“But Mrs. Kemp said Jenna never went home last night,” Delaney protests.
I shrug. “I’m telling you, the car she drives was there. So, who knows? Maybe she dropped it off after deciding to ditch me, and someone picked her up. Or maybe she never planned to meet up with me at all. I feel like I don’t even know Jenna anymore, so . . .”
Delaney nods and gives me a sympathetic smile. Then she reaches over and wraps her hand around mine. “I can’t believe she had the nerve to pull that. Thanks for telling me the truth.”
“Delaney,” I say pulling my hand out from under hers, “that’s not all I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh.” Delaney pulls her hand back into her lap, and her gaze falls to the ground. She knows.
“The way I lied to you the first time I heard from Jenna after all this time . . .” I shake my head, a whole new level of shame welling up inside me. “It was totally wrong, and it confirms two things. One, I’m an asshole. And two . . . I’m not ready to date you or anyone else. I can’t pretend I don’t still have feelings for Jenna and move on just like that . . . even though she had no problem doing that to me.” I pause, letting that last realization sink in deep. Jenna burned me, then I burned her by messing around with one of her best friends, and now I’m burning said best friend. My parents would be so proud. “Anyway, that’s why I ignored your texts last night and this morning because I felt bad about what I’d done.”
Delaney finally looks back up at me. “It’s okay, Dustin. I get it. You even told me you didn’t think it was a good idea for us to . . . well, you know. I’m sorry I pushed this on you.” She stops talking and stares at the ground, a haunted look in her eyes. “I’m a terrible friend.”
I feel bad for Delaney because I can relate to the guilt she’s feeling, so I share something with her that I never intended to tell anyone. “You know, I didn’t tell Mrs. Kemp this, but another reason I drove to their house is because I wanted to see Jenna face to face and tell her to never call me or speak to me again. So, if it makes you feel any better, I’m a terrible friend too. Because I obviously thought hurting Jenna would make me feel better . . . that’s why I let things go so far with us. And that’s the whole truth.”
We sit in silence for a minute or so, watching as the wind blows stray leaves through the yard. Then, the next thing I know, Delaney is helping me finish bagging up the clippings. Sure, she keeps avoiding eye contact with me and isn’t as chatty as usual, but I know there’s no way her solemnness is only about us because the last thing we talk about before she leaves is Jenna. Our conversation has nothing to do with either of our relationships with her. Instead, we both wonder where she is and when she’ll be home.
I suppose it was only a matter of time before our anger toward her morphed into concern. Too bad it took her disappearing for that to happen.
Chapter Fourteen
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Two and a Half Months Before Jenna’s Disappearance
Bonnie had woken up earlier than normal for a Sunday morning. It was the day of the welcome party for the new pastors of His Grace Lutheran Community Church, her brother-in-law Greg and her nephew Thomas. Up until now, she’d only volunteered a few times a year to greet people at the door or help set up special events during the holidays, but since this party was for family, she’d devoted a lot of extra time and effort into helping plan everything.
Jenna had been lying in bed, staring out the window and listening to her mother complete her Sunday morning rituals. She envisioned her mom brushing her teeth and running down to the kitchen in her robe to pour her first cup of coffee and take care of Lulu. Then her mom returned to the bathroom to blow dry her damp shoulder-length hair before getting dressed and asking Jenna’s dad if he was going to get up anytime soon, her best smart-aleck tone in full effect. Then she’d eventually made her way into Shaina’s room and sang the special wake-up song she also used to sing to Jenna when she was younger.
Jenna continued to stare out at the billowy clouds in the sky as she listened to her mom finish the song. The giggles and chatter that followed registered in her brain as nothing more than a low hum of background noise.
Up until now, she’d avoided seeing her cousin Thomas. But today, there was no getting out of it.
Earlier in the week, there had been rain in the forecast, so she reached for her phone to check if that had changed. She needed to know what type of shoes to wear. Partly cloudy throughout the day with a high of eighty-one degrees and a one-hundred percent chance of thunderstorms by late afternoon and into the evening. Summer days could be baffling the way the sky often started out so blue and scattered with billowy beauty but then morphed into the darkness of a thunderstorm.
