A chill ran through her as she remember him telling her that once before. They’d been in his bed. They’d just had sex for the first time. She’d pushed it out of her mind, hadn’t believed he really meant it. Didn’t want to believe it. She could almost go along with marriage, but kids? He’d expect her to start over. To get back on that treadmill for the next eighteen years or more.
She couldn’t do it. Didn’t he know she couldn’t do that?
“We could give things a try.” Jasmine wrung her hands. “Brock didn’t want any kids. That was one of the things we fought about.”
Katie’s eyes prickled as she watched the young woman begging Carter for attention, offering him everything Katie couldn’t give him.
“This is ridiculous.” Carter paced the floor in front of him. He always did need to pace when he was upset. “We barely know each other. I’m not going to marry you, Jasmine. I told you I’m in love with Katie.”
He was in love with her.
Katie loved Carter so much. Her heart ached with the realization that she wasn’t the right woman for him after all.
She had to let him go. Give him the freedom to find a woman who would give him everything he wanted. A younger woman. Someone who hadn’t already exhausted herself on the single-mother treadmill. Someone who hadn’t put her own life on hold.
Whether that woman would be this Jasmine or someone else didn’t matter. It wasn’t going to be Katie.
She slammed the door behind her and strode through the foyer. Carter’s eyes lit up when he saw her, and it made her heart break into even more jagged pieces. Jasmine’s eyes grew wide, and she stepped away from Carter.
“I…I have to go.” Jasmine took one more look at Katie and fled the building. She must have looked fierce.
Thunder growled in the distance. Katie’s heart pounded as she crossed the floor. They had to have this out right now. Maybe he lied to Jasmine, thinking the talk of marriage and children would push her away.
Children. Katie’s knees could barely hold her.
“Hey.” Carter opened his arms to her, but she stopped before she was within his reach. He frowned. “That wasn’t what it looked like. I told her I’m not that rebound guy anymore.”
“Lucky for you, you had our fake relationship as a reason to turn her away.” Damn, her voice was shaking. Her heart was crumbling.
He dropped his arms. “No, that’s not what this is.”
She lifted her chin. “I said we could stop pretending to date anytime you wanted to. We can break up for real if you want to take her up on her proposition. Don’t use me as an excuse.”
His frown deepened. “I’m not interested in her. It’s not an excuse. It’s the truth.” He took a breath, and his expression smoothed out, his eyes shone with the truth. “Katie Kat, I’m in love with you.”
“I heard what you said.” Her throat clogged with emotion. She couldn’t respond, couldn’t say the words he wanted to hear. The words she’d rushed over here to say. She cleared her throat so the words could come out loud and clear. “You want to have a family? You…you want children?”
“Is that surprising?” He took a hesitant step closer. “I love you. I want to be with you. When someone realizes they’re ready for a family, having children is the next logical step.”
She would not cry. “Logical? I’m forty years old. I’ve already raised a child.”
“And Sean’s a great kid. You’re a wonderful mother. One of my clients just had her first child at forty-three.” His earnest expression made her body shake. He should know her better than that.
“I don’t want any more children. I don’t feel the need for any more children.” But apparently Carter did, and she couldn’t deny him the chance. She crossed her arms over the pain piercing her stomach. “I want to break up.”
His jaw dropped. “What?”
How could he be so clueless?
“We agreed. Either one of us can request a breakup at any time.”
“Because I said I’d like children? We don’t have to worry about that right now. In fact, forget it. I don’t need children. I don’t want them.”
“That makes it even worse. You’ll only end up resenting me.” He’d end up hating her.
Carter was silent for a moment, his bleak gaze searching her face as if he could find the answers there. “You don’t know that.”
He was deluding himself if he thought it wouldn’t happen. She swallowed back her tears. “Worthington will be at Gloria’s party tomorrow, so we’ll have to pretend for one more day. I’ll help you explain to him that the thing with Jasmine was a misunderstanding. We can break up publicly on Sunday. Go out to Bud’s and have a big blowout.”
“Katie…”
She had to get out of there before she did something stupid. Like cry in front of him. “I hope we can still be friends after all of this blows over, but for now…please don’t come by for coffee anymore.”
She made it three steps down the sidewalk before the sky opened up and the rain mixed with the tears falling down her cheeks.
Chapter Sixteen
“You’re late.”
Katie blew the hair out of her eyes as she rounded the corner of Gloria Burns’s mansion Saturday afternoon. They’d been lucky with the weather today. September temperatures could run anywhere from midsummer highs to early-winter lows. After yesterday’s rain, it was sunny but not too hot.
Dozens of people milled around the gigantic backyard that overlooked Lake Margaret. A huge dining tent covered one side of the lawn, and she could see the caterers scurrying around. Carter approached as if he’d been looking for her, as if he was angry that he’d had to wait for her to join the party.
He knew she hated being late.
“I was working,” she snapped. The photo shoot with Gloria’s extended family had been a lot of fun. It had taken more time to corral the different groups than actually taking the pictures. And her mind may not have been completely on the job at all times.
“The party started half an hour ago. Where have you been?”
