’ve found my forever woman. Let me make you happy. I do make you happy, don’t I?”
Tears glistened beneath her lashes. “You do. Before you came back into my life, I was so numb, I didn’t realize I’d forgotten how to feel anything. No pain, but no joy, either. You’ve returned that to me.”
“I’m glad.” He kissed her tenderly, with as much emotion as he could muster. Her lips trembled beneath his.
“Hayden...” She put her hand on his chest and pushed, creating some space between them. “I wish I could. I wish I were free. But...”
“You’re not.”
“No. And I can’t...I can’t...”
“Shh.” He laid his finger over her mouth. “It’s okay. I’ll wait. Keep hoping you’ll change your mind. Because I love you.” For the first time, he truly understood. Why Finn had drunk himself under the table when Amelia had blocked him from Chip’s birth, why he’d been willing to shut down his restaurant and pursue his family all the way to Maine. Why Greg had been so forlorn when Shannon had dumped him, insisting on driving past her apartment several times a day like a demented stalker.
Why his father had spent almost fifty years with his mother, through thick and thin, through the birth of twelve kids and the death of one.
Love truly was the glue that held it all together.
Even when it hurt like hell. Maybe especially when it hurt like hell.
Hayden had spent his whole adult life in short-term relationships just to avoid this kind of agony. Time to man up.
“We can’t keep doing...this...either.”
“I know. But for the rest of tonight, you’re mine. I’m going to make this a night you’ll never forget.”
Then he’d do his damnedest not to go crazy with wanting her. And pray that something changed.
Something that would offer them a future.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“PLEASE?” THE TWENTYSOMETHING with the long brunette hair offered him a pretty pout. One that just a few months ago might have stirred his interest.
Hayden shook his head. “Not tonight. I’m not in a singing mood.”
Finn set his mug of beer on the bar. Slapped him on the back. “Sing something. The ladies are waiting on you.” He looked at the woman. “Go tell them Hayden will sing for them.”
She clapped her hands and scampered back to the table on the far side of the room. Giggles and cheers erupted.
The trio of brothers had taken to gathering for a beer on Monday nights at Down Home. This would be the last one, because next Tuesday Hayden had to report back to school.
He had gotten a reputation for his karaoke. Most times he did it just to annoy Greg and Finn, because the women always made a fuss over him. And though his heart wasn’t in it, he’d been trying to keep things from his generally too observant brothers.
Keeping secrets was one hell of a lot of work.
Greg, on the other side of him, gave him a nudge. “It’s a country bar, pal. Perfect for your glum mood. Which has been going on for three weeks now. Ever since Ronni’s husband got better.”
“What are you implying?”
Greg shrugged. “Not implying anything. Except that you haven’t been fit to live with since then.”
“Luckily, you don’t have to live with me anymore.” Hayden took a long pull on his beer. He hopped off the bar stool, dragging the back of his hand over his mouth. “Fine. If it will get the ladies—especially you two—off my back, I’ll sing.”
Easily done, since no one else at the place had signed up. He picked his song, then ventured onto the stage, stopping in front of the microphone. Though he’d never try out for American Idol, he could carry a passable tune. Had used the skill in the past, like his dancing talents, to meet women.
But the only woman he wanted had pulled back from him.
Three weeks of hell had passed for him, knowing what kind of passion they shared, but couldn’t have. His chest hurt every time he picked up Nick from her place.
The music started. He closed his eyes and pictured her face. That night. And poured his heart into McBride and the Ride’s “Just One Night.”
The lyrics conveyed exactly how he felt. If he died tomorrow, he’d be grateful for the night he and Ronni had shared. If that was all he ever got, he’d never regret it.
He hoped she felt the same.
When he finished, the small crowd broke into applause. The all-women table climbed to their feet, cheering. He swept a mock bow. The brunette who’d asked him to sing pinned him with a look that said she’d gladly take him home tonight, give him that one night he’d sung about.
He dropped his gaze to the floor, headed back to his brothers at the bar. They just stared at him when he sat down. “Now what? I sang, didn’t I?”
“You slept with her,” Finn accused.
“And didn’t tell us,” Greg added. “You don’t keep secrets, Jaws.”
“Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell.”
“That’s never stopped you before,” Finn pointed out. “And you mean screw and tell, right? Wow. That’s sluttier than I expected from her.”
“Watch your damn mouth!” Hayden grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him off the bar stool. Shook him like a terrier with a rat. Had his fist back and cocked, ready to rearrange Finn’s pretty face when Greg captured his arm, throwing his full weight into holding him off.
