by Tara Sivec
“If you would have shut up about Bodhi and the damn toilet seat, we wouldn’t have this problem right now!” Birdie shouts at Tess.
“It’s not my fault all that pretty Shepherd carries around turned her brain to mush! It’s happened to the best of us!” Tess fires back while I grab my phone from the arm of my couch where I left it when I said goodbye to Owen as he was walking out the door for school.
I pull up Instagram as I walk back over to them and quietly stick my arm between the two of their arguing faces, getting another few minutes of silence when Tess grabs the phone from me. I stand behind them with my arms crossed while Birdie and Tess lean shoulder-to-shoulder with their heads bent forward over the screen, reading the messages Shepherd sent me yesterday all within the span of a few hours while I was busy at work. Both of their shoulders are shaking with quiet sobs by the time they finish, turning around on their stools to face me with their tear-stained cheeks, sniffling noses, and quivering chins.
“It was always you,” Birdie says with a cracked whisper as another tear falls down her cheek.
The clock in my kitchen ticks the seconds away in my quiet cottage until I start fidgeting uncomfortably again with the way these two are staring at me so pitifully, and all hell breaks loose for the second time.
“I’m sorry! We are such assholes!”
“Speak for yourself. I’m a fucking delight. I’m still sorry for saying you lost your goddamn mind, but fuck you for making me cry while the sun’s up. That is against my religion!”
“He’s perfect! Marry him immediately and have all his babies!”
“Fuck marriage and kids and just fuck him!”
“He is the sweetest man in the entire world. Oh my God, I could just die!”
“Didn’t I tell you him moving back here would be a good thing? This is such a good thing. Fuck yeah, all the good things!”
Bringing my hand up to my head and closing my eyes, I take a few minutes for the whiplash Tess and Birdie have given me to go away and for them to finally be quiet so I can think. When it’s silent in my kitchen again, I drop my hand and look at them.
“You guys really are a bunch of assholes. After everything Kevin has put me through, do you honestly think I would let someone do that to me again? Please, just trust me first before you make assumptions,” I tell both of their shocked faces, softening my voice as I continue, taking a step closer to them. “I know I’ve let Kevin walk all over me. And I know I’ve let him make me feel like he’s better than me and like I don’t have a voice. And I know you guys have had to sit back and watch that happen all these years, and there was nothing you could do about it, and I can only imagine how hard that was for you. I love you both so much for sticking up for me all the time, but I do have a voice, and I do have a backbone. I just forgot how to use them for a little while. But Shepherd… I don’t know, he brings them out of me. I’m not an idiot. At least, not anymore. I’m not just gonna fall for perfect words sent in messages. Actions speak louder than words, and last night… let’s just say I approve of his actions so far.”
My phone dings with an incoming text in Tess’s hand, and before I can grab it from her, she’s dropping her head to read it.
“Who the hell is Random Guy I Kissed, and why is he sending you a text that just got me pregnant?” Tess screeches. “How many men did you suck face with last night?”
“Give me that,” Birdie orders, smacking my hand away when I try to reach for my phone. “Jesus Christ, I think I just came. Palmer really needs to up his dirty talk. But seriously, who the hell is this random guy you kissed? Shepherd is going to kick his ass!”
My cheeks are already flushed, wondering what Shepherd could have said as Birdie keeps smacking my hands away.
“Will you give me my phone?! That’s Shepherd! It’s just a joke between the two of—Sweet mother of God,” I groan when Birdie finally turns my phone around so I can see the screen.
Random Guy I Kissed: I woke up this morning, and I could still taste you. Christ, your lips are perfect. Everything about you is perfect, but especially the little sounds you make when I’m between your thighs. Can you still feel how hard my cock was for you, baby? 11 hours and 15 minutes until our date.
And just like that, I’m wet while the sun’s up, which I thought was against my religion.
“Oh my God, you have a date with him tonight?” Birdie asks excitedly, bouncing up and down in her seat when I finally manage to snatch my phone out of her hand.
