by Emma Renshaw
I cover my mouth with my hand, trying not to laugh. I open the box of warm, gooey cookies, the smell assaulting my nose. I know both Natasha and I are biting back moans. I hand her a peanut butter cookie, her favorite, while I take a classic chocolate chip and decide how I want to give him a morsel of hope—like he just gave me.
Liam: Savannah. Talk to me.
Savannah: I’ll see you.
Liam: Tonight?
Savannah: It’s girls night. Tomorrow?
Liam: Anything you want.
Savannah: I’ll see YOU tomorrow, Liam.
I hope he got my underlying message with my last text. I stick my phone in my drawer and try to complete everything I neglected during the week.
When I show up at The Cellar, Harper and Valerie are already waiting for me for at our usual booth. That never happens.
I slide in next to Valerie, and she turns her dark gaze on me. Her wild, curly hair is pulled back.
“Why didn’t you call me this week?”
“I was busy,” I lie.
“Busy cryin’ and sittin’ on your ass. Harper told me how you’ve been acting like this all week, but refusing to tell her what happened. We both know it has to do with Liam. I am your best friend. We’ve been best friends almost our entire lives. Talk to me.”
She’s right. We have been friends forever. She was the one person I kept in contact with after my attack. Well, she made me stay in contact. She wouldn’t let me slip through her fingers, even after I moved away from our hometown. She would keep me anchored to the me I was—before. Valerie moved up here when her parents died in a car accident; she said I was the only family she had left, and she wanted to be near me. Soon after that tragedy, she met Gabe. The spark of life that dimmed since her parents died was suddenly brought back to life when he got her angry and fired up. It’s some kind of foreplay I choose to ignore.
I look at Harper, and she’s staring at me with a look that says, Yeah, I told her. What are you going to do about it?
“I think I’m going to need a shot for this,” I tell them. As if on cue, Owensaunters over to the table with a tray of six shots. My girls. They already knew exactly what I needed. I smile when Owen places them on the table. He leans down to talk to us, but Valerie stops him.
“Honey, you know, I adore you, but I need you to walk away. We need some wine and food. Surprise us.”
Owen chuckles, but obeys her demand. Valerie pushes two shots in front of each of us. She raises one in the air, waiting for us to do the same. “To Savannah pulling her head out of her ass.”
Harper grabs her stomach, her other hand slamming down on the table, leaning forward and laughing.
“Hey,” I tell her. “I don’t push you more than you’re willing.”
“Shit, you’re right. Change of toast, to being better friends who are open and honest about everything, including the dirty details.” She waggles her eyebrows.
Valerie raises her glass higher. “I’ll drink to that!”
Each of us slams back the shot. I relish the burn and prepare myself.
“Liam is asking questions about my past that I haven’t been ready to answer.”
I look at Valerie, silently communicating everything she wants to know. Valerie—my lifelong friend—doesn’t even know the entirety of the horrors I went through. When I testified in court, my lawyer was able to get the courtroom closed to the public. I don’t want anyone in my life to know exactly what happened to me, what I fear will happen again.
Harper asks, “What exactly am I missing here?”
I take a deep breath and toss back the other shot before I lose my courage. “My ex-boyfriend is in prison for something he did to me. I’ll tell you more one day, but ... please, not tonight.”
She reaches her hand across the table, grabbing mine. She gives my hand a squeeze, and Valerie puts hers in the mix, too. We stay like that for a silent moment. I feel their love and support radiating through them. The safety of this booth is everything I needed this week. I burst into tears, not able to hold in the emotion slamming through me.
Owen comes up and stutters, “He-here’s some food and wine.”
I start talking after Owen walks away, no filter. “Liam is trying to know everything about me, but when people find out, all they see is my baggage. I’ve kept that part of myself hidden for a long time. It’s easier to keep people at bay.” I rein it in before I spill my plans for vengeance and my never-ending fear of when he will return for me.