“Stop, Hay!”
“Take it outside, boys!” the bartender yelled at them.
“No problem.” Hayden dragged Finn toward the door. His brother
stumbled, but hustled to keep up, not resisting at all. Greg let go to throw a twenty on the bar, then raced after them, all the while talking at Hayden’s back, urging him to calm down, that Finn hadn’t meant anything bad by his poor vocabulary choices.
In the parking lot, Hayden released his older brother with a shove that sent him stumbling. It was only fair to give him a chance to defend himself.
Once he found his footing, Finn just grinned at him.
“You lookin’ to lose all your teeth that way?” Hayden lifted his fists.
“If you really think it will make you feel better, go ahead. Punch me.”
“Are you crazy?” Greg stepped between them, arms out to keep them apart. “You will lose all your teeth. Don’t encourage him.”
“He’s had a bug up his ass for weeks now. I’m just tryin’ to shake it loose.”
“By letting him use you as a punching bag? Great plan, but I don’t think you’ll like the results.”
A squad car drifted by on the street.
“Hay, if you get busted for brawling in a bar parking lot, what kind of message does that send to Nick?”
“Same message we gave him the night the police cuffed him for protecting Jordan. A man protects his family. Defends his woman’s honor.”
“Crap, Hayden. You hear yourself?” Finn just shook his head. “Your woman?”
“Both of you, take a deep breath. Nobody’s getting busted tonight. Finn, apologize. Now. Before Hayden pops you in the face and the police turn around and come back here.”
Finn held up his open hands. “Sorry, Hayden. Didn’t mean any disrespect toward Ronni. Really. Just trying to find out what in the hell is going on with you.”
“Good.” Greg herded them toward his Tracker like a pair of ornery bulls. “Get your butts in the car. Hayden, passenger seat. Finn, in the back. Keep your hands to yourselves. Geez, I sound like Dad. We’re going someplace way more private to finish this. Fresh?”
Finn shook his head. “Amelia’s got something going on at the house tonight.” Finn and his family lived on the second floor of the big old Victorian that housed Fresh on the first floor. “Basket party or something crazy like that. She will not be amused if we descend en masse. What about your place?”
“No. Shannon’s so damn tired with being pregnant. We carry on and disturb her, and I’m in the doghouse for a week.”
Hayden wished for the opportunity to get in the doghouse. “If we go to my place you’re both sitting on the floor.” He leaned his head against the window, letting the air-conditioning blasting on him cool his anger.
Finn had been baiting him. Stupid on his brother’s part. But even the limited blowout had made Hayden feel better.
After stopping to purchase a six-pack, they pulled into their parents’ driveway. Greg grabbed a flashlight from under the driver’s seat, then they skirted the house, and headed into the woods. Hayden blew off more steam free-climbing to the tree house.
“Show-off,” Greg said, reaching the top rung of the ladder, with Finn right behind him. Inside, they pulled out the battery-powered lanterns, providing the place with a bluish glow. Finn and Greg took seats at the game table. Hayden grabbed a beer, twisting off the cap, then wandered over to the bay window, glancing out at the dark shadows of the trees as they swayed in the breeze.
Memories of Ronni flooded him. He’d first held her right here.
“Hey, how long, exactly, after sex, before a woman knows if she’s pregnant or not?”
Finn choked on his beer.
“Please tell me that’s a rhetorical question,” Greg said. “A question for a friend of a friend of a friend. Not to mention that you are in charge of teaching sex ed to teenagers. Now I’m really scared of public education.”
Hayden moved away from the window. “I know the technicalities, thanks. I just wondered, since you guys have so much real-life experience in the area now, if you knew something I didn’t.” Like how the hell he could find out if she’d been at the fertile phase of her cycle that night.
“Start spilling,” Finn said, using the bottom of his shirt to mop up the liquid he’d sprayed on the game table. “And don’t leave anything out. Fine time for you to start keeping secrets.”
“If she was at her most fertile, it would have been two weeks until her period,” Hayden calculated out loud. “So she should know by now, right? I mean, if it’s going to happen?”
“Depends on a lot of things. How long her cycles are. How regular she is. Shannon’s been watching this show on TV about women who have no clue they’re pregnant and deliver full-term babies. She likes to yell at the screen about how the hell could they not know when there’s a tiny creature squirming around inside them, kicking their bladder all the time.”
“So then maybe Ronni doesn’t know yet?”
“You tried to knock her up on purpose?” Finn asked.