Katie bristled. Was he serious, or had he decided to have the blowout right here and now? She’d wanted to put it off until they could explain to Worthington about Jasmine, but if that’s what he wanted… Several people sent them curious glances when Carter’s voice rose. She glared at him. “I’ve been working since noon. Give me a break.”
“You should have organized your time better. You wouldn’t be running around all crazy if you’d planned ahead.”
She stumbled in the grass at the harsh tone of his voice. Guess they were doing this now. She lifted her chin, not allowing him to see the pain his sharp words caused. “You should talk. You work all the time. I never even know where you’re going to be.”
“You knew I was going to be right here.”
Katie rolled her eyes dramatically. “Today, yeah. And you knew I was working, so you don’t need to be giving me a hard time.” She looked him up and down. “And what are you wearing? You couldn’t dress up for a party?”
Carter crossed his arms over his chest. He looked wonderful in his short-sleeved, button-down shirt, the slate blue contrasting well with his khaki slacks. “You told me it was casual and then look at you, all dressed up. What’s up with that?”
Katie fought a laugh. She was wearing a dress she’d had for years with flat shoes, the better to walk in the grass with. Carter had seen her in them both often. She guessed it was better to fight about things that didn’t matter in front of a crowd.
He grabbed her hand and tugged. “Well, come on then. Mom and Pop have been asking about you.”
She almost stumbled again with the sensation of her hand in his. She would miss it. Miss him. Even if they managed to remain friends, there wouldn’t be any more of those intimate touches. Katie hated the thought of fighting with Carter in front of his family. Hated fighting with him at all. All she had to do was get through today. Then she could retreat to her house and nurse her broken heart. But Carter l
ived right next door. How could she handle seeing him every day? So close, but out of reach. Maybe she’d have to move.
She yanked her hand out of his. “I can walk by myself. I don’t need your help.”
He huffed but studied her carefully. “You’ve made that quite clear.”
Katie wished she still had her camera. She’d hide behind it, from Carter, from his family, from the other guests. But her camera was locked up in the trunk of her car and she wasn’t going to hide. She held out her hand to the scariest person there. “Let’s go find your folks.”
Carter pulled her in close, wrapped his arm around her waist. He leaned in, his breath tickling her neck. “How did the photo shoot go?” he whispered.
Her stupid eyes teared up when she heard his gentle question. He didn’t hate her. She couldn’t bear it if he hated her. She hoped he’d realized she was right to set him free and not hold her decision against her. “Great. Lots of fun.” She glanced around. “Have you see Worthington yet?”
“Not yet. And I haven’t gotten an angry phone call from him so far.”
“Good.”
He kissed her cheek. “You sure you want to break up?” he whispered.
They stopped at the edge of the wide patio that ran nearly the length of the house. Katie scanned the crowd, looking for Carter’s parents. Like at the Labor Day picnic, kids raced across the lawn, weaving in and out of groups of adults holding glasses and conversations. “We have to.”
“Can’t we work it out?” They stood, shoulders touching, and watched the kids play.
“There’s no working this out.” She could almost feel the longing radiating from him as his gaze followed the children. She nodded to three young boys tumbling in the grass. “That’s why we have to break up.”
“Children.” Carter’s tone was flat, resigned.
“You want kids.” Bitterness escaped through gritted teeth. “More Colburns to carry on the family business.”
If she hadn’t overheard his conversation with Jasmine, would he have sprung his desire for children on her sometime later, after they’d committed to each other? Or would he actually have denied himself in order to make her happy? She didn’t want him sacrificing anything for her, and she’d live in fear of the resentment that would be sure to come later.
“Is there something wrong with wanting a child of my own?”
“Of course not.” Up until now, they’d managed to keep their voices down, but Katie raised hers as she swept her arm in front of him. “I’m sure there are plenty of young women out there who’d be happy to give you lots of babies.”
Carter studied her as if he was trying to decide whether or not this was part of the playacting. He clenched his jaw. “This isn’t the time to discuss this.”
“It will never be the time.” Didn’t he know that? Didn’t he know her?
Dark disappointment shadowed his face. “I never thought you’d be this selfish.”
She shared his frustration. And his anger. “I guess we’re both selfish then.”
Katie turned and stalked away. He didn’t call her back.
…
Carter watched the woman he loved leave him. People glanced at him side-eyed, keeping their distance. Well, if nothing else, they’d succeeded in convincing the gossip mongers that they were breaking up. He knew they were supposed to pretend to be together for one more day, but Worthington would either accept his explanation or not. Better to get it over now.
He’d paced for nearly an hour before she showed up, and when Carter saw Katie in that little blue-and-white dress, looking so pretty and out of reach, all his frustrations rushed to the surface. The words to start the argument popped out of his mouth. Was it possible they’d reached an irreconcilable impasse?
He tried to remember all that was said. The other day and now. Selfish? How could she call him selfish?
Laughter rang out, and Carter couldn’t stand to listen to it. Right now all he wanted was to get the hell out of there. He’d find Worthington and explain about Jasmine. Then he’d wish Gloria a happy birthday and leave.
