GoodKnight: A Reed Security Romance

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  She deserved better. My kids deserved better. They needed positive role models in their lives, men that would show them how they should behave. I was a terrible example for them. I killed men when it suited me and without thought. That wasn’t the way Kate wanted them to grow up.

  I needed to leave. I had put it off too much already. She already knew that I planned to leave. That’s why she asked me to promise to stay earlier. But I couldn’t do it, because deep down, I knew that staying would only end with her death.

  I sat up and rested my elbows on my knees, dropping my head. I felt sick to my stomach. I was a threat to the very people I vowed to protect. I wasn’t worthy of their love. I wasn’t someone that deserved someone like Kate. She was too good, too pure. And I was no better than the men I took out. I may not murder innocent people or be a pedophile, but my choices put my family in danger.

  The longer I put off leaving, the worse it would be. I couldn’t let Kate think I was staying. I had to just rip off the bandaid and leave. Only then would she be safe. I glanced back at her again and felt the agonizing pain of what I was about to do. There was no turning back this time. There was no convincing me to stay. I knew what I had to do.

  I pulled on some clothes and grabbed the bag that sat by the door. I had never unpacked it. It didn’t hold much, but I wouldn’t need a lot. The kind of life I was going to live would be meager and small compared to what I had built for us. I walked over to Kate, my eyes filling with tears as I stared down at her beautiful face. I was going to miss waking up to her every morning and talking to her about my day. Everything about her made me a better man, just not good enough, apparently. There was only so much that she could do to make me better. But I had failed her. I could have taken steps to ensure that she would never be touched again, but I hadn’t. Now my name was back out there. People knew who I was. She would always be in danger as long as I was around.

  I bent down, my tears dripping onto her face as I pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I’ll always love you, Kate,” I whispered, running my fingers just once through her silky hair. The pain of walking away was nearly devastating. I turned and headed for the door. When I opened the door, a sob caught in my chest. I struggled to tamp it down, taking deep breaths so I could go through with this. I looked back at her one more time and saw my wife with a gun to her head. I knew in that moment that I was doing the right thing. She may never forgive me, but at least she would be alive.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Hunter

  I woke knowing there was someone in my room. I laid still, not sure where the intruder was, but knew that I had to act fast. I slowly slid my hand around the gun that laid under my pillow and took a deep breath. I spun around and pointed my gun right at a man sitting in the chair across from my bed.

  My shoulders deflated and I flicked the safety on my gun. “What the fuck are you doing in here?” I asked Knight, doing my best to keep my voice down so I didn’t wake Lucy. “Do you realize how fucking creepy it is to have a guy watching me sleep?”

  “I would think you’d be used to people watching you sleep by now,” he said, nodding to the floor where Rylee slept on the floor. She came into our room some nights when she had a bad dream. She never asked to sleep in bed with us, just curled up on the floor and went to sleep.

  “My kid coming into my room isn’t nearly as creepy as you sitting there. What are you doing here anyway?”

  Even as I asked, I knew why he was here. His bag was sitting on the floor next to him.

  “I’m leaving.”

  “You sound like a broken record.”

  He didn’t say anything, so I swung my legs out of bed and stood, not caring that I was buck-ass naked. He snuck into my room, so he could deal with my nudity. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, then followed him out of the room. We made our way downstairs and I turned on the coffee, even though it was only midnight. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be getting any more sleep tonight.

  “So, what’s your excuse for leaving this time?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned back against the counter. This had better be good. I was missing out on sleep, and with little kids, sleep didn’t come easily.

  “It’s not an excuse.”

  “Really? Because it sounds to me like you’re scared and you’re running.”

  I watched as he swallowed hard, not able to meet my eyes any longer. I wished that he could see himself the way the rest of us saw him. Yeah, he was a little fucked up and had his own way of doing things that wasn’t necessarily socially acceptable, but for those of us that really knew him, he was a great guy. But he couldn’t see that. Years of self-hatred had turned him into the guy standing before me. He had always thought that he wasn’t good enough for Kate, but until recently, he didn’t give a shit. He loved her so much that he was willing to risk anything to have her. But almost losing her recently had fucked up his head. I knew there was nothing I could say to change his mind. No amount of berating him or lifting him up would change what he thought of himself.

  “I need you to-”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I sighed. “I know. You need me to watch Kate for you. Like you even have to fucking ask.”

  He didn’t move. He just stood there, staring off into space. I hoped to God that he would come around, that he would realize life wasn’t worth living without her. On the other hand, that might push him in the other direction. I had already seen him at his lowest, when he shoved a gun in his mouth. That night still haunted me. I had gotten to the motel just hours before he did. When he walked in, I gave him a moment before popping out to greet him, but what I saw sent chills down my spine. I had never seen him so defeated. I never thought I would see the day that he would put a gun in his mouth. Sometimes I dreamt that I had been too late. Those were the nights that I woke up in a cold sweat.

  “So, are you going to be checking in or are you just falling off the grid?”

  His eyes finally met mine. “Falling off the grid. I won’t be back.”

