Eli shakes his head. “You don’t understand.”
“Okay, then tell me what this theory is, but I promise you, nothing puts you at fault for Jenna’s disappearance or anything that Jenna did before she disappeared.”
He stares at me for at least ten seconds before he begins. “So, one time, when Jenna and I were nine, my siblings and I stayed overnight at her house for a weekend while my mom and dad were house hunting in South Dakota. I remember wanting to play Nerf air darts with Thomas and a couple of kids in their neighborhood instead of hanging out with Jenna. At one point I went inside to use the bathroom, and she called me into her room where she had her dolls splayed out along with this anatomy book her mom had brought home from the library. She showed me a picture of a naked man and asked if she could see mine if she showed me hers. So . . .”
Eli takes a few breaths and then looks out the window again. I just sit and wait, wondering what could have happened that would make him think anything that’s gone on with Jenna was his fault. When he turns to face me, there are tears in his eyes. I hand him a napkin and give the top of his stationary hand a rub. Then I wait quietly as he composes himself and continues.
“So, after Jenna asked if we could see each other’s private parts, we went into her closet, which she used as a fort, and we took off our clothes. Then she asked if we could touch each other, and I said no way, because I knew it was wrong. Hell, I knew even looking was wrong, but she was my favorite cousin, my favorite girl, so I wanted to make her happy. Plus, I felt bad for ditching her for Nerf darts. Anyway, she got all embarrassed, and we both put our clothes back on real fast. Then she ran out of the closet and into the bathroom, and I went back outside to finish the Nerf gun war. Later on, throughout dinner and after, she tried to avoid me until Hannah and I busted into her room and waged a Nerf air dart attack on her. It ended in smiles, and we never talked about the incident again, but I’ve wondered about it a few times over the years. And I’ve always felt ashamed for even looking at her privates and showing her mine, and I’ve wondered where she would even get the idea.” Eli looks up at me. “Now, after all these years, I know the answer. That’s what she meant that night, at Tommy’s party, when she asked why I protect my brother. She thinks I know what he did to her.” His lips begin quivering again.
I place my hand back on top of his hand and leave it there this time. “Eli, why do you think what happened between you and Jenna makes her disappearance your fault.?
“Because maybe if I’d said something to someone, like my Aunt Bonnie, maybe Jenna could have been questioned, and all the stuff about Thomas might have come out sooner.” He pulls his hand away and looks me in the eyes again. “Keeley, she’s lived with what he did to her for all these years. Can you imagine what that must feel like? To keep a secret like that? To have to repeatedly see the same horrible memories over and over forever? I still can’t stop thinking about what happened between Jenna and me in her closet, and that was nothing compared to what Thomas did to her.” He picks up a fresh napkin and cleans the tears from his face and blows his nose. Then he looks back out the window. “That’s why everything that’s wrong with Jenna is partly my fault.”
Chapter Fifty-Six
Bonnie
Saturday, December 9, 2017
Six Weeks After Jenna’s Disappearance
The weather has turned cold, and they say we’re in for one heck of a winter, but I’ll continue to canvas the area on foot with Lulu as long as it takes. A little cold and snow isn’t going to hold me back. I know from the way Joseph looks at me whenever I return from my walk, that he’s beginning to pity me. But I don’t care.
When you’re the mother of a girl who’s disappeared into thin air, you don’t care about much of anything anymore because all you can think about is what happened to your daughter.
The most recent word from Detective Collins is that Jenna’s case is open but resources are too slim to keep an active team on it. In other words, they’ve stopped looking. They just can’t say it like that.
At least once a week there’s a new article that pops up about Jenna. The only problem is these articles keep repeating the same information mixed in with all new completely useless information and speculation. Dried up leads including the rehashing of Jacob Bickers and Thomas as persons of interest, speculation into whether the police might have missed something about either of the men even though they both had alibis. Interviews with long lost friends of the men dating back to grade school, old college roommates, and past girlfriends and employers. Everyone has an opinion to share, and no one seems to agree on anything. So, all we can do is rely on the evidence available, which doesn’t provide any real closure at all. Even though I know it’s all for clicks, I’m grateful that reporters and news outlets are still circulating her name.
A few days ago, there was an article on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel’s website about the land that used to be owned by Jacob Bickers’ in-laws which now belongs to him and his wife since the recent passing of his mother-in-law. The reporter suggested that the land could be a crucial area that was ignored when the police dismissed Bickers as a person of interest. Julie had called me, outraged that anyone could suggest such a thing, and wondered if I thought she could sue the newspaper. It seems no one can sue the media for printing speculations, even when it results in vandalism. Poor Julie. First, she loses her mom, then the cabin that’s been in her family for decades is nearly destroyed all because of speculation from a reporter. So, there are also negatives to having the media continue using Jenna’s case as clickbait.