Hayden turned a chair around, straddled it. “Condom broke. Never had that happen before.”
“Holy crap. What did Ronni say? Surely she told you when or if she got her period? Or not, as the case may be.”
Hayden fingered one of the dark squares on the chessboard built into the table.
Both his brothers groaned. “You didn’t tell her, did you?” Greg said.
He shook his head. “Didn’t want to give her the chance to take alternate measures. I’m sort of hoping...”
Finn and Greg exchanged a look.
“Told you he was hiding something big.” Finn blew out a long breath. “But wow. I had no clue it was this big. Leave it to you, Hay. When you decide to keep a secret, it’s a doozy.”
“To love.” Greg held up his bottle. “And the bat-shit crazy stuff it makes us do.”
“Amen.” Finn clanked his longneck into Greg’s, then knocked into Hayden’s. “May your swimmers have hit the mark, brother. And win you the girl. ’Cause we’d sure love to see you join us in the never-a-dull-moment adventures of marriage and parenthood. Well...” Finn’s face colored. Amelia hadn’t yet agreed to marry him. “Close enough to marriage, anyway.”
Hayden would happily settle for the commitment Finn had. “I’ll drink to that.”
###
Ronni sat in the shampoo chair, feet tapping the floor. Tam was in Do-Ron-Ron’s bathroom.
With the stopwatch app on her cell phone.
And the test stick Ronni had peed on.
She had to be pregnant. Her breasts ached. Her nipples hurt like hell every time they rubbed against her bra. She’d been queasy every morning.
Not to mention exhausted to the point that she’d fallen asleep at the desk one morning before her first customer had arrived.
All the symptoms she’d experienced with Nick.
Her period had been due last Monday, just over two weeks after she and Hayden had made love. And while she wasn’t always as regular as clockwork, when she put it together with the symptoms, it spelled p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t.
What was it with Hawkins sperm and her eggs? The attraction to the bad boys of the family went as far as a cellular level? No wonder she couldn’t resist them.
And she could look forward to facing Lydia Hawkins with another surprise grandbaby.
At least this time she wasn’t sixteen.
“No, instead you’re married. Even better. Oh, and just think, not just Lydia. The whole media will be after you.” The press had resurfaced during Scott’s trip to the hospital. Someone had talked. Whether from the nursing home, the ambulance squad, the hospital, somebody had alerted them to Scott being at death’s door. Several shots of Hayden holding her elbow as he steered her out of the hospital the morning the doctor had pronounced Scott on the mend had appeared.
“Like my life is that interesting.”
“You talking to yourself out there?” Tam called through the bathroom door.
“Yes. What’s it to you?”
Tam sauntered out, pregnancy test in hand.
“Well? Well? Don’t keep me in suspense.” Ronni jumped out of t
he chair.
“It’s negative.”
“Huh?”
“Quick, gut instinct,” Tam barked. “How do you feel right now?”
Ronni sank slowly back into the chair. She wasn’t carrying Hayden’s baby?
“Honey, how do you feel?”
“I—I don’t believe it. I feel pregnant.”
“Emotionally.”
She draped her hand over her belly, looked up at her friend. “Sad. Disappointed.”
“You wanted to be pregnant?”
Ronni nodded. Though only minutes ago she’d been scared to death about facing Hayden’s mother, now all she felt was a big hollow ache. She swallowed hard.
“Cheer up, sweetie. You’ll get another chance.”
“When? When Scott finally gives up the ghost? How long is that going to be? I could be a doddering old woman by then. No eggs left. Even if Hayden really does wait, which I doubt. Why would he want to wait for me?” She shook her head. “No. This was my one and only chance.”
“He’d wait because he loves you.”
“He shouldn’t wait. He deserves someone who can be there with him now. Someone...free to love him. To give him babies without worrying how the media is going to roast her over an open fire when the news comes out.”
Tam threw the test stick in the garbage can behind the desk, then pulled the bag out and tied it up. “What would you have done if you had been pregnant?”
Ronni slowly climbed to her feet, ignoring the wave of dizziness that made the world spin. “Figured out how to divorce Scott.”
“Why? You wouldn’t let your first pregnancy force you into marriage with Ian. Why would you let being pregnant now lead to divorce?”
“Because...”
“Because why?”
Ronni sat back down. For several moments, she pondered Tam’s question. “Because it’s what I want. To be free from Scott.”
“Exactly. Honey, you don’t need the excuse of being pregnant to justify what you want. Scott already gave you all the excuse you need. Vera and Nick know about it. There are no more secrets holding you back.”