My phone immediately dings with a text as soon as I grab it, making me jump and let out a little squeak when I see it’s another message from Shepherd. It’s like he knows I’m standing here in my kitchen halfway to an orgasm just from a damn text, and he wants to make me even more uncomfortable. Except this is Shepherd we’re talking about, and I should have known better.
Random Guy I Kissed: You’re not the only one who can google phone sex. Boom! Wait… is it too early for phone sex? Is that like, just a nighttime thing? Was that something we were supposed to schedule first? It did feel a little scandalous typing the word “cock” before lunch. I should have done more googling. 11 hours and 14 minutes until our date.
I’m still laughing to myself while Birdie freaks out that I have a date with Shepherd. I don’t even know what made me joke about phone sex with him last night. He just brought something… scandalous out of me, I guess. I’m suddenly a popular person this morning when yet another text chimes from my phone.
“Please be a Shepherd dick pic, please be a Shepherd dick pic,” Tess chants softly with her eyes closed and her hands up in the air with her fingers crossed as I shake my head at her and look down at my phone again.
Sadly, it’s not another vagina-clenching text from Shepherd or one that makes me laugh and puts me at ease. For the first time since Owen was born, I don’t internally scream when I see the name Piece of Shit Dickhole Motherfucker that Tess so kindly changed in my phone six years ago and the first time Kevin asked me if I’d gained weight. Not even a text from Kevin before I’ve been properly caffeinated can worsen my good mood this morning, thinking about my date with Shepherd tonight.
“It’s not from Shepherd; it’s from Kevin,” I tell Birdie and Tess as I quickly skim his message and roll my eyes.
“Why are you smiling? Why is she smiling?” my sister questions nervously while I show them his text.
Piece of Shit Dickhole Motherfucker: It would be nice if you sent me the ferry schedule like I asked you for days ago. It’s really mature of you to try to stop me from seeing my son. Again.
Tess growls, and Birdie lets off a whole stream of curses that lasts for a solid minute, both of them trying to reach for my phone to put Kevin in his place for me. This is what Kevin does. It doesn’t matter that I sent him a link to the ferry schedule years ago or he could easily look this information up online. If he asks me for something and I don’t reply in a timely fashion, it’s my fault and I’m the reason he never sees his son. He does the same thing with Owen’s baseball schedule. He hasn’t been to one of his son’s games in over three years, so I just stopped sending the schedules to him. Again, he could easily look this information up online, but I’m the bitch who keeps him from his son and makes it so he can never see him play. I’m ashamed of myself that I just took it for so long. That I allowed someone to treat me this way when I don’t fucking deserve it and I never have.
“You guys,” I tell them calmly, holding my phone out of their reach as I quickly type up my reply. “I’ve got this. And I’m smiling, because I have a voice and a backbone, and it’s about time I start using them.”
Quickly hitting Send before I second-guess this newfound confidence, I turn my phone back around to face the girls as Tess reads my reply out loud.
“You know what would be really nice, Kevin? If you started acting like a decent human being for once. Looks like we can’t always get what we want. The ferry schedule is online. Where it’s always been,” Tess finishes, looking up at me with a smi
le and sniffling loudly. “Our little girl is all grown up. I’m so proud.”
All of a sudden, my good mood thinking about my date with Shepherd tonight starts to plummet.
Oh God. Kevin is coming to Summersweet Island.
I just got Shepherd, and sure, I have some great new confidence now, but I’m still just a girl who wants to impress the guy she likes, not throw him into the pit of my shitshow life right off the bat. All that fried dough starts churning in my stomach while Birdie takes a sip of mimosa before speaking.
“Is anyone else super excited for Killjoy Kevin to get to the island now?” she asks, raising her hand in the air like she’s at school.
“What? No! Are you high?” I ask, turning the volume down on my phone before I set it on the counter so I don’t have to hear when Kevin’s rage-filled reply comes in, while also pressing my hand to my stomach to try to quell the nausea.