He ran into Sean first.
“What’s going on?” Sean pulled Carter under a large maple that had already started to change from green to gold. “I hate you and Mom fighting.”
“We can’t seem to help ourselves lately.” They used to talk about everything but rarely fought about anything. He’d lost his best friend as well as the woman he loved.
“Is it because I came back home?”
Carter blinked. He had to focus on Sean and what he was saying. “What? No. Nothing at all to do with that.” He put his arm around Sean’s shoulders. “I’m glad to see you. I know your Mom is, too. She just—we both worry about the school thing.”
“I know. I think I’ve finally it figured out.”
“Good.”
When he didn’t volunteer any more information, Carter decided not to push it. Sean would tell them when he was ready.
They stood side by side and took in the view. “You brought me over to this place once when I was little, didn’t you? I remember seeing the lighthouse across the lake from up here. I think it was another party. I remember lots of balloons and toys.”
Carter chuckled, was surprised he still could. “It was one of Gloria’s grandson’s birthday parties. Or maybe a great-grandson. I can’t remember. Your mom had to work, so she couldn’t take you.”
Sean nodded and was quiet for a moment. “You did that a lot. Took me places when Mom couldn’t. Or stayed with me when she was working.”
He shrugged. “I loved spending time with you. Still do. She worked hard to build a good life for you. I was happy to help whenever I could.” Selfish? Katie didn’t have a selfish bone in her body.
“You spent a lot of time with us when she wasn’t working, too.” Sean looked over the lake as he continued to speak. “Like when the three of us went to the beach together in the summer or sledding in the winter, and…and I used to pretend we were a real family. I used to pretend you were my dad.”
Carter swallowed to get rid of the lump in his throat.
“I remember when you taught me to ride my bike, and Mom was biting her nails on the front steps. She kept crying out for me to be careful, and you kept telling me to try it again. Kept telling me I could do it. And I did it. Because you were there for me.” Sean chuckled softly. “I probably still wouldn’t ride a bike if Mom had tried to teach me.”
As strong as Katie was, she could be a softie, too. “It was tough on your mom to raise you all by herself.”
“But she didn’t raise me all by herself.” Sean turned to face Carter then, looking so much like the man he’d soon become. “You were there. You raised me, too.”
In that moment, Carter felt a heavy load of guilt lifted from his shoulders. He had raised Sean for all those years, but he’d always felt as if he was merely a stand-in for his father. But today, Carter could let go of the guilt. He had really been Sean’s dad all along.
“I’m sorry I got all mad when I found out you and Mom were dating. I was gobsmacked, but now that I’ve had time to think about it, I think it’s great. Kind of inevitable, really. You and Mom are perfect for each other.” Sean threw his arms around Carter in a bear hug he’d rarely given him since he reached his teens. “I love you, Dad.”
Carter stiffened, surprised, but thrilled to hear Sean call him that. He hugged him back.
Sean cleared his throat and stepped away. “I used to call you Dad when I was little, remember?”
Carter had nearly forgotten, but he nodded.
“Mom finally explained to me that you weren’t my real dad. That my dad had died, and I had to call you Carter. It was hard because you’re the only dad I’ve ever known. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’ll never lose me. You’re my Sean-man, no matter how old you get or how much I fight with your mom.”
“Don’t fight. No one’s happy when you’re fighting.”
So true. They had to get
this over with. But before Carter could step away and look for Katie, Sean cleared his throat again.
“So I was going to tell you and Mom together, but I can tell her later. I’ve decided I’m going to go back to college, but I’m going to change my major to business management.”
“That sounds like a good choice.”
“I want to work for Colburn and Sons. I love it there. Do you think Sarah and Hannah are going to be working for the business when they get out of college?”
“Noah told me the girls aren’t interested. At least not now.”
“That’s what I thought. I figure in a few more years you older guys are going to want to retire, and you’re going to need someone who can step up and take care of the business. I want that to be me.”
There wasn’t much that brought tears to Carter’s eyes, but he pulled Sean close and let the tears fall. “We’ll be lucky to have you, son.”
…
They didn’t want the same things in life. It all came down to that.
Katie sat next to Pop and the other Colburns inside the gigantic tent, but she couldn’t concentrate on the conversation going on around her. Tables ringed the tent. There were dozens of other conversations going on. The tent was nearly bursting with Gloria Burns’s friends and family.
Carter hadn’t come after her. She hadn’t really expected him to. After their last argument, he had to realize that it wasn’t going to work long term between them. Hadn’t they known that all along? Why had they even tried to make it work?
“Katie?” The intensity in Ginny’s voice made Katie think that her name had been called more than once.
“Sorry. What?”
Ginny lifted her empty wineglass. “I’m going for a refill. Do you want me to get you one, too?”
Katie glanced at her empty glass. She didn’t even remember drinking it. “Yes. I definitely need more wine. Thanks.”
Sean slid a chair in between her and Pop. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and then turned to Pop. “I want to work at Colburn and Sons. I’m going to study business management at college so I can take over when all you guys get too old.”
The Standby Guy (Men of Lakeside) Page 19