Two hours later and a couple of drinks in and he wasn’t feeling any better. His problems hadn’t gone away, he’d simply found a new location to try to avoid them in. And was failing.
By his side a stool was dragged out. There was a heavy sigh.
He stiffened, lifting his head slowly.
Ryan stared back at him, lips slanted with amusement as Braxton jumped back and almost fell over. He put a steadying hand on Braxton’s arm and clucked his tongue. “All that effort to get my attention and you try to run the second you have it?”
Lips parted, Braxton quickly shook his head. “I’m not. I—what are you doing here?”
“I was heading to your place to talk to you and saw you come in.” Ryan lowered his hand and sat back, his smile fading. “We need to talk, but I wanted an idea of where your head was at first. Have you been drinking a lot?”
Pressing his eyes shut, Braxton groaned. The man had hunted him down for a lecture? Fun. He shook his head. “No, I usually don’t drink at all—I don’t want it to fuck up my play. But now and then when I get time off.” With a shrug he opened his eyes, refusing to let Ryan make him feel ashamed of living his own damn life. “If that’s what you wanted to talk about, don’t worry. I’m Gucci.”
Brow furrowed, Ryan looked confused for a moment. Then he chuckled. “Sometimes I forget how young you are.”
Braxton began to rise. “Oh fuck off, not that again.”
One hard look from Ryan stilled him. “If you walk away from me now, Braxton, we’re done. You’ve been pushing me in every way possible. In ways I shouldn’t tolerate. And will not going forward.” Ryan leaned closer, his voice taking on a dark edge. “What happened on that stage? What exactly were you trying to accomplish?”
“I wanted you to talk to me. To admit there’s something between us.” Braxton’s jaw ticked as he recalled the moment he’d decided he was wasting his time. “You left.”
“Yes. I did.” Ryan’s tone didn’t change. “I won’t be manipulated and I saw your friends were there to save you.”
“That and more.”
The reaction Braxton got wasn’t what he’d expected. Ryan had spent so much time trying to prove he wasn’t interested. That they had nothing. And never would. But his expression didn’t match that at all. There was shock. Then rage. He was grinding his teeth and fisting his hand on the bar like he wanted to hit something.
Staring straight ahead, Ryan motioned to the bartender and ordered a whiskey on the rocks. Once he was served he took a long gulp. Nodded to himself. “They took advantage of you?”
“What? No, Pisch and White would never do that.” Braxton grabbed Ryan’s wrist. “Don’t even think that. You said I was young and I shouldn’t take sex too seriously. So I stopped.”
“You…stopped?”
“Yeah, I sucked White’s dick. It didn’t go well, so he invited some girls in and…” Braxton swallowed when Ryan turned to him and arched a brow. “And I can’t keep doing that. I don’t want to. Pisch is easy. Hell, it’s what everyone calls him. Letting him and White fuck me was like…better. For a bit, things were better.”
Groaning, Ryan rubbed a hand over his face. “‘For a bit’?”
“They’re… It’s complicated. Not my story to tell, man.” Braxton began picking the label off his beer bottle, not really in the mood to drink anymore. “I like you, Ryan. A lot. But I get that you don’t feel the same and I’ll get over it. It just took some time to realize I was being an idiot.”
“You weren’t the only one.” Ryan held up one hand before Braxton could interrupt. “You’ve pushed every boundary I have and even after I agreed to talk to you, you were impatient and caught me at the worst time. But I also realized you couldn’t possibly know that. I could’ve sent you a text and let you know I was busy. I was worried about leading you on and I wanted to avoid…complications.”
“I can see why now.” Braxton ducked his head and snickered when Ryan gave him a level look. He didn’t seem to like reminders of what had happened with White and Pisch, which was funny, considering Ryan had told him to go out and experience things. “Hey, are you…” His eyes went wide. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You giving a friend a bad blowjob before having horrible sex with a bunch of random—”
“Pischlar made sure the next blowjob was much better.” Braxton’s lips slanted. “I seem to do better with instructions.”