The calls from concerned family and friends have slowed. Of course, I still hear from Keeley, Delaney, and their mothers every few days, whether it’s a text or a quick phone call just to see how I’m doing. Dustin hasn’t called at all, but he has stopped over to see how we’re doing. He even played checkers with Shaina a few times—that was hers and Jenna’s favorite game to play together. Leighton has been by too, but she doesn’t say much, and she never stays long. I thought it was peculiar the way Jenna had befriended her at the beginning of the school year, given how different I’d assumed they were, but they must have developed quite a special friendship based on the way Leighton tears up every time she leaves our house.
But with Christmas right around the corner, I expect that even communication from Jenna’s closest friends will decrease as well. I honestly don’t know how we’re going to make it through the rest of the holiday season, especially since Christmas has always been Jenna’s favorite. Never mind that we don’t even have a church anymore. Even though Greg has resigned at the urging of angry parishioners and protestors, and reporters have stopped standing out front of the place where a pedophile rapist once served as a youth pastor just to get their perfect shots to accompany their articles, it’ll still never feel like a safe place to me, not when I think about all the times we forced Jenna to go there and have to agonize over seeing Thomas. The guilt I feel about that is overwhelming, and I will never forgive myself.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Friday, October 27, 2017
The Day of Jenna’s Disappearance
As Jenna drove home after talking to Thomas, she thought about whether she felt his apology was sincere. Not once did she feel bad for him as he cried because his tears were nothing compared to all the tears she’d cried over the years. She quickly decided she didn’t care whether the remorse he’d expressed was real. He could rot in Hell for all she cared.
She moved on to thinking about how proud she was of herself for staying strong and not showing how scared she was. Even though she still felt disgusted just being near him, she didn’t allow herself to feel threatened by him. And now that she’d confronted him, she could feel relief oozing throughout her body.
When Jenna pulled onto the parking slab next to the garage, she checked her phone for the time and to see if Keeley or Delaney had responded to her texts. She emitted a sigh upon seeing that neither had. As for the time, it was only nine forty
-five. If Dustin was at a movie, he wouldn’t be calling her for at least thirty more minutes.
She stared at the back of her house and thought about how it wasn’t just her friends who needed to know the truth. Her parents needed to know too, but she was still a bit upset with her mom for invading her privacy. She couldn’t help it. She would let it go eventually, but for now, she’d focus on straightening things out with her friends. She would definitely tell her parents within the next couple of days, though.
Not wanting to go inside to wait for Dustin’s text, Jenna decided to go for a run through Jolliet. She’d always done her best thinking while running. Before getting out of the car, she threw on the windbreaker and sneakers she kept in the backseat. She was already wearing leggings and a hoodie with short and long-sleeved shirts layered underneath, so despite the dropping temperature, she knew she’d be fine after she ran for a few blocks.
When she got out of the car, she hid her bag under the front seat, threw her hair up in a ponytail, and started jogging up the alley behind her house. Once she had a good stride going, she allowed her mind to begin processing everything that could occur as a result of people finding out about Thomas. She thought first about Audra and Stella and how hard it would be for Audra when she found out. Then she thought about her aunt and uncle and Eli and Hannah. The thought of Aunt Lenore made her wonder if she was doing the right thing. She couldn’t imagine a mother finding out the child she’d carried inside of her was a monster. How could someone not feel partly to blame? She also circled back to what it would mean if Thomas really was better like he said he was, then was it worth breaking so many hearts and ruining so many lives? She picked up her speed and ran as hard as she could to dispel this thought. It was time for Jenna to think only of herself, and she couldn’t go on living with the secret anymore. She also couldn’t live with the what ifs that were swirling around in her brain colliding with the second thoughts that were also present. What if Thomas isn’t better? What if he abuses Stella? No, if Thomas didn’t turn himself in, Jenna had to follow through with what she’d said she’d do. And that meant she had to tell everyone close to her, starting with Dustin. Almost more than anyone, he deserved to know the truth and to hear her say she was sorry in person for everything she’d put him through.
When Jenna arrived at the park, she noticed headlights behind her for about two blocks. Paranoia made her glance back, just to make sure it wasn’t Thomas’s car. It wasn’t, but just to be safe, she sprinted onto a path to take a shortcut to the old playground. Once she was under the cover of the woods, she stopped under one of the lights illuminating the path and texted Dustin to see if he would still meet her.
Jenna: Hey, can you still meet me? I’m at the merry-go-round.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Jacob
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Six and a Half Months After Jenna’s Disappearance
(Two days after Bonnie finds Jenna’s hidden diary)
“Mr. Bickers, I’m going to level with you here, things aren’t looking good for you. Are you sure you don’t want to call your attorney?”
“I don’t have an attorney, and I don’t need one because I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Okay, then. Here we go, I suppose,” Collins said.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Here we go, I suppose. I’d been up at the land Julie’s parents left to us just to survey things now that all the snow has had time to thaw. I’d spent hours repairing as much damage to the cabin as I could so Julie wouldn’t have to see it all again. It was hard enough for her the first time she saw it after vandals trespassed on the property. That was when my name was released to the public when Jenna first disappeared. But that was months ago, so I have no idea why I’m sitting here in front of Collins again. Julie and the kids weren’t even there this morning when I got home, so they have no idea I’ve even been there and no idea where I am now. In fact, I thought it was Julie or Brady knocking on the door shortly after I’d gotten home. I thought maybe she had her hands full of groceries and couldn’t unlock the side door herself.