  I nodded, knowing that would be his answer. “So, tell me,” I said, feeling a lump form in my throat. “Do I need to worry about you putting a gun in your mouth again?”

  “Does it matter?”

  His eyes were so fucking sad. He didn’t care about his life if he couldn’t be with Kate, and he couldn’t be with Kate if he thought he was a danger to her.

  “I think it’s really fucking selfish of you. Knowing what I walked in on in that motel room, and that you’re not coming back, do you realize what you’re fucking doing to me?”

  “I’m making your life better,” he snapped.

  “You think it’s making my life better for me to be constantly wondering if you’re dead? Am I supposed to just forget about you after you walk out of here? Is that what all of us are supposed to do? You may not want to admit it, but you’ve built a family and a life here. We all want you to stay, and you’re just walking out.”

  “I have to.”

  “You don’t have to. You’re doing this out of some misguided attempt at keeping your family safe, but they’re safer with you than without you.”

  He scoffed, shaking his head slightly. “She would have been better off if she’d never met me.”

  “She loves you, man. You don’t get to tell her that loving you is wrong. You don’t get to tell her what her life should look like. She chose you, and you’re walking out on her.”

  “You know where I stand on this, Pappy. I’m not gonna change my mind.”

  I sighed, knowing there was nothing I could say to make him stay. “Are you at least going to tell her goodbye?”

  “It’s easier if I go now.”

  “Easier for who? You’re going to sneak off in the middle of the night and leave her? She’s going to wake up to you being gone and you think that’s easier on her? What the fuck do you-”

  “It’s easier on me, alright!” Now that he was looking at me, I could see the slight sheen of tears in his eyes. He was fucking breaking. “Do you think
it’s easy for me to walk away from the woman I love, to walk away from my kids? It’s fucking killing me. I had something so perfect and I fucked it up. I hurt my own wife because I couldn’t fucking stop digging. That’s what I do to them. I hurt them. She almost died because of me. So, yeah. I’m slipping away like a fucking coward because I can’t stand to say goodbye to her again.”

  My heart was fucking breaking for him. I knew that he was tormented by his choices, but I wished that he could see that no one blamed him. He just hated himself too much to see reason. There was no point in arguing with him or making him feel like shit. What he needed from me was reassurance that someone would always be watching his family. It was the last gift I could give him, even if I didn’t agree with his choices.

  “Alright. I’ll make sure they’re taken care of.”

  He nodded, mumbling his thanks under his breath. He couldn’t look at me anymore. I knew he was ashamed of what he was doing.

  “But Knight, do me a favor.” He swallowed hard and met my gaze. “Promise me right fucking now that you won’t point that gun at yourself. I swear to God, I can handle knowing that you bit the dust on a job, but I can’t handle thinking every fucking day that you might kill yourself. So, if you want me to protect your family, you promise me right now that you won’t do that.”

  I could see the indecision on his face, but he nodded, knowing that protecting his family was more important. I pushed off the counter, stepping forward holding out my hand.

  “Take care of yourself, Hud.”

  He nodded and shook my hand. “You too.”

  He grabbed his bag and headed for the door, not looking back as he stepped outside. I turned and placed my hands on the counter, hanging my head. A lump formed in my throat, thinking about how far we had come, only for him to walk away. I wasn’t ready to lose my best friend.

  I felt Lucy walk up behind me and place her hand on my shoulder. I didn’t want her to see me so upset. It would only worry her. “I heard what Hudson said. I’m so sorry.”

  I shrugged slightly, turning around with the easiest smile I could give her. “It’s not my choice. Not much I can do about it.”

  “I know, but it still sucks.”

  I wrapped her in my arms and held her close. I couldn’t say that I didn’t understand what Knight was thinking. If I was putting my family in danger, I might make the decision to walk away too. Either way, I pulled Lucy in close and thanked God that I had her. I couldn’t imagine what Hud was going through right now, and I didn’t ever want to find out.

  Chapter Fifty

  Kate

  “Garrick!” I sat upright, my heart pounding in my chest and sweat dripping down my body. I was shaking, terrified of what I had just dreamt. I needed my husband, but as I looked around the room, I realized that he wasn’t here. Hunter was. “No,” I said, shaking my head rapidly. My heart was pounding out of control. “No, he didn’t leave.”

  Hunter stood from his chair in the dark corner of the room and made his way over. “Kate…”

  “Don’t say it.”

  “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  I couldn’t believe he left me. He didn’t even say goodbye. He just walked away. I had almost died. I was still recovering from being injected with a deadly virus and he just left me. A sob tore from my mouth and I covered it quickly. I just didn’t understand how he could do this to me.

  “Kate, you know that Hudson is always going to think that he’s not worthy of you or anyone else. It’s the way he’s been for years.”

  I shook my head slightly as tears poured down my face. “He just left me,” I whispered. “He didn’t even say goodbye.”

  “I know.”

  My eyes slowly met his and in that moment, I knew the truth. “He told you he was leaving. He said goodbye to you.”

  “He asked me to look out for you.”

