Jade's recovery was rough. She had a hard time getting in and out of bed from her surgery, so I took night shifts most of the time. She needed her rest, and I was honestly happy to get up with Jenny. She wasn't breastfeeding, so it didn't matter who fed her.
"What are you smiling about? You look like a goof," Jade says, walking into the room with our daughter pressed to her chest, fast asleep.
"Nothing," I lie. Well, it's not really a lie. Not a bad one anyway. We're past that in our relationship.
"Uh-huh. I'm not buying it, babe."
"I was just thinking about how precious our little girl is and how lucky I am to have the both of you."
Time to butter her up a little. Remind her why she loves me, so when I ask her the question I've been dying to for almost a year now, she says yes without hesitation.
Jade's smile slowly fades. "No."
"What?"
"No. I'm not ready for another one, so get the idea out of your head, Nathan."
"Um..."
Not where I wanted this conversation to go. Yes, I want more children. Someday. Eventually. After we're more settled and after it's clear we can handle this one. Not right now. Not any time soon.
And maybe now’s not the right time to spring a proposal on her either.
Chapter Twenty-Three
JADE
After the scariest moment of my life, I'm living every day as if it were my last.
Don't get me wrong, the doctors were amazing. Not only did they save me, they also saved Jenny. It could have turned out much worse than it did. I'll take a scar as a reminder of what happened over not being here to snuggle my sweet girl any day of the week.
The doctors said I had what they call ‘severe placental abruption.’ My placenta disconnected from the walls of my cervix. I was displaying all the signs and symptoms and didn't even realize it. Tenderness in my belly, lower back pain. All things I associated with being thirty-seven weeks pregnant and thought were normal.
Had Gabby not been with me when it happened, had the lady at the restaurant not been a doctor and able to tell the hospital what was going on, there's no telling how different this could have all gone. I could have lost Jenny. Or, if the bleeding had been worse, the doctors could have been forced to perform a hysterectomy.
Thankfully neither of those things happened.
We're both fine. Neither of us is getting much sleep, but I'm not worried about that as much as I am about how strange Nathan's been acting all day. He's been in his head, overthinking whatever is on his mind, and the faces he's been making have ranged from happy to horrified.
Gabby and Quinn should be here any minute. Jenny's going to wake up as soon as they walk through the door. She does every time. I swear she knows when Uncle Quinn is here. She's only happy when he's holding her, and half the time, she's asleep within five minutes. If he tries to put her down, she wakes right back up.
I've thought about asking him to stay here and hold her all night so Nathan and I can both get a good night’s sleep, but that feels selfish. Plus, she's our child. We should be the ones who are able to get her to sleep.
If only that were the case.
"So I've been thinking," Nathan says as I set Jenny in her bassinet.
"Is that so?" I joke with him.
"Yeah. I need you to know how much I love you and that I plan to spend the rest of my life proving it to you every day."
Is he about to propose? Right now? In our living room?
That's not Nathan's style.
If he were going to drop to one knee, he'd do it in style. I'm wearing yoga pants and a T-shirt with crusted baby spit on it. I might kill him if this was the moment I'm supposed to remember twenty years from now.
"I know how much you love me," I reply, wrapping my arms around him and kissing him on the lips. "And you know how much I love you. How much I love our life."
"This is just the beginning." I can hear the promise in his voice, and a lump forms in my throat.
He is going to propose.
Holy fuck!
I'm going to kill him.
Not that it would change my answer. It's always been yes and always will be, but I've just come to terms with the fact that we're happy and we shouldn't mess with that. Why get married just because we have a baby together? We're doing this together. We're committed to each other.
Hell, Goldie and Kurt still aren't married, and they've been together for over thirty years. That’s a lifetime in Hollywood.
You don't mess with a good thing.
And we're good. Everything is perfect. As much as I don't think marriage would change the dynamic of our relationship, I don't want to risk it right now.
"Babe, I love you but if you're about to propose right now, let me stop you. We're good. You're not going to lose me. There's no need to rush into marriage. You've already trapped me for eighteen years. We have time to figure it all out."
His eyes widen in surprise. "You thought I was about to propose?"
"Weren't you?" I ask, suddenly feeling like an ass.
"I'm not going to lie. The thought has crossed my mind. But the moment’s never been right."
That's when I remember the ring I found a few months ago in the pocket of his pants.
"Is that why you carry around a ring in your pocket? For when the moment strikes you?"
"You knew."
"I found it a while ago."
"You never said anything."
"What did you want me to say? I was a little upset you hadn't proposed, but I was also hormonal. It would have been a huge fight over nothing. Then Jenny made her grand entrance, and it really didn't seem that important anymore. What does it matter if a piece of paper says we’re together? We know what we have."
Nathan thinks it over for a second before responding. "Is this your way of tricking me into giving you the ring or are you trying to tell me you don't want to marry me?"
"Neither. Hold on to the ring. Wait until the moment feels right. When it does, I think we'll both know. And it'll be perfect. Plus, there's a chance I won't have spit up on my shirt if I'm lucky."
