Jolene
I didn't give myself time to think about what I was doing.
That was a new thing for me because I tended to overthink everything in life and always did what people expected of me.
But this… this moment with Zander was mine. Mine and his.
Maybe if I'd sensed any hesitation on his part, I would've stopped. I wouldn't have put my lips on his or let myself go when he’d told me to for any of the very un-Jolene things I’d done from the moment he'd stepped into my house. At this moment, I was his Joli and nothing else. I’d go back to being the good girl who did everything she was supposed to tomorrow.
I'd always liked kissing my ex, but as Zander began taking control of my mouth, I realized that what Jackson and I had been doing couldn't compare to this. I'd never felt so consumed before, so overwhelmed with need.
Zander's mouth moved expertly over mine. I clung to him because I didn't know what else to do. The kisses were so drugging that I felt completely out of control… separate from my body in some ways.
But connected to it in others.
I felt connected to him.
From just a kiss.
I wasn't sure how much time passed before Zander's tongue probed the seam of my lips. I opened for him immediately and then it was like all hell broke loose in my head. The sensation of his tongue gliding over mine nearly stole my breath. When he did the move again, my instincts kicked in and I kissed him back. I loved that when I did, some switch inside of him seemed to flip too. He growled into my mouth and then he was everywhere. His big hands gripped my backside as he pulled me forward. There was no mistaking what the hardness pressed against my belly was. When his tongue wasn't exploring the recesses of my mouth, mine was in his.
I wound my arms around his neck and slid one hand down his back and the other into his hair. I didn't even consider what I was doing before twining my fingers through his thick locks and forcing his head back. I ate at his mouth, loving the sensation of his beard against my own skin. When I needed to catch my breath, I dragged my mouth from his and began placing soft kisses along his jawline. His hands roamed up my naked back and then one was massaging one of my breasts. Electricity fired through my body at the contact. Never in a million years would I have guessed I was so sensitive there. Need began to tug at my insides and I could practically feel my clit throbbing in anticipation.
"That's it, baby, ride me," Zander murmured against my mouth. I hadn't even realized I was grinding my groin against his, trying to get myself off again.
"Zander," I breathed and then I was ripping at his shirt. Thankfully, he helped me work it off his body. He was like a work of art with tattoos in various spots all over his chest, sides, and back. I wanted to touch each one. Hell, I even wanted to lick them. There were so many things I wanted to do, but I knew my body wasn't going to wait. I needed to come again, but this time I wanted to do it with him inside me.
With that thought in mind, I began fumbling with his pants. It wasn't until Zander whispered, "Shhh, it's okay sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere" that I realized I’d become frantic. Zander's hands had moved to hold my face. I felt like a fool for my behavior, but if it bothered Zander, he didn't show it. He kept whispering reassurances in my ear as he kissed my temple, my cheek, my jaw, my throat.
His gentleness helped bring me down enough that I was able to catch my breath and calm myself. When I tried again to get his zipper undone, my fingers finally seemed to start working. I slid my hand inside his jeans and marveled at the sheer size of him. Since I really didn't have much to go on, I had no clue if he was average or more than that, but admittedly, it made me a bit nervous. Sex with Jackson had always been fine and he'd never hurt me, but it hadn't exactly been the most comfortable experience of my life. And since Jackson hadn't seemed overly interested in sex either, it just hadn't been a priority in our relationship.
Self-doubt began to creep through my veins as I considered what Zander was probably expecting, especially from a woman who’d been married. I also didn’t look the same as I had when I’d been in my twenties. I'd had a baby and there were just certain parts of a woman's body that didn't recover from that. What if I disgusted Zander? What if I didn't move the right way or say the right things? What if I touched him and he lost interest like Jackson always seemed to?
"Joli, look at me," Zander said, his voice firm, commanding.
Looking him in the eye was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. "I'm fine," I blurted when I saw the concern in his gaze.
He actually frowned and I knew I'd messed this whole thing up. I wanted to cry with both regret and relief. At least I'd gotten a nice memory out of all of this. And I'd probably saved myself from the greatest of humiliations.
"I'm sorry," I said as I tried to climb off him at the same time that I reached for my shirt so I could pull it down. But his hand closed around my arm, preventing me from moving. His other hand grabbed the one I was trying to use to cover myself with as I attempted to tug the fabric down.
"What exactly are you sorry for?" Zander asked. His hold on me was firm but gentle.
I shook my head because what was I supposed to say? I'm sorry I’m not pretty enough? Or experienced enough?
"If you don't want this… me… then you tell me that and this whole thing ends here and now. But make sure that's the reason, Joli, because I'm not accepting anything less than that."
His voice was firm and unrelenting. In fact, he almost seemed angry. Not like how Ted had gotten angry with me for supposedly being a tease, but a different kind of anger. Like he knew what was going through my head. Like he knew why I was about to ruin what had been a good thing between us.
"No, I do. I do want you, Zander. More than I've ever—"
I snapped my mouth shut because it seemed unkind to disparage the memory of my marriage and admit that I wanted Zander more than I’d ever wanted the young man who'd been my best friend my entire life and had given me the child I loved more than anything in this world. "It's just been a really long time for me," I finished lamely.