  “So, his wife and kids don’t get a goodbye, but his buddy does?” Anger rushed through me. I was so tired of this crap. I was tired of fighting for a man that didn’t want to be here and I was tired of reminding myself that he did want to be here, he just felt he was too dangerous. When was it all going to end? When would he see that he was what I needed?

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Hunter’s eyes slipped closed. “Are you sure?”

  “No, but I suspect I am.”

  “It could be the virus that’s throwing off your body,” he argued. “The symptoms…”

  I shook my head slowly. “The side effects of the virus were just covering up the pregnancy symptoms. It makes sense. I thought I was late because of the stress of being kidnapped and then from the virus. I thought the dizziness and the headaches were because of the virus, but…”

  I didn’t want to tell him that I knew when Hudson was making love to me. It was so clear to me then. But now he was gone. He left me and I was going to have to raise another baby alone.

  “I’ll get you a test. We need to have you looked over if you are. We still don’t know what the implications of having the virus are.”

  I nodded, just staring at the bedspread. I didn’t bother to move when he walked out the door, and I didn’t move until he walked back through that door with the pregnancy test in hand. I jumped out of bed and snatched the bag out of his hands, ignoring the sympathetic look he was giving me. I waited for three agonizing minutes, not sure how I felt about any of this. I had been happy when I was thinking about it last night. Now, I dreaded being pregnant. I didn’t want to do this alone. I didn’t want to go through another pregnancy without him. What if I had complications like last time? Who would take care of my kids?

  I glanced back at the counter and peeked at the results. Two lines. I was pregnant. I grabbed the stick and walked out of the bathroom, feeling shell shocked. Hunter was pacing the room, but stopped when I walked out.

  “Well?” I handed it over without a word. “Shit.”

  “Do you have any way of contacting him?”

  He shook his head. “I already tried to reach him. The number’s disconnected.”

  I laughed humorlessly. “So I really am in this alone. He left just in time.”

  “Kate, he would have left either way.” He spoke my worst fears. I was hoping that me being pregnant would make him rethink things, but I knew that Hunter was right. “He left because he thought he was putting you in danger. A baby would have just spurred him on.”

  I stared down at the floor as tears filled my eyes. I was all alone with no way to reach him. My life would look very different from now on. I would be a single mother to four kids, living on a property that was meant to protect me, but my husband no longer worked here. How could I stay here knowing that I was all alone? I couldn’t rely on everyone else to help me. This was my life now and I was going to have to deal with it.

  Cade’s cries broke through the silence. Hunter ran his hand across his face, shaking his head. “Do you want me to get him?”

  “No,” I said standing. “I’m going to have to do this alone from now on. I might as well get used to it.”

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Hunter

  The door swung open and Kate stared at me with Cade sitting on her hip. “Come to check on me again?”

  Okay, I might have been going overboard the past few months. Visiting Kate two to three times a day was not out of the question. But I made a promise to Knight, and I wasn’t about to break it. I had spent my days trying to figure out a way to bring Knight home. I knew that it was an impossible task, but the bags under Kate’s eyes spurred me on. I couldn’t let her have this baby alone. I knew she was struggling, but she refused to let anyone help. It was like she was punishing herself. She hadn’t been back to the clinic since Knight left, and at this point, I wasn’t sure she would ever return. Knight’s absence had left a gaping hole in her. I could practically feel the sorrow radiating off her. Her sole focus was taking care of her kids.

  “Can I come in?”

  She sighed,
shifting Cade on her hip. She was almost six months pregnant now, and her belly was showing it. After her visit to the doctor, she found out that she was almost three months along, but with everything that had happened to her, she hadn’t recognized the symptoms for what they were. “Is that really necessary?”

  “I think I know how to get Knight home.”

  Her mouth dropped open and she stepped aside, holding the door wide open for me. I walked in and looked around the chaos of her house. I could tell that she was just barely holding on. She needed Knight back now.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Same as the last time you stopped in.”

  She had been feeling some dizziness and some headaches, but I knew she was doing the best she could. There was no point in me telling her what she needed to do.

  “Are you still tired?”

  “You said that you had an idea. Are you going to get to that anytime soon?”

  “I’m asking because getting Knight back here requires you to do some traveling. I need to be sure that you’re up for it. Knight will kick my ass if I drag you across the country and then you collapse in his arms.”

  “I’m fine,” she said, standing a little straighter. “If it means getting Hudson back, then tell me what I have to do.”

  “You’re not gonna like it.”

  She gave a curt nod and sat down. “Tell me what we’re doing.”

  I prayed that I was doing the right thing. If this went sideways, things would end very badly, but I was counting on Knight’s intuition with Kate and the fact that I knew if he saw her again, he wouldn’t be able to walk away. I sat down and told Kate my plan.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Knight

  I sat down on the edge of the bed feeling completely drained. I hadn’t slept in months. I was barely eating. I could feel my whole body withering away, but the only thing that kept me going was my promise to Hunter. Death from starvation would probably be the same as putting a bullet in my skull in his eyes.