I take a few deep breaths before continuing. “He notices things about me, and there was an incident last weekend.”
“What happened?” Valerie asks.
“I spent the night at his house on Friday. I fell asleep on the couch and ended up having a nightmare. He didn’t know that, but he picked me up to carry me to bed. I started screaming, crying, and hitting him trying to escape. I was mortified when I came to. I gave him an ultimatum. I’d stay if he didn’t ask questions, or I’d leave right then.”
“But, you didn’t come home on Friday night,” Harper said, looking confused.
I shake my head. “You’re right, I didn’t come home. I could tell he was battling with himself, but he told me he’d give me some time. I have scars on stomach from the ... incident. I got a tattoo a few years ago. That’s where I met James.”
“I didn’t know you have a tattoo,” Valerie says surprised.
I nod. “Anyway, he saw a piece of it. Thought it was just a tattoo, not that it covered something. I freaked out, slipped that James is the only person who knows I have it and the only one who has seen it. He exploded, I freaked and left. He spent the week calling me and texting me, but I wouldn’t reply. Wednesday was the last time I heard from him until today. I also saw him with a girl at the gym, but I think that is probably a misunderstanding after today.”
“What happened today?”
I explain about the flowers, cookies, and notes. They laugh at the exchange, finding Liam utterly charming and hilarious. “Oh, my God, that was so smart!”
Harper agrees. “Everyone knows you can’t resist warm baked goods.”
They’re both still howling with laughter. I can’t help but join them.
“So, you’re going to see him tomorrow.”
“That’s the plan, but I don’t know when. We haven’t set anything up yet.”
Valerie sighs and looks at me for several long moments. She looks away, picking up her wine glass and swirling the contents, lost in thought. She sets it down on the table. “Savannah, the way I see it, you’ve got two choices. You want this dude, you suck it up and tell him. The other choice, leave the poor guy. Don’t string him along.”
“She’s right, Savannah. You can’t be half in and half out. I haven’t known you for too long, but I can see that’s how you live your life.” I open my mouth to argue with her, but she raises her hands in protest. “I’m not judging. I’m guilty of the same, but it has to stop, don’t you think? Aren’t you tired of living on the outside?”
I nod. I am tired of living this way, living in fear while doing everything I can to be brave.
“Y’all are right. I’m going to lay everything on the table. I’m scared of losing him if my past freaks him out, but I’m already losing him by keeping secrets. I’ll tell him everything tomorrow.”
“It’s about damn time,” Valerie says.
We spend the rest of our night drinking wine and talking about lighter subjects. Valerie and I are determined to find a man for Harper. She says she isn’t interested in dating, just wants to focus on her store, but I know she needs more than that in her life. She admitted that she’s living the same—one foot in, one foot out of life. If I’m being thrust into the light, I’m dragging her with me.
Shortly after midnight, we all admit we’re too drunk to drive home. Valerie calls our ride, Gabe. He constantly jokes he could start a chauffeur business with as much as we call him to take us home and bring us back to our cars the next day. Valerie says she’s go
ing to get him a uniform, so they can play some games. She shivers in her seat while Harper and I cackle.
“Let’s get out of here, you crazy lushes,” Gabe says, walking up to our table.
A man with a baseball cap pulled down low approaches behind him. When he steps closer, I only see the bottom half of his face. My mouth drops in surprise.
27
LIAM
I hear Savannah’s slight intake of air. Yeah, gorgeous, I’m here and it’s tomorrow. I’ve been sitting at the bar for several hours nursing a beer, listening to her cackle float over the music. Each time I heard her laugh, my chest constricted. I wanted to be in that booth with her and her girls. I wanted her cuddled into my side where I could nuzzle her neck and smell her skin while she enjoys the night with them. I wouldn’t interrupt her ... much. But, I knew that if I wanted this crazy plan to work, I had to wait until at least midnight. And, hope the other part of the plan works itself out.