For a long time, Ryan didn’t say anything. He turned his focus back to his drink, swigging it, then ordering another. He inhaled slowly, shaking his head, as though having a silent conversation with himself.
“Pischlar’s a Dom.” Ryan’s voice was quiet. Controlled. “White seems rather submissive. And you definitely are. I can see how you’d enjoy a scenario that would involve you surrendering control. But you won’t be doing it with Pischlar again.”
Braxton rubbed his thighs, confused. “Yes, I know. This has already been established because—”
“Do you still want to explore what’s between us, Braxton?”
The way Ryan asked made Braxton hesitate. He wasn’t asking him out on a date. He wasn’t being sweet and romantic—not that Braxton really expected that.
Or expected anything.
He had a feeling ‘exploring’ anything with Ryan, anything beyond one night, would be intense. The idea thrilled him and scared him all at once. Ryan mentioned Pischlar being a Dom like it was a familiar thing. An everyday, normal part of life. His life.
“I do, but…you’re a Dom too, aren’t you?”
Nodding slowly, Ryan met and held his gaze. “I am. And I’m not interested in a partner who isn’t in the lifestyle. I don’t date casually—or at all, to be perfectly honest. I fucked who I wanted when I didn’t have time to commit to a full scene, and went to the local BDSM club to satisfy my other needs. Obviously I wouldn’t do that if I was in a relationship.”
Oh…
Oh!
All right, this was starting to make more sense. Ryan worked a lot, and from the little Braxton knew of those on the team in BDSM relationships, it took time and trust, neither of which Ryan would have with him after one night. And he hadn’t wanted to try to build it. Not when he could keep things simple.
Braxton had been asking him for something much more…complicated. More than he’d ever considered. He hadn’t understood why Ryan wanted to end things. Why he wouldn’t want to be with Braxton again when things had been so good between them.
I guess asking someone to be your submissive isn’t a “Let’s grab a coffee,” kinda chat.
But they were here now. Having that conversation. The very one Braxton had been wanting for so long.
“Yes, I still want this, Ryan.”
The edge of Ryan’s lips quirked. “Are you sure?”
Braxton frowned. “Don’t I sound it?”
“You do, but you have no clue what you’re in for.” He put his arm on the backrest of Braxton’s stool, coming closer to whisper in his ear. “This won’t be just you on your knees, holding still so I can fuck your mouth. This won’t be Pisch giving you a few playful commands. You will be mine in every way. So I’ll ask you again.” Ryan’s lips brushed his ear. “Are you sure?”
Heat flowed in a steady pulse from the base of Braxton’s spine, right into his swelling dick. Ryan’s breath had a shiver of anticipation skittering across his flesh. A contrast of hot and cold, eagerness with an edge of fear, all wrapped up in temptation.
His mouth went dry, but he managed a single word. “Yes.”
Ryan eased away and inclined his head. “Very well. I’ve looked at your schedule. You have practice in two days. I won’t do anything to hamper your performance, but I’ll take that time to see if this is worth either of us ignoring all the reasons we shouldn’t be together.”
“Yeah?” Braxton let out a nervous laugh. “Because I can’t think of a single one.”
That seemed to amuse Ryan, but he simply lifted hi
s shoulders. “Come then. I owe you a punishment for what you pulled at the club. You’ll be lucky if I ever allow you to return.”
Blinking at Ryan, Braxton tried to wrap his mind around what he’d just said. “A punishment? But…you weren’t my Dom yet.”
“You were trying to get my attention. You have it. We’ve discussed this already.”
That didn’t sound fair, but Braxton had a feeling this was a test. His lips thinned. “As far as I know, these things are negotiated first. Let’s do that.”
Ryan’s eyes warmed. “Agreed.”
“Just like that?”
The man laughed, dropping a few bills on the bar to pay for their drinks, then nodding toward the exit. “Yes. I need to know you’ll be able to communicate with me. If your crush on me prevented you from doing so, I’d be dropping you off at home and continuing with my day. Maybe try this again when you grow up a bit.”
Face heating, Braxton shoved his hands in his pockets, following Ryan to his car. “This isn’t a crush.”
“Noted.”