“Let’s just get this over with. My wife is expecting me home,” I say, irritated.
Collins raises his eyebrows. Again, what the hell was that supposed to mean?
“Mr. Bickers, we’ve received some new information that leads us to believe you weren’t completely honest with us the first time we interviewed you regarding the whereabouts of Jenna Kemp back in October.”
“Well, that’s news to me,” I say, crossing my arms and leaning back in my chair.
Collins nods. “You had initially stated that your relationship with Jenna was strictly through calls and texts . . .”
I nod emphatically.
“. . . and that you and Jenna never made plans to meet each other in person.”
“That’s right, we never made plans to meet in person. And I told you, I’d cut off communication with her.”
“Right, we’re aware of what you said. Here’s the thing, we now come to possess Jenna’s most recent diary, which details the progression of your relationship with her.”
“Oh, well, whatever it says, you can’t—”
“And, Mr. Bickers, based on Jenna’s final entry in her diary, we believe you did, in fact, have plans to meet her at . . .” He opens his manila folder and glances inside. “Holiday Inn in Brown Deer. And before you say anything, just know that we have taken a peek at the hotel’s video footage from that night, and you were in fact captured by one of the backdoor cameras several times that night. Do you have anything to say about that?”
“Well, clearly it’s not me in the video. I was home. My wife . . . Julie told you that—”
“Mr. Bickers, Julie spent some time talking with us yesterday.”
My jaw drops. I think about the messages I left her and the texts I sent, all unanswered. When I don’t say anything, Collins continues.
“And you should probably know that Julie wasn’t too pleased to learn about your relationships with Cynthia Morris and Faith Perkins, and she has recanted her statement that you were home with her the evening of Friday, October twenty-seventh.”
I shoot to my feet, unintentionally throwing my chair back a few inches.
Collins stands just as quickly. “Mr. Bickers,” he warns, “do I need to ask for another officer to sit in with us?”
“No,” I say, breathing heavily. I adjust my chair and plop back down in it. “I’m sorry, but this is bullshit. The only reason Julie would do that is because we’ve been working on our marriage, so of course she’s upset to learn that I was unfaithful.”
Collins narrows his eyes and nods and opens the damn manila folder again. When he closes it and looks back up at me, I sense things are about to get worse.
“On the evening Jenna disappeared, the Briarwood Police Department received two phone calls from a concerned neighbor who lives a few houses down from the Kemps. His calls were received between the hours of nine and ten that night and were to report a suspicious vehicle driving back and forth down Berkeley Street. There had been a few car break-ins in the area recently, so he was keeping watch that night. Funny thing is, he reported the make, model, and color of the vehicle that appeared to be, in his words, “casing the neighborhood.” Mr. Bickers, did you happen to drive down Berkeley Street that night?” For good measure, Collins adds, “I don’t suppose I have to tell you that the car matches the description of the car you currently drive, Mr. Bickers.”
Shit. I don’t even have to say it out loud for Collins to know that he’s got me on this one. Why did I have to drive down her street that night? Ever since I found out she was sixteen, I thought she’d made up living on that street.
“No, you don’t have to tell me that.”
“So, is there anything you’d like to tell me that you may have accidentally left out the last time we spoke?” Collins asks. “The only thing you can do to help yourself now, Mr. Bickers, is tell the truth.”
“Fine, I admit
it. Jenna and I were supposed to meet that night, but she canceled on me the day before. I’d told Julie that I had to attend a conference in Madison early on Saturday morning, so it would be easier for me to just spend the night. What I really did was get a room at the Holiday Inn. After Jenna canceled, I figured I could use some alone time anyway, so I stayed in the room by myself. I really did go to Chasers Pub, though, like I told you the last time we talked. But another thing I left out was that I took a ride to Briarwood and drove down Berkeley Street because that’s where Jenna said she lived . . . in a duplex . . . alone. But I swear I never saw her in person that night or ever. I had nothing to do with her disappearance, and I have not spoken with her since that Thursday when she called to cancel on me.”
“Mr. Bickers, will you grant us permission to search your property up in Kewaskum then?”
“Why?” I ask, my patience running thin. “Why would you have to do that?”
“Because we believe there may be evidence on that land that could lead us to Jenna.”
I stare at him, dumbfounded. “No, absolutely not. You’ll have to get a warrant if you want to step foot on our property.”
“Mr. Bickers, I was just asking as a courtesy. The warrant has already been secured, and officers are already on their way to the property as we speak.”
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Friday, October 27, 2017
The Day of Jenna’s Disappearance
Why? Whyyyyyy did he have to do this? Audra thought, slamming her hands against the steering wheel. Then she put the car in reverse and checked her rearview mirror as she backed out of the garage. As soon as she cleared the threshold, she hit the button on the garage door remote. When the door was about halfway closed, she caught a glimpse of the inner door opening and Thomas’s feet scurrying down the steps into the garage.
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