I smiled when I see Gabe walk into the bar knowing the other part of my plan was now successful. The girls need a ride. I would be Savannah’s ride. She promised she would see me. “Savannah won’t need a ride,” I speak up. “She’ll be with me.”
Gabe turns toward me. I only met him one time, and he must remember that Savannah didn’t want to come with me last time. He steps in front of me. “She won’t be going with you unless she wants to. The girls called me for a ride. I’m not going to leave her with you if she doesn’t want that.”
Valerie pushes Savannah out of the booth. I step around Gabe to catch her as she stumbles. Valerie is smiling like the Cheshire Cat. “Oh, she’s going with him.” She looks at her phone. “Twelve-fifteen. It’s tomorrow. I like how you play, Liam.”
I nod, giving her a smile and wink. Seems like my girl was talking about me. I hope it means I still have a shot at her being mine.
Harper jumps up and pats Gabe’s chest. “Don’t worry, darling chauffeur of ours. Savannah’s got another ride. You can still drop me off.” She turns to Savannah, who has stayed quiet by my side. I never took my arm from around her waist after her stumble out of the booth. She hasn’t pushed me away, making me feel confident.
Harper puts her finger up, shaking it at Savannah. “Remember what you promised.” She steps closer to her. “I’ll be at the store all day tomorrow. Call me.”
Valerie comes over to the huddle. Gabe is glaring at me over their heads. I shrug, happy that I seem to have her friends on my side.
“Call me, too.” The girls hug Savannah. She still hasn’t said a word. I still haven’t taken my arm from her waist.
Finally, Savannah speaks up. “Love you, girls. I promise to call.” She looks up at me. Her eyes are a little glassy, but alert. I saw each shot and bottle of wine that went to their table. I had no intention of letting her go home without me, but seeing her alert makes me excited that it won’t be a fight about going to my place. That excitement doubles when she says, “Ready to go?”
She gives Gabe a kiss on his cheek when she passes. “Thanks for taking care of me. Don’t worry. I’m good.”
His hard stare that has been trained on me softens when he looks at her. He nods. “Call if you need anything.”
I have my girl back in my passenger seat and am taking her home.
We’re both quiet on the way home, the air crackling around us with tension and chemistry. I can’t stop looking at her, glancing over at her gorgeous face every few seconds. The weight of her stare has me white-knuckling the steering wheel. Unable to go a second longer without touching her, I grab her hand, bringing it to my lap. Squeezing her hand tightly, I refuse to let go. Surprisingly, she doesn’t even try to pull away from my grip.
Parking in the driveway and shutting the engine off is about all I can do once we make it to my house. I don’t make a move to get out of the car. Savannah is staring out the window, looking at the house. I speak for the first time since leaving the bar.
“Savannah.”
“How long were you there tonight?” She swings her head toward mine, gaze intense. I can’t tell if she’s upset that I waited at that bar for her.
“You told me that you would see me tomorrow. Well, today is now tomorrow.” I smile, trying to coax one from her, too. She looks down at her lap, but I see the edges of her lips twitch. “I was there for a few hours. I heard your laugh a few times. Best thing to happen to me this week.”
“Liam,” she starts.
“No.” I put my finger to her lips, halting her words. “Wait.” I sigh deeply. I unlace our fingers and use both of my hands to frame her face. Leaning over the console, I rest my forehead against hers. “Sassy Savannah.” I take another deep breath. I know she’s here with me now, but I wonder if she’s just here to tell me to take a hike before she leaves my life for good. “I’m sorry for being a jackass last weekend.”
“Did you hook up with that girl from the gym?” Savannah whispers so softly, I barely hear it. Her voice trembles.
I lean back, looking into her eyes. “What girl?”
“I saw you.” She looks away and rubs her hands nervously.
“When?” I ask, completely confused. My mind races for any idea of what she’s talking about.
“On Wednesday. I went to Raise the Bar and saw you hitting the bag.”
“Fuck, you were there?” I can’t believe she was there and I didn’t see her. I can’t suppress the shock in my tone.