Zander studied me for what seemed to be the longest time, then his hand moved to the back of my neck and he pulled me down for a deep, drugging kiss. "Tell me again," he demanded against my mouth. I never would've guessed that I liked being with someone so dominant when it came to lovemaking, but every time Zander gave me an order, my desire ticked up another notch. I knew what he wanted from me and it was so damned easy to say because it was the absolute truth.
"I want you, Zander," I responded. "Want you so much it hurts," I admitted. It was true. My body ached and I knew only he could make that ache go away.
His mouth crashed against mine and then my whole body was moving as he lifted me. A moment later, a small area rug that covered the short distance between the front door and the stairs met my back. Zander's mouth stayed on mine as his weight settled between my legs. Somehow, he managed to get my shirt and bra off the rest of the way without having to break the kiss more than a few seconds.
He kissed me until I was breathless, then his mouth was on my breasts. I cried out as pleasure spiked up and down my spine. Zander's hands held mine to the floor as he took complete ownership of me. When he released me and ordered me to keep my hands where they were, I did so without question. His hands, then his mouth, skimmed down my body. I forgot to worry about the stretch marks or the little bit of extra skin along my belly, or the heaviness of my breasts that the combination of age and motherhood had caused. The way Zander cherished me made me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet.
My nerves came back when Zander worked my pants off, then my underwear. But he didn't just climb on top of me and shove into me like I was expecting. No, it was his mouth that sought out my core. I jerked as his lips closed over my clit and sucked gently.
I was so sensitive that I was sure his caresses would turn painful, but it was the exact opposite. My body became greedier with every lick, kiss, and suckle. I was sure it couldn't get any
better, but then he was probing my opening, and not with his finger. I hadn't known such a thing was even possible before his tongue pushed into me. I didn't know what possessed me to do it, but I pushed up on my elbows so I could watch him. The sight of him working over my lower body was unlike anything I'd ever seen before. His mouth actually glistened with my juices.
His eyes were dark and hungry as he watched me. I couldn't stop the little whimpers that kept coming out of me as he pumped his tongue deep into me at the same time that he used his finger to rub over my clit. I began sobbing as the need inside of me grew at a frightening pace. I flopped back onto the floor and just lay there drowning in sensation as he stroked me. I was begging him to send me over when he suddenly pulled away from me. I cried out his name and tried to get up so I could reach for him, but then he was there, his big body moving over mine.
His mouth covered mine, allowing me to taste my own flavor on his tongue. I could feel his condom-covered dick pressing against the folds of my opening. His hand moved to my thigh to lift my leg and then the head of his cock was pushing into me. I gasped into his mouth at the sensation of being stretched for the first time in a very long time.
"Fuck, Joli, so tight," Zander groaned against my mouth. He stopped his forward movement, giving my body time to adjust. I forced myself to relax, which had Zander letting out a rough curse as more of him slipped inside me. His hands covered mine where they were lying on the floor and he linked our fingers. Then his mouth was on mine again and he began pulling out of my body just a tiny bit before pushing back in. Something about the move had me crying out, but not in pain. I nodded frantically in the hopes that he’d do it again.
He did.
Over and over until he was balls deep inside of me.
"You okay?" Zander asked. It was a relief to hear how breathless he sounded. Knowing he was as far gone as me was the self-confidence boost I needed.
"I'm perfect," I whispered, then I kissed him. It seemed to be the permission he needed, because he began thrusting into me without hesitation at that point. Slow and steady at first, then heavier and deeper. The tugging sensation was making me crazy, but it was the feel of his body rubbing over my clit as he shoved into me that had me spiraling higher and higher. I was sure the sensations couldn't be any more powerful, but then Zander did something with his hips and all of a sudden my vision dimmed and I lost the ability to breathe as shockwaves started rolling throughout my body, one after another. Each one took me higher and higher, tightening my body in the most unbearable way. I dug my fingers into his since he was literally the only thing I had to hang on to.
"Wrap your legs around me," Zander commanded. I did it without hesitation. Zander's open mouth was against mine as he hammered into me mercilessly. He began grinding into me in a way that put more pressure on my sensitive clit, so between that and whatever spot he was hitting inside me, I was a goner.
It took just three more hard strokes to send me over the edge. I screamed as the release crashed through me. Blackness threatened to consume me as wave after wave of pleasure rolled throughout my entire body. If Zander hadn't been holding me down, I surely would've broken into a million pieces and floated away. I was dimly aware of Zander shouting above me and the sensation of his cock pulsing inside of me. My muscles clamped down on Zander’s shaft and I heard him let out a string of curses as he buried his face in my neck. His grip on my hands bordered on painful, but I was glad for it.
I lost sense of time after that and when it finally did come back to me, Zander and I were still lying on the floor just inside my front door. He remained deep inside of me, but while I was a limp noodle, Zander was pressing soft kisses against the parts of me he could reach without needing to move. I managed to turn my head just a little, and that seemed to be enough for him to settle his mouth on mine.
We kissed for the longest time. With Jackson, the moments after sex had always been my favorite because he just held me and we talked. But I knew that wouldn't happen with Zander because this whole thing had been about sex and nothing more.