He already knows about my one-night-stand stupidity. Does he really need to come face-to-face with it? Uuugh…
“Considering how much pot Bodhi smokes and how close we’re sitting to Tess right now, we could all be high from second-hand smelling and not even know it.” Birdie shrugs. “But seriously. I’m getting all tingly just thinking about that douchebag coming for a visit.”
“Yep, I’m feeling a spark of something. This is gonna be fun,” Tess agrees, both of them oblivious to my growing panic.
“There is nothing fun nor exciting about Kevin coming to Summersweet Island. Do you remember the last time he was here? That apology tour took me a week after he left, going around to all the people he insulted the whole twenty-four hours he was on the island,” I remind them.
“Honey, that douchebag doesn’t stand a chance when Shepherd Oliver gets his first good look at him.” Tess chuckles as Birdie nods and joins in with the laughter.
“It’s not his fight,” I mutter quietly, not even believing the words coming out of my own mouth. I’ve only kissed that man once, but once was enough to tell me there is no way he will just stand by and let me deal with Kevin alone.
“A man who says the things Shepherd said to you in those messages, who straight up tells you that you are the prize for him, is going to defend your honor whether you want him to or not. Oh yeah, this is gonna be fun.” Birdie nods with a big smile.
“You’re both cut off from alcohol forever,” I mutter, walking around the counter and moving the champagne out of their reach.
Fine, so I’m smiling a little bit to myself as I grab their glasses and put them in the sink. And sure, some of the nausea goes away while a whole bunch of fantasies of Shepherd riding in on a white horse to scoop me up and away from the evil villain play in my head. Whatever. It’s still not his battle to fight.
“All right, I’ve got exactly fifteen minutes before I need to leave for work,” Birdie announces, hopping down from her stool. “Plenty of time to pick out an outfit for you to wear on your date.”
It’s like they want to make me lose my mind this morning. I wasn’t nervous at all about my date with Shepherd until now. My closet is filled with nothing but T-shirts and shorts. And while I’m sure Shepherd’s ego would absolutely love for me to wear one of his shirts on our date, I can’t wear a freaking T-shirt on a date with Shepherd Oliver!
Birdie grabs my arm and starts tugging me toward the hallway, once again oblivious to my current state of panic.
“Wren’s closet has nothing slutty enough for a date with Shepherd. We’re gonna need to go to your closet,” Tess tells Birdie with a snort, grabbing my other arm and tugging me toward my front door.
“Did you just call me a slut?”
“I’m sorry, was it someone else who had sex with Palmer the first time they kissed?”
“No, no, that was me. Damn, that was a good day. I don’t think she should go slutty on the first date. And she definitely can’t wear anything from your closet or she’ll look like she’s going to a funeral.”
“It’s funny because it’s true. Whoever thinks it’s a good idea to call off work and go to the mainland shopping, say aye!”
“Aye!” Tess and Birdie shout together while I let them drag me toward the door.
“The ayes have it!” Birdie announces, pulling her phone out of her pocket to call the golf course. “I’ll call Mom after I call SIG and have her take your shift today.”
I don’t even bother reminding them I have a voice while they talk around me and make plans for me as they grab my purse and drag me out the door. I’ll let them interfere just this one last time, because I can’t wear a freaking T-shirt and a pair of shorts on a date with Shepherd Oliver.
CHAPTER 11
Wren
“Looks like he’s swinging for the fences.”
Wren: I have to ask you something, but I feel like you’re going to be difficult about it.
Random Guy I Kissed: I am never difficult.
Wren: Rrriiight. Sure, okay.
Random Guy I Kissed: How about you just ask me so you can be pleasantly surprised?
Wren: Fine. I’m running late. Is it okay if I just meet you wherever?
Random Guy I Kissed: No.
Random Guy I Kissed: Absolutely not.
Random Guy I Kissed: N-O.