“And I know all about punishments. And ‘funishments’. I’m fine with either, within reason.” He got into the passenger side, hands fisted on his thighs as Ryan got in behind the wheel. “All I ask is that you let me know what I did wrong, so I can do better next time.” He thought of the club, of being up on that stage and…he wished Ryan had been his Dom then. That he’d come onto the stage and showed he gave a damn. Brought Braxton home and made it even more clear. His eyes burned when he considered what had happened instead. He’d had fun with Pisch and White, but to them he’d just done something stupid and he wouldn’t ever again.
Reaching out, Ryan put his hand on Braxton’s cheek with a light pressure until he turned to face him. “What was that thought?”
Pressing his tongue into his bottom lip, Braxton stared into Ryan’s eyes, his own burning as Ryan somehow forced him to face his own feelings with nothing but a calm look. “That night was really bad for me. Not the stuff after, that was fun, but also…shallow. I wish…I wish there was a way to make that feeling go away.”
“You need closure. You need to face that what you did wasn’t okay, for either of us.” Ryan’s framed Braxton’s jaw with his hand. “I think a punishment will do that, but you’re right. I wasn’t your Dom. You hadn’t given me that control yet. You still haven’t.”
“I want to.”
“Then I’ll take it.” Ryan brushed his lips over Braxton’s, a light, soothing kiss that eased away the uncertainty, while still making Braxton want to cry.
He wasn’t even sure why. His emotions were suddenly all over the place. He blinked fast as Ryan drew away from him and started the car. No way was he going to break down. The man wasn’t sure if he could take this and falling apart now would only show him he was right.
Ryan shot him a concerned glance when he straightened and rubbed his hands over his face. Then his expression hardened. “It’s like that, is it? You’ve been shutting off your feelings more and more since that night with me. And that’s my fault.”
“No it’s not, you weren’t—”
“Your boyfriend or your Dom. But for the next two days, I am. And if nothing else, I’ll help you regain that confidence you had. I’ll make it so you aren’t afraid to cry.”
Sniffling a little, Braxton laughed. “I’m not spending the next two days crying. That won’t convince you to keep me.”
“Don’t be so sure about that.”
This had to be the weirdest conversation he’d ever had with anyone. But he could tell Ryan wasn’t joking. His breath caught as he realized he’d just hopped in the car of a man he hardly knew and agreed to give up control for the next two days.
He should be very afraid. Ryan didn’t sound like he planned to make this easy.
And for some reason, that excited Braxton even more.
Chapter 11
Like the last time Braxton had been here, he noticed Ryan surveying the area for any threat. Not as though he was really worried, more out of habit. Unlike last time though, there wasn’t the same sense of urgency coming from the other man. Braxton wanted there to be, he wanted to be pulled past the front door and fucked on the closest hard surface.
Instead, he followed Ryan in, chewing on his bottom lip and watching as he took off his shoes. Was this part of the punishment they’d talked about? Was Ryan gonna give him the silent treatment?
Once he’d straightened, Ryan turned to face him, arms folded over his chest. His lips quirked slightly as he watched Braxton fidget. “No need to be nervous, boy. You can end all this with a word.”
“I don’t want to end anything.” Braxton hiked up his chin. “And I’m not nervous, I just want to know what the fuck you plan—”
Ryan’s expression hardened and Braxton decided now would be a very good time to stop talking. He swallowed hard even as the blood began to pulse into his dick. All right, maybe he was a bit nervous. The man was scary with that look in his eyes and for some reason it was damn hot.
But Braxton didn’t want to piss him off. He didn’t want Ryan to regret giving him the next two days, after he’d been determined to give him nothing. They had amazing chemistry. Braxton wanted to be the man who Ryan wanted at the end of a rough day. The man Ryan got everything he needed from.
He just had no clue where to start.
Moving closer to him, Ryan stroked his cheek and lightly clucked his tongue. “Braxton, stop trying to anticipate what I want from you. You’re exactly where you wanted to be.” He tipped Braxton’s chin up with a finger, kissing him with a gentle press of his lips, sliding his tongue into his mouth, every movement so slow it put Braxton in a zone where nothing needed to be rushed.