I needed to remember that.
I needed to make sure that when he pulled out of me and helped me off the floor, or possibly even just left me there and walked away, that it was the way it was supposed to be. There wouldn't be any cuddling or talking or just lying in silence and enjoying the aftermath.
But Zander wasn't helping matters, because he chose that moment to run his fingers along my temple in the gentlest of ways. It was more of that cherishing stuff and I loved every moment of it.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
The man was just too damn perceptive.
"Nothing," I said and forced a smile to my lips. I made myself hold his gaze in the hopes of convincing him. I couldn't tell if I succeeded or not, but when he leaned down and kissed me, I kissed him back with everything that I was.
"Joli," he began, and I steeled myself for what would come next. He kept caressing my face and I almost asked him to stop. How was I supposed to stay strong if he wouldn't stop touching me and being all sweet? "Can I stay the night?"
I stared at him in disbelief. I had to have heard him wrong.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have—" he began, his eyes filling with uncertainty.
"Yes," I blurted. I grabbed him by the back of the neck and practically dragged him down for a kiss. "Yes," I repeated more forcefully between kisses. I didn't know what him staying meant, but at the moment, I didn't care. All I cared about was that for whatever reason, he’d given us more time. Whether we had sex again or he wanted to eat something or just sleep, I didn't care.
The only thing that mattered was that he was all mine for at least a little while longer.
Chapter 7
Zander
Light was just starting to filter in through the curtains when I managed to pry my exhausted eyes open. I was pretty much used to waking up in strange beds because I'd been traveling so much the past year, but this morning I knew exactly where I was. As I rolled over, I automatically reached across the bed for Jolene to pull her against my body where she belonged, but her side of the bed was empty… and cold.
I forced my tired muscles to respond as I sat up and scanned the room. It had been both a short and long night. Short in terms of sleep, but long in terms of Jolene and I loving on one another. I couldn't say that it was particularly unusual for me to have multiple rounds of sex with a partner that I enjoyed being with, but Jolene was the first woman I could remember taking the initiative and waking me up from the light dozing we’d both done between lovemaking sessions. The last round had been just a couple of hours earlier and I'd been sure I'd been only dreaming about the sensual mouth wrapped around my dick. I hadn't even managed to really wake up enough to enjoy watching Jolene blow me because I'd come so quickly.
The woman was an enigma when it came to sex. In some ways, she was inexperienced despite having been married, but in others, it was like she already knew my body and everything I liked. I'd lost track of how many times I'd fucked her in the twelve hours we’d been together. Even now, my tired body wanted nothing but her.
I climbed out of bed and pulled on my jeans, then wandered through her small, clean house. There were pictures all over the walls and little knickknacks on many surfaces. They were the things that made a house a home. Her son's room was covered in cowboys. The bedding, the posters on the wall, and more knickknacks all stuck to the same theme. I remembered her telling me that her ex worked as a ranch hand. Clearly, young Cameron wanted to be just like his dad.
I made my way to the kitchen, but there was no sign of Jolene. Coffee was brewing, but I didn't see any used cups sitting out. I was relieved to see her purse on the counter. Movement outside the window above the sink caught my eye. I went to the sliding glass door on the far side of the kitchen and scanned the backyard. I was greeted by the site of a pert ass bent over a large swath of garden.
She didn't notice my presence at all, not even when I was practically on top of her. She was workin
g at an almost frenetic pace as she ripped weeds and tossed them into a small bucket. She didn't have on any gloves, so her hands were covered in dirt.
"Joli—" I began. Jolene jumped, knocking over the bucket of weeds.
"Jesus!" she cried as she clutched her chest.
Dirt marred her face and her hair was all over the place. I wondered how long she’d been at the gardening and if doing it at the crack of dawn was a normal thing for her. My gut was telling me it wasn't.
I was about to make a crack about how I'd been referred to as God repeatedly the night before, but the expression on her face had me keeping quiet. I knelt down to help her put the weeds back in the bucket.
"Sorry," she murmured. She seemed to be working extra hard to not look me in the eye.
"I'm the one who should be apologizing," I said. "I didn't mean to frighten you."
She didn't respond and still refused to look at me. I'd had enough of these types of encounters to know when it was time to go, but when I opened my mouth to say as much, I ended up snapping it shut again. Instead, I reached out with my finger to force her chin up so she had no choice but to look at me. Her eyes were filled with uncertainty and maybe even a little fear. I held her gaze for a moment, then murmured, "Good morning." I took a risk and kissed her softly. She was stiff for a moment, but then she sighed and kissed me back.
When I broke the contact between us, she dropped her forehead to my chest. "Morning," she said, her voice sounding a little less uneven.
I dropped a kiss to the top of her head. I held her like that for a moment. When she finally sat up, I was pleased that she looked me in the eye. "How did you sleep?" she asked.
"The sleeping part was fine, it was the waking up alone bit that kind of sucked," I admitted.
I could see the surprise in her eyes. She glanced at her garden and then said, "They strangle everything, you know?" She motioned to the weeds.
Choosing Fate: A Love in Eden Novella Page 5