People can be like that too, Jenna thought. They might start out looking one way on any given day—perfectly happy, content, normal—but have the capacity to be the complete opposite in the blink of an eye. All because of a slight change in pressure.
“Heyyy, Jennaaa,” Bonnie sang softly as she knocked and peeked inside her daughter’s room. “Time to get up, sweetie. We need to be there a little early today so I can turn on all the slow cookers, get the coffee brewing, and double check that we have everything we need.”
“You’ve already checked everything at least ninety billion times,” Jenna said without diverting her gaze from the window, her tone emotionless.
“Very funny, teenager,” Bonnie said, opening Jenna’s door wide before she headed downstairs. “Please get up.”
Jenna groaned and thought about calling her mom back to tell her she didn’t feel well. It would be easy to send a group text to Keeley, Delaney, and Dustin letting them know she wouldn’t be there. Keeley’s family would go anyway, but Dustin and Delaney hardly ever attended church, so they probably wouldn’t be going if she hadn’t asked them to be there. But Jenna knew the claim (real or not) would be met with zero sympathy from her mother as she had been warned that last Sunday was the last time she’d be skipping church that month.
When Jenna finally sat up and threw her legs over the edge of her mattress, Lulu raced into the room and hopped onto the bed. The dog seemed to have a sixth sense about when her owner was getting up.
“Hey, girl,” Jenna said, placing her forehead against the side of Lulu’s face. In response, Lulu planted a slobbery kiss on Jenna’s cheek, but even that wasn’t enough to make Jenna smile.
By the time Jenna made her way to the bathroom, the rest of her family was already downstairs eating breakfast. Jenna’s stomach was in knots, though, so there was no way she would be able to eat anything despite actually being hungry.
After she’d finished brushing her teeth and smoothing out her bedhead with some sea salt detangling spray, she applied some liquid foundation to the bags under her eyes. They’d appeared overnight, and she barely recognized herself. As she placed the spray back in the cabinet, a bottle of Tylenol PM caught her eye. She’d taken the over-the-counter drug a few times in the past for painful cramping during her period. Not only did it fix the pain in her abdomen, but it numbed a lot of other things too. Before she could talk herself out of it, Jenna opened the bottle and popped one into her mouth, forcing it down without water.
The Kemps arrived at His Grace Community forty minutes before the nine o’clock service was to begin. Normally, there were two services, one at eight and one at ten, but today there would only be one because of the party to follow.
Even though the only cars in the parking lot belonged to the pastors and several volunteers, Jenna’s dad parked in one of the furthest corners of the main lot. He always did this when they went to church. He said there were many others who needed the closer spots more than they did, and someday, they’d all look back and wish they could walk the full distance of a parking lot. Shaina groaned, and Mr. Kemp asked if she had a broken leg. Everyone except Jenna laughed as they got out of the car.
“Jenna,” Bonnie said, sticking her head back into the car and snapping her fingers a few time
s. “What are you doing? Let’s go.”
It wasn’t until the passenger door closed that Jenna snapped out of the daze she was in, finally realizing they’d arrived. By the time she caught up to her mom, dad, and Shaina, they were already in the kitchen with Aunt Lenore, Hannah, Lisa Ballering, and Jeff and Betty Kimble. Mrs. Ballering had been Jenna’s Sunday school teacher for years, and the Kimbles had played roles in the confirmation classes she’d attended almost every Wednesday night during the three years she was in middle school.
Hannah gave Jenna a quick hug and promptly went back to making cute labels for the desserts people had dropped off. It appeared to be a self-imposed job.
“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes? Aunt Lenore said to Jenna with a wink from across the room where she was unwrapping paper plates and napkins and placing plastic utensils into fancy baskets. “We were starting to worry about you. Glad you’re feeling better.”