Nathan picks at the crusty spot on my shoulder and laughs.
"Okay. When the moment’s perfect." Pulling me in, Nathan presses his lips to mine, sealing our agreement with a kiss.
A kiss I feel deep down in my soul, sparking a feeling that's been dormant the past few months.
Need.
Lust.
Desire.
Gripping the front of his shirt with my hands, I pull him as close as I can, his warmth wrapping us in a cocoon I never want to leave.
Of course, there’s a soft knock at the door before things can heat up anymore, followed by the screams of an angry child. One that wants to be held anytime her eyes are open.
Quinn walks through the door without waiting for us to open it and immediately reaches for Jenny. Her cries are cut short when she realizes whose arms she’s in. With wonder in her eyes, she stares at Quinn, wrapping her tiny hand around his finger as he talks to her.
"Hello to you too," I say flippantly as he takes a seat on the arm of the couch.
"Nice to see you, Jade." He uses his baby voice with me. It's sickly sweet and annoying when directed at anyone but Jenny.
"He warned you last time," Gabby says, pulling me in for a hug. "He's bound and determined to be her favorite person."
"That job’s taken already, but thanks for playing," Nathan states firmly as Gabby wraps her arms around him.
"You might want to tell Jenny that. She seems to be smitten with him."
Gabby has a point. I know Jenny loves us, especially her daddy, but there's something about Quinn that she might just love more. I get it. She sees us all day long. We're always here.
Seeing Quinn is like a special treat. At her age, it's like meeting a new person every time she sees him. She's always studying him as if trying to figure out if she knows him or not.
And he has a calming way with her. I guarantee she can feel
his love even if she doesn't understand what that feeling is.
I hope that never changes. I want Gabby and Quinn to always be a part of her life. And once they're ready to have babies of their own, our kids can play together, with Jenny leading the charge.
Kids.
God. We only became parents a few months ago, and for some reason, my vision for the future includes more. I can't imagine how that will work. We're already struggling to balance everything in our lives as it is. Adding another child will only make things more complicated. Especially right now.
Especially after the conversation we just had.
If we have another child together, I'd like to do it right. You know, the traditional way. With my husband.
Maybe I shouldn't have told Nathan to wait for the perfect moment. What if it never comes? What if we're constantly stuck in limbo, somewhere between our version of perfect and what happens next?
I can live in our little bubble for a while longer, enjoying what we have and celebrating how far we've already come. At some point, I'm going to want to move forward. I don't want to get stuck, and if you stop trying for something more, that's what's bound to happen.
Life is a series of choices. Constant motion. Forward and backward. You have to ebb and flow as you face the challenges that lie ahead of you. Becoming complacent does nothing but set you back.
You have to take control of your happiness.
Looking around the room at the four most important people in my life at the moment, I make a promise to myself. If this feeling of pure bliss ever fades, I'll do something about it. I won't allow myself to settle for less than what I want.
Even if that means forcing Nathan's hand when it comes to breaking our agreement to wait for the perfect moment.
They are few and far between. We were having one right then, and I didn't even realize it until Jenny shattered it, projective vomiting all over Quinn as he bounced her up and down on his knee.
Yup. It was damn near the perfect moment, and now it's gone.
Chapter Twenty-Four
NATHAN
A little over a year ago, I was on the verge of having a panic attack. I was rushing to the hospital, praying Jade and Jenny were safe. Not knowing what was going on but having enough information to know it was serious and I should be concerned.
And now, now I'm chasing my daughter through our backyard as she smashes birthday cake in her face.
It was a mistake to leave it so close to the edge of the table. We should have known better. What do they say about hindsight?
Right.
Jade's hot on my heels, but her mission is different than mine. I want to clean Jenny up before people start arriving. Jade wants to take a picture of her face covered in frosting. The camera strap whips around as we run. You'd think it would be easy to catch her, her legs being short and chunky, but she's a quick little thing.
And defiant as all get out.
Makes me wonder if she would have run if I hadn't started to chase her in the first place.
She reminds me more and more of Jade as her personality begins to develop. Sassy as hell and cute as a button. She knows how to work me over too. If I tell her no, she pushes her bottom lip out and says please.
But it doesn't sound like please at all. She hasn't mastered enunciation yet.
It's more like pwease.
It's adorable and I'm a sucker. I hate telling her no. She's my little angel. My one and only.
The only person I spoil more than Jenny is Jade. I feel like that will probably change the older Jenny gets, the more she realizes that she can get whatever she wants from me with the snap of her fingers.
Yes, I'm whipped by a one-year-old.
I'm also whipped by her mother. The love of my life. The woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
If she'll have me, that is.
Every time I think I'm over my doubts, that I'm ready to man up and ask her, I chicken out. It doesn't stop me from carrying the ring I bought for her around in my pocket just in case I find my balls.
Nope. I'll always have it with me. Even if she's not with me. I'd feel lost without it in my pocket.