Random Guy I Kissed: This is a proper first date, and I will properly pick you up. Just tell me when.
Wren: What happened to not being difficult?
Random Guy I Kissed: I’m not being difficult; I’m being a gentleman.
Wren: Listen, today was a whole thing with my sister and Tess where they made me… go to a MALL. I got dragged to entirely too many stores, where I was forced to try on entirely too many clothes in front of a bunch of mirrors that LIE. There was some day drinking at a spa where people touched my feet, followed by an accidental nap so I could forget about the feet touching, which made me late dropping Owen off at his friend’s house for a sleepover, and now Birdie won’t stop yelling at me about shoes.
Random Guy I Kissed: Breathe, sweetheart. Whatever you need, you got it. Just meet me here at my cottage whenever you’re finished. Take all the time you need. I’ve waited my whole life for you. I’m not going anywhere.
I might not have been living my best life during my plethora of single years, but I’ve still been on enough dates to know they are always awkward and they are never as romantic as movies and books make them out to be. None of them had any effort or thought put into them, and all of them included dinner someplace here on the island I’ve been to a thousand times before, where everyone I know and have grown up with gets a front-row seat to the evening. Which is in no way romantic at all, especially when you’re in twelfth grade eating pizza at Island Slice with Jeff Lindauer, and Erika from the pharmacy runs up to your table to give you the box of super plus tampons she forgot to put in your bag when you were there earlier.
These dates were never special. They were just a few hours spent with someone else where I kept glancing at the clock, wondering how much longer I had to suffer and make small talk. No one ever bought me flowers, no one ever held my hand, and no one ever pulled out my chair or opened my door. My sister and Tess and even Emily… they’re strong, independent women who give zero fucks about things like that. They’re happy to buy their own flowers and open their own doors. They don’t need outdated gestures from a man to make them feel special. I like to think I’m pretty strong, and I’ve had to be independent whether I wanted to or not. That doesn’t mean I’m not still a little old fashioned at heart. I still want the romance and the effort.
I’ve waited my whole life for you.
Shepherd’s text still has the power to make my eyes fill with tears even an hour later as I’m walking around the side of his cottage. And especially with the long-stemmed purple rose in my hand that I found next to a note and a small votive candle in a glass jar on his front porch, telling me where to go. I knew before I even got here that this date with Shepherd would be romantic and special just because it was with him, but I never expected the m
an to just reach inside my head and pull out everything I’ve ever imagined when the date hasn’t even started yet.
My feet come to a stop, and I let out a gasp when I see a trail of flickering votive candles in small jars that lead down his side yard and disappear around the corner of his back deck on the beach. There are at least fifty of them, the tiny dancing flames glowing in the grass as I bend down next to the first one when I see another note and another long-stemmed purple rose lying next to the candle in the grass. I grab the second flower and see from the glow of the candle that the note just says Follow the trail.
Standing back up with my heart fluttering wildly in my chest, I continue walking through the grass of Shepherd’s side yard next to his cottage. I follow the trail of flickering candles, pausing to bend down every few feet when I see another purple rose lying in the grass, until I get to the side of his deck. Another note and purple rose are lying right where the grass meets the sand. Bending down again, I grab the final rose to add to the bunch in my hand and read the note.
Put on the blindfold that’s under this note. I promise I won’t do anything weird or pervy.
With a smile, I grab the pink satin blindfold from the grass, laughing softly when I see it says The princess is sleeping in white lettering across the eyes. Knowing this is probably something Shepherd actually wears when he sleeps, I can’t keep the smile off my face as I stand back up and pull the blindfold over my head, careful not to damage the bunch of roses I’m still holding.
I smell Shepherd before I feel him, a fresh hint of soap and his intoxicating cologne invading my senses and making my heart beat even faster. Heat spreads through every inch of my body when I feel a hand on my hip, and it slowly slides around the front of me and across my stomach until Shepherd’s arm is curled around me, pulling my back snuggly against the front of him.