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Fuck,” I repeat, pissed at the girl I can’t even remember. Maybe if she didn’t approach me, we could have solved this days ago.
She pulls away from me, misunderstanding my actions. Tears are filling her eyes.
“No, of course I didn’t hook up with her. I’m pissed because I kept watching the door for you, hoping like a pathetic sap that you would come through that door. I’m pissed that Bimbo Barbie distracted me when you walked up.” My words are rushing out of me, begging her to understand I’m interested in no one except for her.
“I left pretty quickly. If that’s what was happening, I didn’t want to see it.”
“I was trying to talk to you all week, Savannah.”
“I know,” she says, looking down at her lap.
I shake my head. “We need to put that behind us. Let’s pretend this week didn’t exist. You’re here now. We’re together right now. I’m going to try not to be a jackass.”
She laughs like I hoped she would, the sound tugging at my chest.
“Will you come inside?”
“Well, I didn’t plan to sleep on the porch.”
I lean over, grinning like a fool, and kiss her forehead. “Sassy Savannah.”
We hop out of the car. Before I left for the bar, I cleaned my house, hoping this would be the outcome. I was a mess this week. Beer bottles were all over my coffee table, laundry started to pile up. I usher her in in front of me before closing the door and locking it. I begin to pull her to the living room, but she stops me.
“Let’s go to the bedroom,” she says.
I’m stunned, wondering what is going on. I didn’t think she would be comfortable going back in there yet. I’m still not entirely sure of her motive, but I’m trying to let her run the show. I change course and head into my bedroom, pulling her after me.
Once we enter, she takes her hand from me and wrings hers together like she’s nervous. She’s looking all around the room, her eyes landing everywhere except for on me. She’s repeating, “Okay, okay, okay,” over and over again to herself. Suddenly she stops and turns toward me.
“I just realized, I won’t have anything to sleep in.”
Going to my dresser and pulling out a T-shirt and shorts with a drawstring, I hand her the stack. I tell her, “I’m sure the shorts will be too big for you, but if you roll them and then pull the drawstring, it will probably work for tonight.”
I thought about taking her home to grab clothes, but I wasn’t risking her changing her mind once she was in her own space. I would have slept
on her porch.
“I’m going to splash some water on my face, is that okay?” She’s back to wringing her hands and looking anywhere but at me.
“Of course, baby.”
Her eyes shoot to mine at the endearment. I smile, but she doesn’t return it. She goes into the bathroom, and I head to the guest bathroom, changing into a pair of briefs, sweatpants, and a T-shirt. I’m treading on eggshells trying to get her to stay.
She’s pacing a hole in my floor when I get back. I walk over to her, but she puts her hands up. “Don’t touch me yet. I need to get some things out, and I think it will be easier if you’re not touching me.”
I want to bring her to my chest to hug her, hold her close, smell her skin, taste her lips, consume her. I grit my teeth and remind myself, Try not to be a barbarian. Another voice pops into my head, At least for now.
She’s wearing my T-shirt, but not the shorts. I can’t help but stare at her long, toned, tan legs. I bite my tongue, holding in a groan. Her legs stop pacing, but I still haven’t looked up. I don’t look up from them until they stop nearly in front of me, facing me. I look up to her face. A small smile graces her perfect face. “Shorts didn’t fit.”
“I see that.” My voice is hoarse and strained. I keep reminding myself that she is here to talk. I keep my focus on her face.
“I’m going to tell you everything, Liam.”
“Savannah, you don’t have to. At least not yet. I did a lot of thinking over this past week. I want you. I want you here. If I can only have that with secrets between us, then I’ll learn to deal. There are things I haven’t told you, either. I realized I was shitty because I’m hiding things, too, but I expected you to tell me everything.”
“We have to tell each other everything, Liam. If this is going to work, we’re going to do this right now. I have to tell you everything tonight before I lose my nerve.”
“Savannah, you don’t––”