“Thanks, Aunt Lenore.”
“Jenna!” Mrs. Ballering said, giving Jenna a tight squeeze. “Mm, you smell like the beach, my dear.”
“That’s my leave-in conditioner,” Jenna said with a smile she didn’t have to force. She’d always liked the retired school teacher, who used to bring her pet tortoise, Sully, to Sunday school sometimes. She also used to slip Jenna those little pastel colored mints that melt in your mouth. Jenna never saw her give them to anyone else, and Delaney had confirmed once that she’d never received any from the kind old lady.
Mrs. Ballering released Jenna and took a step back to examine her. “We’ve missed seeing you these last couple of weeks. Are you feeling one-hundred percent yet, my dear? Because you look like you could use some sleep and perhaps a shot of whiskey.” Jenna’s dad chuckled from across the kitchen at the serving counter where he and Shaina were stacking coffee cups, teacups, saucers, and all the condiments for hot beverages. “In a hot toddy, of course.”
“Oh, Mrs. Kimble, she’s fiiine,” Jenna’s mom said as she adjusted the heat on a slow cooker. “Tell you what, though, it might do her some good to stop texting her friends at all hours of the night so she could get more sleep, especially since she’s been running almost every day lately.”
Mrs. Kimble smiled and gave Jenna’s upper arm a gentle squeeze before retrieving serving spoons from a drawer. Then she removed the aluminum foil from the batch of raisin bran muffins she’d baked for the party and held the tray out to Jenna.
Jenna glanced over at Bonnie to make sure she wasn’t looking before she accepted a muffin. Mrs. Kimble grinned as she set the tray of muffins down on the counter and ran her thumb and forefinger across her lips as if sealing them.
“Getting ready for cross country, Jenna?” Mr. Kimble asked.
“Yep. Keeley and I both,” Jenna said with a nod.
“It’s a good sport. Our son Zack used to run cross country. Of course, he’s grown now and out in Arizona selling for Big Pharma.” Mr. Kimble scoffed and refilled his cup of coffee.
“Oh, Jeff,” Mrs. Kimble scolded, “someone has to sell the stuff. He’s making a good living.”
Jenna smiled politely as she quietly exited the conversation about Zack. She glanced around the kitchen and didn’t see anything that needed to be done so she slipped into the hallway where there was a set of bathrooms and a drinking fountain. She could hear voices coming from the chapel—one sounded like Eli’s, but she didn’t recognize the others. She’d begun to feel woozy and took a seat on a bench, checking her phone for the time. It was eight thirty-five. Keeley’s family and other parishioners would begin arriving soon. On the way there, she’d texted Dustin to tell him to be there by eight fifty if he wanted to attend the service too, or around ten fifteen if he only wanted to attend the party.
Jenna leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, suddenly realizing how relaxed she felt. Tylenol PM to the rescue she thought. Maybe seeing Thomas wouldn’t be as horrible as she thought it would be after all.
“Jenna?”
When Jenna’s eyes snapped open, she was looking up at a smiling, blonde woman in a knee-length coral dress.
“I’m Audra,” the pretty young woman said, briefly placing her free hand against her chest, “your cousin Thomas’s wife.”
Audra Steele smiled a smile that Jenna couldn’t imagine anyone not returning. However, hearing Thomas’s name paralyzed her for a moment despite her dulled senses.
“Oh, um . . . hi.” Jenna reached to shake Audra’s outstretched hand. Then she glanced down at the baby in the infant seat at Audra’s side. Her smile melted on the inside at the sight of Thomas’s child, and she couldn’t help but wonder if the little girl was safe.
“I’m so glad you made it today,” Audra continued, her ethereal friendliness confusing Jenna because she wanted to hate the woman who’d married Thomas. “Stella and I have been looking forward to meeting you.” Audra paused, waiting for a response from Jenna that never came. She continued, assuming her husband’s cousin was still feeling ill. In fact, she didn’t look so well. “We’ve heard so much about you.” Audra looked down at Stella, who had an entire fist in her mouth and was emitting loud suckling noises. “Haven’t we, sweet pea? Yes, this is Jenna, Daddy’s cousin whom he used to babysit for when she was a little girl.” Audra refocused her gleaming smile on Jenna, who thought she might gag. “Are you okay?” Audra asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jenna said. “I’m just . . . still feeling a little sick.”