Slowing down to catch my breath, Jade passes me and manages to scoop Jenny up in her arms. Jenny's laughing and licking her fingers. Tossing me the camera, I capture the moment Jade was hoping for.
Our little girl, a complete mess. Her wild, strawberry-blond hair, with specks of chocolate cake sprinkled in it. White frosting on the tip of her nose.
And then on the tip of her mothers.
I take another picture, capturing the shock on Jade's face as Jenny wipes her fingers on her mother’s face.
Both of my girls are now sticky and covered in sweetness.
"Take your child, Nathan," Jade says, trading our little bundle of joy for the camera.
"Why is she mine when she does something wrong?" I ask as Jenny wiggles in my arms, wanting to get down. If I had the energy to chase her again, I'd let her go. I can only imagine how my shirt’s going to fair in this deal. All three of us are going to have to change our clothes.
"Because she has your attitude and spirit."
"You think so?" I ask, letting Jenny slide down to the ground. She takes off running back toward the cake, but I don't care. "I'm pretty sure her sassy little mouth reminds me of her mother."
"That may be true, but I never would have destroyed my own cake before my party started. That's something I can see you doing."
There's a smile on her face and a shimmer in her eyes as she approaches me. She's baiting me, I can tell, but why? What does she want?
"So basically she's the best of both of us," I remark, leaning in close and licking the frosting off Jade's cheek.
"Basically," she purrs, lowering herself to the ground at my feet.
My dick instantly goes hard, pressing against my zipper for release. We were able to sneak in a quickie in the shower this morning while Jenny took a nap. I was satisfied, but now that I see her staring up at me, I want more.
I'm so lost in thought about her lips wrapped around my cock, I don't realize what's happening.
When I do, I pull her to her feet instantly.
"Don't do that."
"Why?" she asks, sounding as if I've broken her heart.
"I'm the one that asks the question, Jade. We agreed we'd wait until the moment was perfect. You didn't want puke on your shirt when I proposed, and I don't want frosting on mine. Plus, you don't propose to me. That's not how this works."
"It could be if you'd have let me finish."
"Listen," I start, softening my voice. I'm not angry with her, just surprised. We haven't talked about marriage in a while. Life has been busy. Jenny is our primary focus. "I know you're ready for the next step. I am too. It's going to happen, babe. You just have to trust me. When I ask you, I want it to be a moment you'll never forget."
"And right now, we should probably stop our daughter from eating the rest of her cake," Jade notes, stepping out of my embrace and rushing toward the house.
When I turn, I find Jenny with two handfuls of cake, her face smeared with a fresh coat of frosting. On her nose. In her hair. All down the front of her outfit.
That dress is trashed, and she needs a bath before everyone gets here. Not that they would care. I'm sure we'd all have a good laugh at what happened. Quinn would become overly protective of what we were saying about Jenny. Gabby would have to remind him he's not her father. I'd sock him in the shoulder for stepping on my toes. Jade would yell at me for hitting Quinn. And the circle would go round and round.
It happens every time.
I look forward to it these days. With their wedding a little less than six months from now, we're seeing less and less of them. We pushed Jenny's party back a month because Gabby's mother made arrangements without talking to her, forcing her to keep an appointment with a caterer they didn't even decide to go with. We almost had to push it back again because of their engagement party, but Gabby told her mom it was
n't happening. It caused a fight between them, but in the end, it's all working out fine.
We have a beautiful spring day on our hands, whereas this time last month, we still had snow on the ground. Gabby and Quinn's engagement party is going to be at the beginning of summer now, better for an outdoor celebration, which according to Jade, is the only way to have an engagement party.
I'm taking notes.
Trying to remember all the little things she likes about Quinn and Gabby's wedding and all the things she doesn't. Not that she would tell Gabby she doesn't like something, but she tells me.
Everything I'm learning will come in handy one day. Soon. Hopefully very soon.
I've planned a little getaway for us in a few months. Jade's parents have agreed to take Jenny for the weekend. I'm hoping we find our perfect moment. One where we both have clothes on, because this trip... clothes are optional. If I'm on one knee in front of Jade and she's not at least wearing panties, I won't be able to focus on all the things I want to say to her.
On all the reasons I love her.
Why she should marry me.
Hell, I'm getting worked up right now just thinking about her delicate, pink—
"Where's my girl!" Quinn yells, interrupting my thoughts.
Probably for the best. Our parents should be arriving soon, and the last thing I want is Jade's father asking me why I'm walking around with a boner. I can't exactly tell him the truth.
I still need his blessing.
Yes, he's already given it to me once, but I'm sure he'd take it back if I started explaining the fantasies I have about his daughter, naked, beneath me. No father wants to hear that.
I know I sure as hell don't. Jenny's boyfriends better be ready to treat her right or they’re going to have a hell of a problem on their hands. My daughter’s heart is not something I want toyed with. You break her heart, I break your—
For All The Right Reasons Page 13