His kiss was telling Braxton not to worry. Telling him these two days were the beginning of something amazing.
But the kiss was over much too soon and Braxton groaned as Ryan backed away from him. Lips still parted, desperate for more, Braxton struggled not to pout when Ryan gave him one of his amused smiles. The man knew exactly what he was doing. This was probably some kind of test.
No way would Braxton fail the first one, so he remained in place as Ryan’s gaze drifted over him.
“When you’re in my home, there will be some basic rules for you to follow. Since you’re new at being a submissive, we’ll keep things simple.” Ryan smiled at Braxton’s nod. “You’re to remove your clothing at the door, fold them neatly, then bring them to me. Unless instructed otherwise, you’ll kneel by my side when I’m sitting and wait to be acknowledged. You may speak whenever you’d like, but it will be done respectfully and you will call me ‘Sir’. Understood?”
This was really happening. Braxton inhaled roughly, his erection giving a painful throb as he nodded. He shouldn’t be this needy, not when he’d been fucked so recently, but they hadn’t been Ryan. Ryan somehow managed to get him all worked up without much effort and it had Braxton anticipating his next move.
Which he wasn’t supposed to do.
Hooking his fingers at the bottom of his shirt, he quickly pulled it off, then kicked off his sneakers and undid his jeans. His cheeks heated as he remembered he’d slept in these clothes. If he’d known he was going to see Ryan he’d have showered and shaved and worn something nice to impress him. He ducked his head as he sensed Ryan’s eyes on him while he folded the clothes which should probably get thrown in the nearest hamper.
At least he’d been relaxing lately and not working out. If he stank, he’d be absolutely humiliated.
Steady footsteps moving away from him brought his head up and he watched as Ryan walked down the short hall, disappearing into a room without a door. He followed quietly, his heart pounding as he stepped into the living room, standing there awkwardly as Ryan turned on the TV.
If this was part of the test, it was easy enough. He went to Ryan, laid his pile of clothes on the sofa beside him, then knelt on the soft, round, dark grey area rug. He wasn’t sure if he should face the TV or Ryan, but guessed it w
ould be kinda weird if he knelt there, staring at the guy, so he chose the former.
After a moment Ryan reached out and pressed Braxton’s head against his knee, then began stroking his hair. The tension eased out of Braxton’s shoulders and he relaxed, his eyes drifting shut as he settled in for however long Ryan wanted him to be here, just like this. There was something soothing about the whole experience. No pressure, no wondering if he was doing the right thing. He was doing what he’d been asked. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Much better.” Ryan leaned forward once whatever news show he’d been watching was finished, lips curving as Braxton blinked up at him. “You seem much more comfortable.”
“I am. I mean, not that I was uncomfortable before…exactly.” Braxton frowned when Ryan arched a brow at him. Oh yeah. “Umm, Sir. I’m comfortable with you, but I know if I fuck up I could go months without seeing you again. Or never see you.”
“Hmm, yes, I can see how that would add a lot of pressure. Which isn’t what I want for you.” Ryan stroked Braxton’s hair again. “The next two days is to see if this is something both of us will enjoy, Braxton. I’m tempted to tell you I refuse to let anyone else ever touch you again. That you’re mine from here on. But I’d be reacting out of jealousy and a possessiveness I haven’t earned. You may end up deciding I’m too overbearing and boring. That this kind of life isn’t for you.”
Braxton’s lips parted. He wanted to argue, but part of him was stunned Ryan had admitted all that.
No hesitation. Complete honesty.
He couldn’t give the man any less. “The last thing you’d ever be to me is boring, but I get it. I haven’t ever wanted a relationship—the ones I thought I should want never felt right. But I’m a hockey player and you might not want to put up with me being gone all the time and being full of energy and eating a lot and being…” Okay, maybe this was too much honesty? Ryan looked ready to laugh as Braxton tried to figure out all the negative things about himself. “Being way too chatty.”
Neutral Zone Trap: The Dartmouth Cobras ~ An Off Ice Novel Page 8