Audra gave Jenna a sympathetic frown. “Well, I hope you feel better soon . . . Now, I need to feed this little one a quick snack before the service starts.” Audra nodded toward one of the empty Sunday school classrooms. “It was so nice to finally meet you, Jenna.”
With that, Audra disappeared down the hall, leaving Jenna in a daze.
During the service, Jenna sat in the second pew of the center section. It had been the first time she’d been in a room with Thomas since he visited her family four years ago, and his presence made memories from that day swirl through her brain like shards of glass, damaging her ability to focus on the service. The only things her uncle said that registered with her had been how honored he felt to have been called by God to lead His Grace Community Lutheran Church, and his announcement that his son Thomas had agreed to serve as associate pastor and take on a leadership role to help develop youth services.
Youth services. Jenna replayed those words over and over until Dustin tickled the skin of her forearm with his pinky. She glanced at him, but he continued to stare straight ahead, pretending to be focused on the slideshow Thomas had put together to introduce himself to the congregation. As photos of Thomas serving the Lord through preaching and mission and charity work flashed across the screen, all Jenna could see flashing through her mind’s eye were all the times he’d hurt her.
For the rest of the service, she went through all the motions—The Lord’s Prayer, communion, the offering—but it was as if she was floating above the chapel, a bodyless presence lingering on the outside of an invisible bubble looking in.
“Jenna?” Dustin said.
She looked up to find him standing and waving his hand in front of her face. Then he gestured toward her family members who’d been seated on the other side of her. They were now exiting the row into the aisle.
Shocked by her loss of time, Jenna stood quickly and scurried out into the aisle squeezing in behind Shaina just before the next row was about to exit. Dustin had to say excuse me in order to claim the spot behind Jenna.
“Hey, are you okay?” he whispered over her shoulder. “It feels like you’re . . . not even here.”
Jenna glanced back, forcing a small grin. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she whispered, the grin disappearing the moment she turned forward.
Luckily, Jenna’s Uncle Greg was greeting parishioners at the door Jenna and Dustin were exiting, so she didn’t have to figure out a way to sneak over to the other side of the chapel.
“Jenna!” Uncle Greg exclaimed, giving his niece a hug. “
Thank you for being here today. I know you haven’t been feeling well. And thank you for bringing your friend.”
Dustin accepted Uncle Greg’s outstretched hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Pastor Steele. Welcome back to Briarwood.”
“Good to meet you too, son,” Uncle Greg said, nodding his head. “I hope to see you here again soon.”
With that, Jenna and Dustin found themselves immersed in the crowd that was streaming into the gathering area where people were already holding cups of coffee, tea, or juice. Shaina was already off in a corner with Hannah and a few other girls their age, and Jenna’s parents were nowhere to be seen, which meant they had probably gone straight to the kitchen.
Keeley and Delaney appeared as Jenna and Dustin were grabbing beverages.
“Hey, you two,” Delaney said, placing a hand on each of their backs. “I can’t believe how many people are here. There aren’t even this many on Christmas Eve. Must be the free food.”
“Or maybe people want to start off on the right foot with the new pastors,” Keeley offered.
“Um, I’m not an expert or anything,” Dustin said, “but don’t people come here to praise God and pray and all that jazz?”
Keeley snorted as she poured herself a decaf coffee and added two sugar packets and cream just like Jenna did to hers. She glanced at Jenna expecting her to say something smart in response to what Dustin had said, but Jenna was blowing on her coffee as she stared at the floor.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Keeley asked Jenna as the four friends wandered away from the beverage table, Delaney and Dustin trying to remember the last time either of them had attended church.
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